paperazzi Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I'm just kind of curious how many passive-aggressive people there are in the world. Because either I have a beacon on my forehead, or it seems I just find more of them than other kinds of people. You know the kind I'm talking about: people who hold grudges, act vindictively, give you the cold shoulder when you don't even know what's going on, talk smack behind your back but are all syrupy sweet to your face, play mind games, etc). Can you guys tell me your experiences with these kinds of people? Do these kinds of people target everybody or just specific kinds of people? I'm a generally passive, easy-going person (maybe not assertive enough, too) but I'm not passive-aggressive and yet I always end up in bad relationships with them (men and women). How the heck can they be avoided if they seem like really nice people to your face and you don't know who they really are until really bad stuff happens? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 18, 2007 Share Posted October 18, 2007 I'm just kind of curious how many passive-aggressive people there are in the world. Because either I have a beacon on my forehead, or it seems I just find more of them than other kinds of people. You know the kind I'm talking about: people who hold grudges, act vindictively, give you the cold shoulder when you don't even know what's going on, talk smack behind your back but are all syrupy sweet to your face, play mind games, etc). Can you guys tell me your experiences with these kinds of people? Do these kinds of people target everybody or just specific kinds of people? I'm a generally passive, easy-going person (maybe not assertive enough, too) but I'm not passive-aggressive and yet I always end up in bad relationships with them (men and women). How the heck can they be avoided if they seem like really nice people to your face and you don't know who they really are until really bad stuff happens? Your examples are not those of passive aggressive people. People who hold grudges are ACTIVELY doing so as are those who smack you behind your back and are syrupy sweet to your face. A passive aggressive is someone who expresses their hostility towards another person through inaction. For instance, a passive aggressive child may not study to get back at a parent they're angry with who values education. A woman may withhold sex from a man she is angry with for not remembering her birthday. Sometimes we can figure out why a person is being passive aggressive in certain instances, sometimes not. Some people are more passive aggressive than others, if they have that characteristic. People who hold grudges or act vindictively are simply irrational and have unhealthy coping mechanisms. This is often a result of faulty upbringing by parents with the same traits. There isn't much you can do unless they recognize their problem and actively work on it or seek therapy. The quest to find an ideal mate is a quest to find a person with crazy, insane behaviors we can either overlook, understand, accept or which may be very much like out own. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paperazzi Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 Hmmmm, there certainly seem to be a lot of irrational people, then. I should have given other examples that I've experienced, too, like "accidentally" breaking/losing important items that belonged to me, "forgetting" important appointments or commitments or payments, playing victim when called out. In any case, there sure seems to be a lot of these kind of people around. Who else has to deal with this kind of crap regularly? And, most importantly, how can you sniff them out early on so you can avoid them? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 Hmmmm, there certainly seem to be a lot of irrational people, then. I should have given other examples that I've experienced, too, like "accidentally" breaking/losing important items that belonged to me, "forgetting" important appointments or commitments or payments, playing victim when called out. In any case, there sure seems to be a lot of these kind of people around. Who else has to deal with this kind of crap regularly? And, most importantly, how can you sniff them out early on so you can avoid them? There are a LOT of crazy people around. To some extent, everybody is a little crazy...but in my estimation better than 75 percent of the humans in the world are off their rocker. The examples you have given above are certainly in the passive aggressive department, no doubt. But considering the age we live in, I chalk most of that up to narcissistic behavior. Nowadays, a great many people only care about themselves and what affects them. If they lose your items, it's no big deal because they have no use for them anymore. If they forget important appointments, it's because they didn't care in the first place...most likely those appointments would not benefit them in any way. Self centered people don't miss a heartbeat if something affects them. Narcissists do for others, remembers things that benefit others, etc. ONLY when there is a major benefit for them as well. Diagnosing passive aggressive behavior requires case history and observation. But you are very right, whatever is at the root of this behavior it's annoying and disruptive. Sadly, those who go to counseling for many years, learn rational principles and work through their stuff in a positive way emerge from therapy pretty disgusted...able to see the craziness of others in a more magnified way. Your best bet is to not expect any particular behavior from anybody and you'll never be disappointed. It's insane, in and of itself, to expect or demand that others think or act in a prescribed way. Just worry about yourself and hope to surround yourself eventually with a few people who are on your level. Link to post Share on other sites
Author paperazzi Posted October 19, 2007 Author Share Posted October 19, 2007 Lol, that's funny cause that's really what I've always thought but nobody else got it so I've just called it passive-aggressive. So, what's the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 19, 2007 Share Posted October 19, 2007 So, what's the difference between a narcissist and a sociopath? About the same as the difference between tap water and bottled water. Link to post Share on other sites
sunshinegirl Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 A passive aggressive is someone who expresses their hostility towards another person through inaction. I always thought PA is when someone doesn't directly express their upset ("I'm mad that you did that") but instead expresses it through indirect means, not necessarily just inaction. So stuff like sarcasm, laying guilt trips, telling a third party they're mad in the hopes that the third party will pass it along, etc -- I always thought those kinds of things fell in the PA bucket. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I'd participate in your survey, but I'm mad at you...... Link to post Share on other sites
Lunar Sonata Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I'm passive aggressive. When somebody bothers me, I tend to analyze that person and figure out the things that would bug them to no end. Then I play mind games that would irritate them while at the same time not making myself look like the bad guy. Psychological damage is far greater than physical damage. Link to post Share on other sites
lazer1743 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I agree with sunshine, my exp with them is that they are more of an irritation. They dont talk about things on thier minds and you end up having to pry it out of them but they are generally very good people by nature. i dont think they hurt people out of spite, though they do tend to be overly sensitive to things in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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