Devastated

[Hazel7777]

this is my first post - after reading many of the posts i decided it was time. here is my story - i will try to be brief. Yesterday was my one year wedding anniversay. i got married for the first time at age 47. my husband is 49 and it was his first time married as well. we have no children. we met on a blind date and things moved really fast. we were married after 8 months. i had always been cautious and skeptical through the years of commiting to marriage but it seemed i had found "my guy" at least i thought i did. to make a long story short - here is what‘s taken place in this first year of marriage. all we do is fight and argue about everything. i am dealing with a person who is abusive, contolling, manipulative, etc.... there were no signs of this behavior prior to the marriage. it seems once we got married he now owns me. getting married older i knew might be more difficult as we are set in our ways. i am belittled, berated on a daily basis. he throws things at me all the time and calls me horrible names. i truely believe this is not the same man that i fell in love with. this past year has been a rollercoaster. i moved to another city to start a new life with him. i have no friends here and my family wants nothing to do with me. i have since lost my job as well. i feel like a failure. married for the first time and failing. what is wrong with my husband. he ignores me, cusses me out all time and pushes me around, leaves me home all the time. sometimes i feel like i was set up or something. its just craziness and i dont know where to turn. As i said i have limited financil resources and no family or support system. i dont know how to leave and where to go.. i never, ever expected. this. it‘s like jekyl and hyde. he is a monster. how can i get out and never look back. what causes someone to change behaviors so drasticaly. when you meet him he is "Mr. charmer" then when he is with me he turns into a complete ___. I need to go now but any feedback would be wonderul.

 

thanks.

[Trojan John]

My mother went through a similiar situation with husband n°2. He was great and caring and loving right up until a few months after the wedding. She also knew him about 8 months prior to marriage. Suddenly, his actions revealed a heavy drinking and gambling problem. Don't try to understand him, because you won't. Just leave. You need to reconcile with your family by any means necessary. You need to get legal help and a divorce, and you need to do that now. Not now, but RIGHT NOW.

 

it will be difficult, so prepare yourself for that eventuality. Start recording every instance of abuse, go to the police, or go to a support group. Anything that will help you get these incidents officially documented.

 

All the best.

[heartbroken31]

You need to report this to the police and be referred to the appropriate services that can assist you.

There are womens refuge's and shelters that can provide you with a safe haven and then assist with accomodation and finances.

 

There is help out there you just have to access it.

 

You need to get out .

 

This man hasn't changed at all, he has always been like this. They put on the charm until they have complete power over you and have you in a position where you are dependant on them for finances, accomm etc. You are not dependant on him. You are the one with the power to stop this and get out. Easier said than done.

 

Good Luck with everything, keep us updated.