separated in the same house; would wife come around

[jmargel]

Well, we are separated, legally, so in her mind is not cheating.

 

 

 

I agree with you. Well, there are changes in me, the way I understand the situation, etc. I feel the more mature person dealing

with a messed up person.

 

 

Yes, in many ways I am in denial.

 

 

 

It is very easy and difficult (at the same time) just to prepare a divorce application and all will be ended. I cannot get her out of the house.

In terms of my decisions, yes, I am working in parallel on finding a higher paying job and moving on completely when I decide it is completely over. It is over in many ways, but it is worth the effort.

 

I have talked to her earlier about the OM. If she does not have respect for herself and our family, she is free to keep going with him. She does not have respect for me: fine. There are perhaps other women that will be happy to have me.

Yes, the hurt I am experiencing is significant.

 

She is showing you EVERYDAY that she has no respect for you, herself or your family. She only cares about herself, she is showing you this RIGHT NOW. She is not going to 'come around', not at least while you sit there and continue to let this happen.

 

Red, it is over. At least until she gets her warped mind back on straight, however the longer you are at her heels, the longer it will take her to realize this. She is an attention whore and is acting like a child. She is loving this because it's not only an ego boost to her it's a power trip. When you have that mentality there is no incentive to change.

 

She is slowly bringing you down with her and you need to get off this sinking ship. You can't save this vessel the hole is too big for one person to fix. I don't even know what you are holding onto.

 

She has SO much control over you it's not even funny. The 'house phone' is hers? Bull****! That is your phone as well. She has zero respect for you because you have ZERO respect for yourself. I tell you Red, the day you decide to 'Man up' to her and show her what you are made of, it will make you feel like a million dollars and she will be like a deer in headlights. Next time that 'house phone' rings and it's him, get on another line and have a conversation with him. I am sure she has told him many lies and once he sees the real her he will run. However this is not meant for you to get back with her. You need to run as well.

 

You are not getting anything out of this relationship, stop romanticizing the past. It's time to move on with someone new, someone who will appreciate you. Someone where you don't have to do all the work and get nothing in return. Unless you like living in self-pity and playing the victim it's time to get your ass in gear and start making decisions about this arrangement. File for divorce, don't be afraid of the unknown. It can't be any worse then what you are in right now.

[Ladyjane14]

Simply by noting your W's most recent reactions to her encounters with you ~ it seems that your actions are JUST starting to register in her brain a little ~ and that's a really positive thing ~

 

There will be times when your W's affair "fog" momentarily clears and her perspective will shift ~ it's at these times that she'll remember her most recent encounters with you which is why your consistent every day actions are hugely important at the moment ~ if she recalls positive feelings and relates them directly to you ~ even at the brief times when the fog lifts ~ you never know ~ it MIGHT take a little longer for it to return each time ~

 

Agreed.

 

Your "Plan A" has been DOA up until just the past week or so. Up until then, you were still pushing, obsessing, showing the "stone face", etc. Hey, I'm not knocking it. Given the circumstances, you held it together pretty damn well, IMO.

 

But... if you're choosing to go forward and try to stay in this thing, your "Plan A" needs to be STELLAR. You're just now finding your footing and getting into 'the zone' with it. "Plan A" is important... this is where you SHOW her who you are and what she's going to lose. Your "Plan B" has no impact if you're just giving her what she wants. Think about it. You'd only be justifying her position.

 

You'll never pull off a really "stellar Plan A" if you're wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's necessary to detach in a clinical way, so you can separate the PERSON from the DISEASE. A WS is a study in duality. On the one side, you see these glimpses of the woman you fell in love with, the one you still love... on the other, this stranger that you don't even recognize. She's as much at war within herself as she is in your observations of her. It's chaos. She flounders. She fights. She's possessed by her own inner demons and frustrations.

 

The ONLY way to get through to her is to BE STILL. Be a rock that she can grab onto, hold onto, and pull herself out of the tempest. You've got to minister to her as a nurse to a patient... and she's gonna puke all sorts of filth on you from time to time. So, you can't take her "disrespect" personally. As the struggle unfolds... one "personality" will win, the other will be submerged.

 

You know what might help you a bit?... Give her WS persona it's own name so you can learn to separate it from the woman you're hoping to reconcile with. Learn to identify moods and behaviors that are spun up by the "disease". (Keep that name private though. Last thing you want to do is give her any more ammo. )

 

Anyway, as always... it's your call. The longer you can protect your love supply, the longer you'll last. It's a fine line between detaching from the "WS persona" and maintaining your love for your true mate. Like everything else you've dealt with up until now... it's walking the razor's edge.

