So confused...need help

[Janzia]

My husband and I have been separated for over a year, 13 months to be exact. He initially left me because I had been unfaithful. It was a one time occurence that happened while he was overseas and I had been drinking. He found out about it two years later and we separated. I tried everthing from buying books on surviving infidelity and highlighting information that I thought would help him to giving him space. He wouldn't have anything to do with me. He would never really say he wanted a divorce but he didn't want to be with me either. He would call sporadically and sometimes I would have hope that he wanted to work things out but it never happened. He even went as far as moving out of state and I did not find out until two weeks beforehand and that was only because I had called him. I told him then that we needed to do something and that maybe we should get divorced. He said ok but neither one of us followed through with it. I have moved on with my life and I have been seeing this great guy for about six months. He is very good to me. He treats me the way I always wanted my husband to treat me, he is kind, considerate, attentive, and loving. He truly is a wonderful person but I am not in love with him though I am happy. I had not heard from my husband in over four months and he called me a couple of days ago. That is where the problem lies, he said that he would like to see me. When we were together we had a pretty rocky relationship, we fought a lot and had a lot of problems. He went out to bars a lot which I did not agree with and though I do not know for sure I also beleive he was unfaithful. We talked for quite a while and he apologized for the way he had treated me when we were together and since we've been apart. He told me that he had changed and grown up(he was only 19 when we started dating and 21 when we got married). He told me that he has seen other people but it never felt right like it did when he was with me and that's when he said he would love to see me. I just don't know what to do. I still love him but I am scared to death. I was unhappy a lot when we were together and I afraid that it would be like that again. I also do not want to hurt the other guy because he is so great. I know that I could be with him for the rest of my life and be content but as I said before I do not love him. I don't want to mess things up with him but I am also afraid that if I don't at least meet with my husband that I will regret it for the rest of my life and wonder what could have been. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Joe]

Give your relationship with your husband another try. Marriage is for better or worse. It looks like you two have been through the worse. Now try to look for the better. As far as the other guy, you owe nothing to him. Let him go.

 

My husband and I have been separated for over a year, 13 months to be exact. He initially left me because I had been unfaithful. It was a one time occurence that happened while he was overseas and I had been drinking. He found out about it two years later and we separated. I tried everthing from buying books on surviving infidelity and highlighting information that I thought would help him to giving him space. He wouldn't have anything to do with me. He would never really say he wanted a divorce but he didn't want to be with me either. He would call sporadically and sometimes I would have hope that he wanted to work things out but it never happened. He even went as far as moving out of state and I did not find out until two weeks beforehand and that was only because I had called him. I told him then that we needed to do something and that maybe we should get divorced. He said ok but neither one of us followed through with it. I have moved on with my life and I have been seeing this great guy for about six months. He is very good to me. He treats me the way I always wanted my husband to treat me, he is kind, considerate, attentive, and loving. He truly is a wonderful person but I am not in love with him though I am happy. I had not heard from my husband in over four months and he called me a couple of days ago. That is where the problem lies, he said that he would like to see me. When we were together we had a pretty rocky relationship, we fought a lot and had a lot of problems. He went out to bars a lot which I did not agree with and though I do not know for sure I also beleive he was unfaithful. We talked for quite a while and he apologized for the way he had treated me when we were together and since we've been apart. He told me that he had changed and grown up(he was only 19 when we started dating and 21 when we got married). He told me that he has seen other people but it never felt right like it did when he was with me and that's when he said he would love to see me. I just don't know what to do. I still love him but I am scared to death. I was unhappy a lot when we were together and I afraid that it would be like that again. I also do not want to hurt the other guy because he is so great. I know that I could be with him for the rest of my life and be content but as I said before I do not love him. I don't want to mess things up with him but I am also afraid that if I don't at least meet with my husband that I will regret it for the rest of my life and wonder what could have been. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.