My gf won't give me oral sex anymore? What's up?

[greystone08]

Sorry in advance if this post comes off as a little graphic or a little nasty but i have a concern on something that's been bothering me.

 

Me and my gf have been dating going on 5 years. I got tested for AIDS/STDS just as a check up last year and the results came up negative. I wasn't cheating but i had never been AIDS tested before and went ahead and got tested for STD along with it because the additional tests were free.

 

My girlfriend goes away every summer for 2-3 months on an Internship program for her school. When she came back from her summer internship this past summer 07, she was complaining about a re-occuring scab on the corner of her mouth which she says she got back in May before she left. She believes that she got it from me from giving oral sex. I asked her why she never complained about it before. She says she thought nothing of it until it kept coming back. She's been throwing accusations trying to say I cheated on her and referencing when i'd come home late from work several years ago. I told her that i hadnt cheated on her and the fact that she's pointing the finger raised my suspicions that she's the one who's guilty.

 

My problem is, she's given me oral sex all these years but all of a sudden, she's scared to because of the scab she has. She's ruled out 2 possibilities as to why she has this scab and they both point to me. She says either i was cheating or caught something coming in contact with a stall in the Public Restroom. She hasn't given O/S for 6 months (before she left). I told her we can go to the doctor together and it might be a cold sore but i'm wondering if she may have been cheating? I don't want to believe she was.

 

Again, i apologize if this sounds nasty but i need some opinions.

 

Thanks!

[nicki]

Unless you have genital herpes, i don't see how oral sex with you could have given her a cold sore on her mouth.

 

More likely, she has had herpes of the mouth since she was a child and is now getting cold sores. Over 95% of the poplulation has the herpes simplex virus, regardless of the appearance cold sores. We get it as children from kissing adults.

 

It can pop up anytime, even years later, in the form of cold sores.

 

Stress, sunlight, and certain foods can cause cold sores to appear. She should go talk to her doctor.

 

Jumping to the conclusions she has, makes me think she is either completely uniformed or is hiding the real reason she doesn't want to have oral sex with you.

 

Is she a very young woman? She just may need more health information about how STDs how spread, and what constitutes and STD.

 

You've done a good thing getting tested. That should allay her fears.

 

I would encourage her to call her doctor.

[Cobra_X30]

That is so irrational... I think you should send her to a doctor and start watching your tail.

 

Just as you said before. A guilty conscience oft manifests itself in accusatory behavior!

[greystone08]

Thanks for the quick replies. And Nicki, yeah she's young but not real young, she's 23. I told her to go to the doctor but right now she doesn't have any insurance so i told her i'd pay for half the bill. Just the fact that i'm willing to go to the doctor with her and pay part of the bill should tell her that i ain't guilty of nothin'. I just wanted to know if anyone else on here thought she may have stepped out too!

 

And Cobra_X30 this girl is an irrational woman period! On everything not just this. That's why we argue so much because her reasoning skills are so messed up and she's the type of person who never thinks she's wrong. Makes me sick!

[MrsHellnoFire]

Let's see.

First off, she should be at the doc's office getting an STD test.

Second, YOU SHOULD GO TOO to make sure you didn't catch anything from her.

 

Why the heck would you WANT her to continue giving oral when she's a walking disease? SHE might be the one cheating imo.

There's also a chance that she's tired of going down on you if you don't reciprocate.

[norajane]

And Cobra_X30 this girl is an irrational woman period! On everything not just this. That's why we argue so much because her reasoning skills are so messed up and she's the type of person who never thinks she's wrong. Makes me sick!

 

Then why are you with her, and why have you been with her for 5 years? Someone who never admits to being wrong is a horrible type of person to end up with.

[mental_traveller]

Sounds like she has oral herpes. You can catch this from anything, kissing, touching, shared cutlery or food etc. Also it's quite possible that you have it, but just don't show any symptoms. You may have transmitted it to her some time during your relationship (it is very contagious).

