Timberlane Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 I had posted this in the dating forum before, but it's more over here now. Long story short, I met someone that apparently was getting out of a long term, long distance relationship. We had an immediate, intense attraction to each other and bumped into each other constantly around town. We finally admitted the mutual attraction, with gusto I might add, and then set up a date as soon as we could. The date was quite wonderful, full of intimate conversation and a nice closeness that hinted at much more later. This then disintegrated when LDR guy professed his great love and hence there was the sad phone call saying we were a no go. So we pondered not seeing each other anymore. Then that sounded depressing and a waste, so we decided to try to just be friends. And so we are now doing that. We did something yesterday together. We went to the art museum and had a very nice time, as we both appreciate that sort of an outing. Then we had lunch and even ended up hanging out the rest of the day around the house while work disasters were dealt with. I left in the evening and we spoke briefly about how things were going. We hugged and said goodnight. So tonight I had dinner with her circle of friends, which was actually quite nice. They are all very friendly and talkative. A girlfriend of one friend came by with her somewhat unruly child, but it was fine more or less. I spoke during the conversations a fair bit, and felt at ease. But they all knew her LDR guy, whose name I didn't even know until tonight. For some reason, hearing about how he was and when he was visiting again after Christmas just struck me silent. I found myself staring at the table butcher paper. I then got some of the kid crayons and drew pictures to sort of escape mentally. I have to say, I felt a little down by the end of the night. So I would have said goodbye to the girl I have this thing going on with, but she had a line of phone calls it seemed at her car. I just got into mine and was about to leave when she knocks on the door. I open it and she asks if I am OK. Sure, I say. What can you say? We made plans to do something with the group friends later in the week. I'm thinking now that this is going to be a lot more painful to me than I had thought. I won't blow it off because of this, but I do need to limit how often I see this girl. I also need to get on with dating someone else. So perhaps costume parties and the like this Halloween weekend will prove a nice departure. My best female friend at least is having some success with her new beau, and that makes me happy to see. Just wanted to share. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Trying to be friends with someone you want more from is not the way to go. First, I think she was a little wacky to go back to a long distance relationship...duh! In any case, she sounds like someone who will jerk you around good. She may have just used you for an ego thing...or she may very well have intimacy problems and a long distance relationship serves her needs better. Go meet some other nice ladies. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timberlane Posted October 22, 2007 Author Share Posted October 22, 2007 Thanks Tony. I will do this thing of the meeting of the other ladies. I know from personal experience how fun the LDR thing is, having done it last year for a period of over a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Poboy Posted October 22, 2007 Share Posted October 22, 2007 Its possible. I did it for more than 5 years . Initially , i had the thought in the back of my mind 'lets stay around and see'. we both stayed friends and over time , the thought was gone and it was strictly good friendship and nothing more. and never once did i do anything in that time to create any sort of issue between us. I dated around , she dated around and recently now we are both single , a bit more matured than back then and she asked me out and stated 'its about time we dated' the key is stay around if you can truly be a friend , date other people and when the timings right where both of you are single with no else in the picture , you can make a move or maybe she will Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timberlane Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 That's what I'm hoping for, Poboy. I really do want to be a genuine friend and not like this other guy that used to hang around another female friend of mine. She had a fiancee in that case. Well, she was wavering about marriage and obviously was ga ga for this guy. We all went to the gym together and sometimes would have a beer later. No matter what, they would be engrossed in each other like two sisters gossiping. It turned me off just to be around them. They eventually slept together and she even introduced this guy to her fiancee right before she dumped him. There is no way I want to be involved in something like that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timberlane Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Well, we had plans to do something in a group last Thursday. She had to cancel due to her online classes starting, which is totally understandable. I called twice during the week to see how she was. This is someone that has their Blackberry attached to the hip. Also, she works from