tell me what u think of this guy i met internet dating

[mishy]

OK

So Im going to tell u about this guy I met internet dating, and Id like to know what u think. Ive been on LS for a while, and I know u will all set me straight....

 

Blind dates, let alone internet dating is something Ive always said Id never do. I have been on this dating site about 2 months. Only a few really caught my eye. Ok so I'll call him Drew. We had been instant messaging over internet for about 3 weeks. I was pretty much in love with his photo. My instincts were very positive on him.

 

Anyway we met for the first time for lunch last week Tuesday 16th Oct. We hit it off and I took him back to my place for an afternoon romp. Kissing him was just electric, the chemistry between us is amazing.

 

( i know u are all going to tell me thats iresponsible taking him home, and i know it is but it felt right, and its not something i have ever done before). We didnt have sex as such, just a lot of making out and him pleasuring me...So that went for about 3 hrs and then he went home.

 

However I did notice at that point, hey he doesnt ask me any questions really about myself, its all about him.

 

He messaged me over the internet later to suss out if he was going to be able to see me again and i said yes.

 

So then he came over Thursday night and we had more of the same.

 

I text message him over the weekend and he doesnt reply. On Monday i am on the internet and he tells me he only just gotthe messages because its a work phone and he turns it off over the weekend. OK, so that same day, im having a crisis with this stupid computer and he comes over to "take a look at it" . So he fixes it and we have a little romp (no sex, just other stuff, but thats another thread). The after the romp (ie he gets off) I go to kiss him and he says no, I have to go to a meeting now.

 

Then he says about the computer , well i'll have to download that other thing for it when you get broadband (sort of saying , well yes we will keep seeing each other).

 

Ok so that was monday this week.

 

On wednesday I sent him 2 text messages about my computer and he doesnt reply. Last night, Thursday night, i thought well , he's had long enough, so i sent him this message saying (and yes I knowww i shouldnt have) It said " I guess you dont want to hear from me seeing that you never reply" I also tried ringing and no answer. And i thought **** him thats ridiculous.

 

So 5 minutes later he rings and says that he is in Sydney. So we have a 10 or 15 minute conversationabout what he's doing in sydney (work) and talked about some other stuff, and he says yeah I just wanted to give you a quick call to say that I'm not ignoring you. I don't reply to text messages because I don't text. I find it too slow and I would rather talk on the phone. I said ok, I won't text you then. He goes "well you can" (but im thinking whats the point)

 

then I say ok so when are you coming back and says tomorrow, (thats friday, today) but then Ive got my kids for the weekend (he's divorced has 14 and 15 yr olds. he is 36 and has been divorced about 6 yrs).

 

So I say well do you have another phone number - and he says no i just use this work phone because i dont want to carry 2 phones around. So i say something me maybe not calling and he said "No, I have the phone switched off at night but you can call me during the day, but I might be on the office phone."

 

Is this guy dodging me or what.

 

So anyway i just said "well have a good night" and we didnt arrange to see each other next week or anything

 

I have the feeling he just wants me to be available when it suits him. What do you think about all this? Sounds like some NC is on order

[Pyro]

He wants you for sex at his convenience and nothing more.

 

Right away you said that he nevers asks you anything about you and your life. If he were interested in you, then he would want to get to know you.

 

Good for you for not having sex with him. Cut him out of your life and move on, or if you want to be evil you could have him come and fix the computer first and then cut him out of your life.

[tanbark813]

Well on the one hand it's a little weird that he has his phone off so much. But on the other, I don't think you can really expect someone to adjust their schedule around yours after only 9 days of dating.

[mishy]

No, he uses the work mobile (or cell phone as u call it) as a personal phone, and he says bcos itis a work phone he switches it off at night.

 

No i am not expecting him to adjust his schedule for me at all. I'm just trying to figure out if i would fit in anywhere at all.

[Enema]

my 2c.

 

He's not divorced, or he has another woman.

[mishy]

No, I believe him that he is divorced, and i don't think there is another woman.

He is a workaholic, and he's some sort of intellectual genius, and doesnt ever sit still. he is always stressed out.

 

I actually really like him as a person, and think if circumstances were different with him, we would be very compatible. Like, despite everything, there is a definite spark. Theres something.

[mishy]

He wants you for sex at his convenience and nothing more.

 

Right away you said that he nevers asks you anything about you and your life. If he were interested in you, then he would want to get to know you.

 

Good for you for not having sex with him. Cut him out of your life and move on, or if you want to be evil you could have him come and fix the computer first and then cut him out of your life.

 

hmmm riddler u always seem to get it right. Its just a convenience thing isn't it?

 

Well Im definately not going to call him

[tanbark813]

Its just a convenience thing isn't it?

 

Yeah, he should definitely be giving up his kids for the weekend and neglecting his job to come over and pleasure you. What a bastard.

[blueberry sundae]

You are acting very desperate, insecure, and needy.

It's too late, and he's just not that into you.

Sorry.

it sounds like he isn't your type anyway. I hate it when guys just talk about themselves and don't ask about you.

[Krytie TV]

So basically every encounter you guys go like rabbits. Hmm... so then you think this has the potential for a deep and meaningful relationship? Incredible. He'll be in touch, when he needs a warm body to "get him off". Otherwise, I don't expect there will be much future planning in the relationship. Is this behavior what you do when you are looking for a serious relationship?

[oppath]

I've done some internet dating and in my opinion, it is more difficult to initiate physical contact on those first encounters (unless it has been discussed ahead of time), because the date is essentially a pre-date. So if a girl who was a random (not connected through friends of friends on myspace or facebook, for example) and willing to be physical the first time I met her, no, I would not take her seriously. She'd be a warm body for a week or two, and then I'd break things off. Why? I'm a guy. It's actually not common to even kiss after many online first dates because they fit the "pre-date" mold. If I liked a girl at all, I wouldn't even be taking her home. I'd kiss her at her car and wish her well.

 

So basically, the contract you subliminally made with this guy is "I'm not someone to be taken seriously. I'm just someone to fool around with when it is convenient." He's only taking what you are offering.

[mishy]

Yeah, he should definitely be giving up his kids for the weekend and neglecting his job to come over and pleasure you. What a bastard.

 

 

no thats not my issue at all. i dont expect that

[mishy]

You are acting very desperate, insecure, and needy.

It's too late, and he's just not that into you.

Sorry.

it sounds like he isn't your type anyway. I hate it when guys just talk about themselves and don't ask about you.

 

 

yeah well ok , so shoot me. Im not contacting him, and yes he's not into me obviously

and yes its a turn off when guys talk about themselves all the time. They all think u want their life story.

[Jasmine8719]

I think your right it just seems like he just wants you when it's time for him... I would let him just come to you, try not to invite him over again until your sure that this is something you want to pursue (until you see another side of him) and then take it from there. But let him chase you a lil...Good Luck

-Jasmine

[Star Gazer]

He wants you for sex at his convenience and nothing more.

 

Right away you said that he nevers asks you anything about you and your life. If he were interested in you, then he would want to get to know you.

 

Good for you for not having sex with him. Cut him out of your life and move on, or if you want to be evil you could have him come and fix the computer first and then cut him out of your life.

 

Well on the one hand it's a little weird that he has his phone off so much. But on the other, I don't think you can really expect someone to adjust their schedule around yours after only 9 days of dating.

 

So basically every encounter you guys go like rabbits. Hmm... so then you think this has the potential for a deep and meaningful relationship? Incredible. He'll be in touch, when he needs a warm body to "get him off". Otherwise, I don't expect there will be much future planning in the relationship. Is this behavior what you do when you are looking for a serious relationship?

 

It's really, really rare that I agree with three guys who generally have slightly different PoVs, but in this instance, I do.

 

This guy is not interested you for the long haul. If that's what you're looking for, move on.

[mishy]

I think your right it just seems like he just wants you when it's time for him... I would let him just come to you, try not to invite him over again until your sure that this is something you want to pursue (until you see another side of him) and then take it from there. But let him chase you a lil...Good Luck

-Jasmine

 

Yes, I think i was just overwhelmed with the physical aspect of it. I have never ever had a lover like that, the electricity. Its been a long time for me, and I think thats why I jumped in the deep end. But so did he, i don't think ther should be a double standard.

 

I already decided last nite after he rang that Im not going to contact him anymore. If he contacts me, fine, but I'm going to take it a bit slower.

[mpower95]

Yep, stay away from this guy. Seems like he's leading some sort of secret agent double life.

[Pyro]

hmmm riddler u always seem to get it right. Its just a convenience thing isn't it?

 

Well Im definately not going to call him

 

I was hoping to not be right about this, but from the way you described him.............

 

Just the fact of him not showing any interest in your life is a dead giveaway.

[mishy]

I was hoping to not be right about this, but from the way you described him.............

 

Just the fact of him not showing any interest in your life is a dead giveaway.

