New user. Struggling over breaking up and making up.

[mikeandoak]

My ex and I dated for about three years. We've been on and off the past couple of months. I was the one who ended it the first time. We hadn't been getting along for some time and she and I were both about to move and start new careers. It just wasn't working because we weren't making it working. I'll be honest, it was more my fault than hers. I was stressed and neither of us were making the other one happy. We turned petty things into big issues and basically got tired of each other.

I moved to a new city and just couldn't stand being away from her. Things fell apart there and I moved back a few months later. During our break she had already slept with another man. I found that really difficult to get over, but eventually did. We didn't speak for some time, but she always called. I wanted her back, but I was pissed (I know..I did it.).

 

We did start talking again. I just threw it all out there. I told her I did love her and I wanted to make whatever changes to make this work. I must have said it a million times and I truly meant it. But she was different. She had her guard up and treated me like I was the one calling five times a day.

We got back together and she broke up with me three times after a couple days. How stupid am I? She was cruel to me. I've never seen her like that. And I tried not to speak to her, but she would call and call and I would always crack. I want to be with her, so it's really difficult not to. I knew she was just mad and taking it out on me. I was 100 percent open and honest about everything and told her that if she wanted to make this work she'd have to start being more into it.

And one day she did. It was like a light switch and she was the girl I loved again. We had a great month. Just like we did when we were first dating. I made so many changes. Everything she complained about I consciously made efforts to change. They needed changed. It seemed really good.

 

Then one day I got off work and we were supposed to have dinner. She called and just ended it. Again. She told me she couldn't do it and started blaming me for all sorts of things. She's constantly playing the victim role. I talked to her again the next day to make sure it wasn't some fit she was throwing, and she concluded that it was real. She was over it.

 

Within the next couple of weeks she contacted me twice for basically nothing. Once about a dream she had about me and another because she got a blocked call and thought it was me. She never told me she wanted to talk or see me.

 

Well, I saw her for the first time today. It was rough. I really miss her and I could see in her eyes that she missed me too. I know what that sounds like, but I could see she was sad when she saw me. It was in a grocery store and she made two passes to walk very close to me. I said Hi, but that was it. Ignored everything else. We live in a small city and go to the same hipster places. I know I'll see her frequently.

 

I want to call her right now. I want to call and see what she's feeling. But I'm not. I'm on here. Has anyone been through something similar? I know if we talked again she would ditch me again. I love her. I really love her. And I'm just aching over not being with her. Should I talk to her about it. She's dumped me four times in the past couple of months. She hurt me with intention to do so. What do I do when I see her again?

 

If anyone has advice, or can share an experience I'd love to here it. I'm not a young naive guy, and I've got a good head on my shoulders. But I've never been through something like this. Man, it feels good just to get it out there.

Thanks for reading.

Whew,

Mike

[CD111]

Dude, the girl has no freaking clue as to what she is feeling. She doesn't want to let you slip too far away, because she doesn't know what to do. She is totally tugging at your heart strings and currently is too wrapped up in her own issues to realize she is totally taking advantage of your feelings toward you. Being a girl, I think that's lame. Even though, you don't want to let her go and figure herself out. Yup that means don't talk to her. Go have fun, easily said then done, I know. She will come back around if she figures out she wants to be with you. Speaking from personal experience. LOL

[Pentula77]

let her go and move on...

[birdie]

it sounds like she has a lot of unresolved issues in her head and I'm not sure how much of those she will be able to figure out. your situation sounds very messy, I think maybe it would be best if you walked away from it for good.