tell me what u think of this guy i met internet dating

[Heavenly55]

He clearly sees you as nothing more then someone to have sex with but you did that to yourself.

[mishy]

Yeah thats obvious isnt it. Ive never done this sort of thing before.

[mishy]

I like the chemistry we have, but i need more than that. The chemistry is what is making it hard for me to get out. I want to get out tho because i Know i am going to get hurt.

[compassion42]

Chemistry is a powerful force. Please be wise and do what you need to do to protect your feelings.

[pollywag]

You've set the presedence for what type of relationship it it'll be and by the looks of it booty call is what it is. If you are happy being his booty call then by all means carry on and have fun. Otherwise don't expect more you can't go back to try to make it a relationship now, it's clear he has no interest in getting to know who you are.

 

 

And...

 

 

 

He's married. There is absolutely no reason why you cannot contact this guy, any single guy who wants a booty call will leave the channels open, he is being way too secretive about his phone sit, bullcrap he doesn't turn it on at night he is 100% with someone.

[mishy]

On his profile on the site he says he's divorced - he's talked about his ex wife. ( i know he could well be lying i suppose but it seemed legitimate) he has a 14 and 15 yr old who he has access to evry second weekend.

Just knowing some other things about him - I can tell he isnt married and doesnt have a girlfriend. he could well just be 'seeing" other people though . Thats quite believeable.

But yeah , keeping his home number from me- whatever the reason is - is offensive anyway.

 

he says he has one mobile phone and thats a work phone and he uses it for everything so he doesnt have to carry 2 phones around. But i mean EVERBODY has a home number - well most people in this country, so yeah its pretty mean.

 

NO im not happy being a booty call. he just tried to IM me and im not replying

[Lee725]

Responsibilities to work and kids i can understand, but otherwise it all seems a bit strange.

I dont have a home phone, i only have my mobile and given that fact i would never have it turned off on the weekend.

 

You might not like to read this but in my little opinon you may not be the only one in his life. I hope i am wrong, but some of the signs there are pretty strong.

If he has been divorced 6 years and there was no-one else, why would he not want to talk to you when ever, why the "schedule".

[Krytie TV]

I like the chemistry we have, but i need more than that. The chemistry is what is making it hard for me to get out. I want to get out tho because i Know i am going to get hurt.

 

He has a sex toy and you let it happen. End of story.

[mishy]

I have a date tonight and I told him over IM on computer. I thought well , should I be telling him? But it doesnt look like he wants to date me, so why not tell him , he's not going to care. What does he expect. He can't expect me just to be happy with what he is offering.

 

No , I know he is not seeing anyone else. we have actually had problems in the bedroom , but he is still coming back , so no, I am pretty sure there is no one else.

[Timberlane]

No, I believe him that he is divorced, and i don't think there is another woman.

He is a workaholic, and he's some sort of intellectual genius, and doesnt ever sit still. he is always stressed out.

 

I actually really like him as a person, and think if circumstances were different with him, we would be very compatible. Like, despite everything, there is a definite spark. Theres something.

 

He doesn't sound like much of a catch anyway. He wouldn't kiss you because he had a meeting?

 

I would avoid workaholics in the first place. They are inattentive, self-absorbed, and won't be around to do anything with you.

 

Date someone else, Mishy. Find a guy that is relaxed when you see him, not all stressed out. Find someone that returns your calls and doesn't make lame excuses.

[mishy]

He doesn't sound like much of a catch anyway. He wouldn't kiss you because he had a meeting?

 

I would avoid workaholics in the first place. They are inattentive, self-absorbed, and won't be around to do anything with you.

 

Date someone else, Mishy. Find a guy that is relaxed when you see him, not all stressed out. Find someone that returns your calls and doesn't make lame excuses.

 

No he always returns my calls.

 

What do you mean he wouldnt kiss me bcos he had a meeting?? Did I say that?

[mishy]

We are still seeing each other occasionally, and today i told him no more.

 

Four years on, and four years of sex and he still has no feelings for me at all. Its hard to believe, but yep.

 

Basically over the four years it fell into the realm of booty call and has remained that way the whole time. We had a lot of chemistry (which i know is no excuse) Over that time I asked him to go to the movies, dinner, just normal things and each time he would freak out and say it was "over" . Over the three years he has freaked out and ended things about 5 times or more Somehow we always fell back in though. His last freak out was today.

 

So many stupid things ive done with regard to him- even after i found him online on a sex site searching for women i STILL kept seeing him.

 

He has always come to my house, and i have never been invited to his. About 6 months ago i was in his suburb and i texted asking if i could come over and basically the brunt of it was that i wasnt welcome at his house, and it was his way or the highway.

 

Even after that i kept seeing him. I am a well known artist and recently i did a quite detailed large portrait for him of his dog. He has two dogs, and i said i would do both. As i am also a photographer i asked if i could come over and take photos of the other... dog for a second portrait. He flipped out, and came over and we had a big argument about why i cant go to his house. He used the excuse of having shiftworker flatmates. You are all thinking he is married, but i do know enough details to know its not that. So basically my dog portrait is welcome in the house but i am not.

 

Earlier this year i somehow convinced him to go on a 2 days getaway to the beach. But then he freaked out saying that he thinks i think it will *mean something* if we go Last month i also asked him to dinner to which he said yes but that he didnt know "when"

 

At different times i have cracked and said that i am not sleeping with him anymore unless he gets rid of the other women and wants a relationship with me. Obviously though i was always just the booty call and he cant see me as being worthy of that. Before him, i had never been anyones sex toy or anything of the sort

 

I have said a few times before that i want him to give up the 3 or 4 other women he has, but he always says no and stupidly somehow i have always relented and gone back to accepting scraps. When i am "in trouble" with him (when i rock the boat, asking for *somethng*) he does the silent treatment on me, which is also his usual routine when we go through this issue of him being promiscuous.

 

A few months ago i sent a text saying "is there any chance you are going to give me what i need and deserve or is it over now after 3 years"

 

He replied telling me that it was "very over if you feel like you need and deserve"

 

Also said he wasnt going away with me , but then texted later and said that he would come and see me the next week to talk about it.

 

In three and a half years we have had one meal together, never spent more than 4 hours at a time together and never overnight

 

I have been a free hooker for four years, with a guy i somehow developed feelings for, yet he felt nothing for me

 

So thats in a nutshell the mess of my life, feel free to give me any advice or help make me feel better

[dispatch3d]

one obvious insight, he probably doesn't want you texting his work phone (likely because it's a work phone).

[dispatch3d]

He's not a good person and you should just stay away from him.

 

The clue is in his narcissism. If someone never does what you want to do, never takes your feelings into account, etc. then don't date them.

[mishy]

thanks for the reply

 

the original post was 3 years ago, i just posted an update above here

[utterer of lies]

and today i told him no more.

 

So thats in a nutshell the mess of my life, feel free to give me any advice or help make me feel better

 

 

You finally broke out of his grasp! You learned something today. Rejoice!

 

 

At least I hope you did. You should probably print out your post and re-read it if temptation grows.

[Scottdmw]

I’m not sure why you would choose to be in such a relationship for so long when it's so obviously hurting you. You seem like an addict, going for that relationship chemistry high over and over again even though you know it's not healthy.

 

Think for a minute though too about the larger picture. This guy has you and probably several other women as his personal harem. He gets to see whichever one he wants whenever he feels like it. You and the other women are effectively out of the dating market because you're all wrapped up with this guy.

 

What does that mean? This guy has 4 women and there are three guys out there that don't have a woman at all. Maybe one of those guys could have been really good for you. Maybe the two of you could have had a great relationship. But, you never got to find that out, because you've been letting yourself be used basically just because it feels good.

 

You have been hurting yourself terribly with this relationship, it's obvious from your posts. What I'd like you to consider is that this kind of decision also hurts someone else-- the guy you could've been with who spent the last four years alone, or at any rate the several guys who spent parts of the last four years alone because you weren't available.

 

Please, for everybody's sake and especially your own, don't backslide on this again. Stay away from this guy.

 

Scott

[Dusk1983]

Wow. Just wow. I don't even know where to start.

