My story :please help

[sculler]

Hello! I am new to love shack.

Coming straight to the point. I am going out with this girl, who had feelings for me from a long time, who then actually got hooked up with someone she didn't even know through a friend of hers. She went out with this guy for a month and then realized that she made a big mistake. She tried to hide this incident. But, she couldn’t as I just had a weird feeling that she was going out with someone. Then after one month she tells me that she broke up with him as he was too aggressive and used to tease her a lot.

2 Months ago I was chatting with her online, and she wanted to say something, but she thought that it was a guy who is suppose to say it first. I did have feelings for her and cared lot about her. So I did propose her and now it’s been 2 months that we are going out. We fight quite often, especially if I don’t call her at times. When I say why you don’t call, all she has to say is I wait for your call. Just a few days ago she started telling me to talk something nice (Romantic). I did know what she wanted to speak about, but I lack topics to talk to her. And then she turns moody and says she doesn’t want to talk to me for that day. Yesterday we had a spoke over all the past fights we had, and I tried my best to explain to her what ever I could about me being a Listener and I usually prefer the other to talk. I did tell her too that one does expect something from the person she or he is going out with.

Telling you about me, I am a shy person and so is she. But she thinks that its not a girl who is suppose to say or talk anything its a guy who is suppose to do it, Talking about this yesterday she actually compared me with her Ex , she was telling me that he was not shy , he was broadminded and stuff like that................. This did get me upset as I don’t like to be compared with someone, as no 2 people are the same. When ever I used to tell her that, its usually that way that one wants her new relation to be good, the same way her past was, or in other word better than the past. And she always says that I am not bothered, I don’t know what makes her think that way!!

I really don’t know what to do.

 

Please help me.

 

Can you help me with some romantic topics to talk with her, on telephone? We both want the relation going on, but because of these incidents and many others it comes to a stand still.

 

I Must have not put this is a good way, I will certainly explain if this is not clear to any of you ….I would be obliged if someone could help.

[Leikela]

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First off, your post was very hard to read and follow. I take it English is not your first language? I think the jist of your post was to seek a better way to relate with your girlfriend?

 

My first piece of advice would state that if you're asking for topics on what to talk about on the phone, then your relationship is in more jeporardy then you thought. Stuff like that is supposed to come naturally, not thought about and rehearsed.

 

Also, if you're fighting and not coming to a solid conclusion about who should call whom, then your communication skills aren't up to par either.

 

It seems to me as though there is a lot lacking in this relationship. The fact that she expects you to call her all the time and you aren't willing to do this is a huge problem. She isn't budging and you aren't either. Also, the fact that she expects you to do all the talking is another problem too. You need to come to some sort of conclusion about all of this with her or just call it quits.

 

I think the biggest thing here is if conversation doesn't come easily then find someone with whom it does. You may care a lot about her, but it seems to me as though you two just don't fit. It will take a lot of work to sort through this but if you really care for her and want to make the effort, I don't see why you can't work this out.

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[quankanne]

my first thought reading this is that your girlfriend is very immature and spoiled. It's one thing to be shy or uncomfortable initiating conversation, but from what you've described, she wants YOU to do all the work.

 

in a healthy relationship, both sides contribute, but no one keeps score. there are going to be times when you don't feel like initiating conversation (or upholding one), and other times when she doesn't feel like doing so, but it evens out. communication is a two-way street, as are relationships. your girlfriend needs to get that into her head, and not just expect you to do everything to make it work.

[sculler]

Originally posted by quankanne

my first thought reading this is that your girlfriend is very immature .It's one thing to be shy or uncomfortable initiating conversation, but from what you've described, she wants YOU to do all the work. in a healthy relationship, both sides contribute, but no one keeps score. there are going to be times when you don't feel like initiating conversation (or upholding one), and other times when she doesn't feel like doing so, but it evens out. communication is a two-way street, as are relationships. your girlfriend needs to get that into her head, and not just expect you to do everything to make it work.

 

 

I do feel at times that she is immatured .by the way she behaves. And about the conversation part , there is no contibution from both sides . Its only me who does the talking. She always makes me realise that , i dont carry on the converstaion ,and she is the one who does all the talking.