What should I do?

[whattodo]

OK. Here's the deal. I was dating a girl for 6 years. We met when we were both 20. Our relationship was often rocky. I left her two times for other women. Each time, I returned after a few months and wanted her back. She took me back each time.

 

We also fought quite a lot and I did physically abuse her at times. Sometimes she hit me first, other times I hit her first. We often had ugly arguments where we called each other names and screamed at each other.

 

When we met, I was addicted to cocaine. She encouraged me to quit and I did for a little over a year. I got back into it and hid it from her for a while. Eventually, I got her to do it with me. We were doing it quite a bit. But she realized that she wasn't a "druggie" and she quit. She tried to get me to stop, but I wouldn't and I still do it, only on weekends though.

 

So, in September 2002, I left her for anothe woman. Now, this other woman is not nearly as good as my ex but I can do whatever I want. I can drink a lot, do my coke and we have a blast together. I let this girl move into my house after a month and we have lived together ever since.

 

Fast forward to last week. I called my ex and went over to her house. We talked about getting back together, but we are both hesistant. She seemed to have grown a lot and I am not sure that I can be the man that she needs me to be. (She is very intelligent and has her act together. She also has a ton of friends that love her). Her family and friends hate me.

 

So, I don't know what to do. I care about my new girlfriend, but I miss the ex. I told the ex that I will not leave my new girlfriend anytime soon. You see, I have isolated myself from my family and all my old friends. I only hang out with her friends because they are into the party scene. My ex is still close to a lot of my family and they like her more than me. I am afraid to leave my girlfriend because I have nothing. I care about her and don't know if I love her. I still care about the ex, but don't think I want to be in a relationship with her.

 

Please help me. What should I do? My ex told me last night to leave her alone and not bother her anymore. She told me that she will find somebody who cares about her. It upsets me, but it doesn't because I have my new girl. But, I just don't know if I am happy. Please help!!!

[NEONINK]

When I was reading your post, I kept thinking, why would she ever want you back? Sorry dude. Rent the movie 28 Days, then I would find drug treatment.

[Tony T]

Well, I don't know if you're happy either. I think you need to go to Circuit City and get one of those HAP38G6's...it's a galvanic response gismo that measures happiness oozzing from your skin.

 

Let the ex go and find her bliss. She clearly knows there is incompatibility and she has told you she doesn't want you bothering her anymore. However, don't get too serious with the one you're with now.

 

People change and at different times in different speeds. If you continue to do drugs, one day your girlfriend may grow some and find that unacceptable and leave. That's a pretty good possibility.

 

Until you get some years behind you (a nice way of saying until you grow up and mature), you will need a nice girl with you who lets you do your cocaine and alcohol. When you're into drugs and drinking, it's really nice to have friends who are into the same thing. You're a lucky guy.

 

Keep the gal you've got!!!

[Susan M.]

You are addicted to drugs and are physically abusive. You are not relationship material at this time. Why don't you get help to overcome your drug habit and seek counseling for your abusive behavior. When those problems are fixed (and this could take a long long time) then think about being in a relationship. You have nothing to give right now. Concentrate on yourself and the rest will follow.

[loca]

How can you expect her to want to be with you when all you care about is your drugs and beating up on her? I hope she stays away from you. You need to work on these problems first-do you even realize what kind of boyfriend you were to her? Looks like you found a girl who is going to put up with your nonsence.

[jeannie_mcbeal]

I'm afraid your ex has wasted her precious youth on you, trying on drugs.. getting beaten.. and encouraging you all the way.. but you never did learn your lesson nor repent. Please leave her alone.. until one day you truly recover from this hell, then reassess what happiness could have been. (And I meant Could Have Been. You missed out, dude. You had a caring, loving gf who was always there for you.)