Tropicalchris Posted October 20, 2007 Share Posted October 20, 2007 So here is a little background information on us. We are both in college, and began dating almost 2 years ago. I am her first boyfriend, first love, first everything. After I went to bootcamp to join the military over this summer, she broke up with me saying she had to see other people to know if she truely loved me. This is something I expected to happen, and understood. So after 2-3 months, she then came back hanging out with me and us just being friends together. It then gradually became a relationship again, and we both fell in love. This all finalized about 1 month ago. So we became official again about a week ago. Here are the characters in this situation that took place. I have 2 roommates, and we will call them James and Jake. My girlfriend will be called Jenny. And my roommate, James, has a friend named Mark that lives a couple doors down from us in the same apartment complex. Now Mark knows that Jenny and I have been in a relationship for some time, has attended both of our birthday parties that we put on for each other, sees us together, etc. Now Mark and my girlfriend always would talk, and just seemed like good friends. I did not think anything of it. There would be times that I would be in my room studying while she was in the living room talking with him and some other people. So now a couple days ago, I went out for my roommate Jake's 21st birthday. My girlfriend had almost 3/4 a bottle of wine (I was driving and only had 1/4), and then came home and had 2 shots of vodka with my roommate. So she was fairly drunk. She did the same thing as usual, talk with Mark, our neighbor and friend of my roommate. Then she said, "I am going over to Mark's for a bit to talk, I will be back in 5 minutes." Goes over there (still a bit intoxicated). He then admits to her how much he has liked her, how wonderful of a girl she is, etc. And they kiss. She stops and says it is not right, but then kiss again. She finally gets up to leave and he says, "You can kiss me again going through my bedroom door or my front door." She just leaves and comes back to me. The next day is when she admitted to doing this to him. She never used alcohol as an excuse, even though she could because she was drunk and he was not. And she has been crying, wailing, and honestly seems sincerely sorry for what she has done. She tells me how she truly did want to marry me and be with me for the rest of her life (which we have talked about briefly in the past), how she knows what she did was wrong, but does not truly know why she did it. It has been 3 days now, and I still can't get the mental image out of my head as to what they did. I have so many emotions going in my head now. HATE for Mark to do that to me, and not respect me as a man and at least BE a man. I feel betrayed by my girlfriend for doing that. Upset that my roommates "want to stay out of it" and not even take sides, even though they know Mark was wrong for what he did. I just have so many emotions going on now. Jenny truly feels and seems upset. I have never seen someone cry as much as she has. She missed 2 midterms because she would not leave her apartment. One of the biggest reasons I loved this person is because I thought I could trust them to not do this to me. My previous 2 girlfriends have done this to me...except one had sex with the man, Jenny in this case only made out with him for a couple minutes. I just want to know, how should I handle this, what should I do? I do love her, and I want her back. But I want to be able to forgive and forget. I don't think the "once a cheater always a cheater" would apply here because she is not the kind of person to do this. What is everyone's thoughts on this. Ask any questiosn if you have them, I will respond to them. Link to post Share on other sites
CD111 Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Tough situation, talk about some serious back stabbing from the Mark guy. As for your girlfriend. I would be really careful. It's up to you to give her another chance. Would you be constantly paranoid about her fidelity to you anytime she had a drink and talked to other guys and it would just eat you up inside? I would take some NC time to get my head straight. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tropicalchris Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Luckily I have some self control and will not put Mark in the hospital, but I feel revenge would be somewhat called for....IRS or something. He does drugs on a regular basis, and thought about getting him for that. As for my girlfriend, I sort of took her back today. She really does seem to be sincere in her apology for it all, and that she will never do this again. I probably will be wondering for awhile when she gets drunk or talks to other guys, but it is something SHE will have to deal with me bugging her about...since it was her fault to begin with. We both invested a lot into each other...emotionally, materially, and physically. So I could not end this with her unless they did more than kiss. She is going to get counseling to prevent this from happening, and I intend to plan a couples counseling for the both of us to attend to try and work this out between us so we can continue with our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tropicalchris Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Another thing I want to know. My roommates both say they want to stay out of this, yet continue