 

I think you can do it though. And what is it that you have to lose by not trying?

[Ladyjane14]

I just wanted to add that I don't believe applying "guilt" is going to help your situation any.

 

WS's are generally terrified of facing the consequences of their actions. Your wife justifies her betrayal by telling herself that you cheated first, that you two are "separated", that she's not really doing anything wrong. Yeah... that needs to be straightened out someday, but NOT today. The recovery phase, should one occur, is where you can deal with that.

 

Right now, guilt will only be perceived as just another reason why she can't come back to you in any sort of real or meaningful way. The WS often believes that their actions cannot be truly forgiven, that they'll live in the doghouse forever, that they'll always be a second-class citizen if they choose to stay within the confines of the marriage.

 

Her lack of remorse right now is protecting her mind, and weirdly... I believe it works to your benefit, because it leaves her the option of returning to you as an accepted equal. I don't think I'd prod her on that front if I were you.

[bestadvisor]

Feeling guilt is often the turning point for a WS. Like I've said before, you cannot push guilt, she has to feel it herself. You can help her get there by being nice and kind to her despite the shxx she is putting you through. Continue with what you're doing; you have been doing great. Let's just focus on Plan A now and talk about Plan B when it comes to that.

[redblack66]

Friends, our dinner went well; here are some of the details. I know my situation is a lost cause, but still I am trying to be the best I can be under the circumstances.

 

I took the family to a restaurant outside the city. It was a game of hot and cold, as she could not guess where we were going, until we got quite close.

 

So, nice restaurant with nice view, excellent service and food.

There were only two other people in the whole restaurant.

 

I took games for the kids so we can play and I can distract the situation from serious talk. We played and had fun, so mommy could enjoy her food and drink.

I was in my good sense of humor and laughing a lot. I also dressed quite unusual and sexy compared to how I have been before. I tried to keep the talk light with a few more serious comments about music and movies. She tried once to make things serious, but I said

'Let's keep it light and have fun'. It worked. A few things that surprised me (not in order):

 

She : 'You have had a awakening.'

I : 'Thank you for helping me awake'

 

She : 'You have become a really good parent'

I : 'You know that I am a person of extremes (true). I will be the best parent you can find or I am out. Nothing in the middle.'

 

She : 'You have really over done yourself with the birthday (meaning how thoughtful and considered I was.)

I : 'Well, I thought a lot about this birthday and I have to make it up for many past events'

(She is really amazed by my ideas. LJ thanks for the idea for the digital picture frame. She is going to get one for her parents :-))))

 

She : 'Did you wear the same shirt last Thursday for your date'

I : 'I am married to you. Married men don't go on dates (indeed I would not say it was a date. the lady knows not to get involved and I am wise not to get there.)

 

She : 'I am glad to see you so happy'

I did not say much, but inside me is upside down and not happy at all, but just keep going.

 

She commented on one of my friends who does not work and lives off his girlfriend. I said 'Women like bad boys', after which she had a puzzled look and I changed the conversation.

 

She took many pictures of me. She gave me ideas for Christmas present for her, and on top of everything we are splitting assets in two weeks from now. I do not get this 'fog' in my wife's mind.

 

She is still checked out big time with little chance to check in into the marriage, but will eventually see my true me, and surely would have regrets.

I am still struggling to put myself together and take good care of my personal business: work, finances, bills, etc. All are at the minimum possible level.

 

Any comments on my responses above would be valuable. I will improve myself seriously; she has not moved an inch in any improving direction.

[american-woman]

From what I have read here I would tell her you want to be married and want the both of you to work on this marriage and if she cannot apply herself then your filing for a divorce. And do it. But do not leave the house. You can call her bluff. Let her see that paper. Shes still angry at you from what Im reading . You should not have to put up with any male calling your home. I know what she is doing.

[redblack66]

From what I have read here I would tell her you want to be married and want the both of you to work on this marriage and if she cannot apply herself then your filing for a divorce. And do it. But do not leave the house. You can call her bluff. Let her see that paper. Shes still angry at you from what Im reading . You should not have to put up with any male calling your home. I know what she is doing.

 

I cannot put up with these calls. But again, we are legally separated, and I am not supposed to interfere with her. Moreover, I get calls on my cell, which she believes are other women.

Nothing further from the truth. It looks I may call her bluff on the divorce.

