Impudent Oyster Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Ok you have to go to my best friend's prenatal class. I was there the other night with her because her hubby had to work and it was an important class let me tell you there were 15 couples there about 6 of them were prefectly matched totally cute wifes with cute hubbies the typical perfect match, then there were the rest who ranged from "you can see what she sees in him and vice versa" then there about 4 couples that oh my god those women were 100% moose, their husbands were hot. I mean HOT. and the women were moose and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy they were just very unappealing women with men who were three of four grades above them.I'm not sayng those men will end up in affairs but when the couple is so glaringly mismatched you tend to wonder why they are together. Maybe they love each other, foreign a concept that may be to one so shallow as to judge the attractiveness of women who are 8-9 months pregnant, are you kidding? Some women become unrecognizable during pregnancy, I gained between 70-75 pounds with each of my pregnancies (and lost every bit within 3 months post-partum), so if someone looked at me and my husband when I was 9 months along, they'd certainly wonder what he was doing with someone that huge. What kind of woman goes to a pre-natal class and thinks how hot the fathers-to-be are in relation to their wives? Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Maybe they love each other, foreign a concept that may be to one so shallow as to judge the attractiveness of women who are 8-9 months pregnant, are you kidding? Some women become unrecognizable during pregnancy, I gained between 70-75 pounds with each of my pregnancies (and lost every bit within 3 months post-partum), so if someone looked at me and my husband when I was 9 months along, they'd certainly wonder what he was doing with someone that huge. What kind of woman goes to a pre-natal class and thinks how hot the fathers-to-be are in relation to their wives? Thats what i was wondering. I thought that post of Sarme's was in particularly bad taste. And CLEARLY the husbands MUST think the wives are hot, they had sex with them otherwise they wouldn't BE pregnant. Duh. It reminded me of Hugh Grant's character in About A Boy where he goes to a single parents group to pick up women. There was another thread on here about attractiveness a while back, and the general gist of it was whats attractive to some isn't to others and its very subjective and in the eye of the beholder. High-maintenance women who are groomed to within an inch of their lives would probably think that they were hotter than I am, and I am not an unattractive woman, I get looks in the street, I just don't over-lacquer myself. However MY BF thinks I am the hottest woman in the world, and he doesn't find that kind of high-maintenance look attractive at all. We all need to stop being so judgmental and condescending. Some of us don't consider looks to be the be-all and end all. Having a baby with someone is much more important than making sure your lipstick matches your outfit. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I am so disappointed. I thought this thread was about Oprah's show, and its clearly not. And whoever said that regret and remorse are different was right. Remorse is far better than regret. Remorse at least acknowledges a poor decision. Regret only feels bad that things didn't work out the way that they were hoped. Yep. Big difference. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 It was about Oprahs show, it just jot a little jacked by someone there. I have remorse for ever being an OW. It was an exceptionally poor decision, for sure. I REGRET not getting out of it sooner. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 It was about Oprahs show, it just jot a little jacked by someone there. I have remorse for ever being an OW. It was an exceptionally poor decision, for sure. I REGRET not getting out of it sooner. Great usage of remorse/regret. I, too, have remorse from having helped guys cheat on their SO's. I regret not listening to my gut concerning them. I think that is what the show was about mostly. What didn't like is that the therapist seemed to be blaming the W's for the cheating. As if looking good for a man that is hell bent on cheating is going to make a bit of difference for some. For those who's spouses aren't hell bent to cheat, it has some value. Not to mention, a W that doesn't want to look good for her H has far more problems than the possibility that he might cheat. Just this constant advice to wives to put their marriages under a microscope is really irritating. Where is the advice to men to do the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I didn't catch the show but did go onto Oprah's website and read it. I noticed how the therapist made out like on the W's end, she could spruce herself up more often. Sorry but the Ws on there weren't fugly, and did look nicely dressed, etc. That coming from a woman just makes her (the therapist)look stupid. I would have been offended if I'd been one fo the Ws listening to that. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Not an Oprah fan so I missed this one. But a gather from the posts that the women were being told they should put some effort into looking more attractive for these men in order to keep them from straying. I’m curious though ... so what did these men look like? Were they more physically appealing and/or attractive than the women they were with ... or were they just your ho hum run-of-mill average Joes (???) Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Not an Oprah fan so I missed this one. But a gather from the posts that the women were being told they should put some effort into looking more attractive for these men in order to keep them from straying. I’m curious though ... so what did these men look like? Were they more physically appealing and/or attractive than the women they were with ... or were they just your ho hum run-of-mill average Joes (???) I'm not a fan of oprah's either, but I caught it too late, having to go online and read about the show. And no, the men I saw on the site were not any more attractive than their Ws. Kind of made me wonder what the hell the Hs were thinking they could do better than what they had. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I read the site too, as I don't watch Oprah. In defense of the therapist, she DID say that if you do all that and did it before the H cheated, then the issues lie with the H. And I am trying to be fair to the therapist as well in that only the Ws were present on this show. So maybe that's why she only addressed them. But I still disagree with her words. Affairs are based on so much more than the looks of one versus the other. Its a really shallow view to think that if a woman looked good her H would never stray. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I agree with all of you about the wife looking better thing, I was so turned off by it that I quit reading the website. As long as you are happy with yourself, your SO will be happy with You (IMO) and if they are not, they are the one with the problems, and need to work on it....(From experience) I try my hardest (way overboard at sometimes) to look the best I can all the time, It wasn't enough for my H to adore me, I needed everyone else to...(that's my problem) I didn't cheat because my H wasn't good enough, I cheated because I didn't think I was good enough) It is not your partners job to stop you from cheating...that's all I am trying to say Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I read the site too' date=' as I don't watch Oprah. [b']In defense of the therapist, she DID say that if you do all that and did it before the H cheated, then the issues lie with the H[/b]. And I am trying to be fair to the therapist as well in that only the Ws were present on this show. So maybe that's why she only addressed them. But I still disagree with her words. Affairs are based on so much more than the looks of one versus the other. Its a really shallow view to think that if a woman looked good her H would never stray. Yes, I read this also. So, where the therapist's opinion is concerned, it's not ok for a W to run around the house in her sweats, but it is ok for a man to? This is the impression I got from just reading it. If the W ran around in her panties and bra, well...that's a different story...I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 If the W ran around in her panties and bra, well...that's a different story...I don't get it. LOL!!! That made me remember my first three months of marriage. My H didn't know that on weekends I pampered myself and basically sat around semi-nude since he didn't live with me. LOL! He would come home from work on Saturdays and I would be in my robe, and panties watching TV. It wasn't unappealing, just shocking to him that I was so casual with it. He just wasn't used to coming home to a semi-nude woman immediately after work. Weird, huh? I think my *over-exposure* just about killed him. LOL! We can't win. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I'm the one in sweats & his wife was always dressed to the 9's. Go figure:laugh::laugh: TF Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I'm the one in sweats & his wife was always dressed to the 9's. Go figure:laugh::laugh: TF See?!!! I know we alone aren't proving her wrong, just that one size does not fit all. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I can also add that my H is a 10, my MM was maybe a 5 ( In looks department) however in "overall" my H was a 8 my MM was an 8 (numbers are not scientific results, just trying to prove a point) meaning there is soooo much more to a person then the way they look Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I can also add that my H is a 10, my MM was maybe a 5 ( In looks department) however in "overall" my H was a 8 my MM was an 8 (numbers are not scientific results, just trying to prove a point) meaning there is soooo much more to a person then the way they look :)Dittooooooooooooo:) Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I think some of you are reading the wrong show...and I cannot find a transcript, only this, which doesn't show everything: This is the show that was on: http://www.oprah.com/relationships/slide/200710/rel_20071019_350_101.jhtml?promocode=more20071019 The part Touche said about Oprah saying it made her pathetic, I believe, is taken slightly out of context. Oprah said it made her pathetic because she didn't realize she was worth MORE than any man who would cheat on his wife. Oprah also gave particular sympathy to the many, many women who end up involved with and emotionally attached to MM before they even know he's married. She understands how difficult it is to break from such a relationship. In addition, she