home. Essentially, she screens her calls. No big deal. So no reply to either phone call. On Saturday I was going to a costume party and on a lark decided to pass that along to her. Third time, no reply. Ordinarily I would blow someone off for that. But in this case, I was so annoyed with how this whole f-ing thing got started, festered, and then exploded in a whimper that I was pissed. I woke up, thought about it, and in the process of driving to see my friend to have an excellent day out in the sun I called the woman. I said how lame it was to end things like this and to have a nice life. Done. Finished. It was SO nice to wash my hands of that. At the costume party I met a very sexy vampire who seemed very nice if a bit reserved. It turned out that her ex was at the party. So we went to another even better one, danced the nice, visited with her friends and had a great time. We are off to see a dance recital with dinner on Wednesday. And so ends this story.... I would say switching to "friendship" is tenuous at best. Better to throw the whole thing in a burlap bag and toss it into the ocean. Say a tearful goodbye, toss the roses, and la te da. Link to post Share on other sites
TheSilentType Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Your response was immature, but we've all done that. You were expecting something more from someone not willing to give you that. On the first hint that they were taken, you should have just left her in the dust and gone your merry way. Its painful, but its way less painful than the alternatives. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timberlane Posted November 2, 2007 Author Share Posted November 2, 2007 This really got under my skin, hence the impassioned response. It is perfectly reasonable to expect a call back or an e-mail after a week, regardless. As it was she called tonight and gave an excuse, or really a list of excuses why she disappeared. She also invited me to a concert. Ha ha ha. Needless to say I was very surprised and delighted. I have other friends who are even worse at calling back, but we have been friends since high school and it's almost a given. New friends are an unknown, so I expected more or less what everyone else does, which is to call back within a few days. So essentially I know what to expect from her now and to not let it bother me. If I want to do something and she doesn't call back in a timely manner, I'll plan something else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timberlane Posted December 2, 2007 Author Share Posted December 2, 2007 Well, I have spent another group evening with this friend. She barely said a word to me all evening as I am the new friend and she has ongoing conversations with the others. This is her circle I was with. No problem, I talked to the ones amongst the circle I liked. There was also the extremely loud, overly gregarious guy whose stories were always on 11 and just constantly was bullsheeting. He tended to drown out everyone. Eh, not such a fun time really. I talked with my friend so little I didn't really learn anything new about her. So weeks have gone by and we e-mailed each other only once. I have some very big news going on with me and I once again called and left a message for her. No call back and I don't really expect one. Essentially, this person isn't even interested in being actual friends it seems to me, but rather something along the lines of some slight mutual admiration. Which is a real drag. Oh well, time to close the chapter on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
SuperFantastico Posted December 2, 2007 Share Posted December 2, 2007 Ya man. Hope you've learned NEVER to be friends with someone you want to date. You continued dating which was good, but it didnt seem to me from what you said that it was anything more then a place holder while you waited for this girl to dump her guy. I went through this kind of crap too. My advice is to not hang out with her unless you have to. Like you are in the same class together. Be curtious but not friendly(as in she is someone you know, but arnt friends with.) She obviously only wants you around when it suits her, and when anything else comes up that is more interesting, ie : anything else, you are put on the back burner. Breaking appointments is a BIG no no in my books. When you let her get away with this it basically lost you all respect from her. After she knew she could get away with anything, she didnt even bother. So next time, dont take anyones bull****, ESPECIALLY the person you are interested in. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Timberlane Posted December 3, 2007 Author Share Posted December 3, 2007 No worries. I won't be making any plans with this person in the near future. I have not found my new position in the organization suitable. Besides, most of the stuff I do and to the degree I do it deviates from what she does, so I am naturally over somewhere else. I figure the leftover infatuation will be dead soon, which will be a relief. Link to post Share on other sites
amma Posted December 12, 2007 Share Posted December 12, 2007 ya this feelings develops when u spend few year with you friends. -------------------------------------------------- Best online social network and dating place www.meforu.com Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts