wife left me 2 weeks ago

[smokiejjj]

Hi,

 

My wife left me 2 weeks ago. It was a surprise to me. Over the last 6 months she said she was depressed but she has always said it was because of the pressures of school. Now she says she wants time to herself. Everytime she calls she is angry and blames me for many things. I tell her that if she is convinced we can't work it out we should just get a divorce and move on. But she changes the topic if I talk divorce. So I don't think she wants a divorce, but she also does not want me calling her or talking to her. I just don't know what to do. She has left me hanging b/c she has told me very frankly that she does not want any communication from me. She has refused counseling even though she did agree to it originally like a week ago but then canceled. I know her mom has been feeding her many ideas - and telling her to stay away from me.

 

I think her and her mom think that if she stays away from me I will be motivated to change.

 

Though it is hard for me just to sit here and wait. That is the killer part. Also I dread the whole process of divorce, and I really do love her and love looking after her. I'm confused because sometimes saying you will change makes you look like a wuss and that pushes the women away more. In fact the only time she comes around is when I get somewhat mean and demand respect saying stuff like "i'm not going to be treated like a doormat". The nicer I am the worse it gets for me.

 

I'm thinking of waiting a little while for her to come around and then serving with the divorce complaint. The other idea is just to wait and wait and wait but don't contact her. Eventually she will either have to divorce me to move on with her life or not.

[bestadvisor]

I think her and her mom think that if she stays away from me I will be motivated to change.

 

It seems that it's either:

 

1) There is something wrong with you that everyone sees a need to change, including her, her mom, etc. or

 

2) She met someone else and having you around as a backup plan.

[smokiejjj]

I think it might be 2) but that is so selfish and just wrong in my books. Why even get married then in the first place ?

[bestadvisor]

I think it might be 2) but that is so selfish and just wrong in my books. Why even get married then in the first place ?

 

Get proof that it is indeed #2 and once you find out you can make an informed decision, whether it is to forgive (assume she's very remorseful and willing to come back) or go move on without her.

 

This is your life here, it might be worth it to consider hiring a private investigator to get some solid proof.

[Gunny376]

If it were me?

 

I'd go strict NC ~ I'm talking "he must have feel off the face of the Earth?" NC.

 

And then I'd serve her "tha' papers" ~ and sit back and see how things "fall-out"

 

It sounds as though she wants you to "change" ~ but without telling you what to change ~ a lot of women do this.

 

And it sounds as though the MIL is "spoon-feeding" her ~ and there's no doubt that either (a) there's a fox in the hen house, or (b) she's got her eye on one, © she's questioning "just being married period"

 

More times than not? When all the faults of the marriage are being dumped on one party by the other party? There's someone else?

 

Either way? She's playing BS games ~ and Gunny don't play?

 

My way of thinking? Either we're married ~ or we "isn't!"

 

About the only thing that I've really witnessed that works in situations like this? Is to be decisive!

 

You want me to change? Then tell me what it is that you want me to change? Let's go "counseling-shopping" until we find one that works for both of us.

 

If not? The let's "split the quilt!":mad:

[Woggle]

Serve her the papers and give her the divorce she wants.