 

yes and not ONLY is it a dead giveaway- but its also dead offputting. I fond it really offputting when someone male OR female of ANY age talks about themselves and doesnt ask you anything about you. I come across it enough to make it my pet hate in a person. So I noticed it fairly quickly in him.

 

Usually in other people, who are acquaintances, it is just a self centred thing, but for him i suppose it could just be that, but more likely that he sees me as a booty call. And I spose its my fault.

[bigheartkindsoul]

Horrible as it is in this day and age, but I think you should have held off on the sex part. I know its tough because I am like what you sound, quite happy with my sexual self and would have sex when it felt right for me whether it be first night or months time however it does (I believe) take the chase out for a man, and they again I believe like the chase and to work/earn the right to have sex with you.

 

I would also back off from the calls, don't worry about it, either two things will happen he'll coming back and you can make him work for it and take you out on dates etc or he won't and you have saved yourself from being used and will find someone else too date.

 

I know it sucks but at least you are not months into a relationship with tons of attachments and feelings. But it does indeed still suck.

 

Chin up

 

Take care and have fun

 

x

[mishy]

Horrible as it is in this day and age, but I think you should have held off on the sex part. I know its tough because I am like what you sound, quite happy with my sexual self and would have sex when it felt right for me whether it be first night or months time however it does (I believe) take the chase out for a man, and they again I believe like the chase and to work/earn the right to have sex with you.

 

I would also back off from the calls, don't worry about it, either two things will happen he'll coming back and you can make him work for it and take you out on dates etc or he won't and you have saved yourself from being used and will find someone else too date.

 

I know it sucks but at least you are not months into a relationship with tons of attachments and feelings. But it does indeed still suck.

 

Chin up

 

Take care and have fun

 

x

 

No I am definately not calling. And i just took myself off the internet site. I am so sick of it all. Im wanting to delete him from IM as well, not block, but delete.

 

I know i really did the wrong thing.

[bigheartkindsoul]

You did what you thought was right at the time, no one is wrong - it's a tricky "game" this dating lark. I just think I learn from mistakes me or they make for when a better one comes along I will do it better (dating that is..lol).

 

Hey honest don't beat yourself up, just think I had some great sex - his loss as he could of had it regularly if he'd called up and taken me out. Tis his loss.

 

Get yourself another date or two and you won't feel so bad.

 

Let me know how you get on, I have an internet date on Tuesday!

[mishy]

You did what you thought was right at the time, no one is wrong - it's a tricky "game" this dating lark. I just think I learn from mistakes me or they make for when a better one comes along I will do it better (dating that is..lol).

 

Hey honest don't beat yourself up, just think I had some great sex - his loss as he could of had it regularly if he'd called up and taken me out. Tis his loss.

 

Get yourself another date or two and you won't feel so bad.

 

Let me know how you get on, I have an internet date on Tuesday!

 

the chemistry was such that i could see that i was really going to fall for him, really hard. And looking at his behaviour I can tell he's not up for that, and he even told me he's not looking for serious (before I met him). But he's even more "casual" than i thort and after meeting him , its just not enough.

 

And we didnt actually have sex as in penetration. I was too tense the first time, cos i didnt know him. (i still dont know him). Anyway, yeah so all we've had is heaps of making out and oral sex (on me). It was great tho.

 

See how wrapped up i am in him after only 9 days?

 

Imagine if Id gone along with this casual thing and we actually had sex, imagine me in 9 wks , 9 mths..... still fighting for scraps of his time/ affection/ anything he can give me....... god i would have been pathetic.

 

I need a proper date.

[mishy]

I would also back off from the calls, don't worry about it, either two things will happen he'll coming back and you can make him work for it and take you out on dates etc or he won't and you have saved yourself from being used and will find someone else too date.

 

 

 

x

 

this is the greatest advice, and so simply put. You make it sound like Im actually in a win win situation, in that I have nothing to lose no matter what happens.

[mishy]

So i have seen him a few times since I last posted. Basically this is the scenario and how twisted it is:

He never asks me out

He won't give me his home number, or at least hasnt offered it

He is still looking on the internet site on which we met (ofcourse)

He makes no effort to get to know me.

He comes over purely for sexual activities

I have to do all the contacting

I have no idea if he is seeing other people (probably is, who knows)

he never makes any comment about me, in bed or out of it

Even when i prompt him with info about myself he never wants to find out more or ask questions

He always leaves straight after

 

Its been 3 weeks since we met and Im just wondering how i got myself into this. Is this guy a creep , or am I an idiot. At least Im seeing what is going on.