POLL: Would you rather be a carrot or a cake?

[morelaugh]

The two sentences bolded conflict. Men watch porn for the express purpose of being aroused.

I meant aroused by the act as opposed to aroused by the looks

[Cobra_X30]

- Why do you think he is an addict? I read many posts on this forum and it looks like most normal men look at porn

 

If he cant give it up... then he is addicted.

 

Has he told you that he feels younger women are more attractive than you?

[morelaugh]

I have to go now for a few hours.

 

Thanks everyone, this was much more therapeutic than the carot analogy.

 

I'll think about everything you said and try to sort out what my feeling about it is.

 

Thanks again and I'm sure I'll be back soon.

[COLOR=black][/COLOR]

[RecordProducer]

I am absolutely turned off by guys who don't see the brain as a more important organ than the boobs. I would never wanna be seen as a chocolate cake, that's only "tasty" until it's spent.

 

I am a garden of fruits and flowers (carrots, too - although they are vegetables).

[mental_traveller]

Ha ha, speak for yourself! But really, even if that's the case, he can compromise and give that up and switch to watching other kinds of stuff with her instead of without her.

 

I'm just going on the experiences of pretty much every guy I know who watchs porn. They don't want to see middle aged couples cooing at each other under the bedsheets - they want to see young hot women acting slutty, getting slammed, and appearing to enjoy it. Just google for online porn - it's not about Cinderella meeting Prince Charming at the ball.

 

As for the husband, you are assuming that he has any intention of giving up. That's a big leap of faith. Regardless of whether his preference for younger hot women is "superficial" or entirely normal and natural, it is a fact that she has to deal with.

 

Regarding the counsellor, I don't agree with the way he handled it, no. But our poster wasn't asking "Is my counsellor an idiot?" She was asking if men prefer cake or carrots. The answer is that most men, even if happy with their carrot, do find cake attractive. A lot of these men download pics/vids of it and jerk off while fantasising about banging this or that piece of cake. The counsellor was effectively saying "that's life, deal with it".

 

What is the alternative? Divorce? Try to ban her husband from watching porn? Come on, how likely is that? Yeah the counsellor should have said "talk about it with your husband, ask him to stop out of respect for you, say how uncomfortable it makes you feel". Then she would say that, her husband would nod his head...and then he would continue watching porn, but just being more careful not to get caught. See the problem? Sounds like the counsellor is just a realist and is trying to persuade her to accept porn use as a common & normal thing for men (which it is). He should have phrased it differently but to a large extent he is right.

[lonelybird]

What a crappy therapist! Watching porn is big issue, it is your husband's issue, not yours. the more he watches, the more he craves young and new body and more and more....Bible says "if a man look at a woman with lust thought, he already commit adultery"

 

Probably many therapist tell you that it is "normal" because many men even women watch porn, but that doesn't mean "accept it" will go to a good direction. The good direction is your husband stop watching porn, I don't know you, but I believe in God, If I were you, I would pray to God, let God show him how wrong to watching porn is, and God will change him.

 

Now maybe you can work on yourself and focus your eyes on yourself, make yourself happy and content, to become more confident about yourself; and same time pray God to change him or other methods you can think to stop your husband watching porn? By this way, you won't be dragged by this negative situation, and you are in control.

 

Watching porn with your husband is a bad idea. that may lead to a undesirable situation, and you will resent it big time later. because you change your integrity too much.

[Trialbyfire]

normal thing for men (which it is).

Not all men watch porn or are interested in it. There are actually a portion of the male population who are satisfied without.

 

Btw, I don't care if they do or don't, as long as it's not the deviant stuff.

[Touche]

I'm just going on the experiences of pretty much every guy I know who watchs porn. They don't want to see middle aged couples cooing at each other under the bedsheets - they want to see young hot women acting slutty, getting slammed, and appearing to enjoy it. Just google for online porn - it's not about Cinderella meeting Prince Charming at the ball.

 

As for the husband, you are assuming that he has any intention of giving up. That's a big leap of faith. Regardless of whether his preference for younger hot women is "superficial" or entirely normal and natural, it is a fact that she has to deal with.

