separated in the same house; would wife come around

[bestadvisor]

Today she crossed a line I will not forgive. She called my doctor to express her concern that I have not been taking my AD pills. She does not realize yet that she is nobody to interfere with my life.

 

Did it ever crossed your mind that she might be actually concern for your well being? Ever crossed your mind that she might actually care...after all she did married you for a decade and have two children with you, didn't she?

 

Are all her intentions in making that phone call just to hurt you? Regardless, you're dealing with her kids, she does have reasons for concern whether you're taking the needed medication or not.

 

 

I was just outside the house on my cell

for more than an hour with one of my female friends.

 

Even if you've denied it before, I do feel that something is about to start with you and one of these female friends. You should stick to what you said before that you really should wait untill things are completely finalized, which is not really the case yet at this moment.

 

There are literally days remaining for you and her to be under the same roof. You've been doing so well with your Plan A, why don't you continue just for few more days. There are three reasons you should do that: 1) make sure she doesn't get nasty with the divorce; 2) this is a way to proof that you've really improved yourself, if not for her, but for yourself; 3) don't forget the kids...you'll be dealing with their mother even after they reached 18.

[redblack66]

Did it ever crossed your mind that she might be actually concern for your well being? Ever crossed your mind that she might actually care...after all she did married you for a decade and have two children with you, didn't she?

All good points. No, I have never abused anybody due to bad mood.

I have been a good father, etc. Even if I was terrible, no need to contact a doctor about me.

 

Are all her intentions in making that phone call just to hurt you?

They are the result of poor judgment, in my opinion.

Regardless, you're dealing with her kids, she does have reasons for concern whether you're taking the needed medication or not.

There are no grounds for concerns whatsoever.

 

 

Even if you've denied it before, I do feel that something is about to start with you and one of these female friends. You should stick to what you said before that you really should wait untill things are completely finalized, which is not really the case yet at this moment.

 

There are literally days remaining for you and her to be under the same roof. You've been doing so well with your Plan A, why don't you continue just for few more days. There are three reasons you should do that: 1) make sure she doesn't get nasty with the divorce; 2) this is a way to proof that you've really improved yourself, if not for her, but for yourself; 3) don't forget the kids...you'll be dealing with their mother even after they reached 18.

 

Yes. Agree. I am still very good, I just cannot take it when a person

is concerned what I put in my own stomach. As far as nobody is hurt and kids are happy, nobody should try to control me in weird ways.

About 1), she may or may not get nasty independently from my "right" behavior.

 

My lawyer feels that she may be trying to build a case against me.

[bestadvisor]

Even if you've denied it before, I do feel that something is about to start with you and one of these female friends.

 

Did you answered "Yes" to my question above? If so AND if you continue this path, I will be the first out of a long list of people who's going to be dissapointed by you.

 

I just think that you over-reacted a little when you said "I will not forgive."

 

If it's a no-fault divorce state that you're living in, so why is it a concern that she might build a case against you? If it's regards to child custody, you should make it clear to her that you have been, is and will be a good father to your children and it's in the best interest of the CHILDREN that you get actively involved in their lifes and ask her not to let the divorce cause any more harm or take away anything more from the kids than it already has. You said that she's a good mother, she should know what's best for her kids. Just talk to her.

[Missy27]

Did you answered "Yes" to my question above? If so AND if you continue this path, I will be the first out of a long list of people who's going to be dissapointed by you

 

This is NOT true - and you would do well Best (worst) Advisor to keep your destructive comments to yourself.

 

This forum is designed to HELP people who are going through profoundly difficult emotional turmoil ~ and your comments are often VERY indicative of someone who does not have any experience in these matters. Your advice is at best contradictive and at worst quite dangerous (in my opinion) to the people involved. You consistently contradict yourself and your advice is unsound / illogical / irrational and extremely un-educated.

 

Lets not forget you have already been booted off another relationship site for similar behavior ~

 

If RB is "seeing" his female friend. It is totally his perogative as to whether he wishes to disclose this information. STOP pressuring him to divulge personal information when he may feel uncomfortable doing so. If you continue to make destructive comments I will report you to the mods.

