separated in the same house; would wife come around

[redblack66]

 

Her affair caused you that much financial trouble?

 

Yes, we work with lawyers to achieve a separation agreement.

 

 

What does it take for you to reconcile with her, now that things are "possibly" ended with OM?

Nothing will take at this stage. Even logistically, for me to get out of the money hole, I cannot do it living with her.

[Computers]

How sure are you about the fact that OM dumped her or that they are broken up?

 

IF you still love her and she is willing to meet all the conditions you required of her for you to accept her back, don't you think that reconcile will help you financially than going through the actual divorce with more attorney fees, division of assets and all?

 

The reason I am asking you these questions is because you have options now and make sure you explore your options before making a final decision.

Edited January 22, 2008 by Computers

[redblack66]

Nothing really special. Working on negotiating separation of assets.

 

For a fourth time STBXW is telling me that I will end up with nothing;

that is, ruined financially.

I told her that I have my brain and nobody can take this. Again I told her I don't want to talk to her anymore, and I mean it.

 

Ah, and she mentioned that she has the marriage certificate, which is required for divorce. Ah, testing me if I would go for it. I just said "great that you have it."

[Computers]

Ah, and she mentioned that she has the marriage certificate, which is required for divorce. Ah, testing me if I would go for it. I just said "great that you have it."

 

Does that mean you cannot get a divorce without that certifcate?

 

 

What about the OM, how sure are you that they have broken up?

[redblack66]

I just keep recording the nonsense in case anybody is interested.

 

So, I had 3 empty coffee cups on the floor of our newer car and she wanted to take it. Then she asked me to go and clean it.

I said you clean it or take the other car, not a big deal. Surely, I should not leave the car like that.

 

She went nuts, yelling you have no respect, this car is half mine, what's wrong with you, I will take all the keys, and all this

in front of our 2.5 old daughter. I just said, we are separated, I don't talk to you, and I kept quiet. She went crazy slamming

doors big time. Also, telling me that she has been cleaning after me for 8 years, BS. No response from me, my mouth is firmly shut.

 

Does not bother me. I can be really calm and cool. Actually, I never yell. I have been in a total don't ask don't tell mode and

ignored her phone call today and she is bothered. I decided not to answer my cell phone when she calls.

Edited January 25, 2008 by redblack66

[StillSame]

Hey, redblack, how are you doing?

 

If you are truly set on divorce, stay away from her emotionally. If not, it can only damage you and drag you down.

[redblack66]

Hey, redblack, how are you doing?

 

If you are truly set on divorce, stay away from her emotionally. If not, it can only damage you and drag you down.

 

Thanks. Actually, I am doing pretty well emotionally. It will be difficult 2-3 years from now on, but I will be free from her.

[StillSame]

Thanks. Actually, I am doing pretty well emotionally. It will be difficult 2-3 years from now on, but I will be free from her.

 

When is the official seperation?

[Gunny376]

So, I had 3 empty coffee cups on the floor of our newer car and she wanted to take it. Then she asked me to go and clean it.

I said you clean it or take the other car, not a big deal. Surely, I should not leave the car like that.

 

She went nuts, yelling you have no respect, this car is half mine, what's wrong with you, I will take all the keys, and all this

in front of our 2.5 old daughter. I just said, we are separated, I don't talk to you, and I kept quiet. She went crazy slamming

doors big time. Also, telling me that she has been cleaning after me for 8 years, BS. No response from me, my mouth is firmly shut.

 

Been me? I would just have laugh at her! :laugh:

[redblack66]

Been me? I would just have laugh at her! :laugh:

 

We are supposed to settle financial issues next Wednesday. I will be happy if I end up at the zero financially. There is a danger I may be in the negative.

 

I will survive. Nobody can take my brain away, and it is working pretty damn well.

 

Couple of days ago she saw my laptop open, and forwarded some of my personal e-mails to her account. Surely, we spent immediately an hour each with lawyers, and sure enough about $700 out of the chimney. This is called insanity, if I am not wrong.

This is the state of our relation.

[StillSame]

Couple of days ago she saw my laptop open, and forwarded some of my personal e-mails to her account.

 

Since you're "legally" seperated, isn't that trespassing? Why did she do that? Were those emails damaging to you in anyway by her finding out?

 

In the future, you have to be more careful about your personal stuff. She is no longer your loving wife.