 

Regarding the counsellor, I don't agree with the way he handled it, no. But our poster wasn't asking "Is my counsellor an idiot?" She was asking if men prefer cake or carrots. The answer is that most men, even if happy with their carrot, do find cake attractive. A lot of these men download pics/vids of it and jerk off while fantasising about banging this or that piece of cake. The counsellor was effectively saying "that's life, deal with it".

 

What is the alternative? Divorce? Try to ban her husband from watching porn? Come on, how likely is that? Yeah the counsellor should have said "talk about it with your husband, ask him to stop out of respect for you, say how uncomfortable it makes you feel". Then she would say that, her husband would nod his head...and then he would continue watching porn, but just being more careful not to get caught. See the problem? Sounds like the counsellor is just a realist and is trying to persuade her to accept porn use as a common & normal thing for men (which it is). He should have phrased it differently but to a large extent he is right.

 

What a crock. That was pure nonsense. I didn't say it had to be coupl's of a certain age. What we watch is couples in their 20's and 30's. Sometimes girl on girl even...yeah, that turns ME on too. I was only saying they should break out of their mold. OP seems quite open to anything. She just needs to stop being so insecure and he needs to stop doing this in private without her. It's that simple. It's not rocket science at all.

 

Not all men are the same, MT. Trust me on that one. Bet I've been with more men than you have!

 

Good luck, Laugh...come back and tell us how it's going soon ok?

[lonelybird]

I am far from being asexual church lady – .

church lady isn't asexual, just they prefer sex in a fully committed relationship, such as marriage, sex become an act of one union, and expression of love

[mental_traveller]

You may be right, but I don't really want the power.

I want a man who desires me.

 

That's not what it sounds like. It sounds like you want a man who finds you physically *more* attractive than women half your age.

 

Does your husband have sex with you enough, and do you both enjoy it? Or has your sex life gone down the pan as he has got more and more into watching porn?

[popey]

Morelaugh: I feel ya. I do not at all have an issue with my own sexual desirabilty, and that doesn't remove the question from my mind that I think you are posing.

 

To those who have said, "I am a woman of XX years and many young men would like to be with me." ... IMO- irrelevant to the OP's question. I too know that young men will pursue sleeping with me. Guess what- this does not mean it is bc we are more desirable than young women. We're categoricaly easier, and different for them. I really don't think that means anything about wether or not SO's of our age, still crave younger women or not.

 

I think that you are saying that you just want to know if you have to just accept that desire for younger women is inevitable, regardless of your H's commitment to you, or your healthy sex life. fair question in IMO. I too wonder.

[mental_traveller]

What we watch is couples in their 20's and 30's.

 

Hey, weren't you accusing people of being superficial a little bit earlier?

 

Let me guess - not only is it young couples, but they are quite well-toned and attractive too? I bet there are no videos of fat ugly 60 year olds with nice personalities in your porn collection

[Touche]

Hey, weren't you accusing people of being superficial a little bit earlier?

 

Let me guess - not only is it young couples, but they are quite well-toned and attractive too? I bet there are no videos of fat ugly 60 year olds with nice personalities in your porn collection

 

No. We don't have a "porn collection." We don't own one single piece of porn. We sometimes just tune in to the cable channel and that's all they have is couples in their 20's and 30's. (And yes, they have nice bodies. So?) We have no say in that. It's just what they show. So what?

 

Not seeing your point..sorry.

 

My saying that Laugh's H is superficial has NOTHING to do with what kind of porn he's watching. You're not really seeing that though. I give up.

 

Night all!

[lonelybird]

Physical attraction can come out from spiritual or heart connection or reconnection. maybe this is a more of a spiritual issue than a physical issue.

 

if you flow away with his desire for porn or other young good looking girl, I mean you feel bad about yourself, that means you assume that his action is justified and nothing wrong with his action, and you let his wrong act affect your self-esteem. if so you don't have ground to stand in the very first place, you are like quicksand, powerless and vulnerable. you are totally controlled by his every whim. There is a strong ground you can stand, and able to fight to this negative situation. that ground is your value system, your belief system, your core being, who you really are. when you have your strong ground, your husband will look at you with new eyes, your positiveness will influence him to a good direction as well. Be a influence-er, not a influence-ee

[popey]

No. We don't have a "porn collection." We don't own one single piece of porn. We sometimes just tune in to the cable channel and that's all they have is couples in their 20's and 30's. (And yes, they have nice bodies. So?) We have no say in that. It's just what they show. So what?

 

Not seeing your point..sorry.

 

My saying that Laugh's H is superficial has NOTHING to do with what kind of porn he's watching. You're not really seeing that though. I give up.

 

Night all!

 

so are you saying that if you tuned into to cable, and had two options: 1. 20 y/o's being seduced; and 2. 40-somethings making love... it would be 6 in 1; 1/2 a dozen in the other? for both of you?

[mental_traveller]

 

I think that you are saying that you just want to know if you have to just accept that desire for younger women is inevitable, regardless of your H's commitment to you, or your healthy sex life. fair question in IMO. I too wonder.

 

I think it is pretty inevitable, given nature & evolution. If we didn't have that desire, then the human race would have died out a long time ago. The human sex drive has led countless married people to cheat, with all the disastrous consequences. So clearly even more people are at least going to be tempted to cheat but not go ahead. And even more than that are going to have no cheating temptation, but a more mundane general attraction to the female form (focused mainly on young hotties). So, going by statistics that say 60% of men, and 40% of women cheat, then at a guess, 80% of men and 60% of women have been tempted but not acted on it. And maybe 95% of men and 90% of women do find some other people physically attractive.

 

The men who are not attracted to hot young women are normally either gay or have extremely low testosterone counts. Most women do not seem to be too attracted to men of that type.

[mental_traveller]

We sometimes just tune in to the cable channel and that's all they have is couples in their 20's and 30's. (And yes, they have nice bodies. So?) We have no say in that. It's just what they show. So what?

 

So why do you think the cable company shows attractive young people on the porn channel? Because *that's what people like*. Most porn customers are men. Men prefer younger women (in general - there are exceptions).

 

The counsellor - all mistakes aside - was basically making this point. The OP was asking is this true. Despite the wall of naive idealistic posts saying that looks don't matter, I was trying to explain to OP that actually yes, looks do appeal to some extent, and men tend to prefer younger hot women over middle aged women. Hot young girl > hot 45 year old woman. Men's actions bear this out, so does the programming of porn companies and adult cable channels. So please, don't say it's pure nonsense, and don't pretend that men don't care about age or looks, because they do.

 

Are there other, more important factors? Yes, of course. Does that mean OP's husband is going to have a sudden Damascene conversion and give up his young hottie fantasies overnight, just because his wife asks? Somehow I doubt it.

 

The problem here is not her husband's perfectly normal attraction to younger hot women. It is his insensitivity in how he expresses this, and his wife's insecurity about what is a perfectly normal male sex drive. All these holier than thou posts attempting to say that lusting after young women is abnormal, superficial and wrong, do nothing to address the original post, or the problem affecting her marriage.

[lonelybird]

The counsellor - all mistakes aside - was basically making this point. The OP was asking is this true. Despite the wall of naive idealistic posts saying that looks don't matter, I was trying to explain to OP that actually yes, looks do appeal to some extent, and men tend to prefer younger hot women over middle aged women..

That is TRUE. It is obvious. we have sinful nature since we are born to this earth. But follow our sinful nature is dead end. but following spirit is hope and bright future

[directx]

I find a 40 something woman incredibly more desirable than the younger one you described.

 

Just something about how they look and the experience they have. I just think an older woman is just more hungrier sexually than a young one.

 

No brainer for me:

[popey]

MT: I'm not sure I agree w/ you totally. But I am feeling like some other posters on this one may be professing that which that WANT to believe.

[OpenBook]

It has been my experience that it's all in my attitude. When I know I'm hot, to the point where I don't care whether anyone recognizes it or not, ... that's when I get a lot of testosterone thrown my way. From the young ones AND the older ones. Age (and its relevance) flies out the window.