separated in the same house; would wife come around

[redblack66]

As Ilmw & Gunny & others have posted, each situation is different & each of us might get to the same place in a different way, but that place is being happy & in control of ourself.

 

Just like all the other guys I also tried to convince my W to stay & just like everyone else it just pushes them farther away. Once me & my W started talking again she said those last couple weeks whenever I talked to her she just heard Charlie Brown, Wa-wa-wa-wa..... She said it didn't matter what I did or said she was going to move out because that is what she had planned & worked herself up to do so I doubt your W is any different.

 

She has set in her mind to split & there is NOTHING you can do about it, so just start moving forward. If the time comes & she decides she wants back then worry about that then but for now she is GONE, FINISHED, BYE-BYE...

 

Thanks a lot. I got it, but I had to walk a long way to there.

I think you may do a great service to the community by describing what you wife felt/thought during the process; like reverse engineering.

 

I packed some of my stuff, just to be more organized with myself. Seeing the boxes, my wife is quite worried that I may leave without a notice and is asking me for at least a month notice before I move out. She is even more worried that I am moving in with somebody else.

This paragraph is for fun, I am not reading into it. I am experiencing nonsense on each step.

Ah, and she told me that she will not divorce me.

[Gunny376]

I packed some of my stuff, just to be more organized with myself. Seeing the boxes, my wife is quite worried that I may leave without a notice and is asking me for at least a month notice before I move out. She is even more worried that I am moving in with somebody else.

This paragraph is for fun, I am not reading into it. I am experiencing nonsense on each step.

 

Ah, and she told me that she will not divorce me.

 

Why would she need a month's notice?

 

Its been my general observation that finding a good spouse is much the same as finding a good job?

 

They do exsists, but they're few and far between and tend to be hard to come by. What few good ones there are? They tend to already be taken, the folks that have them are inclined to keep them, and your just about going to have to fight them to get them away from em'?

 

Your wife is acting like a child. I'd treat her accordianly.

 

The one's that cares the least? Is the one that controls the relatinshp. I'd be making the me, if I were you!

[redblack66]

Why would she need a month's notice?

 

Well, I don't know.

 

Its been my general observation that finding a good spouse is much the same as finding a good job?

 

They do exsists, but they're few and far between and tend to be hard to come by. What few good ones there are? They tend to already be taken, the folks that have them are inclined to keep them, and your just about going to have to fight them to get them away from em'?

 

Your wife is acting like a child. I'd treat her accordianly.

 

Except that she is acting as a child, and I started having serious doubts that she will do something with her life, more than just looking after kids, she is a very good catch.

 

The one's that cares the least? Is the one that controls the relatinshp. I'd be making the me, if I were you!

 

I am getting there. I told her today that I do not want to hear any relationship talk anymore.

[redblack66]

I thought I should share a few small items.

 

My wife told me that she has been in an unbelievable stress. She even asked me too look at the new gray hair on her head, which is apparently a result of the stress she is experiencing. I was not interested. I do not understand what makes her so stressed out, as she is in control at the moment.

 

Yesterday she blew up on the phone, and today she told me that it was not right, and explained whatever she had to explain like a civilized person. This is a huge jump in her behavior. So, if she was over the years the way she communicated today with me, we would have been in a much better shape.

 

Tomorrow I will talk to my lawyer about divorce issues. My wife is supposed to work on her financial statement, and she has not done anything yet, and I am sceptical she will do very much tomorrow. It looks we may waste time and money with the lawyers on Friday. I also feel stupid dealing with lawyers when we are both so intelligent that can figure out our stuff ourselves.

[Gunny376]

There's no shortage of women don't aspire to be anything more than a stay at home Mom, and yours sounds as though she may be one of them.

 

There a lot of women that would love nothing more than to be a "June Cleaver" ~ prbolem is? In this day and age ~ that is fraught with "life-mines" that will blow up in your face?

 

The problem with the "June Cleaver" model is that women have "rights" now and are "liberated" Many of them are like Chilren ~ spoiled ones at that. They want to be SAHM (Stay At Home Mom's) but then they become disillussioned, bored, un-happy ~ and they tend to blame that on the person closest to them, their husbands. And then they wake up one day wondering, "Is this all there is?"

 

Men are getting tired of women "Wanting it all!" ~ as in all their way, and projecting their dissatisfaction with life on them?

 

You need to tread lightly here RB, because she'll do a 180 on you, suck you back in emotionally without any substantial committment toward permanent change.

 

And I realize we're only hearing your side of the story, but it beginning to sound more and more like she's just whinning, moaning and complaining to be doing so?

 

With the exception of ILMW, I've witnessed very few men willing to do the hard but necessary work that you have?

 

And even he had reached the point of being fed up with it all. His wife came back around JIT (Just In Time). I don't know that given another three to six months she would have had a chance at reconilation? I can't speak for him ~ I just know that after eighteen months? He's was at the point of moving forward in his life, accentuating the positive. A person can only drag a dead horse around with them for so long?

 

Me? My life turned around with women when I "Rhetted-Up" (Ref: Rhett Butler in "Gone With The Wind" to where when it came to women? "Frankly my Dear? I don't give a damn!"

 

And I don't! I look at women and think "Ask not what I've got to offer you, but what you have to offer me?"

 

I like you, (but in different ways) made tremendous investment of time, effort, energy, scarifice, and even blood, sweat and tears in my youth. And its starting to pay off in "spades" and I'm very guarded about who I offer what I've got to offer.

 

She's going to have something besides a killer body with a WonderBra, control top briefs, made-up pretty face, a bunch of "bling", a car load of children by other men, a drawer full of bills, and a $6.50 an hour job working the grave yard shift at the 7-11?

 

And don't get me wrong? I might consider such a woman? IF she and I had really strong chemistry plus a lot going on between the ears?

 

But through this whole thread? I've been wondering? What's she bringing to the table? Seems to me? That you're the one that bringing everything to the table and she's just bringing herself.

 

Then to top that off? She's off in la~la fantasy-land thinking about some smuck of an Aussie farmnhand on lend-lease for the Summer? WTF?

 

Seriously? I'm thinking she's wanting you to "man-up"

Not with boxing, not with being macho, but with her?

 

You tell her not to disrespect you ~ you get a positive response? You pack a couple of boxes to tidy up and get organized? She gets nervous? You tell her you don't want to discuss relationship issues? She responds in a positive manner?

 

And where in tha' Hell did she get it in her head that she's the one that makes the decision about wheather the two of you stay married?

 

Its your life ~ its your preogative ~ to live the way you want to live, to do what you want to do?

 

jMargel and I aren't that far apart. Both of us would spank some little gal on the azz and put them across the curb crying for their Mama!

 

Just as I don't live to work, but work to live? I don't depend on any one person in or out of my life.

 

I'm really curious as to how your wife would react if you packed up all your "trash" and told her (without a month's notice) "I'm outta here! See Ya ~ wouldn't want to be Ya!"

 

Did the 180's and went cold, deep and NC?

 

I've done that, and it had more to do with deep pyshological issues, depresssion, PTSD's issues than them ~ I needed some "fire-gazing" time on the back forty.

 

But it drove them absolutely wild and insane. They didn't and couldn't understand my need for "fire-gazing" and alone time with the faithful dog, a fifth of Scotch, and some cold beer?

 

I'm one that can "fall off the face of the Earth" for days, weeks, months, years at a time! I've had friends and loved ones call the local police to come knock on my door to see if I'm still alive?

 

I'm comfortable with being single and alone. I've obtained self-awarness and self autonomy, to such an extent that I'm comfortable in my own skin, in my own life. I don't need someone to complete me ~ I'm already complete.

 

I'm looking for someone that I can compliment and who compliments me? Like salt and pepper go together? Cream and Sugar?

 

Hang in there Bro ~ it does get better!

[Gunny376]

While acknowliging that "stress" is relative to any given individual?

 

Your wife doesn't have a freaking clue about the meaning of the word? Stress?

 

There's a Marine PFC on trial for his life at Camp Pendleton because he knifed an Iraqi counterpart in a Sniper Zone. At 4 in the morning this azzhat decides to whip out his LED floursent cell phone and lit up a cigarette in a sniper infested area? WTF? Why don't we just send up a flare so the SOB can get a better shot at us?

