How to handle the flirting, staring etc?

[suncat]

I am an older woman in love with a man who had a past reputation as a flirt and a womaniser (admitted by him and confirmed by others) but who swears he has always remained faithful when in a relationship - while still keeping up those behaviours (also confirmed by him and others) - my problem/s are these. He has a very flirtatious nature and is overly friendly with - in particular,attractive women. (He is generally extremely friendly and popular anyway, and loves looking at people in general too). Added to this he overtly looks women up and down constantly when with or not wth me. I find all these behaviours demeaning, embarassing (to both of us) and hurtful. They make a very shaky ground for a committed relationship. I have been in several relationships - I get that men look at women - and I know this is OK to a point - but this is over the top.

We have had many discussions and arguments over it. He initially denied it had ever been a problem in the past - my intuition told me that was a lie - and so it was - his daughter and an ex-girlfriend of 35 years knowing him - say that it has always caused problems.

Added to the problem is alot of women respond to that flirtatious nature - which is obviously a big buzz for his ego - and think he is single - he certainly acts like it. am sure at the very least - alot of women look at me with pity or lack of respect.

Well - now he says he doesn't like it either - and is prepared to have counselling.

Tell me - anyone who knows - can these behaviours change when they have existed for so long? - what do I now do about my awful pre-occupation for keeping watch over him - its making life unpleasant for both of us.

Suncat:o:mad:

[JackJack]

in love with a man who had a past reputation as a flirt and a womaniser (admitted by him and confirmed by others)

 

 

Added to this he overtly looks women up and down constantly when with or not wth me. I find all these behaviours demeaning, embarassing (to both of us) and hurtful. They make a very shaky ground for a committed relationship.

 

 

 

We have had many discussions and arguments over it. He initially denied it had ever been a problem in the past - my intuition told me that was a lie - and so it was - his daughter and an ex-girlfriend of 35 years knowing him - say that it has always caused problems.

 

 

*All of what you've said above, are red flags and you need to really take into consideration all of this, and ask yourself if its something you are willing to continue to deal with in a relationship with him.

 

 

Well - now he says he doesn't like it either - and is prepared to have counselling.

Tell me - anyone who knows - can these behaviours change when they have existed for so long? -

 

 

*Its good he is willing to go to counseling. I do believe that these behaviors can be unlearned, but he really has to want to stop. More than likely you will also be able at some point to tell if he decided to go to counseling because he truly wanted to stop and wanted help, or if he went just to make you think he wanted to change.