Author asiasun Posted November 10, 2007 Author Share Posted November 10, 2007 English is my second language, so I don't quite understand this phrase that you guys are keep saying in LS: he is having his cake and eating it too. What exactly does it mean? Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 The quote is wrong. It's actually "eating his cake and having it too". Makes a big difference. i.e. you can't eat your cake and still have it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted November 10, 2007 Share Posted November 10, 2007 ... Plan A said that we as BS should not show our resentment etc, which I already have. That was probably why he kept his distance from me. EVERY betrayed spouse makes some mistakes. The WS (wayward spouse) has known about the affair all along. After all, he's IN it. Not so, the betrayed spouse. We're caught off-guard, taken by surprise. Of course we're initially reactive. We're usually just so shocked. The fact that you might have made some mistakes in handling the situation early on doesn't mean you don't have choices about what you're going to do now. Every day is a NEW day with a NEW set of options laid out before you. Now, that's not to say that a person's consistent actions can't eventually box them in. But I don't think your situation is so far gone that you don't have any choices left. The most important choice before you is the decision (or not) to try for marital recovery. Sometimes, once a person has had some time to think it over, a betrayed spouse discovers that s/he doesn't really WANT her WS back, that s/he's more content in her life without all the aggravation. There's no right or wrong in making this decision. A cheating mate has broken his "contract" with his spouse, and in doing so he's reset the parameters of the relationship. Where once there was commitment, now there is none. That is, unless the two of them decide to make a NEW commitment. So, all bets are off here. The ball is in your court. If you still want him, then best 'get to steppin' toward that goal. And if you don't... then go ahead and make peace with your decision, make it your own. Remember, YOU are the one who ultimately BELONGS in the driver's seat of your life. So go ahead and take the wheel, baby! Link to post Share on other sites
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