 

It just goes to show that when a woman truly falls for a man he can do anything he wants. You knowingly accepted being mistreated, strung along and being just one member of a f*cking harem, all because on some really messed up level you needed these things to feel 'you had a catch'. It really is downright neolithic.

 

I feel for you, I do, but you have to see how this will be the ULTIMATE confirmation for men on LS that being nice and committed and traditional is the worst possible strategy. And then, of course, women like you complain about all the hot, talented and cool guys being utter douchebags.

 

Who made them that way?

Who taught them it's fine?

Who REWARDED them for their douchebaggery?

 

Here's a guy who has multiple girls accepting his every single whim, no matter how selfish or hurtful. If I was one of the countless good and honest guys out there who can't find a date, I think this story would send me into a blind rage.

 

Sorry if that wasn't at all sympathetic. Because it is actually a real tragedy, and not just for you.

Edited June 22, 2011 by Dusk1983

[mishy]

I’m not sure why you would choose to be in such a relationship for so long when it's so obviously hurting you. You seem like an addict, going for that relationship chemistry high over and over again even though you know it's not healthy.

 

Think for a minute though too about the larger picture. This guy has you and probably several other women as his personal harem. He gets to see whichever one he wants whenever he feels like it. You and the other women are effectively out of the dating market because you're all wrapped up with this guy.

 

What does that mean? This guy has 4 women and there are three guys out there that don't have a woman at all. Maybe one of those guys could have been really good for you. Maybe the two of you could have had a great relationship. But, you never got to find that out, because you've been letting yourself be used basically just because it feels good.

 

You have been hurting yourself terribly with this relationship, it's obvious from your posts. What I'd like you to consider is that this kind of decision also hurts someone else-- the guy you could've been with who spent the last four years alone, or at any rate the several guys who spent parts of the last four years alone because you weren't available.

 

Please, for everybody's sake and especially your own, don't backslide on this again. Stay away from this guy.

 

Scott

 

yeah its true, its been a bit of a waste all round. I guess though I have learnt alot from it. At some stage in my life i was going to be attracted to a guy like this, and be involved in something emotionally abusive. Im now beginning to realise why it happened when it did. I was still grieving over my parents death. My mother died about 4 months before i met him, and my dad died a year before that. I was looking for affection, so i did anything to try and please him.

 

Really when i first saw him my heart did a jump, i was so instantly atrracted to him. Thats only the second time thats ever happened. First time, the guy turned out to be an immature dickhead, and second time this guy. So i know now that when i get that "thump" when i first lay eyes on someone, to promptly run in the other direction.

[mishy]

Wow. Just wow. I don't even know where to start.

 

It just goes to show that when a woman truly falls for a man he can do anything he wants. You knowingly accepted being mistreated, strung along and being just one member of a f*cking harem, all because on some really messed up level you needed these things to feel 'you had a catch'. It really is downright neolithic.

 

I feel for you, I do, but you have to see how this will be the ULTIMATE confirmation for men on LS that being nice and committed and traditional is the worst possible strategy. And then, of course, women like you complain about all the hot, talented and cool guys being utter douchebags.

 

Who made them that way?

Who taught them it's fine?

Who REWARDED them for their douchebaggery?

 

Here's a guy who has multiple girls accepting his every single whim, no matter how selfish or hurtful. If I was one of the countless good and honest guys out there who can't find a date, I think this story would send me into a blind rage.

 

Sorry if that wasn't at all sympathetic. Because it is actually a real tragedy, and not just for you.

 

I really believe a guy like this guy of mine and all the other douchebags liek him are NOT WINNING

 

They dont win in the end. They end up alone with limp dicks.

[daphne]

I have a hard time understanding how someone would lack the requisite self respect to put up with this behavior for almost 4 years. At the very least, I hope you got a lot of really great sex. If not, you just got completely hosed.

 

Perhaps you need to learn to more effectively set boundaries. I'm not sure, since you said this was the first time this has happened. Have you considered counseling? Most people couldn't last this long with that kind of treatment unless they felt they could do no better. Do you feel that way? Because I sense that when you told him you deserve better, you didn't truly believe it. It sounded like a question mark. I know for me if someone tried to run that game on me, I'd be telling him to go EXPLETIVE himself. Exclamation point.