What does she want from me?

[LosingMyDreamGirl]

This is a 'Copy and Paste' from one of my other threads, but it does help explain the situation:

 

I manage a storage facility here in Texas. There is a tenant of mine that moved in a little over a year ago. She is the little sister of my STBXW's high school friends. Anyways, every time she would come in, we would talk. Mainly about her family and her ex-BF, (since she moved in crying over him, I was there to offer support). Anyways, we have kind of became friends. We never talked outside of my job. It was pretty much once a month when she came in to pay her rent. Well, here recently, especially since I have been losing weight, she has come in and complimented me on my looks and the good job I was doing. It felt good to hear it from someone that didnt owe it to me.

 

The month of Sept. came around and she did not come in, her mom came in to pay her rent. I was kind of sad she did not come in, but it was cool. Was not really important. When Oct. came around, I wanted her to come in. She ended up coming in and was amazed (I have gone from 355 to 240 in 8 months). We talked for 2 hours. She already knew about STBXW's cheating back in March. She had her problems with her boyfriend back in the day and I had helped her, so i really felt I could trust her (and also get a female POV). She ended up leaving me her number to call her when i needed.

 

I called her twice to talk about my wife, but when my wife told me she was wanting a divorce, I called her to go out. We ended up not going out, but a week later, she came over and we talked. Nothing special. We did talk about sex and what we liked, but nothing beyond.

 

The next day, she texted me a joke we had talked about the night before and we started chatting. Then she sent me a message that pretty much let me know she wanted sex. I didnt know what to say. Never had a woman hit on me before. Heck, even my wife really didnt do that.

 

At first I acted like I didnt know what was going on, but I eventually gave in and we agreed she could come over Weds night.

 

I have always thought this girl was cute. She has pretty hair and a pretty face. She has nice teeth and beautiful blue eyes. Anyways, she comes over and she looks stunning. I had never seen her wear clothes that showed off her body. It was always something baggy or work clothes or something along those lines. I was totally impressed.

 

Anyways we talked for a bit and started fooling around. Now here is the rules. Neither one of us want a relationship. There is no kissing and especially no terms of endearment. We will not do things as a couple should if we (which I am sure we will) hang out like dinner or theatre. She pays for her own things and I pay for mine. (Now these are rules I put in place because I honestly thought she wanted. Now that a week has passed since we have been together, I have began to realize I like her. I wont tell her I love her, but I do want to kiss her and snuggle her. I even offered to take her out to dinner.... will explain that more below.)

 

Anyways, long story short, she is the second woman I have ever been with. What is even more amazing is, she is 8 years younger than me and I love it.

 

I dont know if could really like this girl beyond what I have right now because I do still love my wife and i want my son to have a whole family, but on a selfish and worldy note: This woman did stuff to me my wife had never done! I mean, my wife is seriously a 'cold fish' compared to this woman. I loved it. We do get along great and think alot of the same things are funny. She likes the music I like, the movies I like, loves that I am artistic and doesnt care that I play video games. (Another thing... I think I could like this girl beyond sex. I really think I am falling for her. The more I think about things she has said and things we talked about, she is alot like me. We have alot in common, one thing me and my wife didnt have. I do want m son to have a whole family, but I want to be happy, just like my STBXW.)

 

I dont know how to feel, really. It would be nice to have someone to cuddle again and kiss, but I dont want to do it for the wrong reasons. The sex was easy for me because that is one thing I have been able to keep separate. I will admit, it was hard not wanting to kiss her. She is very pretty and has inviting lips.

 

Anyways, i have probably made things harder on myself and dont know, but I guess I will have to live with it.

 

Ok, since Weds (the 17th of Oct.) I textd her twice on Thurs. and she sent one message back telling me she was busy. I texted twice on Friday and then called once. She did not return my messages. I did not contact her Sat. On Sun., I began to think and realized I made a bunch of mistakes. One was, I talked about my STBXW too much. I now know that was bad. It should have been about me and her, not me and her talking about my X.

