Do all women eventually end up resenting their husbands?

[Woggle]

I know that I need to trust her but let me ask the women a question. If 9 out of 10 of your friends were getting beaten by their husbands and the majority of men saw nothing wrong with beating women and all over the internet there were boards encouraging this wouldn't you start to become distrustful of men in general? Wouldn't you start doubting your own relationship. This is the situation that a man like me finds himself in but I do need to see that my wife is an individual and not like most women.

[whichwayisup]

I know that I need to trust her but let me ask the women a question. If 9 out of 10 of your friends were getting beaten by their husbands and the majority of men saw nothing wrong with beating women and all over the internet there were boards encouraging this wouldn't you start to become distrustful of men in general? Wouldn't you start doubting your own relationship. This is the situation that a man like me finds himself in but I do need to see that my wife is an individual and not like most women.

 

1)If 9 out of 10 of my friends were being beaten by their husbands, I KNOW I would just appreciate my husband more, knowing that he loves me and treats me well.

 

2)If I read what you're reading on the net, then yes, I would probably wonder about SOME men. Not all men are wife beaters, and abusers. To be honest, if I felt like what I was reading online was affecting me personally and making me have doubts, then I'd stop reading that stuff!

 

Different circumstances, but when I was at my worst when dealing with the anxiety disorder, I joined afew websites which specialized in anxiety. It helped ALOT, but I tell ya, once I felt better and had things under control, I stopped going to those sites, stopped the evening chats with other anxiety suffers because it wasn't good for me anymore. Some nights I felt drained and realized that many who were suffering were there to just vent and not too many had any intention of doing or changing to get better. I had to let go of some friendships as well for that reason.

 

Wog, I guess what I'm trying to say is, you spending time reading negative stuff is only making it worse for you because of your own personal experiences from your past. It's like waking up the ghosts and keeping them alive - Everytime you enter those sites and read that stuff, it messes with your head, then gets you going, makes you have lots of doubts. It's like you're asking for it, looking for it BECAUSE it seems you're comfy with negative feelings it all brings on. It's a safe place for you - You don't have to do anything...Just feel bad and let resentment build up. NOW IF you stopped going to those places and focussed all your energy into your wife, into yourself and the marriage, stayed more positive, you'd be happier and less inclined to have these lower moments. Feelings of doubt and worries.

You know what I mean???

 

3)MOST women that I know in my life are in good marriages and are happy. I have a friend who is going to marriage counselling but it's because her husband has a-hole issues that get triggered from his childhood and the way his parents treated him, and it affected their marriage. She did NOTHING wrong, it's all his demons...And, now he is a father and is realizing that he has memories that aren't good, he's getting help alone for it too, so he won't BE an a-hole like his father was.

 

Woggle you have more control over your own lilfe and feelings than you know, I just wish you would learn not to let outside influences get to you so much. If it's unhealthy reading (aka infidelity, cheating, or stories about marriages that are bad, women who cheat or abuse their husbands) skip on by it. Just don't go to those sites. Serves NO purpose whatsoever.

 

I hope this answers your questions.

[RecordProducer]

If you're starting to agree with the resident "escort" (you do know that's a euphenism for "prostitute" don't you?) then you and I will never work!

U & I WILL work.

 

Wow, I have to agree. And you know I think the world of you, RP. You're one of my lil sis's. Please...

 

DON'T GO TO THE OTHER SIDE....ARGHHHHHH...NOOOOOOOO! YOU'RE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES I THOUGHT.

Liking somebody doesn't mean I am going to become like her. I just see Lizzie as a woman who found her own way to work through the resentment toward men. My mother is so disappoihted in men (I don't blame her, with her experiences and the men in her surrounding) and doesn't even date anyone.

 

I always try to find the positive side of everything and everyone. Some people just aren't lucky in love. I can't see relationships as wonderful places to be when I know of one or two happy ones and one or two million crappy ones.

[Lizzie60]

I know that I need to trust her but let me ask the women a question. If 9 out of 10 of your friends were getting beaten by their husbands and the majority of men saw nothing wrong with beating women and all over the internet there were boards encouraging this wouldn't you start to become distrustful of men in general? Wouldn't you start doubting your own relationship. This is the situation that a man like me finds himself in but I do need to see that my wife is an individual and not like most women.

 

No...not at all. if I was in a loving relationship, it would be stupid to think that my bf will start to beat me up... I would also find it weird to stick to these types of forums when I have nothing in common with the people on the boards...

[Lizzie60]

U & I WILL work.

 

Liking somebody doesn't mean I am going to become like her. I just see Lizzie as a woman who found her own way to work through the resentment toward men. My mother is so disappoihted in men (I don't blame her, with her experiences and the men in her surrounding) and doesn't even date anyone.

 

I always try to find the positive side of everything and everyone. Some people just aren't lucky in love. I can't see relationships as wonderful places to be when I know of one or two happy ones and one or two million crappy ones.

 

Thank you RP... I respect people who respect me and totally ignore the others...

 

The only thing I would like to comment is that I do not feel I have any resentment towards men... I truly don't. I prefer to be around men... I feel I have more in common with them for some reason.

 

I have never been 'hurt' by a man (except for one time, my daughter's real dad, and it lasted only a few months)... but I was in 2 long relationships and they were normal, good relationships....

 

I just don't see myself with only one man anymore. I love being single too much, love my independance more than anything.

 

I honestly NEVER ever feel lonely. This is just the life I want to have and I can say that I am happy... never been so happy since the last 5 years ...really.

 

[RecordProducer]

I honestly NEVER ever feel lonely. This is just the life I want to have and I can say that I am happy... never been so happy since the last 5 years ...really.

 

I am happy for you.

 

I know many people say that the OW is equally guilty, but I just can't see it that way. Of course, if my husband cheated on me, I would hate the woman's guts, but that's only because I would be jealous and angry. Not because I think that SHE made him unfaithful.

 

I don't recognize the supply-and-demand pattern in cheating spouses. In my book, cheating starts when a person decides to cheat. Just because all women were moral enough to say "No, I don't want to sleep with you because you're married" won't make s man faithful. Technically he is not a cheater, but in reality he is. If you try to shoot someone, but miss, are you not a murderer?

 

And even if the OW pursues the man, why can't he say "no"? How many times in our lives have we said "no" to men we didn't like or because we wanted to stay faithful?

 

Imagine that a woman calls you tells you that your husband wanted to have sex with her, but she rejected him. Would that be any different from him having sex with her? It wouldn't in my mind. For me the marriage would be over at that point (if the story were true, of course). I am trying to discern the responsibility of the MM and that of the OW. When people say that the OW is equally responsible due to her involvement, they forget that the husband was 100% responsible before the first kiss took place. They didn't both decide to hurt the wife - HE decided that. Having sex per se is not illegal, it's not rape or murder.

 

I wouldn't want my partner to be faithful to me because he might get caught or because no woman was interested in dating a married man or because he is afraid to lose the house and the kids. I want him to be faithful because he loves me. And the OW can't help me with that. Even if the affair started with friendship and he fell in love with her "perfect" personality, I still would blame only him; I expect to be married to a mature enough person who knows that nobody is perfect and every woman can seem great compared to a very human wife whom he sees every day.

 

If he goes for the excitement, he is a superficial piece of sh*t and that's exactly the kind of man that I don't want in my life. If a man can't find excitement in conversations, sex with his wife, and just the cozy warmth of family life, then he is empty-headed. Finally, if he is missing something that I am not giving him, then the affair would be partially MY fault, especially if he has repeatedly and unsuccessfully tried to communicate his unfulfilled needs.

 

On the other side of the story, I wouldn't want to date a MM because of myself. I understand that people see the OW as someone who consciously engages in breaking a marriage apart and I might see that side, if I just view the OW (or OM). But that's a completely different issue and I am totally not concerned about women who want to be with my partner. I am only concerned about what HE is doing. It's not the knife's fault that somebody's used it as a killing weapon.

 

Anyhoo, sorry for hijacking your thread, Wog.

 

I finally had a talk with her not about divorce but about my doubts and I can't even describe how better I feel. I told her all about what some of myf riends are going through and how that is causing me insecurity in our marriage and surprisingly she was understanding. She saw a few of her male friends do everything right and get royally screwed so she knows how some women can be and she vows to never do that to a person she promised to love. Maybe I really did manage to find a rare gem because she seems to understand the male point of view more than any other man I know.

Why surprisingly? You said she generally understands you. It's surprising for YOU, because you don't understand that not all women are witches. You say you're very smart... so how come you can't understand this one thing, Wog?

 

"More than any MAN I know"? I thought ALL men are victims of the witches with no exception. Do you ever doubt this? I bet not.

[Woggle]

I meant to say that she understands the male point of view more than any woman. You can tell that she has had friendships and spent a lot of time with men.. I know by now it should not suprise me but after dealing with some of the worst women a man can come across it takes some time to wrap my head around the fact that I am lucky to find a great woman. Truth be told if I were married to a female version of me I would have been out of there a long time ago so I give her a lot of credit for her understanding.

[whichwayisup]

Woggle, can you read my reply to you, and tell me what you think? I answered your quesetion.

[NoIDidn't]

Wog, don't let your *friends* issues become yours.

 

I used to talk to my girlfriends who were also married but having major problems and go home to my good husband and start an argument based on those conversations and the resulting fears. It was insane.

 

I stopped hanging with those women, and he with their spouses, and I have stopped having to argue with my husband over the things that they would bring up. Mainly because my husband was never anything like their husbands.

 

What I am saying is, stop listening to people who are projecting their issues onto you. Stop reading those women's infidelity sites too, they are fueling your paranoia - they are the exception, not the rule.

[JerseyShortie]

]Almost every couple I know you can see clear as day that the woman has obvious contempt and resentment for her husband no matter how hard he tries to please her. It just seems that eventually she will start pegging him as the source of her unhappiness and resentment will creep in. There is nothing a man can do to prevent this and I am so afraid of this happening in my marriage. I don't want to wake up one day to find out that my wife hates my guts. Is there any way for a man to avoid this or is it inevitable?

 

Funnily enough, I sometimes feel the same way about guys! That no matter what you do they are never happy with what they have and are always looking for greener pastures when they are looking at other wome, porn or whatever. We are both afraid of the same thing, it just comes from different sources. My point is, your fear of your wife one day not being as into you is not a fear reserved for men alone. Lots of wifes fear this too for their own reasons as well. Such as getting older while he still looks at yougn women..etc etct.

 

 

 

The funny part is, after a while - you can actually see the bewildered expression in the male tiger's face as he seems to wonder what the hell he's still doing there. And sure enough, after one more outburst from the female - he gets this "f*ck this noise" expression and finally just walks away

 

 

Yeah, I saw a show about tigers one day too. A mommy tiger was protecting her baby but at one point the little baby tiger went off by it's self. The mommy tiger was looking for it crying out only to find that the male tiger of that pride had found the baby first and killed it because it wasn't his offspring.

[Passionate69]

Here is your key phrase. If pleasing her smacks of desperation, wanting something in return, or simply duty, resentment on her part will build. I'm learning that just as being the "nice guy" doesn't attract women, it also doesn't build strong bonds within a marriage. Caring from a position of emotional strength -- primarily self-acceptance and knowing what you want in life -- is a much better way to go.

 

 

 

I strongly agree with this.

[sderenzi]

You're rather bright and haven noticed something many do not. Let me explain it very easily ok.... I am right and others are wrong about this, now listen.

 

The reason this happens is simple, when you live with someone a very, very long time you eventually begin transferring your feelings to them, because you're comfortable with them being there all the time you unconsciously feel "they must be what makes me unhappy." See if they weren't there the person would still be unhappy but have nobody to blame, so the subconscious makes their lover into the sole problem facing their lives, this way they can avoid reality and feel less angry at themselves. It all comes down to "my spouse did this to me" or "my spouse caused this so I'm unhappy" but in reality it's a lie.

 

When you loose the ability to distinguish between why you're unhappy then you begin looking for something comfortable / easy to place blame on, that becomes the lover. Women naturally do this because they just marry any random guy that has a good job and something they want, then when this has been acquired they begin resenting themselves for being so shallow. Eventually they end up being angry at the man, though it's an illusion.

[PerfectLee]

Wog, don't let your *friends* issues become yours.

 

I completely agree with this! In my relationship of 3 years, we're so happy, and others sometimes hate that fact. They put ideas in your head, they make you think about your significant others' motives, they question actions...it's just a really bad conversation to have. The real conversation should be between you and her. My girlfriend has said to me "I don't want to be like everyone else, lets be the exception, lets not fight about money, lets not spread our drama amongst our friends & family, lets be best friends and not the sterotype." That statement along with others, has helped me not be resentful and also the fact that I know we don't speak ill of each other behind our backs. If we're frustrated with each other we might say something like "Ugh, she's so irritating sometimes. But damn I love her. Why? *whimpers* She drives me crazzzzy but I'm crazzzy about her!" People love to add salt to wounds, lighter fluid to the fire, it's entertaining to them. You...just have to be that exception.

 

If she knows you always have good intentions, women will almost always forgive deep down. It might take more time than you anticipated, but it'll happen.

[Selina Glitter]

Yes it is easy for a woman to find herself resenting her husband....especially if like me she is a contolling trying to be super woman, super person.....

The thinkg that saved me is the realisation when things got a bit to close to break up for comfort that I really LOVE my husband.....so I'm trying to control my nagging....trying to cook nice meals....trying not to shout at the kids....trying to be "good" and just a nice person to be with....

 

So my message to you, is that it is perhaps difficult to be a nagging resentful wife....But not impossible to get through the day to day stresses and strains and to refind each other as soul mates....and to stop the nagging.....

 

So....good luck.....try to be loving to each other and that helps combat all the everyday stresses and strains that all of us face that make us horrible to the very person we love the most!