 

My best friend in this world is slowly dying of a brain tumor. He's all but in vegetaive state. He can't walk, he can't talk. He's 48!

 

Your wife doesn't have any problems! She's got food to eat? Water to drink? A roof over her head? She's good 2to go! She's way ahead of the other 2 or 3 billion people in the world!

 

Go to Bangadish ~ where .50 cents is a days wage? Mexico where $30 a week is good money!

[redblack66]

There's no shortage of women don't aspire to be anything more than a stay at home Mom, and yours sounds as though she may be one of them.

 

There a lot of women that would love nothing more than to be a "June Cleaver" ~ prbolem is? In this day and age ~ that is fraught with "life-mines" that will blow up in your face?

 

The problem with the "June Cleaver" model is that women have "rights" now and are "liberated" Many of them are like Chilren ~ spoiled ones at that. They want to be SAHM (Stay At Home Mom's) but then they become disillussioned, bored, un-happy ~ and they tend to blame that on the person closest to them, their husbands. And then they wake up one day wondering, "Is this all there is?"

 

Men are getting tired of women "Wanting it all!" ~ as in all their way, and projecting their dissatisfaction with life on them?

 

You need to tread lightly here RB, because she'll do a 180 on you, suck you back in emotionally without any substantial committment toward permanent change.

 

And I realize we're only hearing your side of the story, but it beginning to sound more and more like she's just whinning, moaning and complaining to be doing so?

Gunny and others: I am re-reading your posts many times and they help me learn and keep going. Thank you.

 

I do not expect commitment toward a permanent change.

Yes, you get my part of the story, but I am really trying to be objective,

as much as I can.

 

 

 

With the exception of ILMW, I've witnessed very few men willing to do the hard but necessary work that you have?

 

And even he had reached the point of being fed up with it all. His wife came back around JIT (Just In Time). I don't know that given another three to six months she would have had a chance at reconilation? I can't speak for him ~ I just know that after eighteen months? He's was at the point of moving forward in his life, accentuating the positive. A person can only drag a dead horse around with them for so long?

 

Me? My life turned around with women when I "Rhetted-Up" (Ref: Rhett Butler in "Gone With The Wind" to where when it came to women? "Frankly my Dear? I don't give a damn!"

 

And I don't! I look at women and think "Ask not what I've got to offer you, but what you have to offer me?"

 

I like you, (but in different ways) made tremendous investment of time, effort, energy, scarifice, and even blood, sweat and tears in my youth. And its starting to pay off in "spades" and I'm very guarded about who I offer what I've got to offer.

Right. I invested too. It hurts me so much to know that nearly 15 years I started with two suitcases, little English, $3,000 borrowed from my parents, built so much, and now I have to start all over.

 

But through this whole thread? I've been wondering? What's she bringing to the table? Seems to me? That you're the one that bringing everything to the table and she's just bringing herself.

She is bringing *destruction* to me and herself. I am trying not to destruct, but it is hard to sleep and eat well.

 

Then to top that off? She's off in la~la fantasy-land thinking about some smuck of an Aussie farmnhand on lend-lease for the Summer? WTF?

This adds to the destruction.

 

Seriously? I'm thinking she's wanting you to "man-up"

Not with boxing, not with being macho, but with her?

I BELIEVE so.

 

You tell her not to disrespect you ~ you get a positive response? You pack a couple of boxes to tidy up and get organized? She gets nervous? You tell her you don't want to discuss relationship issues? She responds in a positive manner?

EXACTLY. Another lesson learned: don't be afraid of losing your mate, she is lost already. Stand up for yourself.

Sure, several of you have repeated this in various forms.

 

I'm really curious as to how your wife would react if you packed up all your "trash" and told her (without a month's notice) "I'm outta here! See Ya ~ wouldn't want to be Ya!"

I am curious too.

 

 

Did the 180's and went cold, deep and NC?

I would go NC if I am out.

 

But it drove them absolutely wild and insane.

Sure, they lost control over you.

 

Hang in there Bro ~ it does get better!

Thanks, I am trying.

[redblack66]

Well, I worked on my financial statement until 1:00am. As of this moment, she has done nothing. She will work today and perhaps during the night. Tomorrow we are meeting the lawyers. I told her to figure out what she wants and let me know so we stop blowing up money.

 

I asked her if she is after a division of assets. She said we are not ready. I said 'We do not have an evaluation of the house.' She: 'Do you want to call our real estate agent.' I said: 'You call him.'

[redblack66]

While acknowliging that "stress" is relative to any given individual?

 

Your wife doesn't have a freaking clue about the meaning of the word? Stress?

She does not have a freaking clue. I know mothers that start work at 6:30-7:00am, they are under terrible work stress, then go home in the evening and look after children. I know a few that did their PhDs and took care of kids. They just worked in the nights.

My wife goes to bed with the kids.

 

There's a Marine PFC on trial for his life at Camp Pendleton because he knifed an Iraqi counterpart in a Sniper Zone. At 4 in the morning this azzhat decides to whip out his LED floursent cell phone and lit up a cigarette in a sniper infested area? WTF? Why don't we just send up a flare so the SOB can get a better shot at us?

Interesting. I do not know if there is a saying here that you should not light a cigarette with a match and you are the third one to light from the same match. Perhaps you know why.

 

My best friend in this world is slowly dying of a brain tumor. He's all but in vegetaive state. He can't walk, he can't talk. He's 48!

 

Your wife doesn't have any problems! She's got food to eat? Water to drink? A roof over her head? She's good 2to go! She's way ahead of the other 2 or 3 billion people in the world!

Yes, yes, yes... She does not have a problem and this helps create our problems. I cannot mess up, because I have nowhere to go. She can mess up and she can run to mom and dad.

 

My mother was telling me that my brother should find a woman with money. I told her: pray that he finds somebody that has nothing material but brain.

[redblack66]

24 hours before we have to deal with separation, my wife has to think what she wants. I just asked her on the phone to tell me so we do not sit tomorrow and spend about $700 hour (combined fees of lawyers).

She needs 2 hours to think about it and will call me.

 

She has been insisting on this separation business for 3 months at least, and we booked this meeting more than a month ago. Is reality knocking on her door?

[BestAdvisor1]

24 hours before we have to deal with separation, my wife has to think what she wants.

 

Is she thinking about backing out?

 

Ah, and she told me that she will not divorce me.

 

What does that mean? Seperation temporarily? Seperation forever without an actual divorce?

[redblack66]

Is she thinking about backing out?

 

 

I do not know what she is thinking.

What does that mean? Seperation temporarily? Seperation forever without an actual divorce?

I was doing our finances. I have not been good at taking care of them over the years, and it is one of the things that really upsets her.

However, I was having fun doing the numbers and told her: 'I am having fun, and you will divorce me over these finances.' She said 'I will not divorce you.'

I HAVE NO idea what she means, I have no idea what her plans are...

[jmargel]

Dance puppet dance!!

 

Quit allowing HER to make all the decisions already!! Tonight, tell her 'We are still going through with this, I'm tired of being dragged through the mud'.

 

Really push it hard, make her REALIZE what she is doing. For God's sake man, she is STILL cheating on you.

 

NOW is the time to let loose, to GET PISSED OFF AND SHOW HER! The ball is in your court, if you whimper out now, you will be whipped forever by her. Realize and embrace the power you have in this situation and use it to get your life back on track.

[redblack66]

Dance puppet dance!!

 

No dancing anymore. My lawyer will be preparing a divorce application. I just got off the phone with my lawyer. I am telling my wife I am going for divorce.

 

Quit allowing HER to make all the decisions already!! Tonight, tell her 'We are still going through with this, I'm tired of being dragged through the mud'.

 

Really push it hard, make her REALIZE what she is doing. For God's sake man, she is STILL cheating on you.

 

NOW is the time to let loose, to GET PISSED OFF AND SHOW HER! The ball is in your court, if you whimper out now, you will be whipped forever by her. Realize and embrace the power you have in this situation and use it to get your life back on track.

I have quite a bit of control at the moment, believe it or not.

[Gunny376]

I've thrown a lot at you?

