"I love you, I miss you and I want you back"

[Precious K]

That's my ex's exact words... He just txt me this morning... I've posted my story on the "break-up" forum, This is my 2nd day of NC and I dont know what to do or if I should say anything to him... Help!

 

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[niceguy27]

DONT respond to him. I just re read your story and the last thoughts you had were to gain back control and stop him from going back and forth with you. I suggest you keep doing that! Keep it up. He is contacting you because he no longer has control. Let him be.

[sedgwick]

I guess the question is, do you really WANT him back? If he's cheated on you and screamed at you and proposed to someone else while you were together, it kind of seems like maybe you could do better...whatever you decide, let him wait a while before you respond, IF you respond!

[Spinderella]

He is going to try every trick in the book to win you back, but, unless he has had plenty of time to work on his problems, then it will be the same as before. Do you want that relationship? Thats all you have to keep in mind.

[nittygritty]

Have you reread your other post about him?

 

It sounds like he's really bad for you. Why would you even consider getting back together with him?

 

Its not in your best interest to get back together. He cheats, he lies and he's an arse. You deserve better and you can find a guy thats capable of having a healthy relationship.

 

Your going to have to believe that your worthy of good treatment in order to find and appreciate it.

 

Don't contact him. Change your phone number if necessary and keep doing NC with your ex. You know him well enough to know that he has not changed at all despite his drama tactics.

[CaliGuy]

That's my ex's exact words... He just txt me this morning... I've posted my story on the "break-up" forum, This is my 2nd day of NC and I dont know what to do or if I should say anything to him... Help!

 

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Those are the only words that would ever get me to even listen to an ex.

 

Now that he's said them, make him PROVE them....

[Precious K]

He is contacting you because he no longer has control. Let him be.

Youre right, I gave him the opportunity to make this right when I called him the other night. But he was too busy to call me back. He was talking to "someone" else. He does have a hold on me but all I think about the actions he has taken with me and nothing has changed.

 

it kind of seems like maybe you could do better...

I know I can do better, ty. But 5yrs of my life has been devoted to making this work. I've stuck by him through think and thin. Sometimes I dont see that I can move on. Ive been left with thoughts of me not being "good-enough"

 

Do you want that relationship? Thats all you have to keep in mind.

Ive tried hard enough, and nothing ever tends to work.

 

Have you reread your other post about him?

 

It sounds like he's really bad for you. Why would you even consider getting back together with him?

Because I always thought love would conquer all. That he would realise that the way he treated me wasnt right and he would change. I learn I cant change him but if he cared enough he would change on his own.

 

Now that he's said them, make him PROVE them....

How??

I dont want to break NC. But dont you think 5yrs of him not doing anything to make us work is prove enough???

[CaliGuy]

How??

I dont want to break NC. But dont you think 5yrs of him not doing anything to make us work is prove enough???

 

People grow and change. Five years is a long time.

 

It's up to you to decide if you want to take this chance or not. If you are truly over him and do not want a relationship, don't break NC.

 

I am not completely aware of your story but in all cases like this you have to decide if giving someone another chance is worth the heartbreak if it doesn't work out.

 

And if you do decide, you need to take it slow and make him earn his way back into your life.

 

Remember the rule: If someone really loves you and wants to be with you, neither hell or high water will stop them from finding you.

 

Let me him work to show you that he is earnest in his desire, that he has truly learned his lesson and that he will not take you for granted.

 

Procede with caution....

[Spinderella]

Caliguy, read her previous thread.

[heartoutside]

This is the only time I think I've ever seen Caliguy reply and not say something along the lines of "just walk away." And I think Caliguy is right, but you've got to very very careful and think about the heartache you could live all over again.

 

But I would make him work for it, that's for damn sure.

[Spinderella]

I know I can do better, ty. But 5yrs of my life has been devoted to making this work. I've stuck by him through think and thin. Sometimes I dont see that I can move on. Ive been left with thoughts of me not being "good-enough"

If thats how this relationship has made you feel, then, think long and hard before replying to any contact. It will take a little while to feel like you again, wait til then and see if you still want to contact him back.

[carrotgirl]

I know I can do better, ty. But 5yrs of my life has been devoted to making this work. I've stuck by him through think and thin. Sometimes I dont see that I can move on. Ive been left with thoughts of me not being "good-enough"

 

PK, 5 years is a long time. But consider how long 10 or 20 years or more will be like as a prisoner to someone who abuses you.

 

There is a very big difference between feeling hurt and having someone hurt you.

 

Here is your list from the other post. Would you let your best friend stay with a man who treated her like this? Would you let your daughter stay with a man who treated her like this? Read your list through again. It's easy to say we all deserve better but let's be VERY clear. NO ONE deserves abuse!

 

He's:

- a liar

- an arsehole

- hurts me purposely

- talks and txts me when he wants

- proposed to another girl when he proposed to me first and said he was lying about the other girl

- made me cry knowingly

- I'm sure he's cheated

- abused me emotionally

- crazy jealous

- txts other girls a lot (he doesn't know that I know)

- fights with me

- screams

- tells me he will call and he doesn't

- breaks up and makes up with me

- can't communicate w/me

 

Losing a 5 year investment with this gutless wonder might just be the luckiest thing to ever happen to you.

 

Carrot

[Precious K]

I did something wrong... I broke NC for a good reason.

