strippers and lapdances... cheating?

[katherine333]

my boyfriend of a year and a half recently turned 18. i have been worried about him going to strip clubs becausei view it as cheating. he told me he wouldnt go over and over again, and told me that it was because he loves me so much and that he can see us getting married in the future. he went out with a few friends, and when i asked whether he went to a strip club he said he didnt. his friend told me he had gone and had a 20 minute lap dance. i am really upset, and have tried to break up with him but he wont let me and says that he will change. he has done things in the past and said he would change, but this time he seems sincere.

am i making a big deal out of this or has he done the wrong thing?

sorry about the long post, but i am really confused and upset about this.

[birdie]

well it's about values isn't it. maybe you would be better off with someone more conservative, there aren't right or wrong answers.

 

he is only 18 though and he wants to experiment. it's really hard to blame him for that but of course I understand why you are upset

[Lyssa]

18 is still young but people change as they get older. He is still at the experimental age, I would say. If you don't mind my asking you, how old are you?

[woodsfield]

the guy is 18...lighten up.

 

he did lie to you and did something you didn't want him too, that is the only problem i see. did he seem sincere when he told you he wasn't going to go to strip clubs???

[jr650s]

i will say this you are certainly worried for almost nothing....its simple stupid fun..because trust me none of those girl would even think of sleeping with him..they only want his money....if you really want his attention mabey try somthing new for him..i do not want to disrespect you at all so i will not get specific...but i think you know what i mean he may just want some more spice in your private lives...and this will keep his attention locked onto you...if hes been with you a year and hes not acting shady around other girls..your doing something right...you sound like a sweet girl dont get pissed at him for going try a different approach guys hate when girls get on thier backs an we tend to rebel and do what you tell us not to...we dont like to be controlled...and its very important you remember that...but dont let him push you around either....you dont deserve it...im 27 ive been all over the damn place and thru many relationships and strippers meant nothing to me besides half of em are dirty and i wouldnt touch em with a ten foot pole..atleast he knows hes safe with you and wont catch anything..i NEVER cheated on any girlfriend...but i have been to all nude clubs and dated many different girls including insecure virgins...if you try for him the hoes will go away and he will be at your beckon.....

[LakesideDream]

Argh! Not this topic again.. yuck. With a twist though, your BF is eighteen?!? I had no idea a person could go to a strip club at 18.

 

Usually my comment is something like: Men going to strip clubs is silly and immature. In this case I'd modify it to all eighteen year olds are immature. Eighteen year olds learn behavior largely by making mistakes.

 

At your ages I don't see the value in putting strict restrictions on each other. Now is your (both of you) time to have some fun. Don't waste it with controlling behavior and drama.

[Krytie TV]

This is a tough spot for him. You need to understand he has never had the oppotunity to do it before, and you are being very strict with him. If you "control" him to not do it, it would only end up in resentment later on his part.

 

If this typical young male behavior bothers you, you might need to find someone older who has done it enough to know they don't care for it. Just tryyyyyyy to see it from his viewpoint.

[HowToCope]

Lakeside, I really like your responses.