[Gunny376]

In response to your PM ~ (Sorry been extremely busy) I think now that the affair has ended? She's going to be like a flaying lost ship lost upon the High Seas~ which from your most recent posts? Seems to be true!

 

(Per target practice from dead center bulleye's) she spastic and sporadic ~ all over the place! She's lost her "center" in both you and him.

 

She's conflicted ~ her "anti-slut" (every woman has one) defense has kicked in. She can't go home to "Mama" ~ she can't go to Austrialia! She can't where's she's at! There's her children? OMG! She's screwed up with you! The affair has collasped ~ "Lover-boy" is done and through!

 

She's going to blame you! Its all your fault! Your going to catch more flak than a B-17 flying over Berlin back in '42

 

Thus the over and above incident with the car!

 

I don't think your DW is mental ~ I think she's emotional ~ and I think what's driving it? Hormones!

 

Hormones = one thing and one thing only ~ SURVIVAL! and the prepuation of the species!

 

When I have some more time I can suggest some websites and books for you to reference. (I just got off work)

[Chrome Barracuda]

LMAO!!!

 

Trying to catch you in a non existant affair is the most riduclous thing I've ever heard of!!! That's her parenoia and guilt talking,

 

Show her everything, shoot you got nothing to hide.

 

You aint cheating! lol.

[Gunny376]

CB~! Shame on you!

 

We Spartians! Are seldom and few~

 

 

We are of the 300!

[Chrome Barracuda]

CB~! Shame on you!

 

We Spartians! Are seldom and few~

 

 

We are of the 300!

 

Yes we are!!!!!

 

LOL!

[Gunny376]

Yes we are!

 

Spartian's UNIIE!

[redblack66]

In response to your PM ~ (Sorry been extremely busy) I think now that the affair has ended? She's going to be like a flaying lost ship lost upon the High Seas~ which from your most recent posts? Seems to be true!

 

(Per target practice from dead center bulleye's) she spastic and sporadic ~ all over the place! She's lost her "center" in both you and him.

 

She's conflicted ~ her "anti-slut" (every woman has one) defense has kicked in.

 

The other night she tells me "You are taking sleeping pills, and I need to call your doctor." She writes a letter so I can give her a signed permission to call my doctor. I told her to call John Paul II or Judge Judy. There are motion sickness pills which I bought in England since I took a 6 hour ferry ride.

 

She can't go home to "Mama" ~ she can't go to Austrialia! She can't where's she's at! There's her children? OMG! She's screwed up with you! The affair has collasped ~ "Lover-boy" is done and through!

 

She's going to blame you! Its all your fault! Your going to catch more flak than a B-17 flying over Berlin back in '42

I am guilty about everything. I am perhaps guilty that is snowing outside.

 

Thus the over and above incident with the car!

 

I don't think your DW is mental ~ I think she's emotional ~ and I think what's driving it? Hormones!

 

Hormones = one thing and one thing only ~ SURVIVAL! and the prepuation of the species!

I think it is hormones too. I don't know what they have to do with survival?

 

When I have some more time I can suggest some websites and books for you to reference. (I just got off work)

OK. Thanks a lot.

 

She does not seem very affected by the dumping of her White Knight, but at the same time quite unbalanced.

[redblack66]

Since you're "legally" seperated, isn't that trespassing? Why did she do that? Were those emails damaging to you in anyway by her finding out?

 

In the future, you have to be more careful about your personal stuff. She is no longer your loving wife.

 

She is trying to find out if I have read her e-mails. I don't think it is damaging.

[redblack66]

LMAO!!!

 

Trying to catch you in a non existant affair is the most riduclous thing I've ever heard of!!! That's her parenoia and guilt talking,

 

This is interesting: I feel she does not have any guilt and at the same time has been looking for affairs like searching for a calf under a bull.

 

Show her everything, shoot you got nothing to hide.

 

You aint cheating! lol.

Couple of times I did not sleep at home. She thinks I have more than one girlfriend. She also thinks that I have put listening devices in every room, including her bathroom.

[Gunny376]

Raaahhhrahhhh! RAAAAAHRARRRAHHH! RAHHHHHARAAH! RAHHHHHARRRAH

YOU ARE SPARTIAN!

