Amiss Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Hi, I'd like to knoe people's views. My BF has a female collegue who he first met 2 years ago (they lived in a shared house for a month). I don't see him as much as i'd like at the moment due to his work,study etc She calls him 3 times a week and last month he was about to cook her a meal at his new place untill I pointed out DODGY this was.They've be meaning to go the cinema for months and last weekend she dumped a man she'd been dating. I'm not the insecure type but wondering if I should worry.I know they would date if both single. He's now trying to fix her up with his best friend but talked to her last night (we couldn't spend it together)when his friend was there and told her he'd told his friend how lovely,gorgeous etc she was and said his friend (who is VERY shy)was upset because they were flirty. I haven't met her yet due to my issues with social situations but think I should. She is either using him for attention or wants him. I trust him but not her. Am I being paranoid? Or is there trouble ahead if I ignore the situation? Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 I'd be worried. You should go meet her and they shouldn't be going to movies or hanging out alone in his apartment until you find out what is going on with that situation. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 He's cooking dinner for her at his place? Telling his friend the following: how lovely,gorgeous etc she was Yeah, I'd be worried. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amiss Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 I know he isn't cheating (he wants to marry me and being faithful is important to him) but his female friend is trying to treat him like a boyfriend without the sex. He called off the cinema and dinner when he realised he wouldn't like it if it was me and a male friend he hadn't met. I know it's a good sign that he's told me about her but she is crossing a line.Why she thinks it is ok to call him at 10pm I don't know. I wouldn't feel comfortable calling a man in a serious r.s that late. I answered his mobile last week and it was her. She said she wants to meet me Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amiss Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 I'm about to text him before I go to bed but not sure what to say because we discuss it regulary. He doesn't have many friends(3 or 4 but more than I have at the moment!) so it must feel good having a new friend but he'd get jealous over my talking to someone in a forum. Grrr. Hate being the insecure girlfriend Link to post Share on other sites
TryingToHeal3 Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Of course you're not being paranoid. You need to meet her first of all. I would definately be uncomfortable if my husband was going on and on about how attractive and nice a lady friend of his was. Even though that would never happen because I am much too jealous to handle him having one. Don't ignore you're worrying feelings. Because if anything ever did happen, you would feel extremely stupid. I say like the old saying, keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer. Get to know her, find out as much as you can about her. Maybe even become somewhat close to her. That way you are at least completely in the know. My humble opinion. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amiss Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 Thanks. I've seen her picture on Facebook so know i'm prettier than her but she id very slim. Not that it matters,if someone wants to ease their way into your ralationship-they'll try. I'll try to meet her by christmas (she lives just outside our city) and hope she ends up dating his useless best friend Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 Thanks. I've seen her picture on Facebook so know i'm prettier than her but she id very slim. Not that it matters,if someone wants to ease their way into your ralationship-they'll try. I'll try to meet her by christmas (she lives just outside our city) and hope she ends up dating his useless best friend Maybe but easy when comparing yourself to others. Your bf said she was "gorgeous". That's unnerving. Regardless, I don't think appearances play too big of a role in why one cheats on another. Beautiful women get cheated on all the time. It's kind of shallow to think your looks will get you by and for others only to be concerned with those superficial aspects. I really do not think he has cheated yet ( I hope not) but there is obviously some sexual tension there. They say women and men can just be "friends" but maybe when there is a large age gap or it's a relative or something because I never really was one to believe in that too much. And from the looks of it, it doesn't sound too reassuring. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amiss Posted October 20, 2007 Author Share Posted October 20, 2007 I agree.It's silly thinking a prettier person has less chance of being cheated on! I spoke to him today and he realised that there are certain things you shouldn't say to female friends and he'll stop talking to her if I want.I'm not the type of person who would ban my BF from having female friends,though.He said he doesn't want to lose me and can't wait til we're married (he keeps asking me to marry him which is annoying) and living together etc Spent nice day with him and do feel a bit silly but pleased we've discussed it. Still don't trust HER.He suggested I talk to her but hopes she doesn't bore me with her problems. I might give her my email address and sees if she gets in contact Link to post Share on other sites
MsMartha Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Just playing the devil's advocate..... He might be having a hard time convincing his best friend that she's a "hottie". It could be that he's overselling her. If he's talking to you about it. That's positive. Tell him you want have a dinner the three of you together or the four of you with his bestfriend. Tell him you are trusting him. If you get another red flag during dinner.... Well, trust your heart and tell him what makes you uncomfortable. Be clear and concise. (I am also giving myself the same advice....lol) Don't assume unless you are getting clues and flags..... But listen to your heart, it knows...... Link to post Share on other sites
MsMartha Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Oh yeah to answer your question.... You are not paranoid, you are just doubting your inner feelings.... That's why I say listen to your heart..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Amiss Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 There were more developments today. I suggested giving her my email address,my BF agreed. I did this because I thought she would say yes meaning she was genuine ebout meeting me. Or she would say no, thus proving my paranoia is justified and she wants my BF.The result? She didn't answer my BF at all and has gone quiet(she works with him and usually chats/emails him)and now my BF feels like she isn't a real friend. Now I know why married people don't like single women/Men becoming friends with their other halfs.Not sure what will happen next but i'm starting to think women/men can't be friends without it getting complicated. You need some attraction in a friendship or why spend time with someone? Link to post Share on other sites
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