GUYS:I want my ex-boyfriend back

[dedo]

I have read that its possible to get your ex back, but I just dont know how.

 

He says that he isnt interested in me, but I see it in his eyes that he is. He knows that I am interested in him.

 

I read on the net that its possiblle for the guy who isnt initially interested in the girl, to fall for her after she pursues him for a period of time.

 

What would I need to do to get this to happen?

 

ps....we had a 1.5 year FWB relationship, but we went everywhere and did all sort s of friend stuff together too.

 

We had awsome sexual fun together, but he doesnt want that type of relationship again...neither do I. I told him that we will never have that type of relationship again.

 

But, I want him back in a real relationship way.

[Blurple]

1. Who broke up with who?

2. Why did the brake up happen?

3. Did you tell him how you feel? If so how did he respond.

4. Are you only feeling like this because of rejection?

5. Possibly you have become only physically attached to him and thats why you want him back?

6. When was the last time you talked to him.

 

 

Please place all in paragraph format thanks... best of luck!

[dedo]

1. he broke up with me

2. we were FWB for 1.5 years. we had awsome fun together as friends. he was persuing another girl whom he thought the 2 of them would have awsome sex together. Turns out she hated sex.

3. I told him after he started to date the other girl that I wanted a real relationship with him. Not a good time I know. He just wanted to remain friends....of course what else would he say...he was with another girl then. He knows deep down that I want him. But I have told him that we will never have another FWB relationship again as I want the real thing and to get married...as he wants this too.

4. No. I truely like everything about him. We have many common interests and we are both very loyal to whom we are with. We are both shy and want the same things in life. I want to love him whole heartidly, support him emotionally, and share a loving committed life together.

5. No. Its not about sex. Its about being best friends and accepting him for who he is, not wanting to change anything about him.

6. Yesterday.

[Blurple]

Is he still in a relationship?

 

The only thing I can tell you at the point is that it is unfortunate that you only have a relationship that was built on sex. It sounds like to me he is very comfortable with you. You need to build a different foundation with him before you can go any further. At this point I would recommend stop having sex with him

[dedo]

No. we stopped having sex a year ago, when he started to adet the other girl. We havent had any intimate contact in a year!

 

He broke up with the other girl 3 months after he broke up with me.

 

We did lots of friend stuff together, not just sex. We went away on vacations, parties, movies, dinner, shopping, walks, I house sitted for him etc.

 

Yes, thats why i told him that we would never have another fwb relationship again. I want to build on the friendship apart with him.

 

SO......How do I go about getting him back???

[Blurple]

Do you feel like he is interested in having you as a girlfriend again?

 

I don't know if you have tried these first steps

 

1. Ask him if he has real feelings for you

2. Tell him how you feel.

3. Develop trust between the two of you. If you already have then fine.

 

Don't let him feel like he has you on a string. You have to remember something important, how much of a priority are you in his life? You cant treat him as a priority if you are only a option. (you will get walked on) How long have you been actively trying to pursue him? I would suggest not trying to pursue him for to long as you might just end up being an option in his life.

 

I would like to also add that there is no WAY to get anyone back. That is a decision you have to let them make. A tool that is used on this board a lot is NC (no contact) allows you to heal your heart because he doesnt want you and also lets the other person miss you.

[dedo]

I cant ask him that...he will deny it. I have told him how I feel. I've told him that i dont want a fwb relationship that i want the real thing. I think that we have trust. How would I know that he trusts me?

 

Don't let him feel like he has you on a string....what do yopu mean by this?

 

I have been trying for a couple of months now....but am doing it just to get communication and trust.

 

If I do the NC thing then we will lose all of our communication we have built.

[Citizen Erased]

He has already told you that he is not interested. Forget what your mind thinks it sees in his "eyes" and listen to what he is saying. He knows he can have you. He knows you want a relationship. If he wanted you then he would have already told you that.

 

Sorry, that's just my take on it.

[Trialbyfire]

I agree with darlin_coco. In making yourself so available, he knows he can treat you any way that he wants. Why would he want to give more, if he's currently satisfied with your interaction?

 

Stop chasing him and let him go. If you can get over him while maintaining contact, do so. Otherwise, keep your distance and look forwards, not backwards.

[Blurple]

He has already told you that he is not interested. Forget what your mind thinks it sees in his "eyes" and listen to what he is saying. He knows he can have you. He knows you want a relationship. If he wanted you then he would have already told you that.

 

Sorry, that's just my take on it.

 

 

I agree with you darlin_coco,

 

What I mean by a string is have you as an option and only treat you as one. If building a relationship with him fails. Then stop talking to him. Explained that you cant have a friendship when you wont more.

 

He cant expect you to choose between a friendship and nothing else and you cant expect him to choose between a relationship and nothing else.

 

However, if he wants you and wants to see what else is out there... then stop talking to him and let him do that. If he just wants friends then you have the two choices i already talked about: except it and move on or stop talking to him and move on

[dedo]

thanks for all your help. I have decided to stop trying and pursuing him. If we are meant to be togther then Iam going to allow fate to do its thing.

 

I am so peeved by the way he is treating me. I have done so many nice things for him and treated him with respect always. I have put past problems aside and been the one to stand up with courage and rebuild a proper friendship out of communication. We have talked many times about rebuilding our friendship and the things that I wont put up with....like snubbing!

 

Its interesting though....he is the one who dumped me for another girl whom he thought was going to be great in bed. Turns out she only wanted him cause of competition. Once I was out of the picture she dumped him and she hated sex.

 

He and I had an awesome sexual relationship and were good friends too. But we could never have been truely togther as he lusted after her the whole time.

 

None of this is my fault or doing and yet he treats me like this.

 

I have decided to do the No Contact thing. However, he and I take a class together once a week. And there is potential to see him at events on the weekend.

 

I want to keep the class (dance) but how do I relate to him then? I cant snub him, as that is petty.....and we talked at great length about snubbing.

 

Tell me what are the rules for NC? What does it acheive?

 

Also, he offered to help me move to a new apartment at the end of the month and to dog sit my dog during the move.

 

But then he does this "I'm leaning towards a yes, to come to the halloween party you invited me to"........"but I will let you know my answer the day of the event"..........

 

This just tells me that he will come unless something better comes up.

 

I'm just going to turn my cell of the day of the event and invite someone else to come, who is more worthy of my friendship.

 

What do you think?

[curiousnycgirl]

This is still my favorite post on NC - I think it should answer your questions

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54435/

[curiousnycgirl]

Oops forgot about the rest of my answers. Regarding the move, get help from someone else, and have someone else watch the dog (or just crate the dog during the move).

 

I agree invite someone else to the party - if you former FWB shows, fine, if not also fine.

 

As far as class and other times you may run into him, there is no reason not to be cordial/pleasant. Say hi, ask how he is doing, you know chit chat. Then walk away. Personally I would make plans after class for a while, to ensure you say - sorry gotta run, I've got plans.

 

Make sense?

[dedo]

I'll read the post on my lunch hour, thanks!

 

I dont know many people and I am moving during the day, he is the only onw to help. Besides, I can look at it as though he is paying me back for pain he has caused me.

 

Yeah, I feel much better knowing that I am not going to wait for his call and invite someone else or just go on my own.

 

I thought....why disrupt my life and my interests just because he is the one playing the stupid disrespectful games.

 

Although, it does make NC more difficult if I am seeing him once a week where I have to dance with him. But I thought that I can just kill him with kindness, where he will wonder what is going on.

 

I have a part time job that I am starting this weekend, so I will be very busy with my full time job and this other one. I wont have to make an excuse....

 

So...... I dont like the way he is treating me, but yet I want us to get togther in terms of a real relationship, as we have so many things in common and esentially want the same things in life. I wont put up with ill-treatment and being a doormat. So, NC will have to start. Except I will see him once a week at least.

 

Do you think that this will work?