Do I Have A Chance?

[amazed]

Last month my girlfriend told me that she didnt love me anymore and wanted to break up. I immediately felt sick and dizzy.. I just couldnt believe what was happening.

 

We had been together for just over 2 years. We met at school and went to the prom together. From then on love blossomed. We are both 20 years old and go to the same university and are sitting the same course. Which was completely coincidental.

 

I picked her up from work, as usual, and we were about to nip into the shops before I took her home. In the carpark I told her that I loved her, trying to cheer her up because she looked unhappy, thats when she told me that she didnt love me back. After a lot of crying I took her home, and when i got back to my home we talking on msn, naturally i was still upset. I explained my feelings and she said she thought she had made a mistake. The next again day she phoned me and told me, once again, that she wanted to break up.

 

I couldn't believe this, the month before she was talking about me proposing to her, previously i had said i wasnt ready. Then I was finally getting around to her way of thinking and was going to do it within the year. Also, we wanted to move in together and she thought I wasnt eager.. but it was only because we were both students and wouldnt be able to afford it at the moment. Right now I wish I had done both.

 

Just now i still speak to her at University. I even drive her in because i said it was stupid of her to get the bus (its 20 mile away). Whenever i try to talk about us she gets upset and angry. But she has admitted that she misses me, when asked. However, she says she doesnt love me. I tried to give her space, but when i looked on her personal webspace (myspace, bebo etc) and saw her talking about other guys, with friends, and I immediatly became jealous and possibly clingy to her. I find myself taking detours and driving past her work, just to catch a glimpse of her.

 

Right now, even a month later, all i can think about is how to win her back. I have asked her if she would like to come out with me for a drink next week, we are now going out the next again week. At first she didnt want too because she said that she was scared, incase I expected something to come out of it. She then said she would go out.. as friends.

 

I have explained to her how I feel. I think we broke up because things became boring.. day to day and sexually, we were both working a lot of hours during the summer. And things became a routine, like I would go to her house, wait until gets ready, then take her to work. She agreed with this and said that probably was a factor. However she still says that she doesnt love me and isnt attracted to me anymore.. and it wasnt me, it was her. I also said that it happened so fast, she said not for her.. she had been thinking about it for a few weeks. I told her I wished she had spoken to me about it, she apologised.

 

When we were together I took things for granted. I assumed that we would always be together and would love each other for the rest of our lives. I guess its a typical case of "you dont know what you have, until its gone".

 

Now im in the position of I want this woman back, I love her. I just dont know how to go about it. She is coming out with me for drinks, but only as friends. And although I wouldnt say I am a bad looking guy, I aim to look as good as possible for her. I want so much to buy her flowers and take her out for a romantic meal.. but i fear she would just see this as a vain attempt to win her back. I also feel that im in competition with other guys, she works in a bar and is therefore likely to get hit on a lot. So I think she may have her eyes set on someone else (judging by comments made by friends on her website).

 

A very small part of me wants to let her go.. but it's being vastly outweighed by the fact that I still love her and the hope that part of her still loves me. It's breaking my heart not being with her and I dont know what my next move should be, I dont want to lose her.. but I also want to be more than friends.

[Blue Eyed Brain]

Most men have the "didn't know what I had till it was gone." But way too late in the relationship. Women like men that are flexible and can show that they can improve themselves (however, men hate this).

 

Try to see the best in you and evaluate what she was saying to you in the relationship (room for improvement). Maybe modify your behavoir a bit and she will willingly respond.

[amazed]

Thanks for the reply, ive been a bit short on advice lately. A guys friends arent exactly the ideal people to talk to about a relationship. Atleast this place has given me people to talk to, who are, or have been in a similar situation.

 

I am going to try and improve myself. Along with trying to spruce up my appearance a bit with new clothes etc. She mentioned on more than 1 occassion she liked it how I used to have lighter colours in my hair when we first met, so im going to get that done again. I just dont know in what way to alter my personality. It's hard enough trying to seem happy when it feels like my entire life is falling apart.

 

My main problem is that I need to find out what will get her attention. I also need to stop sending random sms messages, asking how work is etc. I think this may annoy her at the present moment. Im just scared that if I give her too much space, she may think that i have stopped caring and I'll lose her to someone else.

 

I want a second chance more than anything in the world. I just dont know how to make her feel the same.

[birdie]

it always makes me a little sad when people talk about changing their personality for the other person.

 

remember amazed that she was in the relationship as well. ok, it's not great that things got too routine but it is as much her fault as yours. if you think you are compatible and have a future together then you both have to work at it. it's not only your responsibility!

 

it sounds like she just bailed without making a real effort. surely you want the sort of girl that will talk to you rather then just leave when the going gets tough?

[amazed]

You're right, I shouldnt need to change myself. After reading a lot of the posts on here, if she wants to come back, she will. But I certainly wont be that rebound guy with open arms if she meets someone else and it turns out I was what she wanted afterall.

 

As much as I still love and miss her. The way she left me makes me angry and I wish that she had talked to me about it. I still want her back but I think I should lay off, I cant make her do anything. In the meantime I just have to get on with life and make the most of it.