[redblack66]

Agreed.

 

 

Your "Plan A" has been DOA up until just the past week or so.

What is DOA: death or alive?

 

Up until then, you were still pushing, obsessing, showing the "stone face", etc. Hey, I'm not knocking it. Given the circumstances, you held it together pretty damn well, IMO.

Yes, I pushed, but I did not know better. Now, I know better.

 

But... if you're choosing to go forward and try to stay in this thing, your "Plan A" needs to be STELLAR. You're just now finding your footing and getting into 'the zone' with it. "Plan A" is important... this is where you SHOW her who you are and what she's going to lose.

What I know about Plan A is from the Marriage Builders web site.

Is there any more detailed description of it?

 

Your "Plan B" has no impact if you're just giving her what she wants. Think about it. You'd only be justifying her position.

 

You'll never pull off a really "stellar Plan A" if you're wearing your heart on your sleeve. It's necessary to detach in a clinical way, so you can separate the PERSON from the DISEASE. A WS is a study in duality. On the one side, you see these glimpses of the woman you fell in love with, the one you still love... on the other, this stranger that you don't even recognize. She's as much at war within herself as she is in your observations of her. It's chaos. She flounders. She fights. She's possessed by her own inner demons and frustrations.

You mean really detach, right? I hope she is at war with herself.

 

The ONLY way to get through to her is to BE STILL. Be a rock that she can grab onto, hold onto, and pull herself out of the tempest. You've got to minister to her as a nurse to a patient... and she's gonna puke all sorts of filth on you from time to time. So, you can't take her "disrespect" personally. As the struggle unfolds... one "personality" will win, the other will be submerged.

 

You know what might help you a bit?... Give her WS persona it's own name so you can learn to separate it from the woman you're hoping to reconcile with. Learn to identify moods and behaviors that are spun up by the "disease". (Keep that name private though. Last thing you want to do is give her any more ammo. )

The key is not to give her ammo so she justifies herself.

 

Anyway, as always... it's your call. The longer you can protect your love supply, the longer you'll last. It's a fine line between detaching from the "WS persona" and maintaining your love for your true mate. Like everything else you've dealt with up until now... it's walking the razor's edge.

 

I think you can do it though. And what is it that you have to lose by not trying?

Sure. It is a very subtle psychological 'game'. Often I am wondering if I am in a right state of mind going through all this, when it can be easily finished. I strongly believe that if I was the person I am 4 months ago, things would have been very different. Logically, it is a shift in time, which is probably irreversible, but still something may change. I know many people would not believe so and find me silly

for doing this.

[redblack66]

I just wanted to add that I don't believe applying "guilt" is going to help your situation any.

[/quit]

 

Correct. Applying 'guilt' will not work at this stage.

 

WS's are generally terrified of facing the consequences of their actions. Your wife justifies her betrayal by telling herself that you cheated first, that you two are "separated", that she's not really doing anything wrong. Yeah... that needs to be straightened out someday, but NOT today. The recovery phase, should one occur, is where you can deal with that.

 

Agree 100%

 

Her lack of remorse right now is protecting her mind, and weirdly... I believe it works to your benefit, because it leaves her the option of returning to you as an accepted equal. I don't think I'd prod her on that front if I were you.

 

 

Interesting view. No, I am not touching the guilt and remorse issue now.

[Gunny376]

Friends, our dinner went well; here are some of the details. I know my situation is a lost cause, but still I am trying to be the best I can be under the circumstances.

 

I took the family to a restaurant outside the city. It was a game of hot and cold, as she could not guess where we were going, until we got quite close.

 

So, nice restaurant with nice view, excellent service and food.

There were only two other people in the whole restaurant.

 

I took games for the kids so we can play and I can distract the situation from serious talk. We played and had fun, so mommy could enjoy her food and drink.

I was in my good sense of humor and laughing a lot. I also dressed quite unusual and sexy compared to how I have been before. I tried to keep the talk light with a few more serious comments about music and movies. She tried once to make things serious, but I said

'Let's keep it light and have fun'. It worked. A few things that surprised me (not in order):

 

She : 'You have had a awakening.'

I : 'Thank you for helping me awake'

 

She : 'You have become a really good parent'

I : 'You know that I am a person of extremes (true). I will be the best parent you can find or I am out. Nothing in the middle.'

 

She : 'You have really over done yourself with the birthday (meaning how thoughtful and considered I was.)

