What the F**K..is she worth it....marriage i mean..

[sally4sara]

these guys were much younger than me and truthfully i do know for sure i keep her pleased in bed i never worry about size i just know shes never complained shes not satisfied, what she does say is that i am above and beyond all others, that things she feels with me she never felt before, again when she says this im pictureing her sleeping with other people not focusing on how much shes saying im better than them. i know its stupid but i cant help it....i guess i know to much, but i can say this i will bother me for about 2 weeks then life will pick up and im so damn busy i cant even think for myself but when i have any alone time i dwell on the past and it gets to me,i could be out riding my motorcycle to gather my thoughts and it will pop up an piss me off, which of course i start driving like a moron, the good thing is its out im the desert, another thing is i dont go out of my way to shove this in her face i deal with it on my own all the time because she was very upset the day she told me and the tears were genuwine, it just hurt to know everything to every detail.....i should have known better b ut this woman is to be my wife i want to know everything about her so i can make the right choice..is that so wrong?

 

You are better than them and more satisfying because there is love between you. Real emotion and you're not just filling her head with whatever will get her in bed. That is real intimacy and nothing is more satisfying.

It is not wrong to want to know everything about your partner. But love goes hand in hand with acceptance. The fact that you are showing her emotions that she never had growing up is a big deal. Plus she is willing to sign your safety net prenupt if it will make you feel better. The only one standing in the way now is you and your perceptions of how a person who's gender you have never been and who grew up in a situation that you didn't have to deal with should or should have been doing. God! She must have been so lonely and just wanted someone to love her. She didn't know how else to go about filling that need and guys took advantage of that. She goes through all of that, meets you, and now she has to worry that you will take it away because of things she cannot change? She turned away from everything that was familiar (disfunctional but familiar just the same) and stepped into a life with you because YOU were what was missing from her life.

[Cobra_X30]

Yes he did mention black men as being a bigger deal to him and made the stupid comment of "once you go black....."

And no we don't all have to pay the piper for our past actions in the form of people who were not involved feeling some slight by actions that had NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM.

Maybe is they had met sooner, she would've found something meaningful in the way of a relationship sooner in life. They met when they met and the things before then are in no way a reflection of what she feels for him or their relationship.

 

No! You cant seperate your past actions from your future like that! The moment you BF got involved with you he took on your past and your baggage as well. Now he gets to deal with your past issues. Some guys have no problems with that, some do.

 

Yeah, he did say once you go black... Do you understand the meaning behind that?

[jr650s]

your right, i honestly think you hit it right on...i just need to say this though im giving her a promise as well, i know i dont need another woman, i dont even bother looking, i can picture in my head what you are saying her friends and family were never really there, she never had anyone to talk to, but i changed all of that...lately i have been reading all these posts and no matter who posted them or how pissed off they were at me i took the info to heart because i really do love this girl, christ just the gleam in her eyes is enough to drive me nuts thinking about her, and because i love her so much what i know messed with me in a way i never had to deal with before, we both want kids, and we both want them to know what we had been thru, i never focused on just how lonely she must have felt, and to be honest i feel like an ass, but i still had a valid point, he cheating did worry me, still her ex paid no attention to her except when she was yelling at him, and when it came to the bedroom she said she felt she couldnt wait till it was over...i cant imagine how that feels...then she meets me and i go out of my way to show her what i never had, love, all of my past relationships were about money or sex, and i know this now because i was used horribly. just in a different way...for me its stupidity, for her is vulnerability....sometimes i think i should have slept around more so it wouldnt bother me so much, but then i also realize that i have much more sexual experience than her...you answered my question...she was alone....i just never thought of that...i always thought she went looking for it or she wanted it because it was sex...she had to take her clothes off...it seemed like she wanted it but the reality is she didnt...and thats the key...now to move foward.....thank you...

[jr650s]

she did have a lustful side to her that was questionable, she slept with a guy just because his ---- was pierced, and others just because she thought they were cute, there was no discretion there she did enjoy it with her ex for about 6 months then the next year she was miserable, however i didnt tell you she was sleeping with girls too...2 of em for sure.

[sally4sara]

ps

being a black guy doesn't automatically go hand in hand with having a huge member or knowing how to use it in a way a girl can appreciate. They didn't love her no matter what the color of their skin and therefore were likely not too concerned with her enjoyment.

And they were nasty/disgusting. They used a vulnerable person. Should she be held accountable for lacking the life skills one would need to protect themselves from being used while trying to find love? From what OP has said about her family, how could she have been expected to do this without having ever had something to compare it to? Now she knows the difference and it probably disturbs her too to well after the fact realize what was happening to her back then. It might be wise for her to seeks some abuse survivor therapy to come to terms with her past treatment.

[sally4sara]

she did have a lustful side to her that was questionable, she slept with a guy just because his ---- was pierced, and others just because she thought they were cute, there was no discretion there she did enjoy it with her ex for about 6 months then the next year she was miserable, however i didnt tell you she was sleeping with girls too...2 of em for sure.

 

I like girls too. I don't cheat with them either.

I come from an abusive family life too. There is hope for us all then eh?

[Cobra_X30]

ps

being a black guy doesn't automatically go hand in hand with having a huge member or knowing how to use it in a way a girl can appreciate. They didn't love her no matter what the color of their skin and therefore were likely not too concerned with her enjoyment.

And they were nasty/disgusting.

 

I think we are now on the same page!

 

I think he needs to take the risk that his GF represents, understanding that it is a risk, and that he needs to continue working to make the relationship ever better.

 

I also think your perspective is exactly what he needs understand to help him take that risk. You Rock S4S!

[sally4sara]

You are very welcome.

It is hard sometimes to for a guy to see that while a girl may like sex, may even enjoy casual sex, we are typically more motivated by a want for an emotional connection. If we keep coming up lacking, we end up looking to the next "friendly" face with hope. Promiscuity is usually a big indication of dissatisfaction.

Our past is important because it is those experiences that show us what didn't work or we didn't need and help us determine what we DO need out of a partner. You might not like everything you hear, but keeping an open communication will help both of you understand what you each expect out of this relationship and what the other is offering.

You are likely her wonderful shining knight in armor. But you are still human. If you are going to be that great example to her, you might need to also protect her from your more human judgments. And she will bloom for you because she will know that you love her despite her past and all the negative things previous people made her feel about who she is and what her worth is.

Treat her like a lady and she will likely live up to it.

[stillafool]

I'm sorry but this thing about your gf being so innocent while everyone else takes advantage of her sexually just doesn't fly. Anyone who is bisexual, goes down on a 13 year old and sleeps around with other guys is not that innocent. What is she stupid????? No, this girl of yours likes all the sex she's gotten and I think you need to face it. That innocent young girl act is ridiculous. If it makes you feel better to think that these guys were dirty/disgusting then what was she for rolling around in the hay with them. I am a woman and I know women. She did what she wanted to do except if she was raped.

[sally4sara]

There is a high instance of victims of sexual abuse and young girls exhibiting promiscuity in their teens. Combined with an unloving or supportive family isn't going to help.

Its so cute, the way you are damning this girl and saying your vagina qualifies you to understand her life.

[stillafool]

There is a high instance of victims of sexual abuse and young girls exhibiting promiscuity in their teens. Combined with an unloving or supportive family isn't going to help.

 

I assume you are talking to me and you are right. However, there is also a lot of young girls who come from supportive, loving families who are promiscuious and want to experience all types of sex. It's called Hormones!!! I can see a girl being fooled once into having unwanted sex (aside from rape) but after that I would think her guard would be up and she wouldn't put herself in that situation again. This person's gf does not sound very innocent at all to me. I think she knew what she was doing and liked it. That's my opinion!

 

Its so cute, the way you are damning this girl and saying your vagina qualifies you to understand her life.