to talk and hang out with Mark. I personally can not understand why anyone would want to hang out with someone who ruined my relationship I had with my girlfriend. If they call me my friend, I am not asking them to take sides, but they have not even acknowledgedly that he was wrong in what he did. They just "stay out of it." When I first told them about what he did, they both sort of defended it by saying, "Well no one knew you and Jenny were official again, and that you were dating. Facebook didn't say you two were." My rebuttle was that it was obvious we were working things out again because we were together all the time, kissing with each other, i went home to see her family the weekend prior, and she TOLD him before they kissed that she was with me and we were planning on living together. How should I handle my roommates for not even having my back on this? Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I do love her, and I want her back. But I want to be able to forgive and forget. I don't think the "once a cheater always a cheater" would apply here because she is not the kind of person to do this. Uh...obviously, she is. What is everyone's thoughts on this. Dump her. She did it once, she can do it again. Find someone who will respect you enough to not want to go to another guy's apartment for whatever it is she wants to do with him. Link to post Share on other sites
CD111 Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 As for your roommates, yeah that is a pretty ****ting thing they are doing. However, it may just be the whole guy thing and they don't want Matt to call them a wuss. You live with them so not communicating is really not an option. I would just be vary of them because they may also not be as good of friends for you as you thought they were. They may also not think so highly of your girlfriend or just want to kiss her too. I don't know, I wouldn't trust them though. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tropicalchris Posted October 21, 2007 Author Share Posted October 21, 2007 Well I sorta took her back and said I forgave her. She honestly feels sorry about doing this. I just don't know what to do now... Link to post Share on other sites
Thunderslow Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Simple your jealous and your ego has been bruised. Your first love can be fun but if you put your ego all over it you'll mess it up for yourself. Its clear that your passed girlfriends wanted to play around and you got all tight on that. Mark kissed your girlfriend so what if that is what you think is a man you need to get your ego checked Stiff boyfriends never keep there gilrs long they soon start to wonder so lossen up. So she kissed Mark. Ok not telling you that she wanted to kiss some one was some what bad on her part. But your reaction is clear your ego is all up tight over small stuff. Next time you see her why not ask what she got from kissing Mark. See what you can learn to please her better. A women stays with a man that is understanding and willing to let her show her fantasys and if her boyfriend is as jealous as you seem to be if your not carfull she may see the bed. I am in a open Marriage and must say that I should have opened up more to my girlfriends play intrests and keeped my ego down. That way you can see what realy turns her on this will make you a better boyfriend and will make her feel less like property and more like a friend. Girls my friend look at you first and formost as a friend that may in time be more. But more of what ego or understanding that the human sexuality can expand to see others as a intrest. I sugest you play with her as a friend and less of a owned property. It can be fun doign that more than letting your ego run. I know your saying trust but when you trust your realy asking her to trust you that you wouldent freek out like you are doing right now. Trust is saying you came back to me after having more than a kiss. I know some women will say something about this but hear we go. See a woman likes to feel safe after she has tryed something and if you blow up on something as small as a kiss what would you do if she did a look at another guy. Ha we all look at the girls even you its a kiss shes testing your "hear gose his ego" great kiss to another guys kiss.. Instead of getting ticked off you should be happy man she did not brack it off she came back. That means see is digging you. Now if she has the bedroom action then you need to sit down and realy see whats going on. Remember your at collage and at this time girls are just trying what you was doing and meany guys was doing at age 12. She needs you to be understanding that shes got some intrests. What some of us guyes wouldent do to have your situation. A girl that is looking at her self to see what she likes. But the ego in you man is not seeing the fun that this could bring. 98% of girls have thought of having a three some wouldent you want her to get the intrest out now as her boyfriend than when you get married and have to deal with the 95% divorce rate. Because one of the parties cheated. Cheating is seeing another with out the ok by there partner and as a boyfriend your her first right so she needs to test the waters. I mean my gosh get your ego under controle. You have to remember you don't own her. tell you know eather have fun with her curiosity or she will go to. http://ohiovalleypoly.150m.com/article-why_i_have_an_open_marriage.htm Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts