What makes a good marriage?

[Great Gazoo]

I wonder what other posters thoughts are on having a good marriage and for that matter what is love in a marriage? I have been questioning this a lot myself.

 

Sometimes I think for myself we have become more like room mates than anything. I know we love each other but is that enough?

 

I don't think I would ever give up on my marriage but is it wrong to be married when your not 100 percent happy, when bonds have been broken and your marriage went and is going through a difficult time.

[get.mos]

compromise is what makes a good marriage.

 

my mate and i are best friends and lovers. but, i am curious... did you hit a rough patch?

 

not being 100% happy in a marriage... only you and your mate can answer this. for some people, possessions, business arrangements, children, and the like form the glue for their relationship, even though spark is not up there. it depends on what feels good to you. but if something doesn't feel right, it could possibly not feel right later and start to eat away at you or become a bigger problem.

 

did you recently have a rough patch?

[Great Gazoo]

compromise is what makes a good marriage.

 

my mate and i are best friends and lovers. but, i am curious... did you hit a rough patch?

 

not being 100% happy in a marriage... only you and your mate can answer this. for some people, possessions, business arrangements, children, and the like form the glue for their relationship, even though spark is not up there. it depends on what feels good to you. but if something doesn't feel right, it could possibly not feel right later and start to eat away at you or become a bigger problem.

 

did you recently have a rough patch?

 

Yeah we have had 5 years of difficulties with trying to have children, from infertility to a miscarriage then infertility to a stillborn then etopic and now infertility again. During this time I could not cope anymore and started snooping around chat sites, I figured out why I was doing that and told her about it, that was probably 3 years ago. Since she had a emotional thing with her boss.

 

I think it is love the only thing that glues us together, nothing else but is it enough. It has been eating at me seeing she is gone to a convention with him.

[get.mos]

she's not home now? she's at a convention w/her boss, a person with whom she has had an emotional affair? was that 3 yrs ago, but she's out of town w/that person now? and you feel this has created infertility issues?

 

just wanna make sure i understood what you wrote. because if that's the case, damn. i would probably be stressed out too, dahling.

 

my relationship is not perfect either. not sure anyone's is. we had a rough patch i'm not sure we're out of nor sure we will make through. your mate going to a convention with the person of emotional infidelity can only bring up those mis/trust issues.

 

how many children do you two have together? if i may say, having another child will not fix a marriage.

[Great Gazoo]

she's not home now? she's at a convention w/her boss, a person with whom she has had an emotional affair? was that 3 yrs ago, but she's out of town w/that person now? and you feel this has created infertility issues?

 

just wanna make sure i understood what you wrote. because if that's the case, damn. i would probably be stressed out too, dahling.

 

my relationship is not perfect either. not sure anyone's is. we had a rough patch i'm not sure we're out of nor sure we will make through. your mate going to a convention with the person of emotional infidelity can only bring up those mis/trust issues.

 

how many children do you two have together? if i may say, having another child will not fix a marriage.

 

No this was last month I found out, I felt sorry for her because of all the issues with trying to have a child so I let it go. We have no children and at this time don't think it will ever happen which causes grief for both of us.

 

Yes it brought up trust issues.

[sunshinegirl]

... have you ever read the book "The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts" by Judith Wallerstein?

 

I haven't myself but I've seen it on amazon.com and it looks pretty good. Strong reviews, etc. She has spent her entire career studying marriage and divorce in the USA.

[Great Gazoo]

... have you ever read the book "The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts" by Judith Wallerstein?

 

I haven't myself but I've seen it on amazon.com and it looks pretty good. Strong reviews, etc. She has spent her entire career studying marriage and divorce in the USA.

 

No but I will check on Amazon, I think I need some guidance on what my marriage is anymore. I have no idea if we are two people afraid to move on, we love each other so it seems but I wonder if what we went through just killed the whole thing. Thanks for the reference.

 

By all the responses I get the feeling good marriages are far and few between. It is funny though because I would swear I had a great marriage until I started questioning things.

[Unluckilymadlyinlove]

It doesn't sound like anything in particular happened to make you feel this way? If not, I think you are just going through a cycle in your relationship. Sometimes is wonderful and sometimes its a bit rough. I think marriage is a commitment through all (most) circumstances. If you stick with it, you will be a lot happier than finding someone new and find that you will just end up where you are at now.

 

THink of some of the sweet and creative things you did in the beginning of the relationship. Start doing those things again. It only takes one person to change the relationship for the better. Once your spouse sees you change, they will want to change for the better too.

 

No relationship is perfect....but there is also no one out there you loves you as much as your spouse. You have invested so much time in your relationship thus far....just put in a little extra energy, like you would if you were dating someone new, and I am sure you will see some great results.

 

This sounds silly, but even if I didn't put make-up on all day and look unkept, I always put makeup on and look presentable by the time my husband gets home. I sometimes send him love cards for no reason to his work just to brighten his day. It is the little things the keep love alive or put life back into a relationship that might have gone south.

 

Good Luck!

[quankanne]

what makes a good marriage? Willingness to compromise, learning to effectively communicate and being open to forgiving the other person when they hurt you, even inadverdantly. Primarily, it's communication, and everything flows from that.

[Meaplus3]

I wonder what other posters thoughts are on having a good marriage and for that matter what is love in a marriage? I have been questioning this a lot myself.

 

Sometimes I think for myself we have become more like room mates than anything. I know we love each other but is that enough?

 

I don't think I would ever give up on my marriage but is it wrong to be married when your not 100 percent happy, when bonds have been broken and your marriage went and is going through a difficult time.

 

I currently do not have a good marriage, however I believe that two important factor's in a loving relationship include "Respect" and "Compassion" for one another.

 

AP:)

[JamesM]

What I think makes a good marriage...

 

 

 

Respect for each other

 

Open communication

 

Deep friendship that ranks as better than a friendship with anyone else.

 

A good sexual intimacy.

 

And complete agreement in all things financial.

[Kasan]

What makes a great marriage?

 

Tolerance

 

Forgiveness

 

and....the ability to laugh together.

[Meaplus3]

What I think makes a good marriage...

 

 

 

Respect for each other

 

Open communication

 

Deep friendship that ranks as better than a friendship with anyone else.

 

A good sexual intimacy.

 

And complete agreement in all things financial.

 

All Perfect point's James! Now will you marry me? LOL:lmao:

 

AP:)

[Moose]

I think that if we apply the concept that marriage was built upon, you can have the best marriage possible.

 

If you'd love your spouse as you love yourself, (because technically he/she is), then you'd have all of the patience, communication, and compassion it takes to literally, "tolerate" one another in all areas of the relationship.

 

Another thing.....marriage isn't 50/50 or 60/40 or 70/30......

 

It should always be 100/100....

[Great Gazoo]

It doesn't sound like anything in particular happened to make you feel this way? If not, I think you are just going through a cycle in your relationship. Sometimes is wonderful and sometimes its a bit rough. I think marriage is a commitment through all (most) circumstances. If you stick with it, you will be a lot happier than finding someone new and find that you will just end up where you are at now.

 

THink of some of the sweet and creative things you did in the beginning of the relationship. Start doing those things again. It only takes one person to change the relationship for the better. Once your spouse sees you change, they will want to change for the better too.

 

No relationship is perfect....but there is also no one out there you loves you as much as your spouse. You have invested so much time in your relationship thus far....just put in a little extra energy, like you would if you were dating someone new, and I am sure you will see some great results.

 

This sounds silly, but even if I didn't put make-up on all day and look unkept, I always put makeup on and look presentable by the time my husband gets home. I sometimes send him love cards for no reason to his work just to brighten his day. It is the little things the keep love alive or put life back into a relationship that might have gone south.

 

Good Luck!

 

I have been told by someone that cheated on his wife that he wished it never happened for the fact as you said, finding someone new and ending up with the same thing, he basically told me you might as well stay with what you have and know than think it is better elsewhere, he was talking about himself not discussing me cheating by the way, it is not my in my plans, i have no interest in that.

 

I think the rest of your post is good advice, it makes sense. I think the problem is I can't handle the situation anymore, she was always big on kids and I feel she is now changing and leaving me behind but maybe it is me that is not moving so I am being left behind. We went through some very tough times the last few years, emotionally draining us and I have had trouble in the past with handling stress, it causes spells of being depressed. Thanks for the luck.

[Great Gazoo]

what makes a good marriage? Willingness to compromise, learning to effectively communicate and being open to forgiving the other person when they hurt you, even inadverdantly. Primarily, it's communication, and everything flows from that.

