iowaguy Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 I'm new here and really need some advise on this one. I have been best friends with a woman for 12 years now. I dated and married her friend and then we seperated and are in the process of a divorce. She got married about the same time I did and I became friends with the guy. She is now divorced and I can not stand the way he treated her so I do not talk to him anymore. When she first separated from her husband, I came clean with her and told her how much I cared for her and would really like a chance to see if there was something more than friendship between us. She had the worry that since she was friends with my Ex and I was friends with her's that it would not work. We also work together and she said that would be a real problem. So, she dated a guy for about 10 months who verbally and mentally abused her (it was bad)!! I have always stood by her and been there when she needed a friend, but it hurt so bad to watch this happen to her. The broke up and got back together 4 times during the 10 months. I would tell her each time that she was nuts for going back and she wouldn't listen and just give the guy another chance. After the fourth time her family stepped in and said enough is enough and she is no longer seeing him. We started to spend some quality time together for a couple of weeks, but what do you know her Ex strolls back into the picture. He is using there son as a means to spend time with her and now she has backed off of spending time with me because she gets to spend more time with her child. The thing is I can tell that she may be interested in giving her ex another try. I warned her that the likelyhood of this working out was slim to none and not only was she going to get hurt, but so was her ex and more importantly her son. I really care for her deeply (very close to telling her I love her), but now I don't know what to do. It really depresses me to watch her keep making mistate after mistake with her life. Not only that but when we do spend quality time together it is awesome. We have an absolute blast together. She has told me before that she is interested in me and she has also told a mutual friend this. But for some reason as soon as she does lower her guard a bit, she will put it right back up the next day. This has now been going on for a while. Please help!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 3, 2003 Share Posted May 3, 2003 Don't expect a lot from this lady and you are best served by back off altogether. She is absolutely correct that the fact that everybody has been friends here is a complicating factor. And the son will complicate things even more as both she and her ex will always have the son in common. There are just way way way way way way way too many uncomplicated relationships to be had out there to fool around with something that's going to be nothing but chaotic and bring you trouble. You don't need to be hanging around this lady and giving her advice. She's smart enough to know that your advice is half hearted because you are looking out for your interests in her. As a matter of fact, she may resent you sticking your nose in her business in light of the fact that you care about her. You're wasting you time in a major way. Take a nice, cold shower and get out there to find a truly nice lady for yourself, one where there won't be any ex husbands in the picture and where everbody isn't friends. Link to post Share on other sites
iowaguy Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 Hey Tony, I know what you are saying, and I wish it was that easy. I really do care for her and would like to see if there is something there which I am pretty sure there is. So instead of going for it, I should give up?? If I was to describe the perfect woman for me, it would be her. This really sucks!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 4, 2003 Share Posted May 4, 2003 YOU ASK: "So instead of going for it, I should give up??" Do what you feel in your heart. We only give advice here...we don't tell people how to live. Just don't make a fool out of yourself and don't waste years of your life chasing the wind. Love is a strange game. Sometimes the only winning move is not to play. And I agree with you, sometimes it really does suck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
stepwater Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 Im going to reiterate the words you dont want to hear but its for the best. Move on.... Link to post Share on other sites
loca Posted May 6, 2003 Share Posted May 6, 2003 Iowaguy- I am going through something along the same lines (little more difficult). Anyway, I just got back from the mall and saw the guy I have been seeing w/ his ex. We are friends, but also on an intimate level and I went up and spoke to him. He was sweating bullets. They also have children together and what can I say spend time w/ your children and not her? I have decided to date around and quite dedicating all of my time and energy into someone who is not willing to do the same for me. If he comes around then I will think about. If not I don't really care. I suggest you do like Tony said and find a woman who will put you number one in her life! Link to post Share on other sites
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