 

In the immediate future ~ I strongly urge you to go to your local book store and buy a large quantitity of books about marriage / divorce / self improvement etc and then read them ~ because you definitely need to educate yourself before you give out your so called advice sweetheart ~

 

Sorry to interrupt your thread RB ~ ~ but I just didn't want you to take any of what worst advisor said in the above post in ~

[bestadvisor]

This is NOT true - and you would do well Best (worst) Advisor to keep your destructive comments to yourself.

 

Do you have any better advice? I guess not, because you're way too busy complaining about little issues in your life.

 

 

Lets not forget you have already been booted off another relationship site for similar behavior ~

 

Speaking of education, you need to get yourself educated. I am actively posting at the other site. Go check it out, my last post was less than 15 minutes ago.

 

Your advice or indication that it's okay for a married man whose divorce is not even started yet and who is still under the same roof as his wife to start dating and seeing other women is "non-destructive," "educated," "sound," and "logical?" Do yourself a favor, go get educated, if you haven't done much with your life yet.

[Missy27]

Do you have any better advice? I guess not, because you're way too busy complaining about little issues in your life.

 

This is just typical of you worst advisor ~ ~ I have not complained in RB's thread about ANY issues of my own life ~ I have been actively advising RB throughout his thread ~ you silly child ~ go read ~

 

Speaking of education, you need to get yourself educated. I am actively posting at the other site. Go check it out, my last post was less than 15 minutes ago.

 

You became quite famous over there worst advisor didn't you ~ ~ You had a whole thread posted about how bad your advice was ~ I suppose that EVERY single person posting was wrong worst advisor ~ I will post the link on another thread for everybody to see !!

 

Your advice or indication that it's okay for a married man whose divorce is not even started yet and who is still under the same roof as his wife to start dating and seeing other women is "non-destructive," "educated," "sound," and "logical?" Do yourself a favor, go get educated, if you haven't done much with your life yet

 

I did not make any indication that I think it is right or wrong for RB to "see" anyone ~ I merely stated that it is his perogative to divulge the information or not as he wishes ~ it's not up to you worst advisor ~ thank god.

 

And as for me being uneducated ~ :lmao: ~ you have no idea worst advisor ~ I am more educated than you would ever be able to comprehend ~ I have done more in my life than you could ever dream of ~ I am happy, content and I KNOW what I am talking about ~ unlike you worst advisor ~ Your advice is 100% unsound / illogical / destrucitve and down right STUPID ~ and EVERYONE knows it ~ you remind me of a spoilt child whom cannot accept criticism ~ get yourself over it ~ I will not entertain communicating with you EVER again but I do feel sorry for you ~ you must be a very very sick person to post like you do ~ have you thought about some deep form of counselling to help you ~ it really might do you good ~

[american-woman]

Case in point hes been through a very rough time tried everything he could to no avail. Yes it may be his perogative to see someone else, as it was his wifes, also the fact is.... They are married still and in the same house. Cheating is Cheating which makes RB no better than his wife. Get a divorce first then date.

[bestadvisor]

Case in point hes been through a very rough time tried everything he could to no avail. Yes it may be his perogative to see someone else, as it was his wifes, also the fact is.... They are married still and in the same house. Cheating is Cheating which makes RB no better than his wife. Get a divorce first then date.

 

That's exactly my point.

[bestadvisor]

Missy, go fly a kite....seriously.

[Missy27]

Case in point hes been through a very rough time tried everything he could to no avail. Yes it may be his perogative to see someone else, as it was his wifes, also the fact is.... They are married still and in the same house. Cheating is Cheating which makes RB no better than his wife. Get a divorce first then date.

 

I am NOT saying that it is right or wrong American Woman ~ I would not date someone whilst I was still married ~ all I am saying is that it is RB's right to keep information as to whether he is dating to himself if he so wishes. The responses he will get from other people if he does confirm he is dating would not be constructive to his situation ~ SO ~ therefore it is HIS RIGHT to keep this information private and should not therefore be pressured into divulging information that he feels uncomfortable with. Worst Advisor is pressuring him ~ which is NOT constructively helping him with his situation

[Missy27]

Missy, go fly a kite....seriously.

 

:lmao::lmao:

 

I shall do ~ worst advisor ~ it's a beautiful day with a cystal clear blue sky here today ~ perhaps I shall dig my kite out of the loft and take it for a lovely soar among the clouds ~~ :lmao:

 

~ I have no intention of going anywhere sweet pea ~ ~

[Missy27]

Hey RB !! ~

 

Cant seem to PM you ~ have you got them enabled today ??

[redblack66]

Hey RB !! ~

 

Cant seem to PM you ~ have you got them enabled today ??

 

Works, I just sent a message to myself to test it.

[bestadvisor]

I am NOT saying that it is right or wrong

 

It seems that it's ALL about you and about you being right. This post is Redblack's, stop hijacking it. I got negative responses from the other website because I make some negative comments about 1) cheating spouses and 2) betrayed spouses who won't let go while their cheating spouses cheats again and again and none of that applies to Redblack.

 

Missy, stop satisfying your own ego and I won't waste more time on you anymore.

[jmargel]

Will all you children stop bickering? Holy crap..

 

R&B, right now your children are going through ALOT. My advice is to keep this OW at a distance emotionally, you must be very aware of not getting yourself attached to her too quickly because by doing that you are dragging her into your emotional turmoil.

 

In order to open a new chapter in your life, you need to close the old one first, which you have not done yet. Your children are also involved in this, and though you think you two might be hiding it from them, they can pick up on this very easily. Your emotional/physical needs will be fulfilled in time with another woman, just give it a little more time.

[bestadvisor]

 

R&B, right now your children are going through ALOT. My advice is to keep this OW at a distance emotionally, you must be very aware of not getting yourself attached to her too quickly because by doing that you are dragging her into your emotional turmoil.

 

In order to open a new chapter in your life, you need to close the old one first, which you have not done yet. Your children are also involved in this, and though you think you two might be hiding it from them, they can pick up on this very easily. Your emotional/physical needs will be fulfilled in time with another woman, just give it a little more time.

 

I agree. Even though his 2 year old might not pick up much, the 6 year old can definately know or will know what's going on.

 

I think redblack has been doing great untill recently. I really hope he can close one chapter first before starting another one as you stated.

[Kenyth]

I understand what you are saying, and I agree with you.

 

In my case, as of today, I have no chance even for shared parenting, as my daughter (2 and a half) is breastfeeding and no judge will say "you should stop breastfeeding because..."

I am the one that can support them; she is the one that has stayed all the time with them, although I have insisted many times that she goes back to work and we arrange for daycare.

 

Two and a half and STILL BREASTFEEDING!! I'd say you must be kidding, but this is no laughing matter.

 

IMO There is no excuse to do this when there is adequate food for the childs proper development. A toddler that age should be socializing with other children, feeding themselves, and drinking from a cup. When was she planning to quit? Graduation? There is something wrong there. She is continuing breast feeding so late for a reason, and I doubt it's for the welfare of the child!

[redblack66]

Will all you children stop bickering? Holy crap..

 

R&B, right now your children are going through ALOT. My advice is to keep this OW at a distance emotionally, you must be very aware of not getting yourself attached to her too quickly because by doing that you are dragging her into your emotional turmoil.

 

In order to open a new chapter in your life, you need to close the old one first, which you have not done yet. Your children are also involved in this, and though you think you two might be hiding it from them, they can pick up on this very easily. Your emotional/physical needs will be fulfilled in time with another woman, just give it a little more time.

 

I agree. The first time I got divorced I jumped too quickly and the disaster in my next relation was unbelievable. I know and I am trying to be really careful, as I have experienced the consequences.

I will not allow additional people to get hurt along the way.

 

Saying that, I cannot sit at home and just wait on my wife to come with her nonsense and disturb me all the time. This creates a very unhealthy environment which the children sense. I told her last

night that if she becomes unreasonable again and things are really bad emotionally, I will just go away and sleep at friends place.

 

I am taking very good care of the kids and I spend a lot of time with them. So, I do go out, visit people, talk to people. It is a survival mechanism which I developed 13 years ago, and unfortunately I had to apply it again. (Our agreement is my wife has Tuesday off, I have the Wednesday.)

 

A side comment. I consider LS as a forum where people are not only helped, but can also learn from others. So, I hope one day other people will read this thread and they will find something helpful. So, I hope it remains a really good quality thread.

It has been a path for me of trial and error and a lot of learning, and I would say at a very high pace. Hence, there is accumulated knowledge that could be useful.

[bestadvisor]

Two and a half and STILL BREASTFEEDING!! I'd say you must be kidding, but this is no laughing matter.

 

IMO There is no excuse to do this when there is adequate food for the childs proper development. A toddler that age should be socializing with other children, feeding themselves, and drinking from a cup. When was she planning to quit? Graduation? There is something wrong there. She is continuing breast feeding so late for a reason, and I doubt it's for the welfare of the child!

 

Is it common in this day and age? No. But, is it "unhealthy" and "un-natural?" Probably not. In the old days and still in many countries, mothers breastfeed their kids untill...much older than that. With that being said, it wouldn't hurt to start weaning the 2 and a half year old from breastfeeding. I think it's about time if kid started eating regular food already.

[redblack66]

Two and a half and STILL BREASTFEEDING!! I'd say you must be kidding, but this is no laughing matter.

 

No it is not a laughing matter, and it is one of the major sources of our troubles.

 

My son breastfed until he was 3 and 2 months. I really had to insist that my wife stopped because she was pregnant with the second child, and I thought it was bizarre to be pregnant and breastfeed.

 

One of the issues that really turned my wife off in this marriage was my position on breastfeeding. I am OK until 2, but not after that. I do not pay attention anymore.

 

IMO There is no excuse to do this when there is adequate food for the childs proper development. A toddler that age should be socializing with other children, feeding themselves, and drinking from a cup. When was she planning to quit? Graduation? There is something wrong there. She is continuing breast feeding so late for a reason, and I doubt it's for the welfare of the child!

Both our kids ate well and she is eating other food pretty well. The breastfeeding is her believe that this is the best for them. However, when a family includes two parents, the other parent (me) should also have a say what is best for the children. I do not believe it is the best to breastfeed until the child gives up himself/herself. My doctor tells me that there is no nutrition value in the milk after 2 years of breastfeeding.

[Kenyth]

Is it common in this day and age? No. But, is it "unhealthy" and "un-natural?" Probably not. In the old days and still in many countries, mothers breastfeed their kids untill...much older than that. With that being said, it wouldn't hurt to start weaning the 2 and a half year old from breastfeeding. I think it's about time if kid started eating regular food already.

 

Never meant to say it's physically unhealthy or unnatural. As a matter of fact, in deveoping countries with primitive diets, it's necessary to make sure toddlers get proper nutrition. Physically, it's harmless and a good source of nutrition.

 

The problem is that socially, it can impede proper timely development. Children are expected to be quite developed by age five in the modern world. It's best to give them every possible advantage.

 

It's about one year to pre-school age here! At this point, it would be impossible to seperate the child and mother without distress, regardless of the need. As a matter of fact, I'd go so far as to say that may be the very reason she's doing it! A little insurance policy on being the primary custodian.

[redblack66]

As a matter of fact, I'd go so far as to say that may be the very reason she's doing it! A little insurance policy on being the primary custodian.

 

It is her belief to breastfeed as long as the child wants. About the insurance policy: it is not her primary goal, but it is handy when it comes to custody.

[bestadvisor]

As a matter of fact, I'd go so far as to say that may be the very reason she's doing it! A little insurance policy on being the primary custodian.

 

As redblack has stated, she did it with their older son too, so, I don't think she's doing it JUST to get an advantage on child custody.

 

Redblack knows his wife better than we do and we should leave it to him on how to approach it or whether he should deal with that at all for now. I strongly recommend using sensitivity and non-invasivenss if he does decided to discuss this issue during the upcoming weeks.

[Kenyth]

As redblack has stated, she did it with their older son too, so, I don't think she's doing it JUST to get an advantage on child custody.

 

Redblack knows his wife better than we do and we should leave it to him on how to approach it or whether he should deal with that at all for now. I strongly recommend using sensitivity and non-invasivenss if he does decided to discuss this issue during the upcoming weeks.

 

Certainly. One of the problems with posting on a board is that you may miss a post from the other while you are writing. That is what happened here. I simply did not have that information at that point.

[redblack66]

Thank you all for keeping this going. I am really learning a lot and moving better and better...

 

I decided that it is healthier to let my wife go with our kids to her parents from 25th to 6th of January than to stay here and walk on each other, even if I am trying to avoid this.

It was not my first choice, but the atmosphere reached a point that this variant will be the best for everybody.