 

:lmao::lmao:I had no idea my vagina had so much power!!!:sick:

[jr650s]

what all of you have to understand is yes she may like sex but, when she was that young i think the booze didnt help she simply could not handle peer pressure at all and when i met her she was very afraid to speak her mind to any guy...she has had a couple of abusive boyfriends who she did not sleep with...she realized what happened to her when it was too late she even said she had not thought about what was going on most of the time she said she felt very obligated or she was very close to rape...she woke up at around 16 and got serious trying to find a boyfriend instead of trying so damn hard to be accepted because i know for a fact her family looks down upon her no matter what, even now that shes with me they say im not good enough, funny considering they came from a trailer park, and when i had met her it was easy to tell she wasnt like them, the personalities are very different,even now her sister convinces her husband to let her sleep with friends and her sister was trying to drag her over there to get her to sleep with her husband behind my back because it was a so called fantasy, ive seen this guy and trust me he is nothing to her but a friend because i saw the disgust in her face and the shock that what she was asked defied what she thought about them as a couple, i know my girl has enjoyed sex before me and till she was 16 she couldnt orgasm, since then she became aware of herself and found steady boyfriends, well she tried they ended up being asses, she never had exposure to someone like me because simply i never lived in a poor environment and a;ways had very high standards but trust me none of the girls i dated no matter who they were only slept with 4 guys or less, i had dated to virgins which of course i could tell,my one ex she slept with 8 guys and she was 27, not too bad but she had longer relationships and she really ended up having alot of issues, which i tend not to believe that number anyway, there were several girls that i did not ask and trust me i was afraid to ask, but with tiff i needed to know everything about her regardless if its what i wanna hear or not, i may be her boyfriend but, in being her best friend also i sat down and talked with her for hours, to this day she looks back and really does wanna talk to a counselor, so ill make sure she does so this doesnt end up being an issue down the road, the only thing is women i must ask, is there a feeling where you dont wanna be with a person but your trapped in a living situation because of your parents letting the man live there, sex for her became boring to the point she just waited for him to finish......., ive seen pictures of this kid, and hes shorter than her and shes 5'6" im 6'1" and seriously he was a virgin before her, still that doesnt make you feel good about knoing he was using her or she was letting it happen, but it really seemed she was stuck and was looking for something he just couldnt provide, i do know this her family is heavily into drugs, her sisters husbands father is a manufacturer of mary jane they all smoke it and i know its been years and years of daily use, i know they say weed dont affect your personality but i think they way her family uses it they flat out abuse it, they all have short tempers and look down upon everyone regardless who they are,i can tell you this she has had guys use booze an peer pressure on her, i do also know her sister smokes cocaine on top of her pot, the sad part is her daughter is in the kitchen while her mom is getting high, it would not surprise me if her parents use it as well, the father has a horrible temper the slightest crumb on the counter the slightest thing out of place and hes smashing dishes an screaming at everyone, im not an angel i tried pot in college but after that my career and life dont fit with its use, drug tests etc. i had my fun and let it go so i never saw the side effects of what it can do over periods of time to people, im not for but im also not against it, it got so bad her parents had 10 plants which i saw with my own 2 eyes, let me tell you this i couldnt wait to leave after seeing that, im sure people are wondering why i havent turned them in, well simply put if i were them i wouldnt want it done to me, and as it is her family dont like me , im sure testifying against them wont help, im just glad they decided to do it after i got tiff out from under that roof. what do 2 people need 10 plants for? can use say abuse..? this is a touchy issue but i know it made an impact on her life, it made her accept things she didnt understand. and if your wondering why people feel so comfortable with me its because they know i will not try to ruin their lives by bringing law enforcement down on them, but i do know this one day they will slip up..

and i wont have to...as far as the coke i watched a friend ruin his life with it, when i told him about it he just stopped listening to me, i watched him sell everything for it...and hes either dead or in jail because what i saw would put someone away for a long time...when i saw her sister using it i remembered my friend and knew just what kind of family this was....

[stillafool]

I think from your last post you have your answer. Yes she is worth it. You have analyzed her past behavior and have reached your conclusion. Your's is the only one that matters.

 

A lot of us women have a colorful past. Most of us have done things in our past that we are not very proud of. I know I have. The difference between most of us women and your girlfriend is she decided to tell you the truth. Most women would never admit to how many sexual partners we have had and by your reaction to your gf's truth - now you know why! I wouldn't tell you I enjoyed anything of those sexual encouters either because you'd become even more obsessed over this. Also most of us women have grown out of that stage and into the fine people we are today. So will your girl.

 

It's time for you to let this go and enjoy her and what you two have.