I don't know what we are!!

[kmj029]

Almost a year ago, I met this 33 year old hispanic guy who stopped by at my work on business, I worked for a title company and he worked for a mortgage company. He told me that he had just went through a divorce with his ex wife, he doesn't have any kids and so we became pretty good friends. I am 27 years old, and I have never been married before. I am ready to get married and have children. Well, this guy and I as I said, became good friends, we talked now and then...we didn't start to get closer until I invited him to my family's Crawfish boil back during April, we spent the whole weekend together and we did have sex, which wasn't planned. We talked about things and still, he wasn't ready to commit to a relationship with me. We both care a lot about each other, and I want him to trust me and I think he's scared of commitment, so it's just me convincing him of that even though we talk about it all the time but still, he's not putting the effort to wanting more with me. We see each other a couple of times out of the month, we talk on the phone every night....we do live an hour away, we see each other on weekends now and then, and when we're together it's like we're a couple but we're not...so at this point I don't know what we are. I hope he's not using me for sex, even though we don't have sex a lot. After the crawfish boil, he did kind of write about it in his blog, he didn't go into details about what we did, just said what happened behind closed doors was awesome. Some say he's leading me on, or stringing me along, that I'm a free ride.

 

He wanted me to stop smoking, even though he smokes occasionally...like when he drinks, he smokes those cloves cigarettes...but he said he wanted me to stop smoking, so I did, but he doesn't know that I have started back to smoking, and I have not told him I have.

 

A few months ago, he wanted to make this bet with me and the bet was...for me to see how long I could go without checking my myspace, he thought that I couldn't win the bet but I showed him that I could go 2 weeks without checking it. Well, just last month....he told me that I was always on myspace, I told him that he is too cause he has friends just like I do. lol, and I laughed about it and told him that he must be checking up on me to know when I sign on cause I don't leave him comments everyday, and he hardly ever leaves me any...maybe cause we talk a lot on the phone but told him that he must be checking up on me or something so he wanted to make another bet, and go another two weeks without checking my myspace so I said forget 2 weeks, that I will go 2 months..I don't care. So, I am showing him that I can do it. Friend said if he's really controlling me now...then I need to consider how it might could get worse when we are actually a real couple...and especially when I move closer to him since I am moving to Austin next May for this job I have. And I am hoping that since we will be closer that he will be ready to commit to this relationship and consider marriage again. He's really a good guy and yeah I guess he is giving me some mixed signals...cause when people ask what we are or what the story is behind us...I tell them that it's not me, that it's him. Cause when we are together it's like we are a couple I guess and we only see each other a few times out of the month and the times that we aren't together, he's hanging out with his female friends or doing his own thing and so am I. And since we work close to each other, we still don't see each other everyday when I guess we could. I don't understand men anymore. I don't wanna be controlled, I don't wanna be used, I just wanna see what happens...but some of things that he does confuses me. He's always writing this love quotes on his myspace about past relationships leaving him with unfillness and there was one that he wrote about love comes to those that have been hurt betrayed and one he put up there about women's personality and not their beautatious looks will win his love...it's weird even though these are quotes he gets from quote websites but if he believes they are so true, then it's like HELLO you and I might have something good and just give me a chance but hard convincing him. People say that if I am giving him the sex, then that's all he wants and doesn't need a commitment, some people say that he doesn't care about me as much as he claims and I am just trying to be patient with him. I don't know..I just need some advice cause I really do like him and we have a good time together when we do hang out so I don't know. Men are headaches. So any advice given would be greatly apprieciated. Sorry so long....guess I am a little stupid.

[Yosef]

YOU'RE NOT STUPID!!!

 

He's a very poetic person, and very complex by what I can see. Words find their way to his heart. He doesn't want you to smoke because he's aware of its dangers. He's being the "Good Hypocrite", the one that tries to tell others not to make a mistake that they've made/making.

 

You two seem like a great couple. Remain open-minded but focused. Listen to what your friends have to say and keep it in mind, but don't let it get in the way. Expect anything. Keep your eye out for snakes while walking in the mountains, but don't let it distract you from the experience;)