Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 It seems that she is not living in reality. No, she is not, that's why we are in this mess. I am hurting terribly, but my brain is working fine. Does she have any friends (including cousins or relative of similiar age) she talk to? What about children's freinds' moms? She has a few friends, but no relatives here. One of her friends has done a lot of damage to our relation, but I think she is out of this damaging mode. I have no family around, except my older son from my previous marriage. All of my family are in Europe and I do not see them that often. Can you elaborate on this? Why does she think that? I am trying to understand the same, and I do not have a good answer. Help ladies!!! Perhaps she would like me to be the bad boy, but would not admit it to herself. I have no clue whatsoever. Your friends have a tendency to do such things? No, my friends are just fine, nothing illegal whatsoever. The two guys and I went to the same high school and have a long term friendship. We met after 15 years again. Did she said that as a joke? If the answers are "no," it goes back to my first comment. No, she was damn serious even worried that our family car will be impounded, if I get in trouble. Can I conclude that she may not be in the reality? I would like to believe this, as other actions can be explained better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 One more very little thing: before I left today to pick up my friends, I left pizza for the kids and her on the table. She was picking up my son at that time, so I avoided contact on purpose, but left the food for them. She did not ask me to do that; I got pizza for myself and also for them. Should I go complete ignorance or do things of this sort once in a while. Link to post Share on other sites
Chrome Barracuda Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 R&B keep doing what your doing man. The leaving food for the kids sounds fine to me. I dont see a problem with it. How are you feeling man, getting better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 R&B keep doing what your doing man. The leaving food for the kids sounds fine to me. I dont see a problem with it. How are you feeling man, getting better. Thank you for asking and the support. I am slowly feeling better, but have the ups and downs a lot. LS has been incredible. This is the first thing I check in the morning and the last thing before I fall asleep. Yes, I will be doing what I am doing, and I feel I am on the right path for MYSELF. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 Can I conclude that she may not be in the reality? I would like to believe this, as other actions can be explained better. That's what I've been trying to tell you. Her thought-pattern is based in FANTASY. Take a look at Lucian's thread and at Mike1966's current update. Their wives are actually MORE miserable and angry, because REALITY is not what they thought it would be. Really, you're burning through ALOT of emotional energy trying to make sense out of nonsense. You can't reason with irrational people, right? Just 'do your thing'. Be the great guy you always knew you could be. Be a fabulous, involved father to your kids. And let her observe your changes. Give it a few weeks, and let's see what she does when it comes time to divide the assets. That'll give you time to read through Surviving an Affair, and then you can assess your situation a little better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 That's what I've been trying to tell you. Her thought-pattern is based in FANTASY. Take a look at Lucian's thread and at Mike1966's current update. Their wives are actually MORE miserable and angry, because REALITY is not what they thought it would be. Sure, my first wife is absolutely a classical example of reality not turning the way she thought, and I know big time about it. I have also observed some of the former wifes of my friends. Really, you're burning through ALOT of emotional energy trying to make sense out of nonsense. You can't reason with irrational people, right? Yes, I have burned a lot, and burning less emotional energy now. When I realize this, I ask myself, how can I do this? However, I think this is part of the growing process. There are steps which cannot be avoided along this path. Just 'do your thing'. Be the great guy you always knew you could be. Be a fabulous, involved father to your kids. And let her observe your changes. Give it a few weeks, and let's see what she does when it comes time to divide the assets. That'll give you time to read through Surviving an Affair, and then you can assess your situation a little better. Excellent ideas, which more or less I came to them myself. I made a mistake not focusing on my own thing, but again this is part of the growing up in this area. She seems more pleasant in the mornings recently. Told me this morning that one never knows what a spouse may turn into, referencing my changed outlook. I try not to start conversation if I do not have to, and I am not that available for her. It is mostly for minimizing my own pain, rather than playing a 'textbook' strategy. And I am trying to think of her as two personalities, as you suggested. And I thank God each morning as one of my friends suggested, and it helps. (I have not been a believer.) Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 Actually, everything that happened is so unfortunate, but I feel it had to happen. This helps me view things from a positive perspective. Shock is needed, it was to big of a shock, but that's life or faith, or whatever it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 You need to look at the big picture in all of this. Even if you woo her enough and sit patient enough to 'win her back' that is not a guarantee that she won't cheat or walk out again. Good chance is that she will. Only because the main problem is with her personality, her attitude. You can't expect her to change 'her ways' when she doesn't recognize her own faults and has a desire to fix them. Good chance she has mistreated you from the very beginning, it's apparent in the way she walks all over you and you willing to let her. This is the reason why she has no respect for you and all the respect in the world of this other man. This other man is WILLING to walk away therefore to her there is some value assocated with this guy. In your previous post you said she gave you xmas gifts ideas for HER? The last thing you should be doing is buying her xmas gifts, but I know you will. This is in your plans to 'win her back'. However NO relationship should ever consist of having to try to 'win her back' or 'help guide her onto the right track'. You don't help an alcoholic by trying to keep all the booze away from them, you help them by encouragining them into counseling and also showing tough love, the willingness to walk away and lose what they have. That's the only way they will be reminded of the value of what they have. Same thing goes for your type of situation. You are not getting anywhere going this route, it's futile. Next time she mentions about you going on a date, say 'That is my own personal business' and leave it at that. You are falling for her tactics, hook line and sinker. I've seen many guys on here in your situation and the outcome is the same. Until she gets to the root of HER problem which is her attitude and maturity then nothing will change, and this is something you can't help her fix. AMEN! Here's a couple quotes I find wisdom in. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. (Will Rogers) If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. (Will Rogers) Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. (Will Rogers) Never appeal to a man’s "better-nature". He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage. -Lazarus Long Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig. Unknown You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. - Irish Proverb Humorous: Take a starving dog and make him prosperous and he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a woman. –Mark Twain You can't miss it if it won't go away. -Dan Hicks A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 AMEN! Here's a couple quotes I find wisdom in. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. (Will Rogers) If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. (Will Rogers) Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. (Will Rogers) Never appeal to a man’s "better-nature". He may not have one. Invoking his self-interest gives you more leverage. -Lazarus Long Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig. Unknown You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. - Irish Proverb Humorous: Take a starving dog and make him prosperous and he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a woman. –Mark Twain You can't miss it if it won't go away. -Dan Hicks A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her. - W.C. Fields Interesting. I had difficulties interpreting which ones you mean for me and which ones for WS. I VERY much like the Aristotle one at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 They are all for your point of view. The humorous ones are humor and don't have a lot of serious value. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 The last one by Aristotle does have great value, but it is easily twisted to serve the Ego's of those in love with their sadness. You have to understand that "mischance" does not include that which you subject yourself to willingly. I know you think you are doing what is best. I can't fault you for that. I think at his point, you will have to find your own path. I truly hope it works for you in the end. I just fear you will eventually have regrets over bad judgement, like I have. That you will understand the quote about silk purses and sows ears from personal experience. Link to post Share on other sites
sumdude Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I have another funny one. Winston Churchhill was giving a speech somewhere, don't know the detais but at one point a woman became angry with something he said. Not an exact quote but close enough... She: " Sir, if you were my husband I might put poison in your tea." He: " Ma'am, if you were my wife I might drink it." Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 Good to have some jokes too! I just came from my individual marriage counseling. The MC is absolutely amazed (compared to other men she has counseled) by the progress I have made with myself and understanding the situation, women, relations, etc. She even told me that if this does not work, I will be snapped by some other woman very, very quickly. Feels good to know this. I have not volunteered to tell my wife that I am going to individual counseling. Should I mention it? I don't want to her to start relationship talk again in the next couple of weeks. I have had enough of it. I better let her observe me without the baggage of bringing the past all the time. I went through 'Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus'. She would understand why we got to where we are, if she reads it or listens to the CD. Should I recommend it to my wife? My little worry is that she will apply her newly acquired knowledge to the OM, or am I paranoid? Link to post Share on other sites
