MrsHellnoFire Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I had an ex a couple years ago who had a good friend who was married to her junior high school sweetheart. Together since junior high. The couple was religious growing up. I'm not sure if they kept it up into adulthood; probably not. Very nice couple, well-educated, not big partiers, etc... I'm almost positive neither of the couple slept with anyone else. The wife met a coworker to whom she was attracted right around the time she was having trouble with her husband. She separated from the husband and about a week or so later was f**king the coworker. Numbers don't mean a thing. but she did separate first. thats more than what you could say for most. Link to post Share on other sites
tanbark813 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 but she did separate first. thats more than what you could say for most. Yeah, for a whole week. Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Yeah, for a whole week. i dont think men could wait that long though. or can they? lol she was being morally immoral! Link to post Share on other sites
jay6382 Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 One piece of advice. Don't worry about what shes done in the past. Know that she is with you know and hopefully that number will stay the same. Knowing what she did in the past will only piss you off, so don't ask. Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 No offense but she doesn't sound at all like marriage material for me. I reckon that if you were to marry her you'd have endless problems. IMHO she's someone who'd make a good FWB Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 ill tell you this ive gotten some good advice on the situation, what makes it hard is when you stare her in the eyes a know what you know it can really get tough, but as i read all of your replies even the smart ass ones it gets me thinking in a different direction, she really is a good girl but the whole cheating thing is what im worried about here an now ill elaborate, she lied to her ex but when she was 18 she waited till he was sleeping and ended up goin down on his little brother, yes this is crazy so hear me out the kid was 13 but she told me why she did it an it was apparent that she thought her boyfriend was a douchbag so she cheated on him, in other words no respect for him. then she lied to him about it and cried when he left her for it.Im the complete opposite of him in so many ways still it makes you wonder if one day you goto work and you come home an bam your life changed again and its all because you were stupid enough to trust her not to cheat. i have alot on the line here i have a significant law suit that will set me up for life and if i marry her im risking half of everything i will own, which of course is alot. im talking about 1.5 mil its a federal lawsuit against my former employer. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 ...it even go into interracial and i dont give a **** what any of you say once they go black i dont want em... Why???? If you feel this way you should let her go cause once you go black you never forget it. Also why do men assume because a girl has slept with a lot of guys that she has low self esteem? It could be she really likes sex. Men are so hypocritical. Would you guys like every girl to stay a virgin until she marries? If that's the case who would you f--k around with before you married? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 she lied to her ex but when she was 18 she waited till he was sleeping and ended up goin down on his little brother, yes this is crazy so hear me out the kid was 13 but she told me why she did it an it was apparent that she thought her boyfriend was a douchbag so she cheated on him, in other words no respect for him. then she lied to him about it and cried when he left her for it. This girl is a freak! If you feel your bf is a douchebag you break up with him and move on! You certainly don't blow his 13 year old kid brother. She blew his brother because she wanted to - trust me - she wanted to do that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 when i posted this i was extremely angry and the issue had gotten so bad i said things about her i really didnt mean its been 16 months thats how long her and i have been together, everyday and sometimes almost every waking moment, which surprisingly we do get along very well for being together so much, but this is the odd part and this is what i need to get across not everyone but some people try to make a connection when they are in bed together, honestly i feel its lacking as if something is really missing or holding us back im not gonna get to descriptive here but basiclly shes way to busy keeping the neighborhood up with her voice so of course theres not much of a chance there and thats not all, after about 45 min or so shes passed out in bed and im still wide "awake" left holding the bag...i admit im a nympho and i told her if i could it would be all day long till none of us could move...shes not at all and i have to say this recently ive gone about a month without being with her still i never said a word because i knew of the stress we were going thru. But if i do mention it she realizes what shes been missing and picks up the pace again, she says she feels guilty and thats what concerns me because i dont go outa my way to make her feel bad i just try an talk to her on a normal level to see whats goin on...she does not handle stress well at all i know i took her from the nest early because she had her parents pay for everything but still im in a much better position in life than they could ever imagine..its a major class difference in society i came from middle class but became upper class by my career and current lawsuits, she came from a very poor family who neglected everything she basically needed in life. she wanted to goto college im payin for it, she wanted to get out of PA im there and all the promises i made to her i kept, im not a liar or a a BS'er and she says thats what she loves about me im upfront and direct and she never had that in the past with anyone. thats how we got talking about her past she asked me first and of course im gonna ask her...but trust me i regret it, i will say one thing she was basically raped by her first boyfriend at 13, im talking she was intoxicated at a party and the guy took advantage of the situation and she was too afraid to tell her parents because they never believed her about anything and called her a liar a retard and a loser, yes i hate her parents and yes i have witnessed this her nickname was "turd" who the hell calls thier kid that? trailer trash thats who, she is very different from them, and its easy to tell, still it makes you wonder since her sister is such trash she wanted her to cheat on me with her own husband who my GF knew for over 7 years and was disgusted over the idea, i flipped the hell out, since i never even could understand why, other than the fact her sister knows that i moved her out of the environment that was hurting her so bad, i took her in and moved her into my house and made sure she never had to deal with that B.S. christ her own parents are stealing federal disability benefits from her i finally got her to file a complaint with the board, she hates her family and loves me for getting her away from them, but because of her past i fear one day she may forget all this and carelessly cheat and not give a crap, i never cheated on any of my ex's didnt want to and didnt need to, so to me im freaked out by her cheating on hers, and it had only been about 9 months before she met me!!!!!!! in the past my ex's took advantage of the situation by just getting by...they didnt have to work, i make 70,000 a year and ive been cheated on once for sure i thought it was twice but i cant prove it so ill say it was only once, i know her sister is jealous because her husband cant even make 10 bucks an hour or support them whatsoever, since i was a kid i always wanted a family an a wife who will be faithful and appreciate what i do for her an our kids, but as we all know this is 2007 and it just dont happen i dont wanna get 10 years in the future and lose everything including my dream of having a family, as im the only son to pass down my name and want a large family so yes i got my head straight and made a serious life for myself. i bring her into it an now im scared half to death my dreams are gonna be crushed. i said alot here and its not everything that on my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Honey, unfortunately there are no guarantees in this life. You could marry a virgin and it doesn't mean that down the road you guys won't have problems, divorce and have to split everything. There's just no guarantees in this life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 well it seems like im stuck here people, shes a good girl but for how long? and the mistrust comes from an ex fiance cheating with her ex...hell i should tell jerry springer about this.. just kidding , im trying to get to the bottom of this because i really do love the girl i just have my reservations and im sure you all see why...i live with this girl and if i break it off with her she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to im her life and the only person who has told her the truth in everything no matter how much it hurt me to say....and it was the worst when it came to her family. she says she very gullable and i have seen this but in a cute way her personality is what keeps me with her i just dont wanna be fooled...again.. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 Thats foolish! Who is going to ignore the absolute best indicator of a persons future behavior? Do you think that it will go away if you close your eyes real tight? Her choices affect him, past present and future! The answer is not putting a bag over your head. What!?! No one can be expected to live their life and make choices based on the standards of someone they've never even met. He claims he loves her but calls her a b%*^&. He refers to her past as it was a whole group of guys; like she did them all at once. I don't even know how old she is to know if this number is even high or not. He said she comes from an uncaring family. That will make a person have low self esteem and seek out misguided affections. Instead of being understanding about that and hope to give her more stability and let her know how love can be, he is obsessing about HER PAST. HER PAST AS IN THINGS SHE CANNOT GO BACK AN UN-DO! And don't get me started on the fact that two of the guys being black men is somehow even lower than if it had all been non-black guys! One thing I've learned in life is that racist people don't just hate a minority or all minorities......they are never satisfied with that as enough people to look dawn on. They always get around to judging the people in their life with the same venom. He is helping her get her education and perhaps he is feeling resentful or disrespects that she needs help to accomplish her studies. So he asks the loaded question of "How many guys have you been with?" knowing full well that he might not like what he hears and now he will not let it go. What the f&*# is she suppose to do about it now? Maybe she will get REAL LUCKY and he can reinforce what her family started and send her back to feeling worthless! Goody for her AND him since he will have found yet another person he can feel like he is better than! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 im 27 she is 20 i met her when she was 19 and i was 25. 15 guys on her 16th (me) she is my 8th for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 If it will make the OP feel any better..... I don't know how many people I've been with; somewhere around 35. I am 33 yrs old. When I am single I do what I feel like doing and I don't lie about it to anyone. When I'm in a relationship I am completely faithful. I've even (horror of horrors) been with two black guys! I haven't cheated since high school! Obviously I've matured, but since I did cheat a couple of times before then you might as well paint a big red A on me! Oh and hang a big black B on me too while you're at it! I don't even have a bunch of gratitude or some obligation due to things my boyfriend has done to help me to motivate me to be loyal to him. So why then am I so loyal? And I am completely loyal; my boyfriend has told me I am by far the most loyal girlfriend he has had. So maybe you can cut the girl some slack? Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 well it seems like im stuck here people, shes a good girl but for how long? and the mistrust comes from an ex fiance cheating with her ex...hell i should tell jerry springer about this.. just kidding , im trying to get to the bottom of this because i really do love the girl i just have my reservations and im sure you all see why...i live with this girl and if i break it off with her she has nowhere to go and no one to turn to im her life and the only person who has told her the truth in everything no matter how much it hurt me to say....and it was the worst when it came to her family. she says she very gullable and i have seen this but in a cute way her personality is what keeps me with her i just dont wanna be fooled...again.. No, protect your assets first! Its really simple. If you cant trust her... dont marry her. Even if you do trust her make her sign a prenuptual agreement. Put in a cheating clause if it makes you feel better. Life demands risk. This woman is a risk, any woman is a risk. Make sure you are the best you can be. Just make sure that the risk you take is primarily emotional! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 thank god a woman spoke out....you know who you are...you really have said things to get me thinking, im not being sarcastic im very open to any opinion as it is welcomed i hate to ask but if your boyfriend knew do you think it would bother him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 i did say this to her in the beginning and she does not have any problem signing one her sister told her not to because shes out for herslef and know what kind of money i have still (tiff) my GF will sign one as i told her in the agreement i will promise to stay faithful if she will and if i should not keep my end of what i promise she is entitled to HALF of all my assets. approx 2.0 mil Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 What!?! No one can be expected to live their life and make choices based on the standards of someone they've never even met. He claims he loves her but calls her a b%*^&. He refers to her past as it was a whole group of guys; like she did them all at once. I don't even know how old she is to know if this number is even high or not. He said she comes from an uncaring family. That will make a person have low self esteem and seek out misguided affections. Instead of being understanding about that and hope to give her more stability and let her know how love can be, he is obsessing about HER PAST. HER PAST AS IN THINGS SHE CANNOT GO BACK AN UN-DO! And don't get me started on the fact that two of the guys being black men is somehow even lower than if it had all been non-black guys! We all pay for our bad mistakes! Are you asking for a free pass? Life doesnt work that way. We have the freedom to do what we want, but in the end we all need to pay the piper! We are talking about a guy who is coming from a place of insecurity. Insecurity and racism though closely linked are seperate issues. Your foolish to think otherwise. He didnt mention this as if it were "lower"... you did. I believe he also came back and apologized for that statement. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 BTW, I'm a woman also. My question is why do you feel you don't want a woman after she has been with a black man? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 they were abusive to her, they treated her like filth, and it can really affect a person to know this, i have to look her in the eyes everyday, every morning and deal with this, to me these men were dirty and it disgusts me to even think about it, still i have to say this there are good and bad people in every race, i just know im not the only guy who thinks this way. too many others are to scared to say the truth...not me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 they were abusive to her, they treated her like filth, and it can really affect a person to know this, i have to look her in the eyes everyday, every morning and deal with this, to me these men were dirty and it disgusts me to even think about it, still i have to say this there are good and bad people in every race, i just know im not the only guy who thinks this way. too many others are to scared to say the truth...not me.. Hmmm... Your original statement on this particular topic led me to believe you were having some... Ahem... size insecurity issues. Is that fair to say? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 thank god a woman spoke out....you know who you are...you really have said things to get me thinking, im not being sarcastic im very open to any opinion as it is welcomed i hate to ask but if your boyfriend knew do you think it would bother him? If it is me you are talking about......he absolutely knows. I met him through a guy (a black guy) I dated a year and some before him; they were roomates. My boyfriend of the last three years is white and I have no secrets from him about my past. We have been living together for the past year and a half. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 these guys were much younger than me and truthfully i do know for sure i keep her pleased in bed i never worry about size i just know shes never complained shes not satisfied, what she does say is that i am above and beyond all others, that things she feels with me she never felt before, again when she says this im pictureing her sleeping with other people not focusing on how much shes saying im better than them. i know its stupid but i cant help it....i guess i know to much, but i can say this i will bother me for about 2 weeks then life will pick up and im so damn busy i cant even think for myself but when i have any alone time i dwell on the past and it gets to me,i could be out riding my motorcycle to gather my thoughts and it will pop up an piss me off, which of course i start driving like a moron, the good thing is its out im the desert, another thing is i dont go out of my way to shove this in her face i deal with it on my own all the time because she was very upset the day she told me and the tears were genuwine, it just hurt to know everything to every detail.....i should have known better b ut this woman is to be my wife i want to know everything about her so i can make the right choice..is that so wrong? Link to post Share on other sites
sally4sara Posted October 31, 2007 Share Posted October 31, 2007 We all pay for our bad mistakes! Are you asking for a free pass? Life doesnt work that way. We have the freedom to do what we want, but in the end we all need to pay the piper! We are talking about a guy who is coming from a place of insecurity. Insecurity and racism though closely linked are seperate issues. Your foolish to think otherwise. He didnt mention this as if it were "lower"... you did. I believe he also came back and apologized for that statement. Yes he did mention black men as being a bigger deal to him and made the stupid comment of "once you go black....." And no we don't all have to pay the piper for our past actions in the form of people who were not involved feeling some slight by actions that had NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. Maybe is they had met sooner, she would've found something meaningful in the way of a relationship sooner in life. They met when they met and the things before then are in no way a reflection of what she feels for him or their relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jr650s Posted October 31, 2007 Author Share Posted October 31, 2007 it sounds like your on the same level as my GF and i, we have no secrets but to my own fault i need to know more because i didnt want to make an opinion in my head about her i need to know the truth to make a wise decision about marrying her or not...a persons past can say something about their future, im a very detail oriented person, its my career and its carried over into my personal life, i didnt quiz her she volunteered this info, and we talked like human beings about it, i havent really told her it bothers me because of how much she was upset once she realized what truly had happen to her. a guy just wants to make sure he will not be cheated on, and if he is to give his life and love to her its not a mistake, for there is alot to risk. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts