Need opinions and advice badly! (Long and deep post)

[Vladivar]

I am a university student in first year and before university I had never touched alcohol. I made a handfull of good friends and they introduced me to alcohol and I am glad I now drink it! Anyway...

 

They also showed me about nightlife and stuff so for the whole of the first semester I got used to whole dancing milarcy in nightclubs and generally became pretty good at it and of course, enjoy dancing a lot. So the second semester came and I decided it was about time I tried to get girlfriend. I had a 'girlfriend' once when I was 15 but it was by no means serious. I also had a deep friendship (read: friendship) with a girl for the last two years of high school and the first year of colledge.

 

I differ greatly from the friends I have at university because all they want to seem to do is have sex left and right with no strings attached. I on the other hand want a nice relationship with sex now and again, ideally with a virgin female (this is a personal 'purity' thing I have as I am also a virgin).

 

So.. enough about me... now on to the girl I have met. She is also a student in the 2nd year of the same university. I first met her in the nightclub when she was dancing really 'well' by my books, and of course I found her attractive, so I went up and talked to her. Beforehand I had plenty to drink to remove any lack of confidence. I got her name and gave her my name and danced with her and her friend and said will see you next week (she only goes out wednesdays).

 

Next week I had almost nothing to drink and sat near her and she came and sat down near me and I simply ran off. Shamefull. The week after that I had a bad incident with alcohol which ment I didnt even make it into the club!

 

Week after that is when we properly started talking and stuff. From then until recently it has been feeling as though the relationship is forming nicely. I have now seen her many wednesdays for the past 3 months or so and have met up with her outside the club whenever possible (she goes home for weekend and during week has tons of work for uni to do).

 

I found out on about the 5th week that the original name she gave me was not her true name.......

 

Reguarding her past experiences with men she has had 3 relationships, none have gone past kissing. I like her a lot, infact maybe even love her now, I would like to have sex with her maybe once in a while but it is far from my top priorities.

 

The most we have got physically is hugging and 'basic' kissing. By basic I mean quick smack on the lips type job. Also we dance together quite often 'dirty' but I have never touched her 'special' areas if you get the picture. She has not touched me in those areas either.

 

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My problem is this, last wednesday I met up with her and her friend and this guy who was 'with' her friend. On the way she was on about how she wants to marry all these members of a band and how she likes men with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I am the total oposite of this. Does she realise how this makes me feel?

 

We got to the first bar we visit and then suddernly the subject of sex comes up. As it turns out her friend is a (hate using this word but...) generic 'slapper' and openly said her sex count to everyone and then goes on to say its going to increase tonight because of the guy she is with. My girl then says how 'brave' her friend is to do this. This, I felt, was a sign that she wanted to sleep with me (I am in no rush personally).

 

During the time we spent at the bar she was REALLY loud, and I mean REALLY really loud. It is the effect alcohol has to her even in small quantities. I manage to tolerate this as much as I can. She does sometimes say 'sorry if im loud or scare you its just the drink'.

 

Then suddernly, either under the pressure of her friend, or the influence of the small amount of drink she had had (she is pretty 'lightweight') said to me 'What is your best sex position you have had'. I was suprised that I did not go bright red, right then, on the spot and got her to lean over the table we were sat at and wispered in her ear 'I am sexually pure'.

 

She then said 'Oh yeah that is a good position' out loud to 'stick up' for me I guess. Her friend and the guy left to get drinks and then she said she was very sorry for saying that and she is also 'pure'. I was REALLY happy she said that because that has been the kind of girl I have been searching for.

 

When her friend and the guy came back sex was still the main subject and then my girl started to give an empty bottle what can only be said to be a 'blow job'. The other guy was saying stuff like 'deepthroat' it. I almost ran away at that point... for good. But did she perhaps do this just to fit in?

 

So we go to the next bar and nothing much happened except my girl payed more attention to the other guy than me. I am not sure how long they have known each other because I didnt think to ask but I beleive it may have been a while (aka friends).

 

So we head on to the final destination: the club. By this time the guy, who had not had that much to drink, appeared to be pretty drunk. We hand our coats in and head to the dance floor.

 

We head to the bar around the dance floor and I had personal had enough to drink (I like to know my limits) and she knows her limits also. So it was me and her stood a small distance from the bar and under the influence of her actions in the first bar I said "Look I have something important I need to say" then she sort of 'slipped' away to talk to her friend then returned after 20 seconds or so.... so I tried again, "Look I have something important I need to say, As you know I am pure and have been saving myself for a special someone, I just want you to know when you are ready to advance this relationship I am ready aswell."

 

She didnt say anything back to this and seemed kinda embarassed but I am not sure. Later on the dance floor she said I would "have to wait a long time" if I wanted sex. Which is no big deal really it was the following events which almost put me off her:

 

I have never had the confidence to dance in my 'normal' manner before infront of her until last wednesday. My normal dance is much 'harder' than what she has normally seen. More aggressive sort of. I am sure you get the picture. I even throw some breakdancing in there now and again mainly to 'show off' to my mates but havnt done that infront of her ... yet.

 

So I started to show her my real dancing and she stood to one side next to the guy who is ment to be with her friend, she stood there motionless watching me. I asked her whats wrong and she said my "dancing is embarassing" !!! I nearly ran away again at this point not because she dissed my dancing (I have took flak in the past for it) but she showed no respect for what I like. She shouts in bars instead of talks and I tolerate it and then doesnt even have the decency to repsect my dancing?

 

My dancing isnt 'make a ****ing idiot of your self' (sorry language) type dancing and it has even 'lured' many generic 'slappers' towards me in my past visits to night clubs so it cant be that bad. I never touched the said 'slappers' by the way.

 

So anyway the night just gets worse by my books. Later on she goes off with the guy to presumably get a drink from him when I said time after time I will buy her a drink if she wants one. At this point her friend had gone to the toilet before they had left the dance floor so I was left alone, on the dance floor. I follow her to the bar. She then says "wait for my friend on the dance floor so you can show her where we are"............. based on what she previously said I also took offence to this and translated it, in my head, into "take your dancing onto the dance floor and away from me". But maybe I am over-reacting.

 

At this point my friends had also arrived and went to the same bar my girl and the guy were at to buy some drinks. My girls friend returned from the toilet and I showed her where everyone is at the bar. So we goto the bar. Then from out of no where the guy goes up behind my girl and dances and my girl leans back on him and they start dancing dirty!?!?! It only lasted about 10 seconds or so but felt like a lifetime to me and this infront of my ****ing friends for christ sake, sorry about the language but it REALLY REALLY hurt me so much when she did that. All the physical pain I have suffered throughout my life combined could not equal the emotional pain I felt then. Am I being too over the top or?

 

Because this happened I pushed one of my friends in anger (I am NEVER EVER violent ever this is like the first time ive ever pushed someone and ment it). All the poor friend said to me was my name to get my attention. Anyway I was at the verge of just going home at this point or maybe just hang out with my friends instead (I have been dedicating all my time inside the club to my girl but before I met her I hung around with my friends and just enjoyed the night).

 

Why on ****ing earth (language sorry I owe swear box bigtime) did she dance with this guy? I found she WAS paying a lot of attention to him throughout the night. Around 40% attention to me 60% to him. I dont know why I didnt walk away.

 

When we sat down it was obvious I was hurt because she asked what was wrong. I said that she danced dirty with the guy if she had not noticed and it almost killed me. She then waited a while and said "well you can dance with my friend dirty whenever you want"...... I was thinking .... what the f**k?? I replied to this with 'I dont want your friend I want YOU'. Dont think she said anything back about this.

 

Then here comes the icing on the god damn cake.... near the end of the night I started dirty dancing with her (she started it this time its normally me that has to do all the 'work') so I was like ok cool..... she leans back on me and I lean back slightly and stuff then the guy 'simulates' having sex with my girl right infront of me with her leaning on me!

 

Yep and here comes the cherry for the top of the cake: I was dancing dirty with her still and he sort of 'presses' my girls right breast! and then my girl just laughed rather than slapping him on the hand or something.............

 

I walked back with all three of them (her friend is also her housemate) and on the way back her friend openly admited she would do sexual things with another girl. Aimed mostly towards my girl I suddernly had the most dreadfull thought, they may end up all in the same bed that night, with her showing so much interest in that guy and all .... was just a bad thought because I SERIOUSLY doubt she would do this.

 

When I got to her door I said again that I am ready when she is ready for you-know-what, this was after her friend and her man had gone inside so it was just me and her. She said 'dont talk about that'. So I said sorry, hugged her goodbye and left. What the hell? She openly talks about sex with friends and stuff but is too embarassed or something to talk about it with me one on one?

 

Something else I simply must include, every time I am with her in the club she rarely gives me eye contact despite the fact I look into her eyes so many times. She allways is looking left and right, I have read about this and it usually means the person is 'looking for a way out' which could mean she doesnt feel safe in the club or doesnt feel safe around me....

 

Another thing is she is constantly looking at her watch as if to say 'god I wish this night would end I hate it here' or 'I wish this night would end so I can get away from this guy'.

 

Maybe im being a bit over the top.....

 

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I have talked to one friend who I trust the most about this and he thinks I am wasting time and should dump her. All my other friends beleive she is 'using' me. I personally dont know what to think. I have strong burning passion to be with her quite often but I really dont know what to do anymore.

 

Thank you for reading all this and thank you for any advice you may give beforehand. I really really need it.

 

The key questions I need to ask to the audience here is:

 

1) Is it maybe me? am I somehow putting her off me? 2) Is she maybe not interested in me and has no confidence to break it up? 3) Maybe she has no confidence to say no to the other guy mentioned in the above story or slap his hand that touched her 4) Maybe I am insecure or something?

 

Just say what you think about this, dont hold back, nothing can hurt me more than when she danced dirty with that guy.

[Vladivar]

Thanks to everyone who bothered to read this post but we have officially broken up and I was not really hurt by it which indicates we were not really compatible! She didnt have any interest in the things I liked and I didnt have interest in the things she liked.

[clia]

Well, I'm glad you broke up with her, because that is exactly what I was going to tell you to do.

 

First off, you referred to her as "my girl" during your entire post, but it wasn't clear to me when in fact the two of you decided you were exclusive boyfriend/girlfriend. You seemed to have a thing for her, and that was it. She was not interested, judging from your post.

 

Trust me on a few things:

 

1. It wasn't your dancing. The guy I'm seeing now is the worst dancer on earth, to the point of being embarrassing, but I think it's the cutest thing ever. He can dance all he wants and I don't care how foolish he looks. I think it's cute.

 

2. Do not ever bring up sex again with a girl the way you did with her. That scares girls off. Just let things go naturally. You don't need to announce to her that you want to (or are ready to) have sex with her. That is freaky. Even if she brings it up, do not talk about sex. It is very tacky to talk about that so early on in a relationship.

 

3. The next time you like a girl and she is hanging out with some other guy, letting guys dirty dance with her, etc., please leave and find another girl or some of your friends to hang out with. Your post gives the impression that you were a little puppy hoping and praying for some of her attention. Don't feed anyone's ego that way when they are barely giving you the time of day.

 

4. Anyone who lies to you about their NAME for five weeks is not someone you want in your life. That should've been your first clue that she wasn't interested in you. If she would've been, don't you think she would've done everything possible to tell you her real name?

 

5. You were never dating this girl officially. You saw her at the clubs on Wednesdays, and maybe you got together a bit outside of that? Doesn't sound like much if she's gone all weekend and busy during the week. If she WAS dating you, then she treated you terribly. But it doesn't sound like the two of you were on the same page at all.

 

Forget her, move on, and find someone nice and caring.

 

(Sorry if this is blunt. I've been accused of that in the past.)