[Missy27]

She writes a letter so I can give her a signed permission to call my doctor. I told her to call John Paul II or Judge Judy. There are motion sickness pills which I bought in England since I took a 6 hour ferry ride.

 

ROTFLMAO ~ :lmao:

 

Sorry RB ~ but I had to laugh at that one ~ :lmao:

 

I do agree with Gunny though ~ you're w is more emotional than anything else at the moment ~ she's on the brink of losing EVERYTHING ~ and I think reality is just starting to creep in.

 

You know that ole' saying ~ what comes around, goes around ? ~ well it's coming around for her PRETTY quickly right now ~ she's beginning to realise what she's actually done ~ I think the gravity of the situation is starting to register in her brain.

 

From previous posts ~ I'm pretty sure your W has got some control issues ~ I dont think she likes NOT being in control ~ and right now ? ~ she's not "in control" of her emotions and it's driving her crazy. People with control issues, especially those who like to be in control tend to have massive insecurities ~ huge insecurities and self esteem issues ~ I've studied it ~ it's actually quite a complex subject ~

 

You know what ? ~ I think you're handling her like a dream ! ~ something you're doing or saying or maybe just the way you are now has her properly rattled ~ and it's great because no matter what she might say or do to the contrary ~ she's actually gained some RESPECT back for you ~

 

Make sure you stick to your boundaries ~ and I still think you should go ahead with the divorce ~ wifey needs to realise that there's consequences to her actions ~ not only that ~ but she needs to get her head together and LEARN how to be independent.

 

You know what ? ~ I dont rely on ANYONE for ANYTHING ~ I made sure that I learnt how to take care of myself WAAAAAY before I ever got married ~ I can take care of myself financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, domestically ~ you name it ! ~ If I'm cold ? ~ I go down chop some wood up and light the fire myself. I cook all of my meals from scratch, I make my own pasta, bread, sauces, etc ~ I grow my own veggies, I pay for my own car, my own insurance, my own taxes, my own clothes, my own shoes ~ I could go on ~ T.V blew up last week ~ but because I'm careful with my dosh ~ I went straight down to Comet (I'm in th UK) and bought a new one ~ My H and I are joint on the house and we pay the mortgage equally ~ we've only got 8 years left to pay on it and I'm 31 years old !! he's the same as me ~ he stands on his own two feet ~ we have a joint savings account which we contribute to equally and a joint "spends" account for social use - all our other accounts are seperate ~

 

I'm not rich ~ I drive round in a ten year old Landrover Discovery ~ she's beat to he(( ~ but she starts every time ~ I live the proper outside, country lifestyle ~ half the time i'm in overalls led underneath a car covered in oil and grease ~ just because I CAN ~ I can fix pretty much anything that goes wrong with my car ~ !!!! ~ (people find that hilarious because I'm so tiny ~ 5ft 1 and 106 pounds !!) ~ I work hard ~ really hard ~ but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my life ~ it's ~~~ wholesome !!

 

Your W needs to learn how to live off of her own two feet. She'll become a better person for it ~

 

~~ and you need to learn to be RB again ~ you're making some headway but you've had to veer towards being emotionally detatched with your W ~ you need some time on your own ~ not dating ~ just growing in yourself and getting to know yourself again ~ it's a life long endeavour !

 

As for your marriage ~ maybe you'll both grow as people and re~unite somewhere down the line ~ maybe not ~ but I GUARANTEE that in the long run you'll BOTH be happier for this.

 

Just look after those kiddies as best you can ~ both of you

Edited February 1, 2008 by Missy27

[StillSame]

She does not seem very affected by the dumping of her White Knight, but at the same time quite unbalanced.

 

Are you sure she's been dumped by her boyfriend? Do you know the reason as to why he did it?

[sandflea]

ROTFLMAO ~ :lmao:

 

Sorry RB ~ but I had to laugh at that one ~ :lmao:

 

I do agree with Gunny though ~ you're w is more emotional than anything else at the moment ~ she's on the brink of losing EVERYTHING ~ and I think reality is just starting to creep in.

 

You know that ole' saying ~ what comes around, goes around ? ~ well it's coming around for her PRETTY quickly right now ~ she's beginning to realise what she's actually done ~ I think the gravity of the situation is starting to register in her brain.

 

From previous posts ~ I'm pretty sure your W has got some control issues ~ I dont think she likes NOT being in control ~ and right now ? ~ she's not "in control" of her emotions and it's driving her crazy. People with control issues, especially those who like to be in control tend to have massive insecurities ~ huge insecurities and self esteem issues ~ I've studied it ~ it's actually quite a complex subject ~

 

You know what ? ~ I think you're handling her like a dream ! ~ something you're doing or saying or maybe just the way you are now has her properly rattled ~ and it's great because no matter what she might say or do to the contrary ~ she's actually gained some RESPECT back for you ~

 

Make sure you stick to your boundaries ~ and I still think you should go ahead with the divorce ~ wifey needs to realise that there's consequences to her actions ~ not only that ~ but she needs to get her head together and LEARN how to be independent.

 

You know what ? ~ I dont rely on ANYONE for ANYTHING ~ I made sure that I learnt how to take care of myself WAAAAAY before I ever got married ~ I can take care of myself financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, domestically ~ you name it ! ~ If I'm cold ? ~ I go down chop some wood up and light the fire myself. I cook all of my meals from scratch, I make my own pasta, bread, sauces, etc ~ I grow my own veggies, I pay for my own car, my own insurance, my own taxes, my own clothes, my own shoes ~ I could go on ~ T.V blew up last week ~ but because I'm careful with my dosh ~ I went straight down to Comet (I'm in th UK) and bought a new one ~ My H and I are joint on the house and we pay the mortgage equally ~ we've only got 8 years left to pay on it and I'm 31 years old !! he's the same as me ~ he stands on his own two feet ~ we have a joint savings account which we contribute to equally and a joint "spends" account for social use - all our other accounts are seperate ~

 

I'm not rich ~ I drive round in a ten year old Landrover Discovery ~ she's beat to he(( ~ but she starts every time ~ I live the proper outside, country lifestyle ~ half the time i'm in overalls led underneath a car covered in oil and grease ~ just because I CAN ~ I can fix pretty much anything that goes wrong with my car ~ !!!! ~ (people find that hilarious because I'm so tiny ~ 5ft 1 and 106 pounds !!) ~ I work hard ~ really hard ~ but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my life ~ it's ~~~ wholesome !!

 

Your W needs to learn how to live off of her own two feet. She'll become a better person for it ~

 

~~ and you need to learn to be RB again ~ you're making some headway but you've had to veer towards being emotionally detatched with your W ~ you need some time on your own ~ not dating ~ just growing in yourself and getting to know yourself again ~ it's a life long endeavour !

 

As for your marriage ~ maybe you'll both grow as people and re~unite somewhere down the line ~ maybe not ~ but I GUARANTEE that in the long run you'll BOTH be happier for this.

 

Just look after those kiddies as best you can ~ both of you

 

Dayum Missy - you're exactly what I'm looking for!! LOL!

 

Great advice, btw. It's "grown up time".

 

Made my day!

 

SF

[Missy27]

Are you sure she's been dumped by her boyfriend? Do you know the reason as to why he did it?

 

Why does it matter ~ whats done is done ~ why do you always want to know the irrelevant details ~ Whats specific advice or HELP could you offer RB even if he did know WHY OM finished the affair. Its irrelevant. They are LEGALLY seperated remember. Please do your research before you post.

 

RB ~ I refer to my above post ~ ignore the irrelevant questions. Its time for you to figure our what YOU want out of life ~

Edited February 1, 2008 by Missy27

[Gunny376]

I agree with Missy ~ 100%.

 

I don't depend upon anyone for anything in this life ~ not even my own emotional needs? I'm the one that's responsible for my own personal happiness, contentment, well-being, and ego stroking ~ LOL ~

 

It took a lot of hard work, and a long time to get there, but self-sufficiency has very much been a life long goal of mine.

 

Wheather someone stays, comes, or goes in my life ~ matters not.

 

___________________________________________

 

RB

 

When all is said and done? The purpose of hormones is survivial and perpetuation of the species ~ that's the purpose and meaning of life ~ forget all the religions and philosophy's ~ your hear to pass on your genes! That's what hormones have to do with surivival.

 

_____________________________________________

 

Financially Ref: Mary Hunt and Debt Proof Living (Missy you'd love the site from the sound of you) and Dave Ramsey's "Complete Money Makeover"

 

_____________________________________________

 

Missey?

 

If you ever leave your husband ~ let me know!