Author Gwyneth Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 Right, but he has a retirement plan (pension?) and I think he thinks he has to share that with her, although they have Only been married two years. He told me yesterday he might be moving out soon because they need time apart. We'll see. I'm sticking to my plan of keeping my distance. So far, so good. Now I have other issues to deal with. Mom is having surgery, and work sucks... Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Right, but he has a retirement plan (pension?) and I think he thinks he has to share that with her, although they have Only been married two years. He told me yesterday he might be moving out soon because they need time apart. We'll see. I'm sticking to my plan of keeping my distance. So far, so good. Now I have other issues to deal with. Mom is having surgery, and work sucks... Hi Gwyneth, She wont recieve any of his SS unless they have been married 10 years or more. $401 K, after 2 years into it, and calculating the max contributions and a nice run in the markt, he may have (tops) $40,000 in it. That is IF he contibuted the max , ( 15,000) a year, So with that said worse case senerio is that he gives her $20,000. Thats nothing really. He can make that up in a Year:) So bottom line is that IS NO EXCUSE!!!! STICK TO YOUR PLAN ,, I wish I could turn back the clock 3 years, I would have done many many things different, you are on the right track, let him move out, and have paper in hand FIRST!! Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Mino Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 one more thing " MIGHT" is not good enough!!! either he stays or he goes, He might be saying might, to give you false hope, thats the way they play their game. Use your EYES. not your EARS to figure mm out. Its all about Action, not empty words;) Link to post Share on other sites
child_of_isis Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Nope. And at 2 years, if there is a marital home, the equity will be so minute it wouldn't even be worth squabbling about...and a piece of cake buying the other out. This divorce would require 15 minutes at the courthouse. 10 minutes of that would be spent waiting for the judge.Right, but he has a retirement plan (pension?) and I think he thinks he has to share that with her, although they have Only been married two years. Link to post Share on other sites
nadiaj2727 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Hi Gwenyth, I am in a similar situation in that I just broke up with my MM and he does not want to let me go. It's different in that he says he is getting divorced. But it's the same in that I want out of this unless and until he is divorced, and he wants to hang on to me. Of course he does, I am his shoulder to cry on, the person to complain to about his wife, the person to confide in about his divorce, the person to give him companionship and fun and sex, etc. etc. etc. And yet what is he giving me except promises of a future he hasn't delivered? What is this man giving you? You said he feels like he's your soulmate. I understand because it was the exact same way with my MM. All of a sudden there was this immense passion and connection and we were on the same wavelength and I thought he was the person I was supposed to be with... despite the fact that he was married. Then the fantasy wore off and reality hit and I thought, of course it tasted so sweet, because it was forbidden and not ordinary. Once we settled down into a more normal relationship, we have problems like everyone else, and I often wonder if I became W and he got another OW if he would complain to her about me and tell her that --she-- was his soulmate. Things like this always feel better than they are in reality. In reality, this man is not giving you anything but drama from his wife. In your case he is not even promising to give you anything, so why hang on for nothing?? There is no easy way to end it without hurting. My MM calls me at 2 and 3 in the morning and says he can't sleep and he has an ulcer and he says I abandoned him and how can I leave him now when his divorce is so close? Do you know what I do? I ignore him, even though I have raging feelings for him and I thought he was the love of my life, because I *do* believe in soul mates but I don't believe he can be mine unless he is not married, because I only believe in one soul mate. So you just push through the pain and drama and you ignore him and he will go away and find some other girl to call and text and kiss and hold hand with (since you admit you're not special to him and he's done it before). Then she can inherit all the problems you just freed yourself from. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwyneth Posted October 26, 2007 Author Share Posted October 26, 2007 Wow Nadia, that's an intense situation. I feel your pain. I am being strong, and although I am not ignoring him yet and haven't told him I want out, I am just acting like we are just normal friends and that's all. I think I need to ease into this. I think the sexual feelings will ware off and eventually we can be near each other but not have to talk. This is the way I want to handle this situation, because we tried the whole "let's not talk or see each other" thing and it didn't work out for more than aday. It was painful. I'm putting it into God's hands now and waiting for it all to just ware off. I believe it will. Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Gwyneth, Sincerely speaking, if you truly put it into God's hands, you would get over this guy and move on. Good luck. Faith can move a mountain. Link to post Share on other sites
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