Cobra_X30 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I gotta tell ya though. For you not to know what type of soap is used in the dishwasher, shows (just by your post, I could be wrong) that you don't help do the dishes very often.. Or maybe he is just a typical guy and realizes that it doesnt matter what type to use in the grand scheme of things! Does it really bloody matter if it takes a day or two off the lifespan of the stupid pans? Link to post Share on other sites
luvmy2ns Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Well, we all bring our own personal experiences into this particular topic. Honestly... if this was a woman complaining about how her husband nitpicks everything she does, I dont think the responses would have been the same. Fact is... it's not a husbands job to stop his wife from bieng an unappreciative jerk. Thats her job! He just needs to make sure that he is contributing and not dumping extra work on her lap. I can feel the anger and exasperation in the OP's post. This guy's wife is so focused on the one thing wrong that she misses the entire picture. Sounds foolish and spoiled to me! Obviously if she wants him to do this stuff more... she should perhaps consider making this a pleasurable experience instead of crapping on his work! I have to agree with this. It sounds, from his posts, that he already does most of the housework already. Then to have one little thing picked apart after all he did was just sh*tty. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Obviously if she wants him to do this stuff more... she should perhaps consider making this a pleasurable experience instead of crapping on his work! I agree wholeheartedly. -AND- The OP needs to quit being a martyr for the sake of a little Palmolive. When the wife jumps your case about how you aren't bringing home a big enough paycheck, THEN it's time for a good old fashioned kitchen cage match. But soap? No thanks.....choose your battles. This doesn't count. Link to post Share on other sites
Integra Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Or maybe he is just a typical guy and realizes that it doesnt matter what type to use in the grand scheme of things! Does it really bloody matter if it takes a day or two off the lifespan of the stupid pans? I do whole heartedly agree with this.. But, if the guy doesn't tell his wife that is the way he feels.. Then she doesn't know.. It is also true that his wife shouldn't speak to him in that manner.. However, I'm sure that many of us have had at least one experience where we were coming off like butt-heads and we didn't realize it until someone told us.. Yes, I can see that he is frustrated.. But if his wife doesn't know how frustrating this is for him, then it doesn't help anything. This is a good example of a couple letting little things that don't really matter jack diddly, blow up into something it never should have been. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Does it really bloody matter if it takes a day or two off the lifespan of the stupid pans? Calaphon (sp) pots and pans are $500 a pop--and they are not supposed to go in the dishwasher. Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 This is a good thread. Romantic I get it!! She's bad in bed is what the problem really is, ain't it? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 This is a good thread. Romantic I get it!! She's bad in bed is what the problem really is, ain't it? :laugh: Well you said what some of us were thinking. Too funny. There's not a man alive who would give a crap about this if he were happy in that dept. (Well, except for my H but he doesn't count..he's an OCD type!) Link to post Share on other sites
Integra Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 This is a good thread. Romantic I get it!! She's bad in bed is what the problem really is, ain't it? Alot of "experts" when it comes to M will say that a satisfying sex life, does make the rest of one's life flow better. You know, keeps ya grounded, gives a little spring to your step.. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I seriously doubt this is about soap.... I've noticed women often complain about small things when something much bigger is on their minds (minds we're supposed to read). When there is something bigger on my mind, I say it. If I have little niggles (which are usually about housework to be honest) I try really hard not to nag, but sometimes I do without meaning to. That is the one thing that Wonderboy and I bicker about. He is cooking dinner right this minute, and he is great in the kitchen, but he walk past a pile of washing until it is taller than him! We have talked about it, and have decided that if the only thing we bicker about is chores, then we are doing well , but he has given me some ideas about how to ask him to do stuff without being a nag, and we are both trying to be a little bit more like the other one. Doing well so far. If he had done all the cooking and cleaning up, I would maybe have tried to be a little more tactful about the soap. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Yes, I can see that he is frustrated.. But if his wife doesn't know how frustrating this is for him, then it doesn't help anything. This is a good example of a couple letting little things that don't really matter jack diddly, blow up into something it never should have been. Well, thats can be a problem sometimes. When a woman comes at me like this. I get so angry that I literally just shut down. I have to, or I kick holes in the wall, or start yelling. It forces me to walk away and just cool down. Serious, if a guy starts talking to my like I'm a little kid, about something that barely matters... I'm going to get in his face and its going to be a fight! It's about respect... I'm willing to politely ask, but I'm also willing to demand it! I think this is 80% his wifes problem. She needs to figure out what is important in her life. Right now it sounds like she is more interested in having nice pans than is she is a loving family. Also, for anybody who wants to just say... Man up! That's not the answer. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Well, thats can be a problem sometimes. When a woman comes at me like this. I get so angry that I literally just shut down. I have to, or I kick holes in the wall, or start yelling. It forces me to walk away and just cool down. Serious, if a guy starts talking to my like I'm a little kid, about something that barely matters... I'm going to get in his face and its going to be a fight! It's about respect... I'm willing to politely ask, but I'm also willing to demand it! I think this is 80% his wifes problem. She needs to figure out what is important in her life. Right now it sounds like she is more interested in having nice pans than is she is a loving family. Also, for anybody who wants to just say... Man up! That's not the answer.Three words. Anger Management Classes. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 This is a good thread. Romantic I get it!! She's bad in bed is what the problem really is, ain't it? I'll also second this emotion. What gives, OP? Is there more to this story? There must be.... And thank you, Dazed. Very good points/posts. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Three words. Anger Management Classes. LOL... that is anger managment! If I dont punch someone in the face that means I am managing very well. Link to post Share on other sites
Integra Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Well, thats can be a problem sometimes. When a woman comes at me like this. I get so angry that I literally just shut down. I have to, or I kick holes in the wall, or start yelling. It forces me to walk away and just cool down. Serious, if a guy starts talking to my like I'm a little kid, about something that barely matters... I'm going to get in his face and its going to be a fight! It's about respect... I'm willing to politely ask, but I'm also willing to demand it! I think this is 80% his wifes problem. She needs to figure out what is important in her life. Right now it sounds like she is more interested in having nice pans than is she is a loving family. Also, for anybody who wants to just say... Man up! That's not the answer. I guess the reason I understand this part.. Is.. Well I was guilty of communicating with my H in this manner the first few years of our M.. And he, would either have to leave it alone, or he would blow up, and well, he usually chose a complete blow up. Looking back years later. For my relationship, it was a combination of immaturity and lack of communication skills on both my H's and my parts. Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 IFor my relationship, it was a combination of immaturity and lack of communication skills on both my H's and my parts. Precisely. Women shouldn't nag/critique their husbands over trivial matters -AND- men shouldn't throw temper tantrums when they do. Everything you ever really needed to know, you learned about in kindergarten....except about how to decipher the tax code. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mr. Romantic Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 Well this thread has more tangents than a centipede has legs!! For those that get it, I talked to the W today and discussed the soap. I let her know that she gave me a ration over nothing and that if she hadn't seen me do it, she never would have known. Her comeback was... yes, she would have known because she knew it was getting low, and had the appropriate refill ready to go (which I was unaware of). So I let her know, that she could have thrown mine out and wasted a whole 14 cents worth of soap, and substituted the correct soap and I would never have been the wiser, and she agreed she could have. We have had our serious ups and downs, and as I'm fond of saying, this wasn't the hill I wanted to die on, so that's why I walked away. We also agreed to keep 'workin' on it'. Now as to the other 'places' this thread has gone. No, the sex life doesn't suck, well not in THAT way. It used to, but things have changed. Bringing anyone's manhood into this was just stupid. Dealing with a long time spouse on everyday mundane chores can indeed be challenging, when no one is in the mood after a long days work, yet the chores still need to be done. It's called "compromising" but most of you know that. Someone mentioned Dr. Grays book, and I believe that's where I first read about 'keeping score', which was the POINT of this thread before the meltdown. Women do indeed keep score differently. But it also relates to the love 'bucket'. When I do a nice thing, I get a ticket punched into the love bucket for future use, as does she when she does something sweet for me. But as was the intended point, my nine or ten good tickets got penalized by the referee. Sorry about getting angry with some of the posts, but if you don't know me or my W, then just stick to the subject, and not the participants. This has been a good discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Ok, so is your W a control freak? My H and I both are control freaks...so we occasionally get into an argument like you have described. Sometimes about the way he does stuff in the kitchen (and I am the one nagging). Sometimes about the way I have my car maintained, or the way I put his lawn mower back into the garage...etc. (he is the one nagging, in this scenario). You get the idea. Overall, we try to respect the other one's "domain," if you will, and the one with the domain in question tries to not be so "naggy." But, I don't think these type of episodes have really caused a serious Love-bucket deficiency for either one of us. (We have enough other sh*t to do that! ) If it is causing a serious deficiency for you, then maybe you need to have a little sit-down with the W and get it out on the table, what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Women do indeed keep score differently. But it also relates to the love 'bucket'. When I do a nice thing, I get a ticket punched into the love bucket for future use, as does she when she does something sweet for me. But as was the intended point, my nine or ten good tickets got penalized by the referee. Sorry about getting angry with some of the posts, but if you don't know me or my W, then just stick to the subject, and not the participants. This has been a good discussion. Oh I know this type of relationship! My best friend Mike has one with his wife... I refer to it as a TIT for TAT marriage. Worked for them so far... 14 years and counting! But I must digress, they call each other things like stupid cuntbitch mother****, ******* piece of crap loser with a high school job, then she tries to hit him with a baseball bat. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 These posts describing married life ... just makes my flesh crawl. How can any of you STAND it??!? Link to post Share on other sites
dbtmarley Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 These posts describing married life ... just makes my flesh crawl. How can any of you STAND it??!? Some can't my friend. Haven't you ever seen that murder documentary series called Snapped? Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 These posts describing married life ... just makes my flesh crawl. How can any of you STAND it??!? I know I agree. Why do people stay in marriages like that? I'd rather be alone. Makes me count my blessings. I've been truly, truly blessed. No one should settle for a bad or abusive marriage. Life is just too short. Either fix it or get the heck out. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I think it's great that you spoke to your wife about this Mr. R. And you didn't punch her in the mouth or put her in her place or whip out your John Wayne act. And you the long-time married man are getting a lot of advice from single guys frequenting a relationship forum, telling you how to be with your wife. And then they storm off, having lost all faith in humanity. I think that's kind of funny. I'd say if you stick around it will be a net gain for LS. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Pay attention green robot. Direct x has been married a long time. He's not a single man. Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 What I don't get is why people who are turned off of marriage and don't even believe in it insist on posting on the Marriage forum. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 What I don't get is why people who are turned off of marriage and don't even believe in it insist on posting on the Marriage forum. I hope your not referencing me! A wonderful marriage is my highest life goal! Link to post Share on other sites
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