Should you tell someone their faults after a breakup?

[Darkzen]

With this I can completely understand. I am to blame as well in the same way I guess because I always knew what was going on, I knew I didn't like it and I sort of kept waiting around for it to change knowing full well it probably wouldn't. I was a sucker and should have left earlier as well.

 

 

 

It sounds wayyyy too nice actually lol nah But I really did go over EVERYTHING in the e-mail, pretty much leaving nothing for him to argue over except the things I 'didn't know about that he mentioned.

 

Oh Darkzen.. I really do wish you the best of luck and hope that you can shed the bitterness and just learn from it. Just shake it off, keep the lesson, and start brand new again Honestly in the end I think it's about forgiveness.

 

Thanks, I hope I can too. I'm a good person overall, but I guess I'm frustrated with the world in general. It's made me bitter and not want to accept the BS of people any longer. I've lost a lot of my patience as I've gotten older... this is probably why I have a superiority complex, just tired of idiots and liars I guess. I don't have time for the games and the nonsense that go on.

 

I did some bad things to my ex after we broke up, but TBPH I just got tired of being abused. One can only be so patient, understanding, caring and supportive. I got to the point where my ex became an enemy to me and I did everything in my power to ruin her. I don't regret my actions though, I'm just sad that it had to come to that. Some people will view me as a monster for my actions and it's their right to do so, but sometimes we have to fight back to reclaim a measure of ourselves (that was stripped from us by others).

 

I also want to thank you, you seem like really cool people and it's nice to have a conversation with someone that is open to different perspectives and willing to delve into their thoughts/feelings. I rarely come across that TBH. Usually I encounter people that just want to throw in their two cents and leave it at that. In-fact, your demeanor and insights has actually made me, come to figure out a few things myself. I know one thing for sure and that's that I don't know anything else. It's through interaction with new concepts, thoughts, perspectives and ideals that we can truly grow IMHO. I want to thank you for sharing yours.

[finallyhappyme]

Thanks, I hope I can too. I'm a good person overall, but I guess I'm frustrated with the world in general. It's made me bitter and not want to accept the BS of people any longer. I've lost a lot of my patience as I've gotten older... this is probably why I have a superiority complex, just tired of idiots and liars I guess. I don't have time for the games and the nonsense that go on.

 

I did some bad things to my ex after we broke up, but TBPH I just got tired of being abused. One can only be so patient, understanding, caring and supportive. I got to the point where my ex became an enemy to me and I did everything in my power to ruin her. I don't regret my actions though, I'm just sad that it had to come to that. Some people will view me as a monster for my actions and it's their right to do so, but sometimes we have to fight back to reclaim a measure of ourselves (that was stripped from us by others).

 

I also want to thank you, you seem like really cool people and it's nice to have a conversation with someone that is open to different perspectives and willing to delve into their thoughts/feelings. I rarely come across that TBH. Usually I encounter people that just want to throw in their two cents and leave it at that. In-fact, your demeanor and insights has actually made me, come to figure out a few things myself. I know one thing for sure and that's that I don't know anything else. It's through interaction with new concepts, thoughts, perspectives and ideals that we can truly grow IMHO. I want to thank you for sharing yours.

 

Hey thanks! That's great! So your not all cold

 

But I understand. I just had a birthday and I swear as I was sitting there at my table, eating my piece of strawberry cake I remember looking around and just looking in from the outside.

 

My ex was at a table on the phone like always, my best friend was not there like always, I was sitting alone in a room full of people. Nothing that month had gone my way, I was crying everyother day. I was dissapointed in myself, with people and the world, as you said in general. I was disgusted actually. I told myself that day that I was going to start 'dusting'. I was going to start eliminating the 'dust' in my life in order to see more clearly. I was tired of phonies, envy, liars, games, manipulation, being taken advantage of. I was frustrated with all of it.

 

So I dove deep into myself and started eliminating. Got rid of the best friend that was more of an annoying fly pestering me, got rid of the ex, started changing things around. The fake people didn't like the new me so little by little they went their own way. Now I have one friend, one guy I'm dating who is amazing, and my family. I have never been happier. I really do believe the key to happiness is simplicity. But the trick is letting the bitterness go. When you can do that your life will change. And I know you can't eliminate all the drama and negative things in your life but I changed the way I handle those things now.

 

Going by what YOUR saying I understand. Maybe you thought you knew this girl and came to realize she was not at all what you expected. You had really high hopes for her and your bubble was popped. It happens. I know all about fighting back to get yourself. I JUST did that. I got my respect back from him, I got my apology, and best of all I got myself back! Or I am getting myself back everyday that passes by. Best of all I hold no grudges towards him ( mostly because you helped me to see why he would react the way he did towards me, because I was very angry with him and almost hated him ) and I think that was the closure I needed.

 

Now I just hope my new guy doesn't turn out to be a disaster lol *fingers crossed*

 

You have a good head on shoulders and I think your just suffering from 'being hurt' Anyone can be a monster after being hurt..it's natural. You just have to go back, go through it and learn from it.

[Darkzen]

All I wanted was my ex to be honest with me and give me closure, an apology and such... she didn't want to give me peace, so I took it from her. She made me out to be the bad guy unfairly and so, I granted her wish, becoming the bad guy. To be honest, I wasn't all that hurt that she left... I was hurt by how she left. It was the one time I asked for her emotional support. Then to top it off, when I asked for some closure, she basically kicked me while I was down. That's the big difference between our circumstances IMHO.

 

The bitterness fades more and more each day. It's not completely gone yet, but I'm not back to where I was before all of this (physically, emotionally and spiritually). I doubt it'll go away fully, until that point. The better I feel about myself, the more the bitterness fades.