I : 'Well, I thought a lot about this birthday and I have to make it up for many past events'

(She is really amazed by my ideas. LJ thanks for the idea for the digital picture frame. She is going to get one for her parents :-))))

 

She : 'Did you wear the same shirt last Thursday for your date'

I : 'I am married to you. Married men don't go on dates (indeed I would not say it was a date. the lady knows not to get involved and I am wise not to get there.)

 

She : 'I am glad to see you so happy'

I did not say much, but inside me is upside down and not happy at all, but just keep going.

 

She commented on one of my friends who does not work and lives off his girlfriend. I said 'Women like bad boys', after which she had a puzzled look and I changed the conversation.

 

She took many pictures of me. She gave me ideas for Christmas present for her, and on top of everything we are splitting assets in two weeks from now. I do not get this 'fog' in my wife's mind.

 

She is still checked out big time with little chance to check in into the marriage, but will eventually see my true me, and surely would have regrets.

I am still struggling to put myself together and take good care of my personal business: work, finances, bills, etc. All are at the minimum possible level.

 

Any comments on my responses above would be valuable. I will improve myself seriously; she has not moved an inch in any improving direction.

 

IOW's you got my PM!

 

Hey! That's DOUBLE TOP SECRET stuff!

 

You did good! Real good!

 

Now go your happy~azz to the nearest book store and get yourself a copy of "Why Women Don't Have Enough Shoes and Men Don't Have a Clue!"

 

What you did was "Classic Mystery!" Beautiful! Classic!

 

Ace on~!

 

Don't tell the crowd what we're talking about here!

[redblack66]

I know what she is doing.

 

Would you be able to elaborate a little on the above sentence.

Many thanks.

[redblack66]

Feeling guilt is often the turning point for a WS. Like I've said before, you cannot push guilt, she has to feel it herself. You can help her get there by being nice and kind to her despite the shxx she is putting you through. Continue with what you're doing; you have been doing great. Let's just focus on Plan A now and talk about Plan B when it comes to that.

 

I agree with your points. Guilt must come from inside; no matter how many times I may try to convince her, it will have not effect.

[Ladyjane14]

What is DOA: death or alive?

"Dead on arrival".

 

 

What I know about Plan A is from the Marriage Builders web site.

Is there any more detailed description of it?

 

Harley's book Surviving an Affair.

 

You mean really detach, right? I hope she is at war with herself.

Detach from the WS persona... not from your wife. IOW, view them as two distinct personalities. Do you ever get the feeling that you're dealing with a complete stranger when you're dealing with her, and that now and then little glimpses of your real wife peek through?

 

What I'm talking about is protecting the love you have for your real wife, and depersonalize the behavior of the WS.

 

Sure. It is a very subtle psychological 'game'. Often I am wondering if I am in a right state of mind going through all this, when it can be easily finished. I strongly believe that if I was the person I am 4 months ago, things would have been very different. Logically, it is a shift in time, which is probably irreversible, but still something may change. I know many people would not believe so and find me silly

for doing this.

 

Let me ask you a question...

A month ago, if someone had told you that you'd enjoy a nice evening out in the company of your estranged wife and your children, and not only that, but she would actually COMPLIMENT you on your thoughtfulness and demeanor... would you have believed it???

 

Look at you go, man.

It may be a small victory, and it might not be the end of the war... but hey, every little bit of ground counts.

[redblack66]

IOW's you got my PM!

I appreciate so much your support. BTW, what are

IOW and PM?

 

Hey! That's DOUBLE TOP SECRET stuff!

 

You did good! Real good!

 

Now go your happy~azz to the nearest book store and get yourself a copy of "Why Women Don't Have Enough Shoes and Men Don't Have a Clue!"

 

What you did was "Classic Mystery!" Beautiful! Classic!

 

Ace on~!

 

Don't tell the crowd what we're talking about here!

 

Thank you. I read quite a few books on relations, and I am going to get this one too.

[Ladyjane14]

Don't tell the crowd what we're talking about here!

 

pfffththhhppp!!

 

What is this? I shared all my girlie talk! Not fair, Gunny!!!

[redblack66]

Detach from the WS persona... not from your wife. IOW, view them as two distinct personalities. Do you ever get the feeling that you're dealing with a complete stranger when you're dealing with her, and that now and then little glimpses of your real wife peek through?

I get this feeling many times, exactly as you describe it.

 

What I'm talking about is protecting the love you have for your real wife, and depersonalize the behavior of the WS.

Excellent point. Again, if I do not save things, what I am learning will be a HUGE advantage in my future life.

 

 

 

Let me ask you a question...

A month ago, if someone had told you that you'd enjoy a nice evening out in the company of your estranged wife and your children, and not only that, but she would actually COMPLIMENT you on your thoughtfulness and demeanor... would you have believed it???

A month ago she was much more angrier so even if I did well, a compliment was unlikely.

 

Look at you go, man.

It may be a small victory, and it might not be the end of the war... but hey, every little bit of ground counts.

 

Absolutely. She has the concept that I screw up Christmas. Now, she may not be that sure, after being so inventive and indeed caring.

[jmargel]

You need to look at the big picture in all of this. Even if you woo her enough and sit patient enough to 'win her back' that is not a guarantee that she won't cheat or walk out again. Good chance is that she will.

 

Only because the main problem is with her personality, her attitude. You can't expect her to change 'her ways' when she doesn't recognize her own faults and has a desire to fix them. Good chance she has mistreated you from the very beginning, it's apparent in the way she walks all over you and you willing to let her. This is the reason why she has no respect for you and all the respect in the world of this other man. This other man is WILLING to walk away therefore to her there is some value assocated with this guy.

 

In your previous post you said she gave you xmas gifts ideas for HER? The last thing you should be doing is buying her xmas gifts, but I know you will. This is in your plans to 'win her back'. However NO relationship should ever consist of having to try to 'win her back' or 'help guide her onto the right track'. You don't help an alcoholic by trying to keep all the booze away from them, you help them by encouragining them into counseling and also showing tough love, the willingness to walk away and lose what they have. That's the only way they will be reminded of the value of what they have. Same thing goes for your type of situation.

 

You are not getting anywhere going this route, it's futile. Next time she mentions about you going on a date, say 'That is my own personal business' and leave it at that. You are falling for her tactics, hook line and sinker.

 

I've seen many guys on here in your situation and the outcome is the same. Until she gets to the root of HER problem which is her attitude and maturity then nothing will change, and this is something you can't help her fix.

[Ladyjane14]

Even if you woo her enough and sit patient enough to 'win her back' that is not a guarantee that she won't cheat or walk out again. Good chance is that she will.

 

Only because the main problem is with her personality, her attitude. You can't expect her to change 'her ways' when she doesn't recognize her own faults and has a desire to fix them. Good chance she has mistreated you from the very beginning, it's apparent in the way she walks all over you and you willing to let her. This is the reason why she has no respect for you and all the respect in the world of this other man.

 

What is the basis for that assumption, J?

I might've missed it, it's been a while since I reviewed the whole thread... but I don't remember RB posting any chronic history of marital misbehavior on his wife's part.

[redblack66]

You need to look at the big picture in all of this. Even if you woo her enough and sit patient enough to 'win her back' that is not a guarantee that she won't cheat or walk out again. Good chance is that she will.

 

Only because the main problem is with her personality, her attitude. You can't expect her to change 'her ways' when she doesn't recognize her own faults and has a desire to fix them. Good chance she has mistreated you from the very beginning, it's apparent in the way she walks all over you and you willing to let her. This is the reason why she has no respect for you and all the respect in the world of this other man. This other man is WILLING to walk away therefore to her there is some value assocated with this guy.

 

About the walking way I think you are right.

 

In your previous post you said she gave you xmas gifts ideas for HER? The last thing you should be doing is buying her xmas gifts, but I know you will. This is in your plans to 'win her back'. However NO relationship should ever consist of having to try to 'win her back' or 'help guide her onto the right track'. You don't help an alcoholic by trying to keep all the booze away from them, you help them by encouragining them into counseling and also showing tough love, the willingness to walk away and lose what they have. That's the only way they will be reminded of the value of what they have. Same thing goes for your type of situation.

I feel that winning back has more to do with me not being available and doing my own things happily rather than being overly nice. You have good points.

 

You are not getting anywhere going this route, it's futile. Next time she mentions about you going on a date, say 'That is my own personal business' and leave it at that. You are falling for her tactics, hook line and sinker.

True. Indeed it is my own business.

 

I've seen many guys on here in your situation and the outcome is the same. Until she gets to the root of HER problem which is her attitude and maturity then nothing will change, and this is something you can't help her fix.

She was quite good and devoted to the marriage until this July. Yes,

she has immature attitude at the moment. I do not know how and when it will change. Perhaps she has to face the reality of a single mom for a while to grow up. I do not know.

 

Next Friday we are supposed to have a meeting with the lawyers to divide assets and draft complete separation agreement. I am not planning to talk her into giving up her idea of complete separation.

I will see if she will indeed pursue it.

[redblack66]

What is the basis for that assumption, J?

I might've missed it, it's been a while since I reviewed the whole thread... but I don't remember RB posting any chronic history of marital misbehavior on his wife's part.

 

No, there has not been misbehavior in the past.

[Ladyjane14]

Next Friday we are supposed to have a meeting with the lawyers to divide assets and draft complete separation agreement. I am not planning to talk her into giving up her idea of complete separation.

I will see if she will indeed pursue it.

 

If it were me... this is where I'd probably spring the opening gambit for "Plan B". In fact, I'd probably incorporate it into "Plan D". If she goes through with the division of assets, I'm thinking there ought to be consequences for that. You can't keep your husband indefinitely as a "safety net", enjoying the benefits of marriage without the responsibilities of it.

 

I think as part of the separation of assets... I'd go for separate residences, selling the marital home and dividing the equity. I'd file the divorce petition if I had to in order to accomplish that. Facing the prospect of "downsizing" will introduce quite a bit of reality. But I wouldn't commence "Plan B" until actual physical separation. I'd stay in "Plan A" until then.

 

You wouldn't have to be nasty about it. In fact, you could look her right in the eye and tell her that you don't want a divorce, that you still love her, that you still believe it's possible to recover the marriage and make it better than ever. But that you're NOT willing to be bound by a paper marriage to someone who doesn't want to be your wife.

[redblack66]

If it were me... this is where I'd probably spring the opening gambit for "Plan B". In fact, I'd probably incorporate it into "Plan D". If she goes through with the division of assets, I'm thinking there ought to be consequences for that. You can't keep your husband indefinitely as a "safety net", enjoying the benefits of marriage without the responsibilities of it.

Yes! In her mind we are separated, which in her mind implies we are not married anymore. I guess she is in some denial too.

 

I think as part of the separation of assets... I'd go for separate residences, selling the marital home and dividing the equity. I'd file the divorce petition if I had to in order to accomplish that. Facing the prospect of "downsizing" will introduce quite a bit of reality. But I wouldn't commence "Plan B" until actual physical separation. I'd stay in "Plan A" until then.

 

Looks like there will be separate homes.

 

You wouldn't have to be nasty about it. In fact, you could look her right in the eye and tell her that you don't want a divorce, that you still love her, that you still believe it's possible to recover the marriage and make it better than ever. But that you're NOT willing to be bound by a paper marriage to someone who doesn't want to be your wife.

 

 

Very well said. I ordered Surviving an Affair and expect to get it tomorrow. I will read it fast and get deeper into things.

 

This morning she was quite pleasant. She made one or two negative comments but then she said that I was right and in a way apologized indirectly.

[bestadvisor]

This morning she was quite pleasant. She made one or two negative comments but then she said that I was right and in a way apologized indirectly.

 

How was her reaction to you thoughtful photo album and CD? Was she pleasant due to your thoughtful gifts.

[redblack66]

How was her reaction to you thoughtful photo album and CD? Was she pleasant due to your thoughtful gifts.

 

She was *very* pleased, up to disbelieve that I can be so thoughtful and original. She has been listening to her CDs (5 of them) and playing with the digital picture frame like a kid.

However, I do not remember a single thank you. Well, it is a long road to go.

I think I am going 180 and it feels good.

 

Tonight I had to drive two friends across the bother to the US so they could take a bus to city X. She thought that I was going to smuggle cigarettes with them (very much nonsense logic). Anyhow, to keep the mystery, if she asks me what happened, I will just say there was little action.

I must be out of my mind at this age to be caught up in such nonsense game, but c'est la vie.

As painful as all this is, I am starting to have fun dealing with my situation, as I feel I am getting my manhood back.

[bestadvisor]

She was *very* pleased, up to disbelieve that I can be so thoughtful and original. She has been listening to her CDs (5 of them) and playing with the digital picture frame like a kid.

However, I do not remember a single thank you.

 

It seems that she is not living in reality.

 

Does she have any friends (including cousins or relative of similiar age) she talk to? What about children's freinds' moms?

 

She thought that I was going to smuggle cigarettes with them (very much nonsense logic).

 

Can you elaborate on this? Why does she think that? Your friends have a tendency to do such things? Did she said that as a joke? If the answers are "no," it goes back to my first comment.