 

I also did not fully pay attention to her sexually. I was honeslty intimidated and kind of scared. My wife had never done or wanted me to do the things she had asked me, so I did not know how to handle it. I made stupid jokes, stopped prematurely and sometimes left the room. I dont know why. I also never 'finished'. We had sex 4 times and I never finished once. I dont know why I couldnt. Maybe because I was nervous and scared, I dont know. It wasnt because she wasnt attractive... Oh man, its far from that. I just couldnt.

 

So, because of these things, I called her Sun. and told her I was sorry for my mistakes and that I would like another chance. She did not call me back.

 

Now here it is Yesterday (Thurs). She had told me about her MySpace the week before, so I decided to look for it. I found a picture of her dog on there and she absolutley adores her dog, so I printed the pic out and now I am drawing it charcoal. (I am a very skilled artist). I sent a her a couple of texts with progress pics of the work and after I sent her one that is really starting to look like her dog, she sent one back to me telling me "Its beautiful. You are very talented". I messaged her back saying "Thank you, I would like to share my talent with you". I then sent another one saying "I know my first impression sucked and I am sorry. I would like another chance. Can I take you to dinner?" and she replied "It is hard to keep my attention these days. I would love to go to dinner with you". I said "You have all of my attention. Where would you like to goto Dinner? Your choice, I am buying" and she said "I will need to think".

 

Several hours passed, it was around 8 at night and I texted her "Where would you like to goto dinner?" and she said "I like Olive Garden, but I am too busy tonight". I asked her to go Sat. and she said "I will have to see how work goes". I then told her "Whatever you want. I just enjoy your company"

 

Anyways, I am confused. She acted like she was interested to me very much and after last Weds (and my mistakes) I do not see much interest. I have never been good on dating and understanding women. I am 30 years old and have never really dated. My wife was my first everything.

 

I want to see if this girl is someone I could really like, but it doesnt seem to me like I will get the chance. Now, i do understand she is busy (Moving, school and work), but even when I was 'busy' I always made time for my wife when we dated. heh.

 

Did I do something wrong? How does she feel? Does she really like me or DID she like me before my mistakes? Any input would be nice.

[Lovegod]

Anyways, I am confused. She acted like she was interested to me very much and after last Weds (and my mistakes) I do not see much interest.

 

The problem is you have no clue what your mistakes REALLY were. I'll give you a hint - it's nothing you did in the bedroom. It's everything after that. I'll point them out:

 

So, because of these things, I called her Sun. and told her I was sorry for my mistakes and that I would like another chance. She did not call me back.

 

I have no friggin clue why you're apologizing for ****ing her brains out. She enjoyed it. You enjoyed it. Everyone was happy. Now you're apologizing for making her feel good. NEVER apologize for sex, even if it wasn't your best night. If she's had better sex, she'll just hope that next time isn't as awkward and that you'll both be more comfortable. Give the woman some credit!

 

I found a picture of her dog on there and she absolutley adores her dog, so I printed the pic out and now I am drawing it charcoal.

Awww, isn't this romantic! Unfortunately, romance doesn't belong in a **** buddy relationship. It doesn't even belong in a short term relationship, nor a one night stand. Do stuff like this when you're in a solid relationship, and do it infrequently. Spoiling a woman with "romantic" gestures will make them insensitive to it.

 

I then sent another one saying "I know my first impression sucked and I am sorry. I would like another chance. Can I take you to dinner?"

 

You apologized AGAIN? To this woman, you're beginning to sound like a babbling apologizing idiot. Do you really think she'll want to have sex with someone who apologizes constantly for having sex? I sure as hell wouldn't!

I then told her "Whatever you want. I just enjoy your company"

 

Here's another problem: you want to date her, but you don't know what to do. Women like a man who KNOWS what he wants and where he's going. When you ask a woman out, tell her where you have chosen for the both of you to go. If she doesn't like it, she'll let you know. Treat her like a human, not like a princess. You also don't need to choose an expensive restaurant like the Olive Garden. I'll bet she'd be just as happy with a meal at Taco Bell if she'd going with someone she likes.

 

You've probably botched this one, but if you haven't, just back off with the princess treatment. Don't apologize for everything. Take her out and have some fun. Dinner & a movie aren't really fun things to do. Women enjoy having fun, so take her out for an activity instead of pampering her. Give it a break for a couple of weeks before you attempt again. If you crash and burn the second time, it's time to move on.

 

Now, to make a point about your messed-up marriage. Don't stay with your wife for the sake of the child. He'll be better off with two seperated, happy parents instead of a miserable married couple.

[LosingMyDreamGirl]

I gave good advice. I rule.

 

Everything you said is cool. I see this is the 'A-hole guy' thing she was telling me she liked.

 

I have never been that guy. I dont know how to pull it off and it be believable. I have always been so nice and caring, probably why my wife walked all over me, especially at the end of our relationship.

 

One thing I did tell the girl I am wanting to see now, I wanted to be like that. She said it takes time. Maybe it takes me screwing up and being burned by girls enough to become it. No idea. Anyways, I am going to leave her alone. I just hate being someone I am not to get a girl.

[Lovegod]

You don't have to be an a55hole to attract a woman. Just take her out and have a good time. You don't need to fill her full of fancy food, give her love poetry, buy her chocolate, nor have a fancy car. If you take her out with the sole intention of having fun, you'll succeed. A woman will enjoy a fun-filled date more than any of that romantic bull5hit. And you'll save lots of money too!

[LosingMyDreamGirl]

I have not talked to her in a week. Last Weds was the last time i text her. I really thought she was not going to contact me again.

 

I went last Friday to get a tattoo, but it was too big for him to do on a Friday night,

so

he said I would have to make an appointment during the week. Well, i cant do it this week because the days I could, I am busy with work and then Halloween being tonight.

 

Anyways, she sent me a text last night. I had not spoke to her since last Weds (besides sending a quick text Fri that i was gunna go get one). It said "How's the new tat?" I told her why i didnt get one. I then asked her if she wanted to go for a ride in my Boss' Corvette (he wanted me to take it out and I was about to leave). She didnt respond in time,

so

I had taken it out and back. Her message back to me was "When you get it done, that **** is gunna hurt" I told her "I am sure it will. You done moving yet?" and she replied "Not yet, but slowly". I responded "Slacker".

 

Then some time had passed and I sent her a message "What the **** you doing?" and she said "I just got off of work." I then called my sister and told her what happened and then asked "Should I ask her over for a movie?" and she said yes.

So

I sent J***** a text and said "I was thinking about a movie at my place. Probably 'Reign Over Me". She then said "I am exhuasted, probably be another night" and i told her "Thats the magic of watching movies. It takes absolutely no effort!" and she said "I would probably fall asleep during the movie." I said "I probably will too, but sometimes its worth it to be with friends. I would love to watch a movie with you even if you do fall asleep with your feet in my lap." and she said "I know Brad... Youre such a sweetie". I didnt send another text until about 30 minutes later and then I said "Quit resisting me!" and that was the last we talked.

 

 

So

, what the heck am I supposed to think?

[Lovegod]

So, what the heck am I supposed to think?

 

Sounds like my initial hunch is bang on - she's no longer interested in dating you. It's time to forget about her and move on.

 

Women who are genuinely interested in you will make time for you. In fact, they'll make excuses to see you. This woman is making excuses to avoid you.

[LosingMyDreamGirl]

Sounds like my initial hunch is bang on - she's no longer interested in dating you. It's time to forget about her and move on.

 

Women who are genuinely interested in you will make time for you. In fact, they'll make excuses to see you. This woman is making excuses to avoid you.

 

Thats what I figured.