thedamned1 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I've been married for 7 years (most of the 7 unhappily). Basically, my wife complains and picks fights with me on a daily basis. It has gotten to the point where I just have to shut out the words I hear and move on. I don't think any marriage counselor etc.. is going to improve what we have accustomed to be. Get divorced? Not so easy. Last year, somehow, she got pregnant and we now have a little girl. She's, of course, the love of our lives as our maternal instincts have kicked in. The problem is, we don't love each other. In fact, we hate each other, to an extreme. I've never felt so much hatred in my life until now. We don't sleep together (in any form), or even talk much at night. Once the kid is in bed, we are off doing our own things as we can barely be around each other without starting a fight. We go out with family and friends and pretend that we are a couple, which is pathetic. Here's the hard part: If we get divorced, child custody will be a major battle. My wife is from another country. Guess where she's going if she wins custody? Now, I'm a reasonable person. I know she will be a good mother to the baby, and I know I'll be a good father. We see the parental abilities in each other. I've even suggested we figure out a way to reasonably share the child overseas (she spends 1/2 a year in each country until she reaches public school age). Once school starts, one could have her for summer break and the other for the school year. That's one of MY ideas. The wife suggests that she will do everything in her power to take the child away from me (she gets NASTY during fights). We are in a kind of stale-mate situation. I'm afraid to lose the real love of my life to a stupid custody battle, so I have to grin and bear it. She won't get divorced because in her country it is a major shame to her family and an embarrassment to everyone. For me, it's just moving on with life for the better. Now, does my thread title make sense? I want to be with other women not only for having a sex life again (which I oooh so much miss), but simply to be around someone who will smile at me, share a conversation with me and act like a normal civilized being around me. I want to be with someone who actually LIKES me. The child in our lives, of course, is what is holding me back from divorce. I really couldn't spend a day with out her... so this is why I would cheat, even just do a dinner date, if given the chance, in a heartbeat (although that is almost impossible to do with my time schedule). Any thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 if you want happiness and a role in your child's life, you might have to move overseas. can she legally take a child out of the country if you are ordered joint custody though? Link to post Share on other sites
Bobby NoBrains Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 It's a really complicated situation to be in with no easy way out. But one thing I gotta say is I'd hate to be in your shoes. If your wife is independent she may not stand for your cheating and may divorce you anyway, and you would prolly lose custody of the child because of your wayward ways. So be careful about what you choose to do. Just my two bits .. Bobby Link to post Share on other sites
kissingchaos Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 She can't just take your little girl and move to another country. The court decides who gets to go where and for how long. She's be in serious trouble if she took your Daughter without consent from you. I say file for divorce and get a judge to order her to stay in the state you live in (much less, to not leave the US). They will do that. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I know it would be impossible to leave your daughter... so I say... get someone on the side... why can't you both agree on an open marriage? that would be the best way... (discreetly of course), so that everyone thinks you're a couple...but you'd be in an 'open marriage' relationship... best of both world... for now. Link to post Share on other sites
cj1988 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. That is how my husband is to a "T". He avoids coming home, he is moody when he is there, like he hates me and the kids (we have teens) When I am sweet to him, he is even worse. I have told him that I want to be around someone that likes me and actually wants to be around me. I am so lonely and I am married, how f---- up is that ! Link to post Share on other sites
DazedandConfused66 Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 To answer your post....married people cheat because the fun and excitement of having an affair is, well, more fun and exciting than facing your marriage issues and working on them directly. It's a choice you make and it's easy to understand why so many choose the fun and exciting as opposed to the difficult and challenging. Good luck with managing to have your cake (fun and exciting) and eat it too (hang onto your fathering responsibilities). That's hard to do for happily married people.....divorce isn't going to make that any easier. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 You will definitely want to figure out a way to divorce civilly instead of looking to find a mistress. If you think things are ugly now, wait until she catches you cheating on her. Then she really will make a mess of things. If you know that it is going to end, try to end it with as little drama as possible instead of looking to add more potential drama in there. Link to post Share on other sites
AynRand Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Why don't you speak with an attorney, so you'll know exactly where you stand? Heresay is just that. She will tell you what she wants you to believe but it's all conjecture. Fear of the unknown is what's holding you back. Get informed and then decide what your next step will be. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I'm with the others when they say to consult an attorney. Because if your wife wants to return to her homeland with your child, then you BOTH have to agree to that ... if she absconds with your daughter against court orders, she'll be in hot water. as for getting help, well, you might feel marriage counseling is moot, but sure individual counseling will help give you some options? Or at least help you to see that things aren't necessarily so hopeless. that sucks about being bound to a loveless relationship for someone you DO love ... your little girl has got a daddy with a heart of gold. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 Food for thought. Get a paternity test. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 Why don't you speak with an attorney, so you'll know exactly where you stand? Heresay is just that. She will tell you what she wants you to believe but it's all conjecture. Fear of the unknown is what's holding you back. Get informed and then decide what your next step will be. I completely agree. See a lawyer. Maybe an international lawyer... Isn't your daughter a natural citizen of the country you're in now, since she was born there?? If so, ask the lawyer if this has any bearing on whether or not your W can whisk her off to another country. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 I think children get dual citizenship when born and don't have to choose until later in life, at least that is what a friend told me, her H is from Canada, she from US, baby-both, but was born in Canada Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 I think children get dual citizenship when born and don't have to choose until later in life, at least that is what a friend told me, her H is from Canada, she from US, baby-both, but was born in Canada Children with dual US/Canadian citizenship upon birth can keep their dual citizenship. A choice is not necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted October 26, 2007 Share Posted October 26, 2007 I've been married for 7 years (most of the 7 unhappily). Get divorced? Not so easy. Now, does my thread title make sense? Any thoughts? It's because they lack the courage to leave and the values to call an end to the marriage before taking up with someone else. Divorce isn't rocket science. Your post makes little sense to me and these are, as always, just one man's opinion! Link to post Share on other sites
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