andysw Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Basically, my specific fear is to react first with the person you know as you either walk past them, or you see them and they see you. Sometimes whenever I walk past someone I personally know I tend to look ahead as if I didn't see them, and partly afraid to react and say hello (or anything related) to them first, because I'm afraid that they may not react back and if they don't it would cause me emotional hurt and pain. I tend to wait until they react first before I react to them back, I don't really know what the other person is thinking whether he or she would appreciate my reaction or not. I don't know what to do, as I can't specifically trust other people, even though I knew them for a period of time now. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 Oh, man, please go talk to a therapist. You should not have such anxiety over saying hello first to someone who walks past, nor should you be hurt if they don't react or whatever. That's gotta be amazingly difficult for you to deal with - and it's not something other people think about. Seriously - start seeing a therapist to help you with this fear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andysw Posted October 18, 2007 Author Share Posted October 18, 2007 Oh, man, please go talk to a therapist. You should not have such anxiety over saying hello first to someone who walks past, nor should you be hurt if they don't react or whatever. That's gotta be amazingly difficult for you to deal with - and it's not something other people think about. Seriously - start seeing a therapist to help you with this fear. I don't think if there's any from where I came from. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 because I'm afraid that they may not react back and if they don't it would cause me emotional hurt and pain. With someone you know well, or a casual buddy? Or do you mean anyone that you know. You gotta face the face. It's the only way to get past it. Trust me, I know as I was (still am at times) the queen of anxiety and fears! To me it sounds like a self confidence problem and some social anxiety thrown in there. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Then take it one step at a time. Try saying hello first to someone once a day. It will get easier the more often you do it. And if they do not acknowledge your hello for some reason, remember it has nothing to do with you...THEY are being RUDE. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 They might be rude or shy. It's ok for some people not to like you. Hopefully you know enough people who like you with whom you can talk with. Link to post Share on other sites
Author andysw Posted March 4, 2008 Author Share Posted March 4, 2008 They might be rude or shy. It's ok for some people not to like you. Hopefully you know enough people who like you with whom you can talk with. "It's okay for some people not to like you"? What's that supposed to mean? Link to post Share on other sites
GoodOnPaper Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 "It's okay for some people not to like you"? What's that supposed to mean? Don't let your view of yourself simply come from the reflection of how others react to you. In conversation and social interactions, do you have an instinctive need to try and make the other person (people) feel comfortable or otherwise accommodate them? Over time, this kind of thing leads to a lot of stress and anxiety, and it stifles your personality. Counseling is a good suggestion. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 "It's okay for some people not to like you"? What's that supposed to mean? I'm sure there are people in this world that you don't like. That doesn't mean you HATE them, but you just don't have much incommon with certain people. I more or less get along with everyone - There are though, certain types of people I don't 'like' and I tend to turn the other way. Types I mean are, condensending, snobby, judgemental, backstabbers and are takers. Why would I want to have friends like that in my life? It's impossible to like EVERYONE and impossible to assume that you (general you) are liked by everyone. One will always find certain people offensive and not want to be around them. *In no way am I saying you're offensive, or anything close to that!* Link to post Share on other sites
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 They might be rude or shy. It's ok for some people not to like you. Hopefully you know enough people who like you with whom you can talk with. I used to get this a lot when I was a teenager. I was painfully shy and the thought of nodding to someone in the street, or worse still, seeing them on a bus and maintaining convos with them was horrendous. It wasn't until I was a lot older that I started thinking about how I thought of people when they walked past. I realised it was because I was so self-conscious, sure that people would be judging me. Then I realised that really, they couldn't give a rats ass about saying hello - its just something people do. Its all about taking yourself so seriously. Now, I dont care what other people think. Look at how you can make yourself more confident and this problem in turn will subside as your confidence grows. Link to post Share on other sites
City_girl Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 There are some wonderful books on amazon that could help you with this. There's CBT for social anxiety and also CBT for self esteem books. Self esteem study will help you to realise that people are mostly wrapped up in their own lives, busy, working thinking as they walk down the street. If they don't see us it's cause they are maybe thinking, had some bad news etc and not because they dislike us. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 10, 2008 Share Posted March 10, 2008 Dr David Burns, "The Feeling Good Book." Sam Obitz, "Been There, Done That? DO THIS!" Link to post Share on other sites
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