I HATE my ex mother-in-law

[pinkroses]

Really gotta vent people. This woman is a manipulative, controlling, guilt-inducing, gossiping ---you all fill in the blank, any bad word will do. I have been putting up with her disapproval and underminding since I first met my ex-husband, back in '89. Now that my ex-husband is working out of town, I have to deal with his parents more because of my son. This beech snapped at me at my son's ball game tonight. A couple of other moms turned around and looked. I was so embarrassed, and crushed. I am not a mean, confrontational or argumentative type. But I was a bit defensive this evening about why my son and I were late getting to the practice for the game. I knew she was going to open her big mouth and say something to make me look like a no good parent, like she usually does. I had to work later, my son was pokey, and there was a wreck on the way to the ball park. But she and her stupid, hen-pecked husband had to treat me like I was the worst scum of the earth that I wasn't there right at 5:30. I still made it on time for the game at 6:00. So sue me!

 

Sometimes I feel like moving to a deserted island, I am so tired of putting up with abusive behavior. I just got out of a verbally and emotionally abusive relationship, and since I've been back in my home town a couple of family members have gone off on me, and I've had to deal with the in-laws from hell. People say not to let it get to me, but when you're hurting and vulnerable and fragile because of all the disapproval, you can't help but have some things cut to the quick. I've been putting up with verbal and subtle emotional types of abuse since I was a child living at home with an alcoholic father. It's easy for someone whose never been there to say let it roll off, don't let it get to you. It does get to you. I wish I could just pass it off but I can't because it's ongoing. My poor little boy has to be in the middle of this and I hate that. He's only eight. He already hates his grandmother. Her own daughters moved far away from home she's so controlling. That ought to tell you something.

 

Anyway, thanks for listening.

[Tony T]

Why do you have to deal with your ex husbands parents because he's out of town. Can't your drop your son off at their house for visits without interacting with them?

 

Hey, life is way too short to put yourself through the aggravation. When you go to the ballgames, sit apart from the grandparents. Have minimal contact.

 

Be kind to yourself. In this day and age of terrorism, SARS, AIDS, nuclear threats, anthrax, smallpox, etc., any day could be our last. Do as much as you can to be happy each and every day and to hell with the people who try to make them any other way.

[pinkroses]

I do try to keep as minimal contact between me and them as possible, but because they are paying for my son's Christian school and they are nosey and imposing about every detail of his life, I can't avoid them as much as I'd like to. The grandfather has to pick my son up one day a week and we have to switch his baseball uniform back and forth. He always has daycare during the summers and when he's off school at their house, free of charge. I'm going to send my son to a week of day camp this summer to avoid dealing with her but that's all I can afford.

 

And because their son, my ex is such a complete moron, I don't have his support when they cross the line either.

[EnigmaXOXO]

PinkRoses,

 

My ex mother-in-law, Patricia, exhibited much the same controlling behaviors and they lived right next door ! She would tell me how to clean my house, when to do the laundry, how to dress my daughter... and when company arrived she would stand on the porch from across the street and announce to our guests whether or not we were home --- even before they had a chance to ring the bell!!

 

One day, my daycare provider called me at work, sobbing…saying that she could no longer baby-sit for us. Apparently, my mother-in-law had popped in for another one of her surprise visits, chastised her for having the children “stuck inside on a nice day” and proceeded to remove my daughter from the premises without anyone’s permission. I left work early that day to finally give that woman a piece of my mind, but when I got to there, what I saw left me so flabbergasted I couldn’t even speak! Patricia had taken my little girl over to her hairdresser friend, and given her the most gawd-awful PERM I had ever seen! I hardly recognized my own child!!

 

Yep---it was quiet the running joke of the neighborhood and there were many times when I had trouble biting my tongue. It was easy for me to misinterpret Patricia’s behavior as if she were saying, “I was not good enough.” On those occasions when I did speak up, she would just start crying, leaving me feeling heartless and unappreciative.

 

Then, during one of our family counseling sessions (for my ex husband’s drug and alcohol addiction) the subject of her controlling behavior came up and it was quiet the heated discussion! We discovered (through much sobbing and tears) that Patricia’s problem wasn’t with “me,” but rather her difficulty in adjusting to her own life which had now drastically changed.

 

Because she had always been a stay-at-home mother and wife, she had no life or interests outside of raising her family. When her children left the nest to start lives of her own, Patricia suddenly found herself standing alone without any direction or purpose. She also felt personally responsible for her son’s addiction problems, as she had turned her back on many things while he was growing up. Part of the reason for her behavior was that she was trying to “fix” what she thought she had broken. And the fact that my ex-husband had chosen to move RIGHT NEXT DOOR and work for the family business certainly didn’t help the situation. It was as if we had moved right into the same house with them, and my mother-in-law was simply doing what she had always done.

 

In short, the councilor told her, “your children are grown-ups now, and you need to get a life of your own.”

 

Eight months later, they moved!

 

I apologize for the “novel,” but I just wanted to share this with you as I suspect your ex mother-in-law is much like mine. I know how frustrated you must feel right now, and I would suggest you sit down and have a good heart-to-heart with her. Tell her exactly how her behavior makes you feel and remind her that you are a “grown-up” and are perfectly capable of managing your life and son on your own.

 

And go find yourself a new baby-sitter! If you limit your dependence on her, perhaps she won’t feel so justified with interfering.

[EnigmaXOXO]

...And whatever you do, DON'T give her the new baby-sitters address!!!