StillSame Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 Why does it matter ~ whats done is done ~ why do you always want to know the irrelevant details ~ Whats specific advice or HELP could you offer RB even if he did know WHY OM finished the affair. Its irrelevant. They are LEGALLY seperated remember. Please do your research before you post. RB ~ I refer to my above post ~ ignore the irrelevant questions. Its time for you to figure our what YOU want out of life ~ It's relevant because it can predict her next move and her motive. Link to post Share on other sites
Missy27 Posted February 1, 2008 Share Posted February 1, 2008 I agree with Missy ~ 100%. I don't depend upon anyone for anything in this life ~ not even my own emotional needs? I'm the one that's responsible for my own personal happiness, contentment, well-being, and ego stroking ~ LOL ~ It took a lot of hard work, and a long time to get there, but self-sufficiency has very much been a life long goal of mine. Wheather someone stays, comes, or goes in my life ~ matters not. But aint it worth it Gunz ? ~ I love my life ~ I'm proud of my achievements and no-one can take that away from me. Like you ~ I could live almost anywhere and survive ~ Even though I am a woman ~ and Like you ~ it doesn't matter to me if the sun doesn't shine ~ Im happy with myself ~ I'm at one with myself ~ I wake up every morning ~ early ~ excited about what the day is gonna bring ~ I feed the chicks, the dogs, the horse, the ferret ~ it's ace ~ I'm very lucky ___________________________________________ RB When all is said and done? The purpose of hormones is survivial and perpetuation of the species ~ that's the purpose and meaning of life ~ forget all the religions and philosophy's ~ your hear to pass on your genes! That's what hormones have to do with surivival. Agreed _____________________________________________ Financially Ref: Mary Hunt and Debt Proof Living (Missy you'd love the site from the sound of you) and Dave Ramsey's "Complete Money Makeover" Gonna check it out tonight Gunz ~ cheers _____________________________________________ Missey? If you ever leave your husband ~ let me know! :lmao: ~ I'm an in for a penny girl ~ you should know that by now Gunz ~~ Seriously though ~ you'd love it down here where I live ~ Everybody who comes here does ~ it's beautiful ~ think Farm House type job ~ simple ~ basic ~ but beautiful ~ (I've tried so hard to tame my westcountry/farmer giles accent over the years but she still creeps out every now and then !!! ) Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted February 1, 2008 Author Share Posted February 1, 2008 ROTFLMAO ~ :lmao: Sorry RB ~ but I had to laugh at that one ~ :lmao: I do agree with Gunny though ~ you're w is more emotional than anything else at the moment ~ she's on the brink of losing EVERYTHING ~ and I think reality is just starting to creep in. You know that ole' saying ~ what comes around, goes around ? ~ well it's coming around for her PRETTY quickly right now ~ she's beginning to realise what she's actually done ~ I think the gravity of the situation is starting to register in her brain. I have a feeling that nothing is registering in her brain, or she is so much in denial of everything. From previous posts ~ I'm pretty sure your W has got some control issues ~ I dont think she likes NOT being in control ~ and right now ? ~ she's not "in control" of her emotions and it's driving her crazy. People with control issues, especially those who like to be in control tend to have massive insecurities ~ huge insecurities and self esteem issues ~ I've studied it ~ it's actually quite a complex subject ~ I agree completely with you. I have the same views and observations. You know what ? ~ I think you're handling her like a dream ! ~ something you're doing or saying or maybe just the way you are now has her properly rattled ~ and it's great because no matter what she might say or do to the contrary ~ she's actually gained some RESPECT back for you ~ Sure, disrespect is not allowed. In the easiest case, I just walk away if disrespect shows up. Make sure you stick to your boundaries ~ and I still think you should go ahead with the divorce ~ wifey needs to realise that there's consequences to her actions ~ not only that ~ but she needs to get her head together and LEARN how to be independent. I am certainly going ahead with it. She told me that she would never apply for divorce. You know what ? ~ I dont rely on ANYONE for ANYTHING ~ I made sure that I learnt how to take care of myself WAAAAAY before I ever got married ~ I can take care of myself financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, domestically ~ you name it ! ~ If I'm cold ? ~ I go down chop some wood up and light the fire myself. I cook all of my meals from scratch, I make my own pasta, bread, sauces, etc ~ I grow my own veggies, I pay for my own car, my own insurance, my own taxes, my own clothes, my own shoes ~ I could go on ~ T.V blew up last week ~ but because I'm careful with my dosh ~ I went straight down to Comet (I'm in th UK) and bought a new one ~ My H and I are joint on the house and we pay the mortgage equally ~ we've only got 8 years left to pay on it and I'm 31 years old !! he's the same as me ~ he stands on his own two feet ~ we have a joint savings account which we contribute to equally and a joint "spends" account for social use - all our other accounts are seperate ~ Very smart. 31? Reading your posts from the beginning, I imagined you in your 50s. Good for you. I mean your understanding and wisdom are of a person way above 31. I'm not rich ~ I drive round in a ten year old Landrover Discovery ~ she's beat to he(( ~ but she starts every time ~ I live the proper outside, country lifestyle ~ half the time i'm in overalls led underneath a car covered in oil and grease ~ just because I CAN ~ I can fix pretty much anything that goes wrong with my car ~ !!!! ~ (people find that hilarious because I'm so tiny ~ 5ft 1 and 106 pounds !!) ~ I work hard ~ really hard ~ but I LOVE LOVE LOVE my life ~ it's ~~~ wholesome !! Your W needs to learn how to live off of her own two feet. She'll become a better person for it ~ She must learn and she will not as far as she is on my paycheck. ~~ and you need to learn to be RB again ~ you're making some headway but you've had to veer towards being emotionally detatched with your W ~ you need some time on your own ~ not dating ~ just growing in yourself and getting to know yourself again ~ it's a life long endeavour ! Absolutely correct. As for your marriage ~ maybe you'll both grow as people and re~unite somewhere down the line ~ maybe not ~ but I GUARANTEE that in the long run you'll BOTH be happier for this. Just look after those kiddies as best you can ~ both of you Yes!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 I had to go over her financial statement and it amazes me how she closed a few days before our separation date all joint accounts that had my name on them (she is the primary holder). I had a birthday and it also amazed me that STBXW did not at least go with the kids so they can get a present for daddy. This does not bother me at all, but it is good for the kids to do things of this sort. Very simple. I think I am lucky getting out of this... Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted February 6, 2008 Share Posted February 6, 2008 I had to go over her financial statement and it amazes me how she closed a few days before our separation date all joint accounts that had my name on them (she is the primary holder). I had a birthday and it also amazed me that STBXW did not at least go with the kids so they can get a present for daddy. This does not bother me at all, but it is good for the kids to do things of this sort. Very simple. I think I am lucky getting out of this... That's standard proceedure with joint accounts during a seperation. It's smart thinking, and a good thing for you as well. Unless she took joint funds all for herself. If this is the case you can get statements and use this to your adavantage in court. You may not be able to get any money back, but it can be counted towards her side of the asset division and allow you to get more in another area of the division order. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Hey, redblack, how are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted February 13, 2008 Author Share Posted February 13, 2008 Hey, redblack, how are you doing? I am doing OK taking the circumstances into account. We were supposed to meet the lawyers today, but postponed to next week, I hope. She came today to my room to tell me that I will owe her money. I told her to leave my room and after she kept talking I told her to get the f out of here. Can't believe she thinks I owe her money. The financial statements will show, but I feel she cooked her numbers. With respect to kids, every time I say something, she would under mind me. For example, my son was doing home work and asked me if he could draw. I told him let's finish and then he can draw. No, she says you can draw now. Nearly every interaction is like that, which is really confusing for the little ones. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted February 14, 2008 Share Posted February 14, 2008 With respect to kids, every time I say something, she would under mind me. For example, my son was doing home work and asked me if he could draw. I told him let's finish and then he can draw. No, she says you can draw now. Nearly every interaction is like that, which is really confusing for the little ones. Things are clearly not working out at this moment. Is she still in contact with the OM? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted February 14, 2008 Author Share Posted February 14, 2008 Things are clearly not working out at this moment. Is she still in contact with the OM? Have no idea and I cannot care less. Everybody is paying big time for her fling. Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 redblack, how are things going? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted February 19, 2008 Author Share Posted February 19, 2008 redblack, how are things going? Nothing really special. Essentially, I have nothing to do with her. Hopefully this Thursday we will finally separate financially. She wants me to sign an agreement so she can go home to her parents with the kids. I do not see how I can sign such a thing, and I do not see how we will manage financially here with me paying child support for 3 kids and spousal support. From any perspective, it is a bad situation for me. Last week she told me I would owe her money because of my pension, etc. Not bad :-(. I told her to get the f--- out of my room. I don't swear at all, but I just could not take such a comment. As I probably mentioned, I will be happy if I end up at the zero financially. Sad, after 15 years of very hard work, taking risks, and a lot of stress. I am an immigrant here. I feel really bad about the whole me failure, but at the same time, I may really get creative about making a better life for myself. Has anybody ended up nowhere financially after years of supporting a family? Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted February 19, 2008 Share Posted February 19, 2008 I may really get creative about making a better life for myself. Has anybody ended up nowhere financially after years of supporting a family? That would be me? Eighteen years down the road? I don't have all that I want? But I've got more than everything that I need? And you know what? I'm happy and content? I'm not a very materiallistic person? Being a retired Marine? It doesn't take a whole lot to make me a "Happy Camper" Out of the weather? A roof over my head? A something or the other bed to sleep in? Water to drink? I'm good to go! I do have serious issues when it comes to "dry" socks in combat boots though! :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: And leaches! Hate them SOB's Mosqitous! Chiggers! But seriously? Get you Happy~@ss busy living! Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted February 20, 2008 Author Share Posted February 20, 2008 That would be me? Eighteen years down the road? I don't have all that I want? But I've got more than everything that I need? And you know what? I'm happy and content? I think the same will happen to me, and I would very much like to be content with myself, no matter what. But seriously? Get you Happy~@ss busy living!It is time to do that. I just had a quick conversation with her. I told her "Just tell me what you want so we do not spend anymore money with lawyers." She can't. It makes me sick looking for receipts and statements for a couple of hundred dollars that I have to submit with my financial statement. I have better things to do. And the lawyers charge big time, for every receipt they process. I told her that she will be back within a year or at most two, and she better not burn all the bridges along the way. And her answer "Are you going to divorce me still?", "Yes", my response. And she tells me that she just needs family support and wants to go to mommy and daddy. I told her she failed both in the marriage and separation, and I failed only the marriage. She kept telling me why she is doing what she is doing, and my attitude was "I just want to minimize losses from now on and don't care about anything else." Am I getting self confidence, ah? Indeed it is very tough, and I have a stomach pain, and I just keep going, and actually I got into a very good shape physically. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackson2008 Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I told her that she will be back within a year or at most two, and she better not burn all the bridges along the way. And her answer "Are you going to divorce me still?", "Yes", my response. If she doesn't burn all the bridges, does that mean you will consider taking her back after a year or two? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 If she doesn't burn all the bridges, does that mean you will consider taking her back after a year or two? I cannot predict the future, but at this point in time, no way back. We are close to ending it all. I reached a point financially where I cannot spend more money that I do not have and I cannot fight legally anymore. I am already in substantial debt that will take me years to repay. So, she will be going with the kids to live with her parents and they are supposed to come to me 4 times a year. She still does not want to be divorced with me, but I will give her the whole package. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Man? Just let her go! The sooner the better! I was married for twelve years? Shacked up with one for another six and a half. Not to say that all women are bad? But the "Hit and Miss" method isn't worth a damn! I'm very much selective in who I get my Happy-self involved with? And, yea! There's Life after divorce? And there's advantages to being single! In nine months? I owe zilch, nothing, nadda to nothing to anyone! I'm debt free! The "nut" I've got to crack each month? $540 a month! And most of that is Cable, lights, water, etc. Someone alluded that I was after this girl or the other? I'm not! If your married? Get in touch with me two years after you divorce! Unless your Missey! Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 Man? Just let her go! The sooner the better! I am letting her go, and I am in a hurry. She is just obsessed with every single dollar she can get, so things are not as smooth as they should be. I am dealing with so much irrationality, that it is not worth describing it and posting it. And, yea! There's Life after divorce? And there's advantages to being single! I believe this, and I am hoping for the best. Thanks for the support. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Maybe bad advice but... Tell her to move out. She wants out - that means out. Pack up her things, find a place to live and go. Reading between the lines here is that she wants you to move out so her life will change minimally, but she still gets to be single again. It's time for her to put her money where her mouth is. If she wants out, she can take on the hardship of finding a new place, figuring out the finances, etc. This is her choice - don't do the work for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 Maybe bad advice but... Tell her to move out. She wants out - that means out. Pack up her things, find a place to live and go. Reading between the lines here is that she wants you to move out so her life will change minimally, but she still gets to be single again. It's time for her to put her money where her mouth is. If she wants out, she can take on the hardship of finding a new place, figuring out the finances, etc. This is her choice - don't do the work for her. She hides behind the kids about nearly everything. I have told her she can move out if she does not like it. Just a few items, so you know what I am dealing with. Any insights on the psychology that might behind her would be very valuable. Recently she told me I need to move out as it is difficult for her. I told her to move out. She wanted me out, and I told her to go to court and get me out of the house. When we met with the lawyers to settle, they wanted me out again. No success. I can't get her out. In current negotiations, her lawyer is requesting that I get a letter from my doctor that I am not mentally ill, I am not a danger to others, and I am not a danger to myself. Believe me on this one: I practically never raise my voice, and I work with quite a few people that are very happy with me. In addition, I have an exceptional track record with my access with my 16 year son now. On my idea to buy her out by getting a second mortgage, her response is that she may not agree. Because I will overstretch myself, I will not be happy in the house, and who knows what else. God help me in this insanity. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 The only other option is, sell the house. Stay in the house until you both move out. Link to post Share on other sites
SilverSprite Posted March 14, 2008 Share Posted March 14, 2008 Whoooaaa! I have been reading this ALL day! Whats been happening? How are you RB?? Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 Whoooaaa! I have been reading this ALL day! Whats been happening? How are you RB?? Is it a good read? I have a feeling that if I produce a little book by just including the whole thread in it and polishing the English, it will be read with interest. The situation is not that pleasant. I was doing well, but on Wednesday I received a letter from her lawyer asking that I should get a letter from my "mental health professional" stating my - mental state - prescribed treatment - future prognosis Reading this made me upset and very frustrated. Moreover, I don't have a mental health profession, I just have a family doctor, who is also a specialist in cognitive therapy. Then my lawyer sent a strong letter essentially saying stop this campaign to portray my client as a mentally unstable person when you have no proof whatsoever, and he has been an excellent father. All this is very sad... Instead of focusing on what is important, I have to deal with nonsense of this sort. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 Here is another thing, and I started scratching my head. She asked me why I am working out so seriously. I told her "It is natural selection baby. I must be attractive again." She said then "Are you having more kids." I said I was considering. Then she tells me "If you wanted to have more kids with me you could have saved your marriage." No comment. If any of you has insights on strange comments, I will be happy to learn from you. Link to post Share on other sites
Jackson2008 Posted March 15, 2008 Share Posted March 15, 2008 (edited) Here is another thing, and I started scratching my head. She asked me why I am working out so seriously. I told her "It is natural selection baby. I must be attractive again." She said then "Are you having more kids." I said I was considering. Then she tells me "If you wanted to have more kids with me you could have saved your marriage." No comment. If any of you has insights on strange comments, I will be happy to learn from you. Nothing out of her mouth will make sense as long as she is still in contact with the OM. When is the seperation going to take place? Edited March 15, 2008 by Jackson2008 Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted March 15, 2008 Author Share Posted March 15, 2008 Nothing out of her mouth will make sense as long as she is still in contact with the OM. The OM has told her he has a girlfriend, had a fun with her, and that's all. Perhaps this make him even more attractive. I absolutely don't care. When is the seperation going to take place?The moment we agree on the settlement. This was supposed to be last week. My lawyer is taking longer than I anticipated. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts