Woggle Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Today I was talking with an old friend from New York and it got me thinking about the ex again. I found myself remembering our times fondly. When we were in New York before we were married it was us against the world and we are inseperable. We were like a modern Bonnie and Clyde and for some reason it all went **** when we moved out of the projects and bought a house in New Jersey. What are some ways that I can start hating her so I can finally move on in my life. She tried to kill me and here I am looking back like we had some great romance. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 You don't have to hate her to move on with your life. In fact, hating her will keep her present in your mind. When you get to feeling indifferent about her, you'll be free. Time is really the only thing that gets you there, although focusing on - and reveling in - the good things in your life, such as the great romance you have with your wife, should help a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 Two things .. 1. Hate is the other side of the coin of love. If you can't hate her, it means you don't have any left-over feelings for her, which, imho, is a positive thing. 2. The fact is that humans tend to forget bad memories and remember the good things, that's just how the human body and memory system is designed. So, from the above two statements I'd say you're doing pretty well. She is not affecting you in any great way and all you've got is the pleasant memories so you're prolly over the bad times you've had with her and that's a good thing, imho. You've got her worst bits out of your system. Over time even the rest of her will be out and you'll be totally free of her. Try not to focus on her or thoughts of her, that only serves to keep her alive in your mind. Think of positive things other than her whenever the memories get into your head. If you do it consciously for a while it will become a habit and soon you won't be thinking of her at all and even if you do, your habit will drive those thoughts away. Just my two bits .. Bobby Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I cant add anything more than what's already been said. Dont strive to hate her, strive to be indifferent of her. And when you do find your thoughts going towards her, make a conscious decision to focus on other positive things in your life right now. Do this enough times and it'll become habit. Focus on all the positive things that have happened in your life because of your divorce. It seems to give me a purpose for the pain that I had to go through. Link to post Share on other sites
OldEurope Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I said it before--you denied it--and I say it again: romantic nostalgia. You want to see your ex because somewhere a flame has not been put out. Only-- when you play with fire, Mr. Wogs, you run a chance of getting seriously burned... That said: Meet up with her. You need to get this out of your system. Meet someplace safe, where others will be around, and do not be naive: an unstable person can put on many disguises. You have to be clinically, almost academically objective here. If you do bring up better times, don't do so at first. Only after you get a feel for things. After all, you could be wildly disappointed... ....Also do look into the fact as to whether all is all right with your current wife. You speak very highly of her and we've noted that here. But I have to question if something is missing, some sense of adventure. You are restless. OE Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I think that your head just can't wrap around the fact she did a 180 and went crazy. Almost like you're pondering in your head "Why couldn't I see how crazy she was from the start? Did she hide this stuff from day one? Was she always this crazy? ... etc. ... " Woggle, somehow you need to make peace with this and move on. IF you don't, this is another thing that will eat you up... Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Wog's, as you've read, I have some experiance with your situation. I don't hate my ex anymore. I finally awoke one day and realized that what had been hate had morphed into disgust. Months later the disgust morphed into distain, then finally bemusment as to how I'd spent, even squandered 25 years with the woman. It takes time Wogs, not as long as you believe either. Link to post Share on other sites
Nightwolf_58 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I think that people do that to try and make ourselves feel better, and maybe ever give ourselves some hope. I know that when I think of good times, I become more relaxed, and feel better. Every situtation is different, and the time is different for everyone, but eventually you will find it in your heart to forgive, and that is when you know you are truly ready to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Citizen Erased Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 And now for my second virtual bitch slapping of the day. This woman shot at you and the woman who is now your wife. She has been stewing in jail for it, possibly hates you even more because she will see it as YOU putting her there. It is important you don't cling onto the past. She will never be the woman you fell in love with. She may have changed from the psycho she turned into, but she still has that inside of her. That potential to do harm to yourself and your wife. You have a family now, a wife who love you very much, and you need to focus on HER. Protect your new life from the old one, if you can't do it for yourself then take a look a your wife and think about how much she means to you, and how much you could have lost if your ex-wife had of managed to get her revenge she was seeking at the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Today I was talking with an old friend from New York and it got me thinking about the ex again. I found myself remembering our times fondly. When we were in New York before we were married it was us against the world and we are inseperable. We were like a modern Bonnie and Clyde and for some reason it all went **** when we moved out of the projects and bought a house in New Jersey. What are some ways that I can start hating her so I can finally move on in my life. She tried to kill me and here I am looking back like we had some great romance. Wog do you really want to hate her? If you want to generate a burning hatred, I can tell you how. I think the others are right... its best to just not think of her. Link to post Share on other sites
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