Do all women eventually end up resenting their husbands?

[RecordProducer]

absolutely... All women resent their husband and this not necessarily too long after the M... and there is absolutely nothing a man can do about it...

 

Nothing men can do to avoid it... it IS inevitable.... sorrrrrry...

 

I know I did with my first... after 12 years... couldn't stand him breathing... my second... not in his case, but I was only 5 years with him... I suppose it would have been the same within a year or two...

I am starting to like you more a more.

[Curmudgeon]

I am starting to like you more a more.

 

If you're starting to agree with the resident "escort" (you do know that's a euphenism for "prostitute" don't you?) then you and I will never work!

[Touche]

If you're starting to agree with the resident "escort" (you do know that's a euphenism for "prostitute" don't you?) then you and I will never work!

 

Wow, I have to agree. And you know I think the world of you, RP. You're one of my lil sis's. Please...

 

DON'T GO TO THE OTHER SIDE....ARGHHHHHH...NOOOOOOOO! YOU'RE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES I THOUGHT.

[Citizen Erased]

I was just wondering the other day when the next one of Woggle's darling little threads would pop up again

 

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah... that's what he will take our advice as so... blah blah blah blah blah blah blah

[kobegirl]

Almost every couple I know you can see clear as day that the woman has obvious contempt and resentment for her husband no matter how hard he tries to please her. It just seems that eventually she will start pegging him as the source of her unhappiness and resentment will creep in. There is nothing a man can do to prevent this and I am so afraid of this happening in my marriage. I don't want to wake up one day to find out that my wife hates my guts. Is there any way for a man to avoid this or is it inevitable?

 

I would say yes in general because everyone ( girl) i know has resentment toward their husbands and the husband has no idea.. in my opinion , sometimes women will do alot for their husbands even if you say you dont have to do that . and eventually it becomes routine and then women will start to resent that they are doing everything in their minds. usually they will not say anything about it to you till it has become too much and then the damage is done . i would say in all situations no matter what share the responsibilities no matter if she says you dont have to . just do it anyway .. she will appreciate it and it will make it imposible for her to become bitter with you for anything. from the kids to the bills. just my opinion of course because i am a wife that does have frustrations and can understand that sort of feelings. i dont think men even realize what is happening till it is too late and niether do the women . i think the women do things cause they really want to but then it changes later. anyway just my thoughts.

[Storyrider]

I agree with TBF that resentment is a negative thought or feeling that builds up because it goes unexpressed and is never dealt with. Unfortunately, women are sometimes discouraged from speaking their minds directly and frankly in a relationship. Some may simply stifle their feelings to avoid conflict. Resentment builds.

 

Yes, some men do this too.

[Touche]

I agree with TBF that resentment is a negative thought or feeling that builds up because it goes unexpressed and is never dealt with. Unfortunately, women are sometimes discouraged from speaking their minds directly and frankly in a relationship. Some may simply stifle their feelings to avoid conflict. Resentment builds.

 

Yes, some men do this too.

 

Oh please, Story. You know as well as I do that Jewish and Italian women aren't usually guilty of such a thing. We're known for our big mouths...errr I mean for our "outspoken ways.";)

[Woggle]

How much do you love your wife?

 

Quite a bit and that is what scares me.

[Curmudgeon]

He continues to be in therapy, although I wonder if he's being honest with his therapist to the degree that he should be. Either that or she's not the correct therapist for him.

 

...either he's not being completely honest, if he's going at all, or the therapist is enabling his stinkin' thinkin' as a form of job security.

 

Why would he be going to a female therapist anyway. Don't you know all women are snakes just out to ruin his life?

[Trialbyfire]

It is more than my mother. I admit that I tend to generalize women but I know so many men experiencing what I am afraid of and even when you look on this board you see so many women who seem to hate their men and so many men in pain because the woman they loved turned on them. If all you see is negativity around you how can it not make you afraid?

What you're failing or refusing to see, is that there are a ton of women going through the same issues with men. Sometimes people are unwise in their decisions to invest. We're all human. We can all fool ourselves in areas of compatibility. Damn those initial endorphin-highs.

 

Also, people (not just women but men too), can change during the course of a relationship. Nothing is guaranteed. It's how you choose to treat each other during that course, that affects the end result. Once again, both genders have ego, pride, insecurity and all kinds of issues to address.

 

Don't fear intimacy or love with women. In your attempt to make yourself impervious, you will make yourself empty by building walls so high, no one can get in.

[Cobra_X30]

Quite a bit and that is what scares me.

 

Do you want to hurt her?

[Trialbyfire]

...either he's not being completely honest, if he's going at all, or the therapist is enabling his stinkin' thinkin' as a form of job security.

 

Why would he be going to a female therapist anyway. Don't you know all women are snakes just out to ruin his life?

Women tend to have more empathy, therefore, will feel sorry for him, where men tend to take a more no-nonsense approach.

[Curmudgeon]

Don't fear intimacy or love with women. In your attempt to make yourself impervious, you will make yourself empty by building walls so high, no one can get in.

 

...of building a wall around your heart to keep out the hurt is that love can't get through it either.

[Trialbyfire]

...of building a wall around your heart to keep out the hurt is that love can't get through it either.

Exactly!!

 

Total emptiness and a constant craving to fill it.

[JackJack]

It is more than my mother. I admit that I tend to generalize women but I know so many men experiencing what I am afraid of and even when you look on this board you see so many women who seem to hate their men and so many men in pain because the woman they loved turned on them. If all you see is negativity around you how can it not make you afraid?

 

Maybe he should stay away from forums so much that have alot of negative views on women. He did mention before he goes to other websites/forums where thats what they talk about. So those kinds of places feed him more of what he really doesn't need. If this forum bothers him too, then he needs to stay away from it as well.

 

If he is surrounded by, or mainly hangs out with people who are negative and have rotten views of women, then maybe he needs to change that, and hang out or surround himself with more positive people. If he really wanted to do that, its not that hard.

[reboot]

Woggle, get off the smucking internet and go make love to your wife.

[Woggle]

I know I tend to beat the same drum over and over but posting on this forum for me is like releasing a pressure valve inside.

[Curmudgeon]

I know I tend to beat the same drum over and over but posting on this forum for me is like releasing a pressure valve inside.

 

It releases nothing. It simply keeps you wallowing in the same, "I feel sorry for myself" muck you always wallow in. Nothing changes and there's no growth.

[Trialbyfire]

Woggle, you need to put out the fire in your house, not run around putting out little blazes in your yard. One day venting will not be enough and you will implode in a messy, possibly frightening manner.

 

Get a new male therapist and start working on your self-worth issues. Please.

 

I see another reason for a female therapist. You maybe reenacting your control issues with your mother, in that she cannot fix you, therefore, you win.

[JackJack]

I know I tend to beat the same drum over and over but posting on this forum for me is like releasing a pressure valve inside.

 

There is nothing wrong with that. However, sometimes these kinds of forums can do a person more harm that good. For example, if you come here to vent and relieve any stress you might have from how you feel, if you get a response that you may not like or not sure how to take, or, makes you upset, don't you feel it just deafeated the purpose to come and relieve some pressure? Doesn't it just heat things back up for you again, and then reinforces how you felt to begin with, resolving nothing for you?

[whichwayisup]

If this is the case shouldn't I just divorce my wife right now. If she eventually grow to resent me and blame me for all her unhappiness what is the point of even trying to be a good husband? What was I thinking when I married her? How do I know she does not already resent me?

 

Women just don't all of a sudden resent their husbands!

 

If she resented you, she'd be telling you now. You'd know by the way she looks at you. She wouldn't have sex with you. She would be unhappy...Sorry wog, but your wife doesn't seem unhappy. You're the one who is unhappy, not her.

 

I treat her well and she doesn't know I am thinking about divorce. I am still thinking about what I should do next.

 

And how does she treat you now? Wasn't it not too long ago she bought you something and came home with it? Icecream, your favourite kind? Seems you are so hellbent on seeing the bad stuff, that isn't there, and you are ignoring all the good stuff.

 

She took these vows for life as well but she sure won't mean them when she gives me the I love you but I am not in love with you speech.

 

Stinkin' thinkin'! big time!

 

That is exactly. The fact is that I do love her and no matter how strong I think I am I will be very hurt if she did walk out so I figure might as well just end it right now before she can hurt me. The walkaway wife thing is an epidemic these days and the women that don't walk seem to despise their husbands so why would I be naive enough to somehow think my marriage will beat the odds? That is why I am thinking of doing a preemptive divorce before she leaves me.

 

Why did you marry her in first place?

 

Yes I figure that odds are she will either divorce me or at least end up hating me so why not get out right now. On the other hand I wonder if I would be ruining a potentially good marriage. There are exceptions and maybe she is one.

 

If she hates you, it will be because of your attitude. Not because she changed. It will be your own undoing...

 

Believe me there are many men who understand where I am coming from. Like I said before you would be shocked to hear what your wife really thinks of you.

 

And, you'd be shocked to know that many women DO love their husbands and have no intention of hating them, resenting them, or leaving them...

 

To me I am just realistic about women. I know how they are and I know their true nature. I am not naive enough to think that I have somehow found a woman that is unlike every other woman.

 

I don't know how I will tell her yet.

 

Yes, you do need to talk to your wife and tell her that you're having doubts, fears and bad thoughts.

 

Your life would be preferable to the life of the men on the seperation and divorce forum. I don't believe that women truly love men anyway so either way there is nobody really loving me.

 

I might be giving up something and I might be averting disaster.

 

You'd be giving up something. And, the disaster isn't going to happen...Unless YOU create it. Unfortunately, you're making the disaster inside your own head.

 

If I didn't love her it would be easy to just enhjoy the ride while it lasts but I do lover her very much and that would make a divorce much more painful. I am trying to protect my heart and if I knew that she were in this for real and really loved me the way I love her I would stay with her forever but I am not sure if any woman truly loves a man like that.

Yeah you do love her, enough that it's scaring the crap out of you. You're scared of losing her. Problem is, you still don't trust.

 

She would NOT have married you if she didn't love you, silly!

 

It is more than my mother. I admit that I tend to generalize women but I know so many men experiencing what I am afraid of and even when you look on this board you see so many women who seem to hate their men and so many men in pain because the woman they loved turned on them. If all you see is negativity around you how can it not make you afraid?

 

No, it wouldn't because I wouldn't be relying on what I see around me. I would focus on ME, MY HUSBAND and our life together. Not some couples in a pubic place, fighting. Not my friends who might be going through divorce!

 

Quite a bit and that is what scares me.

 

And that love makes you feel vunerable. I get that but don't put a negative twist on it! My god Woggle! You're missing out on all the positives that the love she feels for you brings. Instead of enjoying it, returning her love, you're pissing it away and making it seem like it's only a matter of time before she leaves! Remember too, she's older and been around block afew times, she knows what she wants (YOU) and is happy. It's you who is miserable, not her. It's you who is full of resentment, not her.

 

If this marriage ends, it won't be because she did something wrong, it will be your own demons and issues that push her away. You're bringing crap on, putting very negative energy into your head, your marriage and it's like a cancer, it will spread and eventually KILL. I wish you would understand and really read ALL my replies to you on this thread again.

[whichwayisup]

I know I tend to beat the same drum over and over but posting on this forum for me is like releasing a pressure valve inside.

What positives are you doing for yourself? Meaning, cognitive thinking. When you start to feel unsure - Are you going back and remembering what your therapist has taught you to help you control the bad thoughts? Are you being productive and pro-active?

 

I know you come here to vent, and we all do our best to help you see that things are not bad in your life. Try to show you that your bad thoughts and fears are just that, not reality.

 

Is anything I've said to you in all my replies sinking in? Is it helping? Is what others are saying helping? Are you 'hearing' what is being said, or just glossing over it and letting your fears take over and rule what YOU think will happen?

 

Your wife isn't looking to leave. She is older than you, she wanted to settle down and BE with you.

 

If this therapist isn't helping you, find another one. Seriously...

[Curmudgeon]

I think he should just divorce her and have done with it. Then he can go on his own, miserable way, blame her and all other women for the rest of his sorry life and be as negative as he wants to without infecting another relationship.

[Cobra_X30]

I think he should just divorce her and have done with it. Then he can go on his own, miserable way, blame her and all other women for the rest of his sorry life and be as negative as he wants to without infecting another relationship.

 

Patience often proceeds understanding.

 

LOL... I think you've grown impatient with time.

[Curmudgeon]

LOL... I think you've grown impatient with time.

 

His whole approach reminds me of the definition of insanity -- doing the same thing the same way and expecting to get different results!