mrseibergen Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I'm in a pickle and I don't know what to do. I'm almost 23 and my fiance will be 27. I want a baby and he wants to wait till we are more stable and married but we both have stable jobs and we have a nice place together. When we first got together we use protection and then i was 2 months late and we stoped using protection and found out i was pregnant I just lost the baby a week ago and now he wants to go back to using protection and i don't i'm unsure what to do I feel like something is worng with me please help me out> Link to post Share on other sites
Melovator Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 Nothing is wrong with you. Miscarriage is a loss, a loss of a dream child and all the hopes and excitment that go with it. You should take the time to grieve that loss, getting pregnant again might seem like the answer to your grief right now but at the very least you have to give your body a few months to recover (talk to your doctor if you don't believe me). At 23 and 27 you both have time. If your fiance is saying he's not ready for kids yet you need to respect that. The last thing you want is an unwilling father who resents you for getting pregnant and resents the child for being born. Its just not fair to anyone. Wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy0 Posted October 23, 2007 Share Posted October 23, 2007 I am so sorry you had a miscarriage I can't imagine having to go through that just before your wedding. I agree you should definately wait for a while, especially since you are getting married soon. I am currently in the situation of being pregnant and about to get married, and it was really hard not to stress out with the wedding coming up and all. You need some time to get used to each other and the prospect of being husband and wife. Also, everyone greives differently, so maybe your fiance just hasn't gotten over the loss of a baby yet. Stress can cause miscarriage and preterm birth, so you want to be in a situation where both of you are comfortable with the idea of pregnancy and you know your fiance will support you all the way. You said you stopped using protection before, so were you and your fiance intentionally trying to get pregnant? Did he want a baby before but changed his mind after the miscarriage? Also, maybe I'm mistaken, but in your post you kind of made it sound like you and your fiance haven't been together that long. How long have you been together? Link to post Share on other sites
heatherd1201 Posted October 24, 2007 Share Posted October 24, 2007 When we first got together we use protection and then i was 2 months late and we stoped using protection and found out i was pregnant I just lost the baby a week ago > I got the impression that you hadnt been together that long as well. I am so sorry about the miscarriage. I know that there are very few things more painful than suffering the loss of a child. Everything happens for a reason though. I know that it would be hard to understand now, but Im sure that eventually the healing will begin. I also agree that you DO need to give you body time to heal from the loss. Not just physically but mentally. Physically because if your body doesnt heal from the first loss I am sorry to say that you would probably lose again. It takes a while for your body to adjust to no longer being pregnant. And mentally because having another child is not going to replace the empty feeling of losing the first one. Being in a state of "depression" over the loss changes the chemical balance in your body and that would not be good for another baby either. I myself am 23, I will be 24 in December. I will be getting married in April. Although my finace and I have lived together already for over a year, I know that things still change once you get married. I LONG for a child, as I am a nurturer, but I know that I am still young, and have plenty of time to have a child. I will wait at least 2 years before even trying. I do that so that we have plenty of time to do the things that we want to do (take vacations that kids cant go on like go backpacking through Europe) and to give ourselves time to adjust to being married. If you know that your marriage to your man is going to last forever, whats 2 years in a lifetime? Just something to think about. ALso, my thoughts and prayers are with you as I know that this must be terribly heart wrenching for you. Link to post Share on other sites
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