cbdives Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I have been married over 25 years. My wife & I have 2 adult children no longer at home. Our marriage has been rocky sometimes...great and some rotten times. My wife has an explosive temper and if say something she doesn't want to hear things start flying and last night was one of those nights from hell. Here's the scenario that led to this explosion: Our sex life has been pathetic. She says that it's because I'm not touchy feely around the house during the day. I've never been a touchy feely person ...she knew that before we were married and we have had a good sex on off over the years. My dad is not demonstrative as well a my oldest son...However we are all very caring of our SO's in many other ways. My wife is very out going and has lots off friends. Several of her closest female friends are unmarried and she spends quite of bit of time with them both on the phone, e-mailing & visiting them. I'm not usually invited to their socializations since it's just girl talk. I have been getting increasing jealous of these relationships since it really cuts into quality time with me (plus it's hard for me to get touch/feely when she's yakking away with them on the phone) Well last night I was again trying to get intimate with her and she again shut me off...Well I asked the wrong thing..."Are you becoming a lesbian?" Well one broke lamp and several other articles thrown across the room she marched into a spare bedroom screaming violently at me. This morning I was informed that we will sleep in separate bedrooms and she will NEVER have sex with me again! The topic of lesbianism is not that off the wall of a question. She has several (not close) friends that are lesbian, we just found our family DR & friend is closet homosexual (his wife just divorced him for that) and several of her family members (not immediate) are gay. I need some Help Please! Link to post Share on other sites
get.mos Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 dahling, i think it's sad that your wife resorts to sexual threats as a means of control, though your lesbian comment is a little blunt. (i'm a blunt person too, though, so i probably would have laughed that off.) just curious... what religion are you two, if any? how long has your sex life been pathetic? has your wife reached menopause? (from my understanding, this severely reduces sex drive.) do you have friends you hang out with and have your boy time? (and i don't mean that in a homosexual sense.) more info, if you don't mind... Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Yeah, definately seems like you hit a nerve there. Either she is, or she is totally exasperated by you. I'd put my money on the latter. She feels like she is telling you something obvious and you just don't see it. Women can be very fun to live with. When it's your fault, you're an @$$hole for doing it. When it's their fault, you're an @$$hole for noticing it. When it's nobody's fault, well, someone has to be the @$$hole and it's sure not gonna be her! Link to post Share on other sites
Author cbdives Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hi Mos Yeah, she is post menopause...I just blurted out the lesbian thing out of frustration...but I really don't know, those friends are just too much sometimes. Religion, we are both non practicing now but she was raised Southern Baptist and me..Roman Catholic Joe Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hi Mos Yeah, she is post menopause...I just blurted out the lesbian thing out of frustration...but I really don't know, those friends are just too much sometimes. Religion, we are both non practicing now but she was raised Southern Baptist and me..Roman Catholic Joe Getting angry is one thing... breaking stuff is another. She needs anger managment therapy! Have you suggested this to her? Could you force her to go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cbdives Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hi Ken I think it's the latter also but that violent reaction? Totally agree with the...a man is never right words Joe Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Hi Ken I think it's the latter also but that violent reaction? Totally agree with the...a man is never right words Joe Was she throwing things AT you, or just throwing things? BIG difference. Regardless, there's anger problems there. Link to post Share on other sites
get.mos Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Hi Mos Yeah, she is post menopause...I just blurted out the lesbian thing out of frustration...but I really don't know, those friends are just too much sometimes. Religion, we are both non practicing now but she was raised Southern Baptist and me..Roman Catholic Joe well, menopause severely reduces sex drive. did you notice a difference after menopause hit? so decreased sex drive + lesbian comment = someone will very little patience for your lack of understanding of her situation. i'm not saying it's right or wrong; i'm saying that's my logical guestimation. as for religion, did you two ever feel like sex was merely for procreation? as for the throwing comment, i have to agree - that's just ridiculous. i really hate to say it, especially since there aren't a lot of details, but i've just seen it so many times: sometimes, people stay married longer than they should, and the lack of desire for companionship appears in the form of no sexual intimacy, violent behavior, contol issues, etc. but, for religious, practical, economical, or psychological reasons, people stay together. i don't have any suggestions to give, dahling, except that you should to set aside some date time and do some touchy feely stuff that doesn't end in sex, like holding hands. don't do the touchy feely with the hopes of ending up in bed. if you can get the touchy feely going without pushing sex, she might start to be interested in the act itself. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Run, don't walk, RUN and pick up the book "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. Your wife has just about screamed out her love language to you...touch. And although you've acknowledged it what have you actually done about it? Touch comes in a lot of flavors...most of them are anything but sexual. She may just want to know that your tender touches lead to physical intimacy WITHOUT sex sometimes. She shouldn't be using sex as a weapon with you either. There's a whole freakin' chapter on that very issue in the book as well. Neither of you are communicating effectively and you could both use some help. Many churches, both protestant and Catholic alike, have so-called "marriage builders" courses that use this book as a reference guide. While it's got religious overtones, it's not in-your-face proselytizing and certainly pretty non-denominational in flavor. If you can....read it together. If not, you read it first. Then talk to her about some of the things you learned in there. No comment about the lesbian thing....while you could be right, unless you've reason to believe that she's having an affair with another woman, that's not really a justifiable conclusion with what little info you've shared. But you both need to communicate. If the book doesn't help, you need MC. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 "Are you becoming a lesbian?" I am so sorry because your situation is terrible but I couldn't help going "oh no he DIDN'T" and having a chuckle. Link to post Share on other sites
Lezbean Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Am I the only one who thinks it's funny as helll! I'm sorry OP, it's just hilarious to me. But to be honest..... I think she was looking for a reason to say she would never have sex again. Don't worry, she will. Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 See I don't put up with this crap! I am on my third marriage. First two were 4 yrs and 9 yrs respectively. I would be damned if I would put up with this for 25 yrs. Man you only live once.. Alimony and palimony are only long term car notes that can be managed, trust me on that one! Dude I watched my mother have that regret look in her eye when she died... My father was a piece of crap who only showed how much she meant to him after she passed! Is that the crap you want? Man leave her highly emotional P.M.S.ing ungrateful a$$, go out and live your life! Don't you know this is what hobbies like fishing are for? Link to post Share on other sites
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