I had taken a nap and he txt me again. I got angry. I mean I was fine the whole day and as soon as I read his msg I felt this anger come to me out of anger. He basically said "I love you and I rather have you next to me than not know of you... It kill me not to hear from you." I mean what the hell?! He would rather have me next to him, I don't remember anyone giving him an option. Seriously he still has control. So I finally told him to leave me alone that I've given him so many chances and nothing ever happen. To loose my info and act as he never knew me. He said " you got it" I told him to F off. I see that this was rude of me to say but I have so much anger towards him right now.

[CaliGuy]

This is the only time I think I've ever seen Caliguy reply and not say something along the lines of "just walk away." And I think Caliguy is right, but you've got to very very careful and think about the heartache you could live all over again.

 

But I would make him work for it, that's for damn sure.

 

Ah because those words actually mean something. Whether there is action behind them is another thing.

 

Let's face it, many of us would KILL to have our ex's say those words, but how would we handle it.

 

If she is fine being without him then I think she should continue with NC and move on with her life. After reading the list she made I can understand why she would want to move on.

 

I'd be tempted to listen. Doesn't mean I would take him/her back (if I were in their shoes). But a piece of me, the evil/nasty guy coming out, would love to hear their story -- then slam the door

[Jmina]

I don't know your story, but those are the words that i would listen to also. but he would have to prove it also. some people on L's are so bitter that they think there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation especially if he treated you bad in the breakup... but whoever treats someone right in a break up?

 

i dont know how he treated you in the relationship...

 

also i know people can move on and find love again... but if it was as easy as some L's put it "no contact, you WILL move on and YOU WILL find someone else.."

 

then what is so special about love... if it is that easy to move on and find another person...what makes being in love so special then.

 

being in love is something that doesnt happen very often.. not the kind that ive experienced anyway.

 

only you know your ex and yourself, you know what is good for you, deep down. if you think he really is worth it then take steps to reconcile, if you really dont know take some more time away.

 

they are pretty big words to come from someone, he must have felt sure at the time of saying it.

 

Goodluck

 

Jmina

[Precious K]

Let's face it, many of us would KILL to have our ex's say those words, but how would we handle it.

 

Not everyone, when they arent meant they hurt more than anything else. Its like he knows its over and he is looking for anythig possible to say for me to listen. I know he doesnt mean it because if he did he would stop talking to other "people" and make this work. He hasnt what Ive been told is that someone else is in the picture. but I just wonder what is it that she gives him that he still keeps contacting me?

Yeah I get this evil grin to know I still have something on hum but at the same time someone else has him now....

[Precious K]

I don't know your story, but those are the words that i would listen to also. but he would have to prove it also. some people on L's are so bitter that they think there is absolutely no chance of reconciliation especially if he treated you bad in the breakup... but whoever treats someone right in a break up?

 

i dont know how he treated you in the relationship...

 

also i know people can move on and find love again... but if it was as easy as some L's put it "no contact, you WILL move on and YOU WILL find someone else.."

 

then what is so special about love... if it is that easy to move on and find another person...what makes being in love so special then.

 

being in love is something that doesnt happen very often.. not the kind that ive experienced anyway.

 

only you know your ex and yourself, you know what is good for you, deep down. if you think he really is worth it then take steps to reconcile, if you really dont know take some more time away.

 

they are pretty big words to come from someone, he must have felt sure at the time of saying it.

 

Goodluck

 

Jmina

 

Thank you!!! I really took what you said to heart. Our relationship was very dramatic at times, to the point I didn't get what I did for him to be upset. Other times he was the most loving guy I knew. I stood by because like you said "being in love is something that doesn't happen very often" and that's what I told myself. I love this man so much that I would look the other way when he was a complete jerk. I think that by this time so much has happened that I need more than words. I need actions which he wont show. I cant hurt myself anymore by putting my hopes up to just words. Words use to mean a lot coming from him.

[CaliGuy]

Not everyone, when they arent meant they hurt more than anything else. Its like he knows its over and he is looking for anythig possible to say for me to listen. I know he doesnt mean it because if he did he would stop talking to other "people" and make this work. He hasnt what Ive been told is that someone else is in the picture. but I just wonder what is it that she gives him that he still keeps contacting me?

Yeah I get this evil grin to know I still have something on hum but at the same time someone else has him now....

 

Again, I am not saying we'd act on it, but deep inside, a piece of us wants to know that our ex's would kill to have us back, whether we want them or not.

 

In my case, if my ex said these words I would listen, then smile as I say "get lost!" But that's the vindicitive side of me talking. haha.

[Spinderella]

Thank you!!! I really took what you said to heart. Our relationship was very dramatic at times, to the point I didn't get what I did for him to be upset. Other times he was the most loving guy I knew. I stood by because like you said "being in love is something that doesn't happen very often" and that's what I told myself. I love this man so much that I would look the other way when he was a complete jerk. I think that by this time so much has happened that I need more than words. I need actions which he wont show. I cant hurt myself anymore by putting my hopes up to just words. Words use to mean a lot coming from him.

Good for you, you sound like you are reaching a much stronger place.

If he is serious and realises his mistakes then he will take action to work on those mistakes, but it would take time. I do know of one couple who reconciled after one was very verbally abusive, but in this case she told him to go away and work on himself and each time he came back she insisted it was not long enough and to keep working on himself. It took a year and a half before she decided he was ready. They are now happy, but not without the time it took for him to solve his own problems.