he doesn't want to touch me.. what does it mean?

[CorvetteKitten]

ok, so this is my first post, so bear with me. If its too graphic, I am sorry! Im new at this!!

 

I have known my boyfriend for close to ten years.. we were friends for many years before we started dating. And for as long as we've known each other, we've had a very intense sexual attraction for each other. At one point about 6 or 7 years ago, we became intimate... and that only added to the attraction. I would by lying if I said I wasn't in love with him way back then.

Unfortunately, because we were young and in high school still, he got into the drug scene really bad. He had a horrible meth addiction for a couple years, and we lost contact because of it. During that time, he slept around with a lot of girls.. basically, he was a little male whore.

Fast forward a few years and he went to rehab, cleaned up his act, and grew up. It was then that we started hanging out again, and eventually, we started dating. It will be 2 years in December.

 

Now here is my problem. Because of his past of being sexually permiscuous and our past of uncontrollably attracted to each other, I went into this relationship thinking we would have this amazing, mind blowing sex or something at least remotely close to it.

The problem is, we don't. Its nothing even close to what it use to be. In the beginning, it was just new all over again, so there were no complaints. But now.. its a whole different story.

We've talked about it because its a major strain on our relationship, but nothing ever is really resolved. He says his sex drive has diminished because of his drug use and the fact that he had gotten an STD in the past, and that "freaked" him out a little.

Thats all fine, except for the fact hes shown me he still has the stamina.. and he slept with more women after his STD anyways, so his excuses dont quite make sense to me.

 

Ok, I am 22. I have a VERY high sex drive, I am down for anything and anytime. Ive been told by many people thats rare in a girl, and its a great thing.

He is almost 24, he is suppose to be in his prime.. whats the deal?

 

Let me give you a little idea of what this is all about..

Maybe once a week I will get lucky and he will be "in the mood." But thats only if I'm lucky, and like I said, MAYBE once a week. Maybe.

As of now, its been at least 2.

Every time I try to come onto him, he brushes me off with a handful of excuses. Either hes tired, or he doesnt feel good, or hes got a headache, or hes hungry, or his favorite TV show is on, or he needs a cigarette, or he wants to finish his beer, or any other thing he can fling my way.

Then I get a guilt trip if I want to go pleasure myself after Ive been turned down.. its like its not ok that I have needs too.

But heres the kicker... on MANY occasions after Ive been turned down, I either catch him in the act of masterbating, or I find evidence of it.

So I know hes gotten turned on enough to need to release himself...

my question is why is it not with me? Why is it that he can dictate our entire sex life? I have needs too.

 

So my question is: why do you think he doesnt want to be intimate with me anymore? Is he cheating? Is he just not attracted to me?

What is going on here?

Any ideas? Any anything? I need some serious help here!

[MrsHellnoFire]

maybe some men need the "hunt". are you too available for him?

 

or

 

he slept with a lot of women who meant maybe nothing to him. maybe he just cares enough to not want you to catch anything.

 

or

 

maybe he gets bored easily and loses sexual interest in a girl quickly hence his promiscuous past.

 

or

 

maybe there is some information you or i are not aware of, so..

who knows

[norajane]

You've been together 2 years? Maybe he's getting bored?

 

Or maybe he's on medications or something that dulls his sex drive...are you sure he's not taking anything?

 

Otherwise, with the masturbation thing, he sounds controlling. And he's a hypocrite.

[CorvetteKitten]

here the thing though...

his STD was cured years ago, so he no longer has anything.. we've both been tested since we've been together.

and there are no medications that he is taking... so that doesn't work.

[soakingitup]

Is he intimidated by your sex drive for fear that he can't live up to your expectations and satisfy you the way a woman needs to be satisfied?

[Blue Eyed Brain]

Sorry if I'm too direct but: Can you find another guy? This one has too many issues for such a young age. Find someone more together, less into himself, more into you with a similar sex drive.

[CorvetteKitten]

Sorry if I'm too direct but: Can you find another guy? This one has too many issues for such a young age. Find someone more together, less into himself, more into you with a similar sex drive.

 

As Im reading all these other posts on the site, everyone and I mean everyone has been saying "unless he is abusive or cheating, everything can be worked out" in pretty much any situation. Granted, they are speaking about couples who are married, but I feel like I can be classified in that group.

Yes, we are incredibly young still and have our whole lives ahead of us. But at the same time, I really don't feel just moving onto someone new would help anything.

In every other aspect, my boyfriend is great. He doesnt verbally/mentally/physically abuse me, he works full time the same as I, we do equal parts of chores around the house... essentially, we have an awesome relationship. We are best friends and all that stuff. The sex is our only problem.

And even though its a problem, its not something I am willing to end my relationship over, ya know?

I'm just looking for a little outside light on the situation... am I just being completely selfish in expecting him to give me what he use to?

[Phateless]

No. Something is up, not sure what. I remember going through this same thing when I was with my ex of 5 years. I think at one point, I just plain got bored with her. What about social life? Do you guys go hang out together? Does he still see his friends? Do you see yours? do you guys go out together with big groups of people?

 

I remember feeling like all she wanted to do was sit around the house and watch tv, so I couldn't have a social life either. It really pissed me off.

[Phateless]

I also remember feeling like everything was always about her and it irritated me. Like, whenever she wanted to have sex, she expected me to instantly drop whatever it was I was doing to please her. But when *I* wanted sex, if the SLIGHTEST thing was off she wasn't into it, and it was like I had to take whatever chance I could get. It felt humiliating.

 

Not sure if this applies to you, but I'm trying to share any memories I have of when I was feeling the same way.

 

Oh and btw, I wasn't cheating on her.