 

Because it can be dormant for so long, doesn't show up in everyone carrying it, and is so contagious, a partner catching it cannot be taken as evidence of cheating at all. But if she is unaware of the sexual health issues, she may well be suspicious - after all, conventional wisdom is that you only catch STDs from cheating (assuming neither partner had symptoms before). The best thing would be to go jointly to a sexual health professional and discuss the issues. Maybe a counsellor too, at the same meeting if possible. That way hopefully they can explain why it's not a big deal and doesn't mean you cheated at all. If she hears that from medical professionals she will almost certainly accept their word & expertise.

 

But, I would not want to get oral from her anyway, now that she has this (assuming it is herpes, which is most likely). It can be transmitted from mouth to penis during oral sex, and if you get it on your genitals then it is not too nice. It's incurable, irritating, and condoms do not offer foolproof protection. If you catch it from her, then break up, the rest of your life you would have to explain to partners that you have genital herpes - that is a bit of a passion killer. That happened to a friend of mine - his gf had periodic cold sores, and they did oral unprotected for about 6 months, and then one day he had genital herpes and now has to get prescriptions of Zovirax for outbreaks once or twice a year, plus has to tell his dates/gfs about it. I don't envy him.

 

If you love oral so much that you can't contemplate not getting it again, then just avoid doing it when she has an outbreak, and *always* use condoms. That should lower the risks a lot, but it's still not guaranteed.

[mental_traveller]

Thanks for the quick replies. And Nicki, yeah she's young but not real young, she's 23. I told her to go to the doctor but right now she doesn't have any insurance so i told her i'd pay for half the bill. Just the fact that i'm willing to go to the doctor with her and pay part of the bill should tell her that i ain't guilty of nothin'. I just wanted to know if anyone else on here thought she may have stepped out too!

 

And Cobra_X30 this girl is an irrational woman period! On everything not just this. That's why we argue so much because her reasoning skills are so messed up and she's the type of person who never thinks she's wrong. Makes me sick!

 

It's possible she has cheated, but this is flimsy evidence so far. Anyone can get a cold sore, and 99% of 23 year olds have no real idea about STDs. Yes, she *may* have cheated, but equally she may just be an ill-informed, somewhat jealous & insecure 23 year old girl - hardly an uncommon species.

 

The 2nd paragraph of yours suggests your ideal course of action - split up. Under the best case scenario, you have a girlfriend who:

 

1) who won't give bjs

2) thinks you cheated on her, based on no evidence at all

3) has no idea about sexual health issues

4) is irrational and has no reasoning skills

5) argues with you a lot

6) has herpes outbreaks

7) has a reasonable chance of giving you lifelong incurable genital herpes

 

Dude, why are you hanging around with her? Unless she looks like Angelina Jolie, then surely you can do better. Get a nice chick with no drama and avoid all this hassle.

[greystone08]

Why the heck would you WANT her to continue giving oral when she's a walking disease? SHE might be the one cheating imo.

There's also a chance that she's tired of going down on you if you don't reciprocate.

 

Well whenever she asks, i go down on her. I haven't even really been trippin' about the oral sex she hasn't been giving me, it's just i find it a little wierd that all of a sudden she's scared to go down when she's been fine with doing this for the past 4 years.

 

Unless she looks like Angelina Jolie

 

She's pretty in the face but she has a top-heavy body with some pretty nice shapley legs, so no she doesn't look like angelina jolie. I wish though:p

 

Dude, why are you hanging around with her? Unless she looks like Angelina Jolie, then surely you can do better. Get a nice chick with no drama and avoid all this hassle.

 

I guess i'm a little scared of a break-up myself. I would feel guilty like i would have just given up on her. We're going on 5 years and i'm thinking that if i break up with her, i'll severely regret it later and be like most men who break up and later be trying to win her back. I am starting to wonder if it is worth it though. Her personality is controlling and she's a big brat. Anytime something doesn't go her way, she goes off! I do have to admit that when she's not around, my thoughts are clearer and i can go after my goals and dreams better. I feel a little better about myself! But the other half of me says "i still love her and don't want any regrets!"

[buu]

get tested ASAP!!! and show her the paper work that everything is fine. you cant hide the black n white. if she hesitates to get tested, it might be her thats cheating.