yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Obvously NC is a big start. You also have to shift there thinking back to that of they will have a challenge in you and are lucky to have you. Right now they pitty and feel that they are above you if you have groveled. list tips here on how to turn the tables Link to post Share on other sites
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Guess I'll start this one too. Be friendly if you run into them yet give off the impression you are doing fine without them. Link to post Share on other sites
magda Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 go out on dates with other people Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 NC has nothing to do with them...NC is for you and for you to move on and heal yourself. I think what happens while in NC is ex's tend to miss that "thing" they had with you. But doesn't mean they come back to you. Or they start to feel guilty for maybe leaving you or messing up...but again, that doesn't mean they will come back. That is up to them and not up to you. I'm doing NC right now, but not because I want her back or because I think it will get her back. I'm doing it because I'm done playing games with her. She knows how I feel, and I need to worry about ME....she's been nothing be selfish, not it's my turn. Yippkiyay, I think you said you've been in NC. Are you in NC because you think it will get her back? Link to post Share on other sites
loveratud Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Date lots of other people. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Ignore them... In the beginning, fake it. As time goes on, hopefully, ignoring them will come naturally! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 I'm in NC for myself but getting her back would be a nice perk Link to post Share on other sites
myhotrod123456789 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Date a ridiculous amount of other people Link to post Share on other sites
Author yippkiyay Posted October 23, 2007 Author Share Posted October 23, 2007 Looks like there is allot of emphasis on dating other people. I have tons of schoolwork, and not allot of time or money or desire to be doing all this dating. Link to post Share on other sites
oppath Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 How about: if someone breaks up with you, they are dead to you unless they cross hell and high water. Unless you couldn't handle the relationship because your mom died and you have to take the bar exam in 2 months and don't want to deal with it: if you break up with me, you will never get me back. The best tip for getting back your ex is to vow "I'll never get back with an ex." I'm not saying you nee to be that rigid, but you do unless they come back to you and do some serious butt kissing. Link to post Share on other sites
sedgwick Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I agree with oppath 100%!! Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Obvously NC is a big start. You also have to shift there thinking back to that of they will have a challenge in you and are lucky to have you. Right now they pitty and feel that they are above you if you have groveled. list tips here on how to turn the tables I don't know the circumstances that led to your break up. Here is what I do know. Yes, there are a million games and subtle manipulations you can play on someone to mess with their processing. At the end of it all. Yes, you could spark a disingenious interest that will wane as the games cease and real relationship issues are brought to the forefront. Then you will have to cycle. Eventually you will lose yourself in the juggling act and game. Ultimately, you will have wasted alot of time with manipulation that could have been used more wisely. If you want an ex back. Then man up and let that person know one time in a very short letter or discussion that you want them back and that you would like communication regarding a second chance at a relationship with that person. Then leave them and the situation alone. If they (genuinely) respond that is great. If not you have made your wants noted and you can move on. Simple. Don't parade other dates around in front of them for the sake of involking a reaction. That is low and you will reap what you sow. If you decide to date others do it with the intention to appreciate and engage with the date....not to get back at an ex. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 BAM!! Underpants nailed that one. She hunted it down and pinned it to the ground with her trident. Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 I agree 110% with Unde! Games will get you no where but more games. NC isn't a game or a trick to get your ex back. All about living the life you should be living or getting back to that life once again but stronger and a little more wiser! I've done exactly what Unde said. I told me ex, in one final talk how I felt and that I wanted to work things out or take a step back and try again. When I didn't get any answer other then the normal I'm confused crap, I went into NC...... She contacted me last night via text telling me it was good seeing me and when I didn't reply she sent another text saying she hopes I'm not mad. I didn't reply to that either......I don't need too. Why? because she knows where I stand and it's up to her now to do what she wants with that, not me... Link to post Share on other sites
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 I'd be careful she's reaching out toi you. After a while she'll give up and lose interest agin? Should she realy be expected to jump right away in a relationship with you? seems like a ultimatum Link to post Share on other sites
storm Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Oh his ex isn't reaching out. She is throwing some bait. Always checking to make sure he hasn't moved on. She is constantly pulling the "are you mad at me" guilt trip. He is finally taking a stand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh gotcha Link to post Share on other sites
HeadlessZebra Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Don't parade other dates around in front of them for the sake of involking a reaction. That is low and you will reap what you sow. Not to mention it's painfully, hilariously obvious and pathetic. This old mental picture just popped up in my head of when I broke up with this old boyfriend of mine, and we happened to be at the same nightclub about two months later, and he saw me and started just randomly hitting on girls and basically dry-humping them on the dance floor and even tried to make out with one. Some of them were strained-ly polite and some of them gave him a disgusted look and walked away... the girl he tried to kiss slapped him and ran away , and I felt really sorry for him but it was really funny. He made such a fool of himself that night. I think he may have indulged in one too many cocktails The purpose of dating after a breakup is to boost your confidence and help you forget the a-hole/b*tch who dumped you. That's all. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 It's been said before but I'll say it again (it took me a while to realise it too). The only way your ex will come back to you is if they want to. The best and only way the relationship stands another chance is if that choice is made without any games / manipulations. Be honest with them, tell them how you feel and then back off. I also don't believe in the theory that they should then have to fight hard to 'get you back'. We all make mistakes in life don't we? I know I've made plenty. We learn to forgive ourselves and forgive others. That's how we grow and learn. I'm at a place where I can see that my ex leaving me was not a mistake on her part. It's probably the best thing that's ever happened to me (other than meeting her). It was the only way that I would have taken a look at myself the way I am now. At the same time she is going through a similar process. If, after some time, we get back together then our relationship will be ten times stronger. If we don't then we have both learned a great deal about ourselves (I'm only guessing she's taking this positively too ). I'm outnumbered it seems but in my mind dating shouldn't be used to get over someone or boost confidence. It should be 'used' when you are ready ... to date. If you need to get that kind of verification about yourself then you need to look a bit harder at your relationship with the most important person there is ... you! Anyway, that rant is just my two pennies. Link to post Share on other sites
devastatedagain Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Well spoken Matty - I couldn't agree more. Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Yeah, well the irony is I don't seem to be getting the message myself Link to post Share on other sites
niceguy27 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Yeah, well the irony is I don't seem to be getting the message myself Haha. Thats the truth. I go back and read some of my older posts and I am pretty impressed with some of the things I wrote...Haha. Its funny because its a lot easier to give advice than to take it. I have the exact same problem with me. Getting them back?? #1 Being honest with them about how you feel and what you want. #2 By far the most important thing to do is to find out WHY things ended. Either by introspection or getting an answer from you ex you HAVE to be able to see what things went wrong and learn from it. Then you stand a lot better chance of reconciling. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yippkiyay Posted October 24, 2007 Author Share Posted October 24, 2007 Here's the deal the ex I'm trying to get back with saw me out with a Blonde Barbie lookalike during a previous break we were on. i saw her with a guy she used to date. I happend to be out with this little hotty and low and behold she was texting me and calling all the next day and day after that coaxing me to comeover. I was putting no show on or trying to make her jealous it was all very natural. THIS WORKED. Now if I hadn't blown things a second time we'd probably be OK now. but thats another story. A hard fact is alolot of times women take your worth for granted unless they see other women apreciating it. This guy that you guys are talking about was hammered and groping women that wanted nothing to do with him blatantly trying to put a show on. yeah that doesn't work. The only thing is the situation like mine is hard to create. It just was perfect timing and happend to be in the same place. I've noticed when you are in the same work place, go to the same school, hang with the same crowd of people, have kids together...you are constantly seeing each other whether getting along or not. it is easier to create these situations. It is easier to find your self in a situation talking things out because you can play it off like your not chasing them. Because your not in a world of NC and not knowing if you'll ever see them again. WHen your in a situation where you wanna works things out with someone and you may never see them again but you try to contact them you are pushing them away. Lets take Grey's Anatomy for instance. GREAT EXAMPLE. if you follow the show. Do you think that grey and mcdreamy would have come back to eachother as many times as they have if they didn't work in the same building? They both have said its over many times and wound up nailing again. Its reflective of what could happend in reality Link to post Share on other sites
MattyTee Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 Well, I would still stipulate that them seeing you with someone new doesn't create anything that would lead to a healthy reconciliation. It perhaps creates a biological, base response in that person - envy, jealousy whatever - that might make them want you back. I have no experience of this but until someone can tell me I'm wrong (with an example) then I doubt this is a constructive method. The most important thing you can do after a break-up is: 1 - Look after yourself! 2 - Let them know what it is you want (whether it be a second chance etc). 3 - Take some time and space for yourself. You'll need this whatever happens.] I would suggest that most of the time you aren't going to get a real answer about why it ended. If you do, it may well be wrapped up in emotions and in the end it might not even be the whole truth (they might not know the whole truth). As Niceguy says you need to learn what went wrong and see if it's possible that things would be different (if it's not then chances are it isn't going to work). I don't think you'll get this from a partner because if they wanted to work it out, well they would have. If you know why or feel you know why then you can make it clear that you are aware of this. The only way they will believe you is if they actually see the changes. No amount of telling them will work! Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 These "How to get them back" threads always leave me with an unpleasant taste in my mouth.... You know? Of desperation and futility? Kind of reminds me of Stephen King's Pet Cemetery. If you had bad enough blood between you to BREAK UP, then it is probably extremely unlikely you should GET BACK TOGETHER. It's tough, sometimes, but it's for the best: Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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