pointed out how many LIES the OW are told by their MM. I highly doubt very many OW would get involved with a MM but for the lies they are told. The therapist also pointed out that when an OW is presented with a LIE from the MM that he is unhappy at home, not satisfied, not taken care of, etc., a woman's nurturing instincts kick in, and she thinks, "I can take care of him in the areas he's not getting at home, I can satisfy him, I can make him happy..." It's not a malicious thought process most OW experience. Also, what I found particularly interesting (and quite different from the BS on this board) is that later in the show, two BS came forward to discuss their ordeal. They each focused on their HUSBAND's behavior, not the OW. That said, one of the BS who's husband left her for the OW (he was the church's worship pastor) shared a letter that she had written to the OW. The last line read: "You are worth more than a man who would leave his entire family and his entire life." Every woman is. I think that was the ultimate point Oprah was trying to make. Whether you're an OW or a BS...every woman deserves more than a man who would forsake his commitments for a sexual relationship outside of his marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 What makes you think that some of us are talking about the wrong show? The men weren't present on this one. It was easy to just click on the date of the show and read what was posted about it. I do agree that Oprah wasn't calling herself pathetic, just her beliefs and actions that led her into and kept her in the A with a MM. Its been my experience in reading this board that most BSs that post here do post that the OW is worth more than selling herself short for a MM. But maybe that's my own slant on things. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I think that was the ultimate point Oprah was trying to make. Whether you're an OW or a BS...every woman deserves more than a man who would forsake his commitments for a sexual relationship outside of his marriage. But I disagree that this is what Oprah was trying to say. It wasn't about forsaking commitments to have sex outside his M. It was about the lies that are told to both parties by an emotionally unavailable man so that he can get what he wants. People return wholeheartedly to marriages that they once betrayed to never do it again frequently. The emotionally retarded raise it to an art of gaslighting and exaggerating the truth to get the most out of the OW and the BW. Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 But I disagree that this is what Oprah was trying to say. It wasn't about forsaking commitments to have sex outside his M. It was about the lies that are told to both parties by an emotionally unavailable man so that he can get what he wants. How are these in any way different? Forsaking his marital commitment to have sex outside the marriage = telling lies to both his wife and his mistress so that he can get exactly what he wants (SEX outside the marriage!). Link to post Share on other sites
KenzieAbsolutely Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 My man left his W to be with me and we are not together. . this might be what made some people think that you are not together. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 How are these in any way different? Forsaking his marital commitment to have sex outside the marriage = telling lies to both his wife and his mistress so that he can get exactly what he wants (SEX outside the marriage!). I am not seeing the two as equal, but its probably because my H didn't lie for sex, as he didn't get any from her anyway. I see your point, but I just think most of the OW on the show had long term Rs with the MM. Just as Oprah said she wasted, what, 3 or 4 years with her MM? That's more of what I was responding to. I think Oprah was speaking as a former, longterm OW. I guess I think differently of long-term vs. short-term As. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 No actually that's how you interpreted it. My man had no reason to tell me these things he was already in my pants... Oh, such a conundrum. How to interpret... how to interpret...? Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Exactly women are a dime a dozen, and ones who will pay attention to a married man are also a dime a dozen Do you even realize what you just said here? This paints a pretty dim view of OW. Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Ok you have to go to my best friend's prenatal class. I was there the other night with her because her hubby had to work and it was an important class let me tell you there were 15 couples there about 6 of them were prefectly matched totally cute wifes with cute hubbies the typical perfect match, then there were the rest who ranged from "you can see what she sees in him and vice versa" then there about 4 couples that oh my god those women were 100% moose, their husbands were hot. I mean HOT. and the women were moose and it had nothing to do with the pregnancy they were just very unappealing women with men who were three of four grades above them.I'm not sayng those men will end up in affairs but when the couple is so glaringly mismatched you tend to wonder why they are together. Maybe some people look for a little personality, as crazy as that sounds, rather than just an airhead with a pretty package. Good gawd! Link to post Share on other sites
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