why is he doing this?

[tara.tang]

this guy i have liked for about 6 months has never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl before. Hes shy and unconfident with girls I guess but hes not shy in general. (im the same way cept for with boys)

 

I know this is cheap, but one night when I was hanging out with him and some people, we were both kinda drunk and we flirted "hit it off" or so I thought. My pals there knew i still liked him and they kept trying to get us to touch each other and one asked if i had a crush on him in front of him. My crush did keep subtlely trying to touch me and asked me if i thought he was cute, although he also asked if other girls did too. I wasnt going to do anything because even though Ive been told that he doesnt usually flirt with girls even when hes drunk, I still wasnt convinced he likes me. My pals there that night kept saying "I think he does." So I almost told him I liked him but I chickened out and just left. He was like "what happened" and when I got back to my room he had left me 2 voicemails. One saying "Hope you got back to your room Ok, Ill Im u and ill see you tomorrow (I have no idea why he said that because I never run across him on the weekends other than hangouts) He did IM right away the next morning, he did he kept asking me questions and how I was and how I was feeling and did sound genuinely concerned and kept the conversation going. I thought these were good signs. He never asked me out after that but he continued to say hi to me. Hes shy and inexperienced so I didnt expect him to do anything. He never came around and told people he liked me but my friends said that was good to because in the past when he didnt like girls and they made a move he told them and he was silent about me.

 

I noticed he sometimes acted weird around me, he is an awkward kind of boy but all my friends say "No this is good hes shy it means he likes you" Ive caught him looking at me several times when Ive been looking in the other direction.

However, I talked to my one friend who happens to be very close with him. He told me "No he doesnt have feelings for you, its as simple as that. A thousand people meddling didnt help a huge amount (hes referring to many people there that night that kept nudging him on, apparently they continued to do it. I NEVER asked anyone to do that!) With any normal guy it wouldnt have been as clear cut as this, we all thought hed think about it and become interested but we were wrong." (he never actually told me if my crush said these things out loud, this guy I like is pretty private about everything and its annoying me because all these people are discussing this situation in secret)

 

Anyway, Ive been very sad about this situation. I have had a HUGE crush on this guy for awhile and I have been doing my best to distract myself. The thing is, hes a great person in general but I have seen alot of bad things in him (I didnt at first because I guess love makes you blind but Ive been trying to find imperfections to make myself feel better) but it honestly doesnt stop me from liking him.

Sometimes I just wish I wouldnt have to see him. He apparently knows Ive liked him since last year, but I dont think he knows that I know he doesnt like me back and he def. doesnt know how upset I am over it. Anyway, he still says hi to me all the time. And when I eat with him, he doesnt always talk to me but when I am looking the other way Ive caught him looking at me several times, like he is afraid to meet my eyes or something. Is he looking for "hints" that I like him or something? and when Im at practice and doing my best to ignore him and I think hes ignoring me, he seems to notice if Im around and will randomly say Hi. I know Hi is nothing but it gets on my nerves. Whenever I hang out with his friends when he comes into the room he always says Hi to me too. I say Hi back and dont really talk to him anymore. My question is, is he doing this because he feels bad for me? We werent close friends to begin with and Im glad for it so I dont really feel the need to pursue a friendship, especially since it wont help me move on. I wonder alot if hes even noticed that I dont try to talk to him alot more.

[norajane]

I'm not sure what your question is. Why is he doing what, exactly?

 

Look, if you like him, you need to flirt with him. Ignoring him isn't going to make him any more comfortable if he likes you and is just shy. Not talking to him after he says hi isn't going to get him any more interested in you if he's not sure of how he feels.

 

And don't worry about what your friend said about him not being interested in you. Guys don't like to admit that to other guys, especially if the guy is shy, awkward, even if he's close to his friend. And so what if he did say that - people's feelings do change.

 

Be open, be friendly, smile at him, look into his eyes, TALK to him when he says hello, ask him what he did over the weekend, as him how he's doing in school, tell him what you're up to. Flirt with him, tease him, be approachable and nice to him. Who knows what might happen?

[tara.tang]

so I shouldnt believe my friend? because he said he was fairly certain. I know saying Hi doesnt mean much but Im confused about why hes doing it. Basically Im asking should I read into that?

[Blue Eyed Brain]

You need more than HI to capture his attention and confidence.

 

When he approaches you, widen your eyes and give him a big smile. Smiling (to the respondant) actually lowers blood pressure and makes a person feel good. You want him to associate his good feelings with you!

 

Be attentive to what he says and after a few minutes say "oh, late for ______." "I'll see you soon." Which will hopefully keep him wanting you more.

 

Between the association of good feelings and being nice but being first to end the conversation - this should lead him to want more of you and that should prompt him to asking you out.

[tara.tang]

well my question is WHY is he saying hi? because he feels bad, no hard feelings? doesnt think anything of it? likes me?

 

Because if he doesnt like me Id rather move on and he told his friends he didnt. Hes a friendly guy but he doesnt say hi to everyone

[Phateless]

With all due respect, you guys both need to stop being chickens and go out on a date to see if anything is there.

 

If it works out, no more time wasted and you can have a relationship!

 

If it doesn't work out, no more time wasted because you can finally move on.

 

Win-win. Good luck, girlie!

 

 

edit - you're both scared ****less of each other because you both like each other. You just need to swallow your self-doubt and hang out with him.