dshearins Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I had an affair months ago and my wife found out. We sleot in separate rooms for two nights and then made up on the thirds night. She still had issues but things were going ok. We seemed to have been having more sex as usual and I thought we were closer than ever. As a matter of fact last month(Oct>) she told a friend of ours that our marriage was stronger than ever. 3 wekes later she tells me she needs some space to deal with the hurt and anger I have caused her months ago. I had no signs of her feeling so hurt. SHe wants to separate to see if she can get over it. We are still living in the same house and SLEEPING in the same bed, no sex. I will be moving out after the holidays. This is not what I want. I want to be with her and I have told her I would do whatever it takes. She says she does not love me like she did and not sure if she wants to work on our marriage anymore. She has been out with friends a couple of times lately, although i hate the thought of her going out. She did tell me this last outing(party) she went to that she was invited there by a male friend who is going through a divorce. I am not sure I trust this guy. I hope I am not loosing her forever. I love her and I am very sorry for what I did and I want us to work harder on making things right. Am I wrong for hating to let her go out. I am afraid she will meet another man and fall head over hills for him and forget all about me. I screwed up and I am paying for what i did. I am still confused about her want ing space now and not loving me like she did. I love her very much and promise to only love her. How can I help her get past the hurt? I love her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 29, 2007 Author Share Posted November 29, 2007 I had an affair months ago and my wife found out. We sleot in separate rooms for two nights and then made up on the thirds night. She still had issues but things were going ok. We seemed to have been having more sex as usual and I thought we were closer than ever. As a matter of fact last month(Oct>) she told a friend of ours that our marriage was stronger than ever. 3 wekes later she tells me she needs some space to deal with the hurt and anger I have caused her months ago. I had no signs of her feeling so hurt. SHe wants to separate to see if she can get over it. We are still living in the same house and SLEEPING in the same bed, no sex. I will be moving out after the holidays. This is not what I want. I want to be with her and I have told her I would do whatever it takes. She says she does not love me like she did and not sure if she wants to work on our marriage anymore. She has been out with friends a couple of times lately, although i hate the thought of her going out. She did tell me this last outing(party) she went to that she was invited there by a male friend who is going through a divorce. I am not sure I trust this guy. I hope I am not loosing her forever. I love her and I am very sorry for what I did and I want us to work harder on making things right. Am I wrong for hating to let her go out. I am afraid she will meet another man and fall head over hills for him and forget all about me. I screwed up and I am paying for what i did. I am still confused about her want ing space now and not loving me like she did. I love her very much and promise to only love her. How can I help her get past the hurt? I love her. Perhaps you should start your own thread. I can't be of much help as I am in a mess. I believe that if you are afraid of losing her you will lose her. I may be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
american-woman Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I commend you on what you are doing. Its very hard. Your MC is right if your marriage does`nt work out someone will snatch you up fast. Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I just came from my individual marriage counseling. The MC is absolutely amazed (compared to other men she has counseled) by the progress I have made with myself and understanding the situation, women, relations, etc. And, you're welcome. Just kidding. Link to post Share on other sites
Kenyth Posted November 29, 2007 Share Posted November 29, 2007 I had an affair months ago and my wife found out. We sleot in separate rooms for two nights and then made up on the thirds night. She still had issues but things were going ok. We seemed to have been having more sex as usual and I thought we were closer than ever. As a matter of fact last month(Oct>) she told a friend of ours that our marriage was stronger than ever. 3 wekes later she tells me she needs some space to deal with the hurt and anger I have caused her months ago. I had no signs of her feeling so hurt. SHe wants to separate to see if she can get over it. We are still living in the same house and SLEEPING in the same bed, no sex. I will be moving out after the holidays. This is not what I want. I want to be with her and I have told her I would do whatever it takes. She says she does not love me like she did and not sure if she wants to work on our marriage anymore. She has been out with friends a couple of times lately, although i hate the thought of her going out. She did tell me this last outing(party) she went to that she was invited there by a male friend who is going through a divorce. I am not sure I trust this guy. I hope I am not loosing her forever. I love her and I am very sorry for what I did and I want us to work harder on making things right. Am I wrong for hating to let her go out. I am afraid she will meet another man and fall head over hills for him and forget all about me. I screwed up and I am paying for what i did. I am still confused about her want ing space now and not loving me like she did. I love her very much and promise to only love her. How can I help her get past the hurt? I love her. Yes, you should probably start your own thread. What you describe is not uncommon though. Once the affair is discovered initially, you get a "crisis" period. Both spouses may navigate the crisis period with flying colors, but that's not the end. When things calm down and the crisis is over, then comes some quiet self evaluation for the BS. The realization of the BS that the relationship, trust, and self-worth have been crippled by the affair can be too much for them. Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 I think he posted by mistake. His first time posting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Friends, I just had a conversation with my wife, after which I started thinking if I should run fast out of this situation. As usual, I am confused. Here are some of the details. She wants complete financial separation, whatever it means, and wants to talk about only separation and kids. She needs her space and nothing else. She wants financial independence, and she is not planning to work anytime soon. Well, I made a comment a few days ago that we were roommates, and she tells me how come I am trying to reconcile and say that we are roommates. I tell her this is what she wants and I expect her to respect me like a roommate. She is pissed off when I go out because she does not know if it is a date or not a date, if I am trying to make her jealous, etc. This is my way of control her apparently, if I do not get what I want, I go on a date, this is what she says. If I want the relationship to work I must first figure out finances. She is right, as I have not been good at keeping track of money. However I do not spend foolishly, so there is no real problem. She is pissed of that I go to individual marriage counseling and I did not tell her about it. Well, we are separated, right? I am not that accountable for what I do. Moreover, my whole family gets free marriage counseling from work, so she can book and go as much as she wants. I am not babysitting her. I changed my look completely and she says that I have inconsistent behavior. I feel very, very good about myself the way I look and I am having the fun of my life. She tells me that is not her business to tell that I look good. Fine with me. I got quite a few positive comments from females about the way I look. She keeps wanting me to move out. I told her that I am not the person that wants out, and I am not the one that f***ed up the marriage. I told her I would move out if she writes me a letter asking me (politely) to move out. She would not give such because I will show it to the kids one day, she thinks. She is pissed of that I read her diary and she wants it back. At the end of the conversation I told her that she has been looking for ways to justify her guilt. She says she has no guilt about anything. Then I excused myself and told her I am giving her space. Sure enough she keeps calling me for dinner because the kids are having dinner, which is her excuse to have me back. All of the above is waste of resources. What do you feel about my wife. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 The question you need to ask yourself is; do I want to be with the person? I think you have gotten some really good advice here from people such as LJ, Gunny & others but they are not in your shoes & neither am I so you are the one that has to make the call. I know the suggestion of a seeing a lawyer has been presented to you, so you have to decide if you want to leave or make her leave. I really feel you need to let her go thru with the separation because if you don't she will hold that "What if" over her/your head so she needs to go out & see what it is like on her own. Then when she comes running back "YOU" will have to decide if you really want her back, by then I bet your feelings & thoughts will have changed a lot. Me & my W separated & I feel she found out it was good as she thought & we started working on our relationship again & now we are back together. Was it a good thing, I'm not sure yet but at least she can't say; what if. Right now no matter what you do she will be pissed, she will blame you for everything so don't even think for a minute you will win any kind of compromise with her. She has left your marriage a while ago & so anything you do or say is/will just piss her off. She sees the changes you are doing & is confused, she still wants to go thru with her plan but you are making it hard for her, & yes you are right she is trying to use you for the excuse for her actions but she will never believe that & you will never be able to convince her of that. In "her" eyes you are the bad guy, what she is doing is because of you so it is O.K. that she acts the way she does. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 She wants financial independence, and she is not planning to work anytime soon. Wow, she's got some big balls! She's having an affair, wants a divorce, wants to live by herself, yet expects YOU to pay for it all financially? As a woman, I'm ashamed. If she wants her independence I'd give her complete independence, and that means she starts looking for a job and start paying her own way. Has she ever worked? How was her relationship with her parents? Was she spoiled as a kid? She is pissed off when I go out because she does not know if it is a date or not a date, if I am trying to make her jealous, etc. ... She is pissed of that I go to individual marriage counseling and I did not tell her about it. ... I changed my look completely and she says that I have inconsistent behavior. ... What do you feel about my wife. Your wife is showing a lot of similar symptoms my ex did. He would get extremely pissed off whenever I made any decisions without consulting him first. In our marriage, he was the main decision maker. He was use to being in control. And any step of independence I made, pissed him off completely. I simply could not make any sense out of his reactions. He was an arrogant man who felt he was always right. I dont ever recall him apologizing for anything. I dont know what's the best course of action for you. I was the BS just like you. After 5 months of waiting for my ex-husband to take any course of action towards divorce, I ended up filing. Which pissed him off! I was sick of waiting for him to do something. I was hurting each day and simply wanted the pain to stop. I filed. My lawyer sent a bailif to hand deliver the papers, which I forewarned my exh about, and yet he STILL was pissed off. I believe your wife probably has a course of action on how everything will turn out. It's probably some happy fairy tale she's imagined in her head so that everyone walks away all happy fuzzy feeling. And ANYthing you do that does not follow her imagined scenario, will tick her off. She wants to walk away from this with the least amount of guilt as possible. By you introducing bits of reality, just forces her to look at the situation in a not-so-positive light. I dont really understand her line of questioning if you are dating if SHE's the one with the OM. I dont really understand your line of reasoning on answering those questions. You are just placating to her fears that you'll move on faster before she has her plan B ready. I do not know what to advise as I was unable to save my own marriage. Just know that there is life on the other side. And it starts when you start focusing on you, how you can make YOUR life better. If dressing up and taking care of your appearance makes YOU happy, then continue to do so. Disregard anything negative she says about the changes you are making. Doing a 180 basically means building up your self-esteem so that you put yourself back at your highest priority. It's knowing that you were a great catch before you met your wife, and that you'll be a great catch after. It's knowing that you are doing nice deeds because you want to because it's who you are, as opposed to doing them in desperation to win someone back. It's knowing that no matter what life throws at you, you are ultimately in control of your own happiness, and that no matter WHAT your wife decides to do, you will be happy with or without her. It's knowing that if your wife is not happy, you CAN and WILL walk away knowing that you'll be ok. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 The question you need to ask yourself is; do I want to be with the person? So far I wanted, but as time goes and I am watching and listening to nonsense, I started having doubts myself. I think you have gotten some really good advice here from people such as LJ, Gunny & others but they are not in your shoes & neither am I so you are the one that has to make the call. I know the suggestion of a seeing a lawyer has been presented to you, so you have to decide if you want to leave or make her leave. I really feel you need to let her go thru with the separation because if you don't she will hold that "What if" over her/your head so she needs to go out & see what it is like on her own. Problem is she would not work. Then both of us will be really struggling financially in two households. The other option is I agree she goes with the kids to her parents, 2,000 miles away and insist that she would not ask for spousal support, so I survive and she survives. She would not work here, and I am getting sick and tired of this. Then when she comes running back "YOU" will have to decide if you really want her back, by then I bet your feelings & thoughts will have changed a lot. I am sure I will be moved on. Me & my W separated & I feel she found out it was good as she thought & we started working on our relationship again & now we are back together. Was it a good thing, I'm not sure yet but at least she can't say; what if. Exactly. Right now no matter what you do she will be pissed, she will blame you for everything so don't even think for a minute you will win any kind of compromise with her. She has left your marriage a while ago & so anything you do or say is/will just piss her off. She sees the changes you are doing & is confused, she still wants to go thru with her plan but you are making it hard for her, & yes you are right she is trying to use you for the excuse for her actions but she will never believe that & you will never