heartbroken31 Posted October 21, 2007 Share Posted October 21, 2007 I am a domestic violence worker and I would be happy to help anyone I can. I will keep an eye on the posts and help if I can. Feel free to ask any questions. Link to post Share on other sites
iNCApacitated Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I am stuck with a fork in the road. I have been thinking about a divorce after 8 years of marriage. I have been a victim of spousal abuse during the past 8 years. Although not often, it has been getting worse. The slaps to the face have turned to punches to the face, and even punches to the groin. Yes I am the husband (before you make any rash decisions about my stature, I am 5'10" 190 lbs and my wife is 5'7" 110 lbs). I have NEVER hit her back in any way. I grew up in that environment so I promised myself never to hit. After getting hit in the groin, I realized that my marriage of 8 years has no substance. In a blink of an eye, it seemed that all the happy and difficult times we endured over the years were thrown away. We have 2 kids between us. I realize that we have kids, but the situation is so volatile that we have started to argue quite often in front of the kids and I can see her (and me) take out out frustration on each other on the kids. The smallest things are now turning into a firecracker and we have both lost our temper (no physical abuse to the kids). She refuses to have counseling and insists that "if I hadn't done that, I wouldn't have gotten hit." On top of that, I started having an affair. Maybe I was looking for love when I was getting beat up, or looking for a safe haven for someone to care for me. I'm so confused..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author heartbroken31 Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 Hi, First thing's first, end the affair because that is not going to help anyone and it is only confusing the decision making process. Try and explain to your girlfriend why and that you need time to sort things out. It is definately not a safe environment for you and the kids to be in. Do you have somewhere else you can stay with the kids? The violence never stops, it only esculates. You need to start reporting it to the police and contact a domestic violence service for counselling. I am not sure what Country you are from so I cant advise of your legal options. Ultimately you and the kids need to be out of the house. Quite possible your wife needs help. Is there a mental illness? If you think the kids are safe with her leave on your own. Yes it does sound like your marriage is over and it is a big step that you have realised that. This is not your fault! Dont let yourself think that. All abusers use that to justify their actions to themselves. It is hard to walk away but it is also necessary for self preservation and what she is doing to you is so wrong. It is a difficult situation to leave and leaving is the hardest part but you need to focus on the rainbow at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
iNCApacitated Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Thank you so much.... Link to post Share on other sites
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