 

But I've got to go with Jmargel!

 

If your wife was mine? She'd be out on the curb thinking "WTF?"

 

And your right about the "control-bit"

 

NO woman will ever control ME!

[redblack66]

Friends, it seems I will be posting for at least a month.

Everybody knows that my wife has checked out of the marriage 100%. I am the only one that believes that we are meant to be together, and I am perhaps naive and in denial, but I just believe it.

 

Today we met with the lawyers. When we arrived there, my wife got sick, she felt throwing up. Then recovered a bit and we had our meeting. So they proposed a plan that she moves with the kids to her parents place and I get Christmas, spring break, Easter break (one week of each) and one month in the summer. I am having difficulties accepting this plan, but it is an option. We did not have complete financial statements, so no separation of assets. The next date is January 23th when we need to figure this out. I made it clear that I want all this to finish.

 

I told my wife that I am going ahead with the divorce. She did not say anything. I told her I do not want to divorce her, but at the same time I cannot be bound by a paper marriage to someone that does not want to be my wife (along the lines of LJ's suggestion).

 

Again she asked me if I had a girlfriend, and again I said 'no', but I made it clear that I am planning to rebuild my life and may have a wife and kids in 4-5 years, and I am not screwing up, no way.

She honestly believes that I have a woman in France, and the reason is that I am invited to work for two months there next summer.

I can't convince her that I am clean.

 

Now this is interesting.

 

- She is wondering if my good behavior is temporary and if I will go back to my bad days, when I was not a good husband and a father,

according to her. My answer is that I simply do not have a choice, but to be the best I can be, as I am not screwing up my life again.

 

- She is really wondering if people can change for good.

Before she was sure that I will never change, now she is having doubts.

 

- A few days ago, I told her 'I would talk to you when you show more respect', and I walked away. This has really REGISTERED in her mind, up to the point that she told me it was VERY effective and she even told one of our friends what kind of effective techniques I have been using.

I told her that when she is not respectful, I will just excuse myself and will disappear. She really finds kind words when talking to me.

 

- She started talking about emotional needs and differences between such needs in men and women. So, some reading has been going on.

 

- She was quite sick tonight but decided to go to a movie with me and even for a coffee afterwards.

 

- She may start working two evenings in a knitting store. This is very positive. (She has a profession that can bring 150K-200K,

but not applying it.)

 

Now, LS has helped me a lot, especially in realizing that I must get tougher and be nice to her at the same time.

 

Any views and advice on my experience will be very helpful. I feel I am in control, although emotionally I am in a very bad state.

 

So far she has told me that she does not feel good living with me. I believe one reason is the pressure I have been applying for working on this marriage. I believe I should try to behave in a way so she feels very comfortable and not pressured around me. Any suggestions for next steps are very welcome.

[Gunny376]

FIRM, FAIR, BUT FRIENDLY.

 

In the end? You really have no control over anyone else other than yourself? Not even a child. (I know, I tried to make a six year old eat some mushroom soup, and she was determined that she wasn't going to eat it! )

 

And in the end? Its takes two to make it, but only one to break it?

 

What you should use are the Leadership Traits and Principles. They apply in marriage just as well as in relationship.

 

Tact ~ Simply the "Golden Rule" treasting and speaking to others the way you would want to be treated and spoken to if you were them?

 

Honesty ~ Not only with others ~ but with yourself as well. No matter what? Your version of the truth is the un-varnished truth. If you can't tell the truth? Say nothing at all. Just say things such as "I can't really discuss that right now." or "I'd rather not discuss that."

But anything that you do discuss? You do so with honesty.

 

Intergrity ~ That goes hand-in-hand with honesty. You, the very fiber of your being, everything that you are, along with everything that you do? Is beyond reproach, beyond question. beyond doubt. You do what you say your going to do ~ even if it means personal inconvienence or hardship. You would never put yourself in a questionable situation which would cause someone to quetion your integrity.

 

Honor ~ This is truthfullness combined with integrity combined with "just doing the right thing" when you know in your heart of hearts what the right thing is. Its being strong enough to admitt when you were wrong, and to admitt your shortcomings.

 

Decisivness ~ You don't sit around wringing your hands, worrying. You get 50% to 70% of the available information that you need to make a decision and you act upon it. It might in the end be the wrong decision ~ but you act upon it. You do something! It falls under the category of "Either lead, follow, or get the Hell out of the way!"

 

Accountablity ~ Your fully accountable for everything that you do or don't do. Everything that you say or fail to say! If you screw up? You own up to it! You say, I've screwed up! I will do everything I can to make sure it doesn't happen again! And then you take such actions and steps as is necessary to make not just sure ~ but damn sure it doesn't happen again.

 

Daily identify your weaknesses and seek self improvement ~ I'm a lousy speller, always have been, and it seems I'd destined to always be one. But I work at it daily ~ because I know its a weakness of mine? As my signature says: "There are parts of me that are pretty awesome ~ the rest? I'm working on it!" And I am.

 

These are just some of the 14 Leadership Traits and 7 Leadership Principles. Its late and I've had one of the roughest days on the job. I'll try and list more when I'm off Mon~Tue. (I've been working seven day weeks for the last three months)

 

Meanwhile? Just keep working on yourself and keep identifying your weaknesses and seeking self improvement. That's really all that you can do.

 

And that's what people are meant to do? Improvise, adpat and overcome?

 

Can you change? Brother? That's what Lifes all about!

 

Learning, adapting, overcoming and changing.

 

Your not the same person you were before you meet your wife! And your not the same person that you were for having married her! And I can promise you?! This thing goes South and you and she get divorced? Its for sure enough going to put some changes on you!

 

When I went through it ~ back before LS and the internet? I thought the men in the white coats were going to have to carry me away to a dark and silent room!

 

I'm seventeen years the otherside of it, and its made me grow, learn, improvise, and adapt in ways I never thought possible. I'm most definately a better man ~ person ~ individual for the experience. They say that without the pain there's really not much growth?

 

I've most definately have ascended to a much higher level in my emotions, thinking, values and beliefs!

 

To be honest? I could give a rats-azz in a hurricane if I ever get into another relationship? If I end up being single and alone for the rest of my life? So be it!

 

 

Old thinking? Got to have someone! Got to be in a relationship! Got to have someone to validate me! Yada, Yada, yada, yada.............................

 

New thinking? Looking for someone that compliments me, my life, my exsistence! Someone that makes me a better me and that I make them a better them!

[redblack66]

Her OM just called. I told her point blank: I don't care what you do, but

you must have more respect for your kids, yourself, and me. I repeated this three times. She went out to have a coffee. She could not respond.

I am angry big time, but firm. I do not know how to convince her that she has completely lost respect even for herself.

[redblack66]

After the OM called, this is what I wrote for my wife. Her name is denoted by X. What is your opinion/advice???

 

---

X,

 

What has happened and it is happening has truly, deeply, hurt

me.

 

This is our house, our children's house, we have had good and

difficult, happy and sad times here, and I find it very disrespectful

if your man calls here. I feel you are dishonoring everybody.

(Whether you sleep with somebody else when the kids are sleeping or

talking on the phone, it does not make a big difference in my

opinion.)

 

No need to worry: I will never call him and talk to him---he is not

worthy of my attention and he is beneath my notice.

 

X, I will be dealing with you for at least 10 years as a mother,

and I must have respect for you in the future; if you lose it for

yourself, I cannot have it towards you.

 

I love you enough to try to forget and will forgive you for the past

and will never bring it up. If you are miserable with me and happy

with him or whoever else, I am glad for you. This is how much I love

you X.

 

At the end of the day, fantasy and romance do not pay the bills and

provide love and support for children.

 

I am telling you, if we recover from this crisis, we have a chance to

re-build a very strong relation and a marriage.I believe in this; I

have a strong faith in you and myself; this is the main reason I am

still hanging in, and it has drained me awfully a lot and has drained

you awfully a lot. I believe that one day (if we make it), you will be

greatfull that I stood strong and did not give up on the family.

 

As far as the other man is in the picture, we have no chance. This is

how things work. I will not work against him; I can work towards

better me and perhaps you.

 

I truly hope that you understand what I am saying and you look at it

from a short and long-term perspective.

[Gunny376]

Quit writing letters.

 

Zero tolerance for such!

 

Insist she be respectful of you, your marriage, your house, your family, your children.

 

You can't make her be respectful, but you can make sure she's not dis-respectful of the above.

 

Seperation and divorce is all well and good, but if she wants/needs to talk to the OM? She use the pay phone down at Walgreens.

 

I'd be letting the OM know this as well! The SOB! Where do people get off coming into another's relationship/marriage/home/family causing trouble?!

[redblack66]

Quit writing letters.

 

Zero tolerance for such!

This is my LAST. I do not believe he would call again. Then she will be talking in the garage. I sent her this morning to talk in the garage, not in the house.

 

Insist she be respectful of you, your marriage, your house, your family, your children.

 

You can't make her be respectful, but you can make sure she's not dis-respectful of the above.

 

Seperation and divorce is all well and good, but if she wants/needs to talk to the OM? She use the pay phone down at Walgreens.

 

I'd be letting the OM know this as well! The SOB! Where do people get off coming into another's relationship/marriage/home/family causing trouble?!

 

 

Her parents are coming tomorrow and staying for 5 days. I may have a chat with her father to tell him to take care of his former employer so he stops calling here.

[BestAdvisor1]

I do not believe he would call again. Then she will be talking in the garage. I sent her this morning to talk in the garage, not in the house.

 

Why do you think he won't call again? Did he hear you when he called? It doesn't matter if in the garage or in the house, it's still your residence.

 

 

Her parents are coming tomorrow and staying for 5 days. I may have a chat with her father to tell him to take care of his former employer so he stops calling here.

 

Take advantage of this opportunity to say this to your W in front of her parents: "I've never cheated on you and I would never do what you did to me and to this marriage and then allowing a person who you had sex with calling our home and chit chat disrespecting me, yourself and the children."

 

She needs to be embarrased by her action in front of her parents.

[redblack66]

Why do you think he won't call again? Did he hear you when he called? It doesn't matter if in the garage or in the house, it's still your residence.

I made it very clear to her that this cannot happen anymore. I will pull the damn phone if I hear it again.

 

Take advantage of this opportunity to say this to your W in front of her parents: "I've never cheated on you and I would never do what you did to me and to this marriage and then allowing a person who you had sex with calling our home and chit chat disrespecting me, yourself and the children."

I think I will. I will check with my MC on Monday too, to see how to play this.

 

She needs to be embarrased by her action in front of her parents.

 

They should know the truth.

[BestAdvisor1]

Today we met with the lawyers. When we arrived there, my wife got sick, she felt throwing up.

 

A sign of strong inner emotional conflict?

 

She honestly believes that I have a woman in France, and the reason is that I am invited to work for two months there next summer.

I can't convince her that I am clean.

 

Let her know that IF things does work out between the two of you (very slim chance) that she can come with you, because it's solely work.

 

They should know the truth.

 

They probably don't know the continue disrespect and disregard of your feelings by her by continue the affair through your phone at your own residence.

 

What's her reaction to your anger with the phone calls? Just quite and not arguing back? Do you know what they talk about and what the tones were like?

[redblack66]

A sign of strong inner emotional conflict?

I very much believe so.

 

Let her know that IF things does work out between the two of you (very slim chance) that she can come with you, because it's solely work.

She is thinking of coming even it things do not work out. BS.

 

 

[quite]

They probably don't know the continue disrespect and disregard of your feelings by her by continue the affair through your phone at your own residence.

I am sure they do not know. She does not get it what she is doing.

Hope she will get it through parents.

 

What's her reaction to your anger with the phone calls? Just quite and not arguing back? Do you know what they talk about and what the tones were like?

 

 

I told her this must not continue because is disrespect to everybody.

She played damn and asked me how to take her calls. I told her I mean one call. Then she asked me if I want her to stop talking to this guy. I told her that I do not want him to phone here and she can talk as much as she wants, but not in the house. She said 'I have to think about it.' This pisses me off.

 

She is very nice towards me after I put the boundaries in place.

 

Anyhow, I am looking forward for the whole thing to end and start my normal life. What do you think about the letter I posted earlier?