be able to convince her of that. In "her" eyes you are the bad guy, what she is doing is because of you so it is O.K. that she acts the way she does. Correct. I am the bad guy. I am also getting quite exhausted in the whole thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author redblack66 Posted November 30, 2007 Author Share Posted November 30, 2007 Wow, she's got some big balls! She's having an affair, wants a divorce, wants to live by herself, yet expects YOU to pay for it all financially? Unfortunately, yes. She is talking on the phone with the OM. I am paying everything. Her justification is that I must provide money for her, so she is paying out of her money. Perhaps I should insist on our financial separation, instead of being afraid of it. As a woman, I'm ashamed. If she wants her independence I'd give her complete independence, and that means she starts looking for a job and start paying her own way. She would not work for another 2 years, and then she would go part-time. Has she ever worked? How was her relationship with her parents? Was she spoiled as a kid? Actually, she worked a lot on their farm and worked for about 5 years before we had kids. That's all. More and more I think she is spoiled in some way, or simply immature. For example, she quit a government job with benefits before she got pregnant to pursue studies in Biology. So, no maternity benefits. When you are planning on having a kid, you do not quit a job with maternity benefits for taking first year courses. Your wife is showing a lot of similar symptoms my ex did. He would get extremely pissed off whenever I made any decisions without consulting him first. In our marriage, he was the main decision maker. He was use to being in control. And any step of independence I made, pissed him off completely. I simply could not make any sense out of his reactions. He was an arrogant man who felt he was always right. I dont ever recall him apologizing for anything. Control issue; same here. I dont know what's the best course of action for you. I was the BS just like you. After 5 months of waiting for my ex-husband to take any course of action towards divorce, I ended up filing. Which pissed him off! I was sick of waiting for him to do something. I was hurting each day and simply wanted the pain to stop. I filed. My lawyer sent a bailif to hand deliver the papers, which I forewarned my exh about, and yet he STILL was pissed off. One of my reasons for divorce is to stop the pain, close this chapter, and move on fresh. I guess reconciliation is more difficult after divorce. I believe your wife probably has a course of action on how everything will turn out. It's probably some happy fairy tale she's imagined in her head so that everyone walks away all happy fuzzy feeling. She dreams of building a house in the middle of nowhere, but I really mean nowhere. And ANYthing you do that does not follow her imagined scenario, will tick her off. She wants to walk away from this with the least amount of guilt as possible. She already left in August making me believe that she needed some time to think about life. It was a cowardly way of ending it all. By you introducing bits of reality, just forces her to look at the situation in a not-so-positive light. I introduced reality big time. I dont really understand her line of questioning if you are dating if SHE's the one with the OM. I don't either. I dont really understand your line of reasoning on answering those questions. Honestly, I do not understand either. You are just placating to her fears that you'll move on faster before she has her plan B ready. Yes, I believe this is a good answer. I do not know what to advise as I was unable to save my own marriage. Just know that there is life on the other side. And it starts when you start focusing on you, how you can make YOUR life better. If dressing up and taking care of your appearance makes YOU happy, then continue to do so. Disregard anything negative she says about the changes you are making. Doing a 180 basically means building up your self-esteem so that you put yourself back at your highest priority. It's knowing that you were a great catch before you met your wife, and that you'll be a great catch after. It's knowing that you are doing nice deeds because you want to because it's who you are, as opposed to doing them in desperation to win someone back. It's knowing that no matter what life throws at you, you are ultimately in control of your own happiness, and that no matter WHAT your wife decides to do, you will be happy with or without her. It's knowing that if your wife is not happy, you CAN and WILL walk away knowing that you'll be ok. Exactly what I think. As the MC told me today with my understanding that I have developed over the last few months, I will be a really good catch. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted November 30, 2007 Share Posted November 30, 2007 Steady! Steady yourself! "Man yourself up" "Man YOURSELF UP! Fight damint! FIGHT! With your last SPARTIAN breath?! FIGHT! For the LOVE of your children ~ FIGHT! For the love of your FAMILY? FIGHT! For the LOVE of your marriage ~ FIGHT! For the LOVE of your wife ~ FIGHT! I need you to get junk yard dog ugly mean here! You need to fight for your marriage! You need to get down right ugly and mean about it! You need to get in her face and just TELL her "I love you damnit!" Always HAVE? ALWAYS will! Link to post Share on other sites
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