what about more than second chances

[rcaliguy]

my ex and i were together for 3 1/2 years. our relationship had been consistent for the most part with a few on and offs again. this last time (which was 5 weeks ago) was because i left. i completely moved out. we were living together for the last 1 1/2. i had a lot on my plate and simply left. i didn't even say anything, i just left. since then, we've talked here and there. we have a dog together so i stop by once a week to take the dog, usually for the night and return her the following day. btw, she's 27 and i'm 26. we had talked about marriage and getting engaged sometime before may. well, it turns out that this last time i left was the killer. i left like and idiot only to realize that the reason why i had left in the first place was because i was afraid of losing her. at the time i had been dealing with finding a new job, my senior year in school, family issues (parents divorced after 25 years of marriage), and the regular stresses accompanied with being in a relationship.

i've realized that i made a huge mistake by leaving. i love her more than anything in the world. we've maintained civil and have actually talked about if things were to work out, that it would take some time for her to see the changes in me. she's told me that for the meantime, she's done. i always tended to keep her in the dark from my friends. i guess what my question is, how much time and space do i give her without pushing her away? and also to establish that strain of trust that was broken the day that i left?

[yippkiyay]

Well bro I was in a relationship like yours and I'm the same age. Fact of the matter is people in ther middle twenties nowadays have allot more options then marriage. take into consideration the reasons why you didn't want to stay before. Be sure you don't want something just because you can't have it. If you still think you might want her back(which I know your saying in your head right now is definatly yes get on with it, sure sign of irrational thinking) You have to give it a good month maybe two to three months in your case because you've put her through allot for her to believe you could have actually changed and let time he'll some wounds in your relationship. You have to focus on your self and be sure the changes you are making are not only for her but for you as well. (another thing I'm sure you don't want to hear.) I see you in your lounge chair kickin back in Southern Cal. Bud things could be allot worse.

[rcaliguy]

yeah, it has only been five weeks, the longest five weeks mind you. i am working on myself right now. i'm seeing my therapist on a regular basis. i've also starting putting more focus on school. i actually joined a gym yesterday as well. i worked out for a good 1 1/2...man that felt great! i'm working on myself and figuring things out. we've actually talked about our relationship and where it's at. i did hurt her by moving out. the trust was totally shattered and that'll take time to heal. we both acknowledge that there is enough love there from both parts. we are both still very much in love with one another but she says she can't trust me at the moment, which i understand. it just hurts to know that she's already seeing someone else. weird thing is that we've talked about it and both know that he's just a rebound so it doesn't make me worry as much but still a factor nonetheless. meanwhile, i couldn't imagine being intimate with another girl. i'd be horrible for another girl to want to get to know me b/c honestly she wouldn't even have a fair chance. i still love my ex and am in love with her. i know we're both hurting...aghhh, it's just so hard. bottom line is that i need to get my **** in order. i need to get myself together and in a position where she knows she can trust me and i can be good for myself and in my relationship.

 

and you're right, things can be a lot worse. it's just tough to see at times when all you want to do is be with that person because you love and miss them very much. it doesn't help either that the holidays and my birthday are coming up, all of which i spent with her.