 

I am very compromising and very understanding and forgiving. I think we communicate ok to a certain point.

[Great Gazoo]

I currently do not have a good marriage, however I believe that two important factor's in a loving relationship include "Respect" and "Compassion" for one another.

 

AP:)

 

Again I respect her and I have lots of compassion for her, that is why i never attacked her on her emotional episode with her boss because I have compassion for her, I remember sitting in the hospital as she was scared to death from a infection that finally caused the still born, I also remember when she had to deliver it, it is something I will never forget, so she gets a pass from me.

[Kasan]

I am very compromising and very understanding and forgiving. I think we communicate ok to a certain point.

 

Everyone talks about communication being the key to a good marriage including my husband.

 

He tells everyone how well we communicate....he is so wrong....it is easy to say that you communicate well when things are going along fine.

 

I have discovered when we argue, the communication isn't good at all or we wouldn't have these circular arguments.

 

I really wonder if there is a way to have great communication and what constitutes great communication. Personally I think it's a myth, and I have been married a long time.

[Great Gazoo]

What I think makes a good marriage...

 

 

 

Respect for each other

 

Open communication

 

Deep friendship that ranks as better than a friendship with anyone else.

 

A good sexual intimacy.

 

And complete agreement in all things financial.

 

I think I have those with her also, maybe on financial issues not but for the simple fact she is not interested in my business and has no interest in what I do with the money, she never has and never will and again maybe communication. She is my closest friend, I don't really believe strongly in friendships, any friend that I have now feel more like family, maybe for the fact my best friend from school days died many years ago and that was the end of that.

[Great Gazoo]

Everyone talks about communication being the key to a good marriage including my husband.

 

He tells everyone how well we communicate....he is so wrong....it is easy to say that you communicate well when things are going along fine.

 

I have discovered when we argue, the communication isn't good at all or we wouldn't have these circular arguments.

 

I really wonder if there is a way to have great communication and what constitutes great communication. Personally I think it's a myth, and I have been married a long time.

 

Hmm that is interesting, I sometimes too feel that we talk in circles but sometimes I want a decision from her but she never gives me one, she has always looked at me to decide things. Maybe our communication sucks?

[Great Gazoo]

I think that if we apply the concept that marriage was built upon, you can have the best marriage possible.

 

If you'd love your spouse as you love yourself, (because technically he/she is), then you'd have all of the patience, communication, and compassion it takes to literally, "tolerate" one another in all areas of the relationship.

 

Another thing.....marriage isn't 50/50 or 60/40 or 70/30......

 

It should always be 100/100....

 

What happens if you don't love yourself enough? I know marriage is not 50/50, I also know it is not a magical or whatever, that it takes work to stayed married.

[Meaplus3]

What happens if you don't love yourself enough? I know marriage is not 50/50, I also know it is not a magical or whatever, that it takes work to stayed married.

 

Well I alway's understood that if you are not whole with yourself first than it's very difficult to be 100% in any relationship. Hope that made sense.

 

AP:)

[Kasan]

Hmm that is interesting, I sometimes too feel that we talk in circles but sometimes I want a decision from her but she never gives me one, she has always looked at me to decide things. Maybe our communication sucks?

 

Maybe it is how you approach the communications with your wife. I think that I finally found a way to talk to my husband without having him tune me out.

 

We have a huge kitchen island where we eat. We sit shoulder to shoulder and discuss our day. I will casually bring up something I feel needs to be discussed with him, we discuss it and move forward.

 

I hate to say, that we don't even look at each other but it seems to be working right now--of course I will put this theory to test when we have our next argument.

 

So, I guess what I am getting at is you need to learn how your wife wants to discuss the big stuff.

 

I tend to be a get in your face kind of person (I am working on it) so I think my husband appreciates the new improved me.

 

You have to understand that there will be times (sometimes long) where a marriage just cruises along. Marriage is boring, hard, and always needs a lot of work. One of you at different times will put in more work than the other.

 

It is just what it is.

[Moose]

What happens if you don't love yourself enough?

Then there's the crux of it isn't it?

 

Perhaps individual counceling is in order, or maybe even some spiritual guidance?

[Moose]

if you are not whole with yourself first than it's very difficult to be 100% in any relationship

answerplease......Bingo!